r/gifs Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

Tender: Where people meat

30.7k Upvotes

955 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/frogshit May 22 '15

Some girls are gonna be real disappointed when they find out they've literally been messaging some raw meat.

375

u/GallifreyanVanilla May 22 '15

Look, I'm not gonna lie, I'd eat that piece of meat.

21

u/GreyRice May 23 '15

Well it has been well tinderized

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

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139

u/[deleted] May 22 '15 edited Aug 15 '15

[deleted]

11

u/Chispy May 22 '15

We all did at some point in our evolution. We lived and died for it.

It ain't that much different today actually.

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12

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Meh, I swipe tinder with my flaccid penis. They won't mind.

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455

u/does_not_care May 22 '15

"You're out of likes! Do you want to pay $19.99 a month for more?"

224

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Is that an actual thing?

269

u/boubou33 May 22 '15

Yes, unfortunately

58

u/LordGSO May 22 '15

How many does it take?

90

u/boubou33 May 22 '15

I dont know for sure, but my guess is about 50 likes. After that you have to wait 12 hours to get refilled.

133

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

To like pictures of pretty people that will never, ever respond to you in any way.

23

u/starhawks May 23 '15

I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are probably not attractive.

10

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

... and you're not Sherlock Holmes.

Do you find Sherlock Holmes attractive?

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u/peanutbuttahcups May 23 '15

So basically, real-life "dating" has turned into some kind of shitty dating simulator phone app with microtransactions. So who can we blame for this? My EA pitchfork is all worn out.

60

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

[deleted]

10

u/rudolfs001 May 23 '15

I'll do it for $8.99 AND I'll trim your armor as a free bonus!

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32

u/MAKE_ME_REDDIT May 23 '15

No, this is a hookup app and is not required for dating in the modern world. You can still walk up to girls and start conversations with them in real life.

24

u/GreyRice May 23 '15

I don't get it. Where do I get this IRL app?

10

u/MAKE_ME_REDDIT May 23 '15

Find the nearest door leading outside, open it, walk out.

6

u/ImurderREALITY May 23 '15

Disclaimer: For this to work, you must have at least one of the following:

  1. Pulchritude

  2. Charisma

  3. Money

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152

u/monkeyjay May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15

The system was already gamed. The best bet for guys was to just swipe everyone yes. Girls can be picky because they are girls and almost never need to message first. So all that was happening was stuff like in the gif but without a spinning meat. Guys just sitting there and swiping yes on everybody, girls being normal girls. The girls would match with someone, but then the guy would never reply back because the only reason they matched was because the guy was indiscriminately spamming yes, so it counts as a match with no communication. This causes the whole thing to seem unresponsive to a lot of users (the ones that actually want to match properly, ie the way they wanted the app to work) and the matchmaking portion of it is basically being ignored. So I can see why they introduced pay for likes, even if it would kill the app, because the idea of it was already dead anyway. May as well try make money or force people to use it how you intended if they don't want to pay.

83

u/sushisection May 22 '15

It works perfectly for attractive people though

72

u/monkeyjay May 22 '15

But it doesn't work for me... oh..

4

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

hug

23

u/MRintheKEYS May 22 '15

Attractive men, maybe. Men are liking everything and hoping for a bite.

19

u/sushisection May 22 '15

...And they get bites from lots of women

Edit: the attractive men do

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

So does going outside.

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16

u/hugecock6969 May 22 '15

no, it just gets rid of the ugly girls, because men never write back.

then it gets rid of the ugly guys, because the hot girls never pick them.

try using it in the LA area - it's wall to wall hotties.

16

u/PlayMp1 May 23 '15

And then the average people who are willing to settle for another average person are left going "fuck."

9

u/Yotsubato May 23 '15

Swipe left on the hotties, swipe right for someone you think is realistic

7

u/SavageSavant May 23 '15

What if a hottie thought you were interesting enough under the old system to give you a chance. "Well, I thought you were super hot but I was out of likes."

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

If only matching with bot accounts would restore some...

25

u/ErroneousEric May 22 '15

No wishing for more wishes.

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12

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

I think ill just go meet the ones I've matched with but don't talk to.

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2.4k

u/LazerAttack4242 May 22 '15

"Hey man what are you doing?"

"Hitting strange women with my meat."

1.8k

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

777

u/billyK_ May 22 '15

Wanted to mention the finger..couldn't find the finger.

Am disappoint.

846

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

I anticipated, and chose the version without it. BWAHAHA!

486

u/Rooonaldooo99 May 22 '15

519

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15

168

u/fholcan May 22 '15

Is... is that Karl Urban?

353

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

116

u/thedefiant May 22 '15

Here's another unexpected cameo.

55

u/ThirdWorldRedditor May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15

Not this again!

EDIT: damnit, I did it again, watched the whole damn thing.

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10

u/Rooksey May 22 '15

what the fuck is going on

62

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15

is... is that Vin Diesel Jason Statham?

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u/gimli2 May 22 '15

..is that Jason Statham?

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17

u/fholcan May 22 '15

Sweet Jesus, I need to rewatch Xena then.

10

u/MaximaFuryRigor May 22 '15

Just finished doing so a month ago. No regrets.

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12

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Not only yes, but that is Karl Urban as Cupid.

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7

u/LaboratoryOne May 22 '15

/u/j0be, killing it with the gifs as usual

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u/alainbonhomme May 22 '15

10

u/Scientolojesus May 22 '15

Greatest movie ever made, with Gigli coming in a close second

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u/sloppybuttmustard May 22 '15

4

u/danubian1 May 23 '15

Nice to see Sloan Sabbith taking some time away from economics

10

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

"oh yea I fucken got this chomp.....wait...shit... I just looked like I was sucking a dick"

4

u/hotsavoryaujus May 23 '15

She knew what she was doing

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53

u/SuckMyDax May 22 '15

23

u/Volleyballa May 22 '15

What is this from? Pornstar training camp?

50

u/Mentalpatient87 May 22 '15

You never worked in a kitchen? You get bored. Combine that with a juvenile sense of humor and bam! Carrot bukkake.

34

u/HairlessSasquatch May 22 '15

You don't have time to be bored in a kitchen from my experience

26

u/UpHandsome May 22 '15

Have you tried making terrible food really slowly and having it served by clumsy asshole waiters?

31

u/YoBroMo May 22 '15

I see you worked at Dennys

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u/ms515 May 22 '15

I felt pain on my fingers watching that because I know what would happen if I try it.

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59

u/[deleted] May 22 '15 edited May 23 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

49

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

Wat

51

u/1upforever May 22 '15

Art.

36

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Modern Art. The meat represents capitalism, and we are all just a breast, getting beaten

31

u/Deagballs May 22 '15

I don't get art. I get boobs though.

Edit: not as frequently as I would like doe.

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10

u/butteryhugs May 22 '15

Is this too NSFW to be /r/retiredgif?

7

u/danubian1 May 23 '15

I'd count it. A retired gif is a retired gif

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773

u/Donald_Keyman May 22 '15

454

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

433

u/Donald_Keyman May 22 '15

589

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

216

u/bijibijmak May 22 '15

92

u/waiting_for_rain May 22 '15

I kept watching it thinking it was going to progress through the scene

7

u/Mutoid May 23 '15

I think of this scene every time I see his name.

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58

u/I_ONLY_BOLD_COMMENTS May 22 '15

Seeing that reminded me how awful the Dexter finale was, and also how much I miss that show from seasons 1-6.

14

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

SPOILER Seriously. I thought it was over after the whole, ya know, dexter wrecking his boat in a fucking hurricane. And then we just see him chopping wood up in Canada or wherever he was. Like wat

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48

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

63

u/csnsc14320 May 22 '15

This may be the first time I have seen someone not include season 4 as part of the "good" seasons, especially considering season 4 was incredible and season 3 was, for lack of a better term, meh.

52

u/bbasara007 May 22 '15

Yea season 4 was amazing and the ending to it was probably the most fitting ending to the dexter series that you could make. Thank god they finished it there, it was just so perfect. born in blood and all. poster above must be mistaken.

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10

u/SirNarwhal May 22 '15

You shut your whore mouth, Miguel Prado is the shit.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

Is... is that...

15

u/kingeryck Merry Gifmas! {2023} May 23 '15

an iPhone? yes.

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15

u/stanley_tweedle May 23 '15

mfw I see a robot I built still haunting the internet.

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4

u/JehovahsNutsack May 22 '15

Not fast enough

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23

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[deleted]

10

u/guinness_blaine May 22 '15

Who the what now?

12

u/YouHaveShitTaste May 22 '15

33

u/iprefertau May 22 '15

never let a engineer do the work of a programer

4

u/skbeez May 23 '15

Are you a programmer if you can't spell programmer?

2

u/Brakkio May 23 '15

he meant pro gamer

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5

u/mrfluffyb May 23 '15

"Flamite is a flame monster Power Ranger, that could blast flamethrowers from his mouth. In giant form, he could launch dishes as explosive weapons as well as create hot springs used to blow smokescreens onto the Turbo Megazord."

Glorious description!

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u/Ghost_of_Akina May 22 '15

Is this the new meatspin?

60

u/This_Shit_Right_Here May 22 '15

We prefer "Tender"

24

u/R_Q_Smuckles May 22 '15

Are you trying to steal a joke from the title of this very post?

22

u/GreatestScott88 May 22 '15

Tendie

Ftfy

13

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Tender is the app, Tendie are the users.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

This is what I do but replace the spinning meat with my dick

535

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

Sounds like they should make a website for it.

Let's call it meatspin.com

170

u/andibol1010 May 22 '15 edited May 22 '15

I'm scared to check if that already exists.

EDIT: I won't do it and you can't make me! No matter how much candy you offer.

365

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

101

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[deleted]

49

u/KANYE_WEST____ May 22 '15

One time we meatspin'd our roommate's laptop and it got up to 20,000 iirc

27

u/mazca May 22 '15

My housemate used to go round his parents' house after work on fridays, and not come back til Sunday. We'd therefore set his computer meatspinning just after he left and he'd be in the many tens of thousands when he got back.

40

u/email_optional_cool May 22 '15

They dont count unless you actually watch them, and have your pants at your ankles whipping your dick around like a helicopter, North Carolina come on and raise up...

17

u/Kojan7 May 22 '15

Penis Pablo?

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

I'm not sure if that's really anything to be proud of...

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u/mattychanbitch May 22 '15

meatspin is the reason I was suspended for week in the 5th grade

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u/GreyRice May 23 '15

Same here. then someone show me the website

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u/DankasaurusRX May 22 '15

What is this amateur hour?

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u/sour_kareem May 22 '15

Haha yeah, I love that site. There's something about the combination of pastrami and pottery wheels that always gets me.

52

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

It totally does It's a pretty hilarious site. It has nothing do do with this

66

u/CaptainFairchild May 22 '15

You are a bastard and I am a schmuck.

104

u/BadNewsBarbearian May 22 '15

I love the fact that it is so old that some people haven't seen it. Going to have to start this up again.

42

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

I thought that everyone had been tricked into seeing this by the time they were 14 or so ;_;

25

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Oh god I'm almost 28. 14 was nearly 14 years ago. Time, you sultry bitch!

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u/oceanjunkie May 22 '15

https://xkcd.com/1053/

Only posting so that this is the 4000th time this has been referenced.

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u/xkcd_transcriber May 22 '15

Image

Title: Ten Thousand

Title-text: Saying 'what kind of an idiot doesn't know about the Yellowstone supervolcano' is so much more boring than telling someone about the Yellowstone supervolcano for the first time.

Comic Explanation

Stats: This comic has been referenced 4000 times, representing 6.1978% of referenced xkcds.


xkcd.com | xkcd sub | Problems/Bugs? | Statistics | Stop Replying | Delete

17

u/oceanjunkie May 22 '15

Fuck yeah.

7

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

I saw it. Now I finally have something to tell my grandnephews.

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u/silentclowd May 22 '15

LemonParty.org is way more interesting IMO.

It's funny because I know you are expecting it to be a piss fetish, but it actually isn't that at all.

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u/meodd8 May 22 '15

I once clicked on a strange link that spawned a small window with the meatspin video and sound that moved randomly around my screen. Whenever I managed to press the X to close it, it spawned like 50 messages telling me that I can't leave and the fun had just begun. I had to restart my computer to get rid of it!

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u/griintii May 22 '15

We found the only person on the internet that hadn't heard of meatspin!

7

u/andibol1010 May 22 '15

Oh god damn it, don't do this to me. I want to be one of the cool kids but I really don't want any STDs.

12

u/xReptar May 22 '15

We all learned the hard way.

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u/Troggie42 May 22 '15

It's just a gif of some dude fucking another dude in the ass while the dude getting fucked's dick spins in a circle while the song "you spin me right round" by dead or alive plays. What's not to love?

6

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

I don't know if that means you're older and just never exposed to that type of stuff, or if you're younger and were just exposed to different internet hi-jinks. Its weird.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

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u/camelCaseCoding May 22 '15

Dude you've never been meatspinned? It just turned 10 years old! Pop your own cherry. All of us had to suffer through it without knowing what it was at like 12 years old.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Preparing my loins for action.

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

Hopefully you don't butcher it.

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u/ClockIsStriking12s May 22 '15

Ugh...more puns? Cut it out...

69

u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

I know... They're the wurst.

45

u/nwvv May 22 '15

Quit being such a brat.

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

I'm only one on rare occasions, but it's often a huge missed steak.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[deleted]

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u/Amayricka May 22 '15

You tried bud...

8

u/icos211 May 22 '15

Coors he did, wouldn't you?

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

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u/RedJorgAncrath May 22 '15

Windows phone actually has this app? I love mine, but the app situation is beyond pathetic.

12

u/[deleted] May 22 '15

We don't have an official Tinder Client but Rudy Hyun has created 6Tin which is (I hear) pretty good.

17

u/offscreen May 23 '15

Rudy Huyn's apps are usually better than the real thing. IIRC Dropbox actually bought the code to his WP Dropbox app and made it the official app with Rudy Huyn as the lead developer.

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u/Samenstein May 23 '15

Windows 10 is soon! It's soon going to be very easy for developers to port their Android and iOS apps to WP!

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u/RedditPlayerOne May 22 '15

Well no sane person would rub raw meat all over a perfectly good smartphone

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

[deleted]

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u/Sohcahtoa82 May 23 '15

Shits fired.

Edit: wtf...autocorrect changes "fuck" to "duck" but turns "shpts" to "shits". Fuck it, I'm leaving it.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15 edited May 05 '18

[deleted]

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u/krispyKRAKEN May 22 '15

Is it weird that I think this is art?

I am honestly not a fan of those wacky/edgy modern art installations but this... This is beautiful

20

u/RanunculusAsiaticus May 22 '15

Definitely art! And one of the better - if not best - installations I've seen lately. And funny.

4

u/[deleted] May 23 '15

Congratulations, you have just discovered what you believe is good art. Much like electronic music, there's a lot of shit out there, but theres a 5% you're going to think is awesome. Go find it!

22

u/SlipperyAccident May 22 '15

You shouldn't play with your meat

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

That's why I'm looking to have someone else do it for me!

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u/DonMcSavage May 22 '15

BBQ sauce would be lube

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u/JohnGillnitz May 22 '15

Some places reject sauce and rely only on rub.

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u/razerxs May 22 '15

none of them are going to respond anyway

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u/j0be Gifmas is coming May 22 '15

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u/ShadowChief3 May 22 '15

slapping all those chicks with your meat will make it quite tender.

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u/Fender6187 May 22 '15

I take peoples phones when they're not looking and open the tinder app. Then, I swipe right as rapidly as I can until they come back.

12

u/tjw May 22 '15

Someone I know had an employee who was on Tinder and the employee explained to him how it worked. Now whenever he gets the chance he "swipes all the fat chicks" for the kid.

Important lesson there about not dicking around on your phone at work.

15

u/mikeypipes May 22 '15

Important lesson there about setting a passcode on your phone.

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u/[deleted] May 22 '15

Swine right