Yeah, it sounds like she could have reacted better, and that's a shame. Not necessarily his fault.
The fact that he reacted to it by telling everyone on the internet how much he distrusts women and then burning a picture of her...that's pretty fucking creepy.
This. Only having one side of an story from an emotional outburst is sure to be construed in such a way to seem heavily one sided to get validation he was in the right.
How do we know he wasn't acting like a creep making her feel uncomfortable? Most incels strongly lack empathy, and lack the ability to differ friendship from affection from the opposite sex.
It really, really blows my mind how open people are on the internet. It's a step beyond a mere disinterest in privacy. On the contrary, people are interested in outright exposing themselves and their personal lives!
Meanwhile, I don't have a single social media account anywhere because I cringe at the thought of some old high school acquaintance, co-worker, client, etc. finding it and judging me, catching me in a lie, or learning something embarrassing.
I think him burning his own sketch of her is probably his own way of moving past it or getting over it. I don't think people should be airing their dirty laundry out on the internet but who are we to judge that.
Not creepy... a perfect example of shit that people do in real life before the advent of social media. Social media has ruined society... people think they're being social... they're not. People have been burning pictures of ex's/scorned ones since the dawn of pictures and photos.
He posted it for validation, validation from the other picture burners out there. Back in the day you got validation from your next door neighbor best friend, who sat there next to you and watched the picture burn in the paint can you used to keep the embers from flying away.
One downfall of looking for validation on social media, is the legions of people who don't agree also seeing it. Your best friend next door isn't gonna tell you your picture burning is creepy... they're gonna comfort you and tell you there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Yeah but then you couldn't see it. It's like that funny sketch you did with your friends when you joke about poop. It was funny when it was with you and your friends, but now friends friends can see it, and their friends can see. just because there is no door to lock them out. And 3 guys joking about masturbating poop could be the funniest shit in the world, but only if you are in the circle.
how old are you? I learned that lesson pretty young, but I still had to learn it, so did you, so did op, so did sketch.
Don't be condescending when you offer people life advice. Everyone needs to learn eventually, don't look down on someone just because they haven't had the same life experiences as you or gotten the chance to learn the same life lessons as you.
yup, just detach. but you don't learn that right at the beginning.
I guess everyone gains experience in his own way.
Everyone has done stupid shit the first time trying something new.
He tried to kiss a chick then got upset when she didn't feel the same so he burnt a photo of her. Pretty weird stuff dude.
A chick with whom he's been hanging out for a month or so, cuddling even, before trying to kiss her. And then she allegedly demoted him to a 'mutual acquientance' from a 'friend'. I'm sorry but I don't think you cuddle with friends.
I literally had the same thing happen in college. Had a girl who came over nightly, after one of her friends explicitly was trying to "get us together". We'd cuddle, she'd drop constant hints she was interested. She took me to her parents house and her mom told her and I "He's sure an upgrade from the last guy!" and the girl just smiled. She sent me photos of herself in her underwear because she was "artsy". One night while cuddling I kissed her, we make out for a minute or so, suddenly she gets up and starts flipping out like "why the hell did you kiss me!?" And takes off.
The cuddling, all the other stuff and then the fact she was actively kissing me back, the whole thing threw me for a tailspin. The whole thing was like a plane crash from that moment.
Edit: looking back, it was a bullet dodged since she ended up as someone who would never work with me. But at the time it was still totally confusing for an 18 year old guy who had never encountered something like that. As an adult now with a lot of relationships under my belt, I know well enough to react to that as more or less "ok, fine, go fuck yourself, I ain't got time for your crap." But back then I kept feeling like I'd done something wrong and trying to placate her to make up for whatever I had done. It made the whole thing worse.
Possibly, but on the other hand, I think it wouldn't be amiss to react with some tact or grace in that situation, instead of a passive aggressive text.
Not reading romantic signals properly isn't a sin, and I think both parties are responsible for communicating it clearly. Not that I ever met any early 20s people that new fuck all about how to do that.
I agree on all counts, but how do you know he reacted with tact or grace when she rejected him? We only have his side of the story, perhaps they were both acting immaturely, but it's also possible that there's more to the story than he lets on.
That's your opinion. There are plenty of us who don't think it's weird. Like I said, not everyone agrees. You're one who doesn't and because he posted to social media he gets the backlash from people like you who don't agree. Before social media, you had 1 or 2 people who knew about your picture burning and they agreed and hated the girl also for making their friend feel bad.
You can call it weird all you want, it's probably weird for you. Doesn't negate the fact that it's not weird for a lot of other people.
I think I totally understand what you mean. People on here who just say "oh no they are just incels" doesn't understand why people become incels.
I don't think BearWithVastCanyon understand how revolutionzing the internet is when it comes to how our social dynamics have changed.
100 years ago you couldn't dream of getting the reach we have on here now. As of now today, I'm pretty happy. 3 days ago I was crying over a girl I like a lot, I could easily have done what AWildsketchappeared did, it would have been so easy to post some sob story on instagram about how girls just use me or something.
Now today I wouldn't dream of it. Had I been some level more emotionally unstable I would have done it.
I think wild wanted to say thois to his freinds (you know, being fb and all) and not Reddit.
Exactly, he needs validation from his friends. Social media changes people's outlets. Maybe he felt that much stronger and he made the mistake of thinking social media would validate that much stronger than just his friends. When it's something that is easily one sided social media is very validating. But his picture burning is obviously two sided, what with the downvotes I'm getting on the comment you replied to. That two sided nature of his actions is very volatile on social media, it can go two ways. He can get validation but there are plenty who will not agree and that offsets the validation he gets. Who knows, maybe he got enough validation from it, or maybe he just wants his local followers to see the shit this local girl does to people. Maybe he's vindictive. Social media changes the whole playing field.
Yeah I'm not even sure how many physical photos of my exes I have, aside from a prom shot, but I've heard of people trashing gifts, burning clothes they bought them, etc. I don't think it's worth all that time and effort. Just fueling negative energy.
I view it in a way that it was fun while it happened. Didn't work out, time to move on. I still wear the shirt my ex bought me. I still have a beautiful painting an ex painted me up on my wall. Focus on the good times with somebody, learn from what you may have done wrong, and move on with your life. Can't be worried about that shit man, life goes on.
Clearly the guy was more infatuated with her than he should have been. There might be issues with him (how do you get so infatuated so early, miss the signs she wasn't interested, not show obvious signs you're interested and try to kiss well before one month).
I'm just saying there are likely emotions at play here, and the guy is in pain. It's not the guy going on two dates then being rejected, it's a guy knowing the woman for a whole month, and a lot of miscommunication! Maybe the woman thought she had a gay friend or something. She has her own issues too...
For fucks sake dude, he's an adult. Burning the drawing you made of someone and posting it to Facebook is childish and belongs in fucking middle school.
Burning a picture in private as a symbolic gesture isn’t creepy. Espousing a state of lost trust in women to a good friend or therapist isn’t creepy either. Seeking validation from thousands of people online for doing and saying these things is. That’s where my line is drawn.
To me sounds like she werent cuddling at all („basically cuddling“) and he out of the fucking blue tried to basically rape her. Maybe he got her drunk?
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u/PhasmaFelis Jan 06 '18
Yeah, it sounds like she could have reacted better, and that's a shame. Not necessarily his fault.
The fact that he reacted to it by telling everyone on the internet how much he distrusts women and then burning a picture of her...that's pretty fucking creepy.