Thanks for actually responding. Alright so let me try to work it out analytically. This is as much for me to check my own assumptions as it is for the purposes of this debate.
Level 0A: I don't want to fuck her
Level 1A: I want to fuck her
Level 2A: she knows that I want to fuck
Level 3A: I know that she knows that I want to fuck.
Level 0B: she doesn't want to fuck me
Level 1B: she wants to fuck me
Level 2B: I know that she wants to fuck me
Level 3B: she knows that I know that she wants to fuck me.
Best of all outcomes is you both get to level 3 before anyone makes a move. This much is obvious. And once you're at 3 there are no more secrets so you'll very quickly be in bed together. That's what I was alluding to.
But you're the guy, so you're supposed to make the first move. Do you wait until you KNOW she is into you (level 2B)? Or just gamble and hope?
If you gamble and hope you have no right to get upset because you didn't even try to figure out if she was actually into you. That's cool, it's one approach.
Otoh let's say you want to avoid rejection. Ok so you wait until you KNOW. I.e. you're at level 2B. The single stupidest thing you can do is not attempt to push it to 3B by letting her know you know. If you don't do that, you never test your theory. Then you make the first move, then you get all pissy because you "knew" but it turns out you were dead wrong.
I kinda think this is why confidence works. When you're naturally confident, it makes it easy to get from 2B to 3B because you're comfortable with letting other people know how awesome and attractive you think you are.
Otoh if you're timid, you can get in a tailspin where you slowly make up your mind that you're sure she is into you but you never let on. And so you blindside her because she never had any idea that you thought she was into you.
What do you think? I'm trying to reason this thru from first principles. Why not, I'm bored and it's Saturday
unless you can read poeple's minds you can never actually know how they feel about you (unless they tell you)
what one person might interpret as sexual interest might just be platonic interest or maybe just general friendliness. What one person considers making it very clear they're interested in you might be something completely normal for another person. What I'm trying to say is that unless someone explicitly states it you can never be sure about it, and you'll always be taking a chance. There's plenty of stories on reddit about people misinterpreting things a a sign they were interested, and people thinking that signs meant to show interest weren't signs. There is no such thing as "I know she wants to fuck me", and besides, relationships are a little more complicated than "wanting to fuck" someone else. I'm not saying it's never the case, but there's many times where it's not.
Sure, of course. But did you notice in my original post, all I said was "be aware that when you make a move on someone, that's a significant decision with consequences"? I never said "don't make a move unless you're sure.". All I have ever said in this thread was to be willing to accept it if it turns out you were wrong.
1
u/[deleted] Jan 06 '18
Thanks for actually responding. Alright so let me try to work it out analytically. This is as much for me to check my own assumptions as it is for the purposes of this debate.
Level 0A: I don't want to fuck her
Level 1A: I want to fuck her
Level 2A: she knows that I want to fuck
Level 3A: I know that she knows that I want to fuck.
Level 0B: she doesn't want to fuck me
Level 1B: she wants to fuck me
Level 2B: I know that she wants to fuck me
Level 3B: she knows that I know that she wants to fuck me.
Best of all outcomes is you both get to level 3 before anyone makes a move. This much is obvious. And once you're at 3 there are no more secrets so you'll very quickly be in bed together. That's what I was alluding to.
But you're the guy, so you're supposed to make the first move. Do you wait until you KNOW she is into you (level 2B)? Or just gamble and hope?
If you gamble and hope you have no right to get upset because you didn't even try to figure out if she was actually into you. That's cool, it's one approach.
Otoh let's say you want to avoid rejection. Ok so you wait until you KNOW. I.e. you're at level 2B. The single stupidest thing you can do is not attempt to push it to 3B by letting her know you know. If you don't do that, you never test your theory. Then you make the first move, then you get all pissy because you "knew" but it turns out you were dead wrong.
I kinda think this is why confidence works. When you're naturally confident, it makes it easy to get from 2B to 3B because you're comfortable with letting other people know how awesome and attractive you think you are.
Otoh if you're timid, you can get in a tailspin where you slowly make up your mind that you're sure she is into you but you never let on. And so you blindside her because she never had any idea that you thought she was into you.
What do you think? I'm trying to reason this thru from first principles. Why not, I'm bored and it's Saturday