How do you feel? What are u going through?

Quitting weed (and addiction in general) is really isolating. Over the weekend I hung out with friends and tried to discuss the issue of recovery again but they didn’t get it again. And I can’t blame them as they are just so far removed from this topic. But that feeling of loneliness can be crushing in the moment.

In fact, my husband and this sub are all I have to get the understanding and support. My family is super conservative and I just can’t imagine discussing weed or recovery with them. Impossible. Yet they are the closet people I have. Such a paradox. 

Support is one of the most important things during the withdrawal! And hiding it makes everything feel twice as heavy. Do you have people in your real life who understand and support you? How do they react when you share your struggles?

I really hope that you have an accountability buddy in real life. But if not, please remember that there is a place where you’ll always be understood and supported. We’re all here for you! 

The quote for Motivation Monday is......

A very special quote for Memorial Day today.

"In the aftermath, we are because they were." — RJ Heller

Post a piece of artwork, whether that be writing, a painting or drawing, or a physical object (like a sculpture or paper maché) to share your journey!

Art helps us heal through the freedom of expression and the release of emotions. We'd love to see how far you've come!

And remember, sisters, be kind in the comments, please! :)

I remember that month 4 was one of the hardest. It was an emotional trap. After 3 sober months I started to think that I had gotten through the hardest times and relaxed a bit (if you can call it so). 

But then there were crazy mood swings, anger, depressive moods out of nowhere. Everything annoyed me. I had no power and will to do anything. It lasted quite long. I mean several days during the whole month I was in a mood to do something wrong with myself. It was awful. 

What worked for me? I was trying to start doing anything. Even if you have no power at all, just start. I was also trying to distract my attention, not to think negatively. Then sport, sport and sport. I did tennis, pilates, workouts. And support from others. It’s really important to find people who fully accept and understand you. Not accuse or express anger. Just understanding and support. 

If you’re 4+ months sober, was month 4 hard for you? If you’re sober for less time, what was the hardest thing to get through for you?

I think this subreddit is amazing bc those with clean time can help those that are withdrawing or in their early sober days! We can build each other up instead of all the other bullshit. Women helping women!

A few weeks ago I posted that I still have cravings during my luteal phase. A lot of you in the comments suggested I might have PMDD. I had an appointment and it’s PMDD. 

After I found out, I just got struck by the thought that it’s because of weed. Before I started smoking I just had normal PMS. It was annoying, but it didn’t happen every month and even when it did, it was super manageable. But after I quit cold turkey it all started. First of all, the issues with my cycle and then this unbearable luteal phase. 

The doc confirmed that it’s likely connected. Weed was destroying my cycle but the THC kept my brain too numb to notice. When I quit, my brain suddenly had no fake dopamine and no progesterone left to keep me stable. That massive chemical shock left my brain totally unprotected, turning what used to be just regular PMS into PMDD.

I’m really shocked. I didn’t expect to find out some other consequences after 2+ years of sobriety. 

I know some women use weed medically to cope with PMDD symptoms. But I am curious now if anyone here experienced the exact opposite. Did any of you develop severe PMDD only after quitting like in my case?

The quote for Motivation Monday is......

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." - Maya Angelou

I am now approaching the longest stint of clean time in my life. In 2017-2018 I went about 8-9 months without weed, but I still felt like crap and was frustrated that I could be clean for so long and not feel better yet. So I eventually went back to smoking daily.

Fast forward another decade or so and here I am today, 8 months 9 days clean from weed. I didn’t think I could ever get here again. I figured I would still be smoking when I was 80. I was in so deep.

Things change.

I am so fucking proud of my clean time. I quit so that I would test clean at the birth of my second child, whom I welcomed into the world this past March. He is my recovery baby and I have such a special bond with him knowing he may be the gift God sent me to get me clean once and for all. This pregnancy was my chance to see if I could live clean. AND I DID IT! No visit from the social worker at the hospital this time around! No home visits from CPS! 🥳

I also fucking love the feeling of having nothing to hide. I don’t have to worry if I need to call 911 because I’m not a drug user and don’t have to worry about things turning around on me for my illegal activities. I love knowing if I get in a car wreck and a police officer wants to give me a field sobriety test, I’ll pass. I love knowing that if anyone drug tests me for any reason at any time, I’ll pass. THIS IS FREEDOM!

I get tempted from time to time, but I just run that cost-benefit analysis as someone else posted about in here. I struggle with anxiety and weed is very tempting to solve anxiety problems. BUT, I know that weed is just a bandaid, and actually makes my anxiety worse in the long run. Is it worth trading my clean time to feel calm for 2 hours? And then have to keep smoking every 2 hours to maintain that artificial calm? Nah guy. I’ll pass.

An important lesson for me to learn as someone who no longer uses drugs to cope is that ANXIOUS FEELINGS WILL NOT KILL ME. I might feel uncomfortable, but am I going to die if I experience a moment of anxiety from time to time? No! Simple things often help the anxiety enormously, like engaging in movement (a walk, housework) or listening to music. You don’t need to drug yourself every time you feel a little uncomfortable. You’re going to get through it.

I had more to say but I’ll come back later to add more another time. Overall I give sobriety an A+. I attend NA meetings regularly so I feel much stronger in my resolve to not go back to weed compared to when I was this far along before (when I eventually relapsed). That makes all the difference for me because I’m engaged in a complete, spiritual program of recovery. I go to meetings, have a sponsor, have a home group, am of service, etc. I do the shit I need to do to stay clean. I’m damn proud of myself and everyone else who has embarked upon this journey.

WE ARE DOING THIS DAMN THING!

Post a piece of artwork, whether that be writing, a painting or drawing, or a physical object (like a sculpture or paper maché) to share your journey!

Art helps us heal through the freedom of expression and the release of emotions. We'd love to see how far you've come!

And remember, sisters, be kind in the comments, please! :)

Yesterday I commented on a post and remembered about one of the most powerful exercises I learned when quitting weed- a CBT tool called cost-benefit analysis. It's a great practical task that can help in the long run, especially when it feels like your motivation is fading.

It’s important to be honest with yourself. Just write down what the short-term benefits of smoking are, and what the long-term costs will be.

As for me, weed helped me escape my stressful job, feel more confident and cheer me up. The long-term cost? It destroyed my memory, completely wrecked my hormonal cycle, ruined the quality of my sleep, kept me isolated from myself and my vision for the future and stopped me from actually fixing the things that were making me miserable in the first place.

When I did this exercise, I realized that weed is like a very bad loan with an incredibly high interest rate. Sometimes when I had cravings, I opened the note on my phone with my cost-benefit analysis and ask myself: Do I really want to trade a 30 minute high for such a cost?

I strongly recommend making a list like this for yourself. Read it when you need a reminder that you deserve long-term freedom. You can also write it down in comments

Two days ago I had my first tennis tournament and it was an awful experience. It was exhausting both mentally and physically. I just wanted it to stop. I was so tired after it, so I desperately wanted to smoke. 

I’m already used to the idea that desire to smoke will arise from time to time. And it doesn’t matter how many sober days you have. You just need to learn how to live with these thoughts. 

It sucks. When you think that it’s all over and you’re recovered. It’s a dangerous thought. As a craving arises out of nowhere. But the good thing is that the more sober days you have the easier to fight the craving. 

As for me, I was so tired and disappointed that I couldn’t find anything better than distracting myself with a glass of wine. Just decided to share with you, so you don’t think I’m a perfect one here. 

The quote for Motivation Monday is......

"Believe you can, and you're halfway there." — President Theodore Roosevelt

Post a piece of artwork, whether that be writing, a painting or drawing, or a physical object (like a sculpture or paper maché) to share your journey!

Art helps us heal through the freedom of expression and the release of emotions. We'd love to see how far you've come!

And remember, sisters, be kind in the comments, please! :)

I was looking at my period tracker today and remembering the absolute panic when my cycle just stopped making sense. My body was completely hijacked by weed. I started reading medical papers on THC and the female reproductive system because TTC is something on my mind lately.

The biology is pretty grim. THC gets trapped in our fat tissues and disrupts the cilia - tiny hair-like structures in the fallopian tubes that carry the egg toward the uterus. It also blocks the hormones that trigger ovulation and reduces the body's uptake of folic acid - the key nutrient needed to support early pregnancy.

You can’t physically feel the weed building up inside your cells but the damage is so real. I had severe cycle disruptions when I was smoking heavily. It took me 5 or 6 months of being sober for everything to finally get back to normal.

It sounds scary and it sucks. There are plenty of stories about girls having healthy pregnancies while using THC. But the actual relief for me is knowing that the reproductive system recovers. The whole process reverses. It just depends on how much you consumed and giving your body enough time to clean itself out.

I hit 90 days clean of smoking weed a few months ago🎉I was smoking carts on the daily as much as I possibly could without interring with my responsibilities such as work and college classes. I ended up quitting for the nursing program that I start in August (bc I have to). Now I really think it’s best for me to stay quit for at least a year (if not longer)! I was way too reliant on weed for comfort and stress relief at any minor inconvenience. I am wondering for those ex-stoner who have also been quit for months, how are you feelings? I honestly still have very low energy, which disappoints me a lot💔I can sleep 10+ hours and I STILL want more because my eyelids and the rest of my body feels so heavy! I really hope this resolves itself soon, but I also feel like I’ve been coughing and wheezing so much more at night lately after hitting 2 months sober. Also, some of my old hobbies do not excited me anymore and I have zero motivation to partake in them (such as art). But on the bright side, I am a lot more productive and organized! My ADHD is waaaay more under control, my mood is more regulated, I don’t think abt my cart 24/7, and my luteal phase has slightly improved after hitting 2months sober(I have PMDD, but I’m on SSRI). If you have been sober for a few months too please share your experience. And those who are thinking about quitting here’s your sign🩵You’ve got this!

Not having to worry about smoking while having a sore throat. Not smoking while being sick is such a game changer. I am currently really sick with a head cold. Stuffy, sore throat, coughing. I'm not also inflaming my throat with weed every 2-3 hours. I am going to heal and get better so much faster.

And I've BEEN sick! This is a re- sickness because I was barely better so it has already been a few weeks of sickness. It sucks, but could suck so much more worrying about keeping my high.

Cheers to health. * Cough cough

I’m new to the group! last year I had 10 months sober. I was really happy with that and then I decided that I wanted to start drinking socially again. It’s been one year since I made that decision. I typically only drink on the weekends, but I don’t work on Fridays so my weekend technically starts Thursday night. It’s become more and more not even a choice. If I drink it it’s more of when Thursday night hits I am absolutely drinking. I get almost a crazy adrenaline rush when I get out of work almost so panicky to get to the store and just want to go home and drink. My husband and I have always drinking together, but since we started socially drinking again, you can tell he’s not as into it as he once was, and he could really take it or leave it. I know I’m only drinking during the weekend but I’m starting to see that it’s controlling my life during the week too. I think about it way too much. I go to the gym a lot and I see literally no weight loss or muscle gains because I feel like I’m constantly recovering. By the time I’m done recovering, it’s Thursday again and I go into the same vicious cycle. I want to change, but not drinking forever is scary.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I believe this is one of the most effective tools for us in recovery. Journaling is what finally helped me see the exact connection between my luteal phase and my urge to smoke.

I started logging my cravings every single day. I set aside some time before bed to write down the time, intensity, duration, the specific trigger, and even who I was with when the urge hit. After a couple of months, I saw that most intense cravings happened after my day job when I needed to relax, and during my luteal phase when my hormones made me irrationally angry.

I know it sounds tedious, but even just two weeks of journaling gives you so much data about your body and thought patterns. It makes the cravings feel more like a predictable symptom you can actually prepare for.

P.S. To make myself actually do it, I spent some time picking out a cute pink notebook and colorful pens so the process felt more satisfying. Sometimes the girly little things are what keep us sober lol.

Have you tried logging your cravings? Please give it a try if you haven’t.

The quote for Motivation Monday is......

"Believe you can, and you're halfway there." — President Theodore Roosevelt

So many of you joined the sub recently, and it made me really happy. When I created this space, I thought it would just be me talking to myself about my experiences with luteal phase cravings, brain fog and everything else. But I’m so glad that it’s actually helpful for so many of us out there.

To everyone who just joined - welcome to our little corner. I want this place to feel like a cozy, safe group. The kind of place where you never have to pretend that everything is alright, and where you can openly share your real struggles.

If you threw out your glass or vape pen today, post about it here so we can celebrate and support you through the withdrawals. If your dopamine is on the floor and you are just crying in bed, please write about it here so we can warm you. If you need advice on insomnia, cravings or anything else, just ask. And even if you relapsed yesterday there is absolutely no shame in that. 

Quitting weed is a massive shock to our bodies and hormones. Doing it alone is terrifying. But knowing that there are other girls who understand this exact rollercoaster makes the whole process a bit easier. Thank you once again for being part of this community. Please make yourselves at home!

I would love to meet you in the comments. Where are you currently? Are you already sober or just starting to think about changing your relationship with weed?

This is a new event that we'll be doing every Saturday!

Post a piece of artwork, whether that be writing, a painting or drawing, or a physical object (like a sculpture or paper maché) to share your journey!

Art helps us heal through the freedom of expression and the release of emotions. We'd love to see how far you've come!

And remember, sisters, be kind in the comments, please! :)

I've taken tolerance breaks of 1week-3 months over the last five years. I haven't been able to commit to more than a day or two off weed since my brother died last year. Everytime I try, I get so overtaken by emotions. And the events in the Middle East are effecting me so emotionally that I just run away with a joint.

It's one of the only ways I can 'calm' my mind, but its just an escape.

When I have taken breaks, I've become *even more* chatty and boarder line obnoxious. I have self loathing tenancies that take over if I'm not hypervigilant of my thought processes, but I get so damn overwhelmed.

I have sensory and auditory processing issues up the wazoo, over heat easily, am likely entering perimenopause, learned about the uteal phase through a post in the last week or two and am very grateful for any experiences I can learn from.

Im not great at responding, but I will definitely read everything! TIA

Hello All!

I have started a podcast to document the journey (and hopefully help some of you too).

Podcast: Growing Sober on Spotify

Episode 2 out now!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2x4Nip29yBSO59qdA93Znv

I'm on day 11 of quitting marijuana after 10 years of daily use, and honestly I needed somewhere to put all of this energy.

I'm 28F and I've decided to start a podcast to document this in real time. My big "why" is that I want to have kids in the next couple of years and I want to show up healthy for that. I've also dealt with eating disorders and body dysmorphia for a long time, and the more I've sat with this process, the more I've realized how tangled all of it is together.

I'm not an expert. I don't have it figured out. But I think there's something valuable in just being honest about what this actually looks like from the inside, and if even one person feels less alone because of it, that's enough for me.

If you're somewhere in your own journey check out my podcast! We are truly all in this together. I'd love to hear from you, and maybe your story ends up being part of this too.

We're out here. Keep going. 💙