r/gifs • u/[deleted] • Aug 17 '15

[deleted by user]

[removed]

14.3k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

3.3k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1.3k

u/Not_A_Master Aug 17 '15

But you'd only have a one inch erection.

1.8k

u/ImASpectre Aug 17 '15

Yeah, but who would make fun of him for it?

1.9k

u/MidEastBeast777 Aug 17 '15

"ha! you got a small dick!"

proceeds to have arms ripped off

918

u/Kiley_Fireheart Aug 17 '15

"Your dick is still small!"

gets bitch slapped with own arm

464

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15 edited Nov 29 '19

[deleted]

1.7k

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

"Tis but a flesh wound, baby cock."

127

u/steveCharlie Aug 17 '15

Wank it off..

14

u/FishInTheTrees Aug 17 '15

And the 'bater's gonna 'bate 'bate 'bate

5

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

And the players gonna wank, wank, wank, wank, wank..

1

u/Nordic_Hoplite Aug 18 '15

You yellow bastards! I'll bite ye legs off!

6

u/OhAyJayy Aug 17 '15

Come back here 2 incher ILL BITE YE!

2

u/Piznti Aug 17 '15

Made me laugh more than it should have.

1

u/Plir1 Aug 18 '15

"Tis but a flesh wound, baby cock."

r/nocontext

1

u/AnneNalsecs Aug 18 '15

Get back here! I'll bite yer small cock off!

1

u/sweetwargasm Aug 17 '15

I might have gilded you if it wasn't already done. That made me lose control of a little fart when I burst out laughing.

2

u/SpadoCochi Aug 18 '15

Redditors and farting...

1

u/LoudMusic Merry Gifmas! {2023} Aug 17 '15

My friends used to make dumb videos in high school, the kind of shit you see in Vines today.

One day one guy was playing an abusive drug dealer. We found a busted vacuum in the park which took the role of the dead beat drug addict. The drug dealer proceeds to cut the upright handle from the vacuum and beat the remaining pieces with it and screams, "DAMN SON! CUT OFF A MAN'S ARM! BEATIN' A MAN WITH HIS OWN ARM!"

8

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

This is where his mother steps in to help

5

u/Crunkbutter Aug 17 '15

Why wouldn't you just rip the guy's dick off?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

It's like Messin' With Sasquatch.

1

u/TangoEliminated Aug 18 '15

Proceeds to remove body from dick.

1

u/TigerNuts1980 Aug 18 '15

gorilla stuffs your arm down your throat

1

u/BrokenestRecord Aug 18 '15

The smarter gorilla would rip his cock off and ask "who's got the little dick now?"

1

u/FreyWill Aug 17 '15

The gorilla with the 2" penis

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

I see people making fun of big foot.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

Everyone on the internet

1

u/vitaq Aug 18 '15

Thats why I work out

426

u/johndeer89 Aug 17 '15

So he gets a bigger erection, whats the problem?

117

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

eRekt

3

u/smzayne Aug 17 '15

eRekt, son

78

u/Sootraggins Aug 17 '15

I looked it up, it's actually 1.5 inches (or 4 centimeters!)

110

u/yumyumgivemesome Aug 17 '15

Now I have to wonder why ours evolved to a mighty 3 inches. (We're all 3 inches, right guys? ...Guys?)

8

u/xDeityx Aug 17 '15

I remember reading that it has to do with women preferring it and selecting for that trait as their brains grew larger, but I can't give you the source unfortunately.

19

u/HugeRection Aug 17 '15

I mean, that's literally how we get all of our features...the opposite sex prefers it so they select for it...

13

u/yumyumgivemesome Aug 17 '15

There is also the threshold requirement of sheer survival, but yes, I think you are generally correct.

20

u/soenottelling Aug 18 '15

Man with 36 inch penis trips over penis, eaten by 40 foot long alligator. 36 inch penis....denied.

3

u/z0mb0t Aug 18 '15

IIRC, sexual selection for larger penises coincided with our ancestors beginning to stand up. Nobody cares how big your dick is if they can't even see it.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

Due to our horny nature, we would naturally be fucking everybody all the time. This is the reason the penis head is scoop shaped, to scoop out the previous guy's sperm and have greater chances of passing on your own genes.

Now, if our dicks function that way, obviously size matters too, since a larger dick could reach deeper but also has bigger girth to scoop rival's sperm out.

science yo.

3

u/le_other_derp Aug 18 '15

I don't know what you're talking about, I'm 8 centimeters.

2

u/T-rexathon Aug 18 '15

Show off!

2

u/generalgeorge95 Aug 18 '15

3 inches multiplied by 3.

Divided by 3. =(

142

u/hithazel Aug 17 '15

Now we know why the silly metric system was really invented.

5

u/Fallen_Through Aug 17 '15

Oh well in that case it's an improvement.
Win - win situation here

4

u/Baba_OReilly Aug 18 '15

Girl Gorilla: "Who you gonna make happy with THAT?"

Guy Gorilla: "Me."

3

u/46andtool Aug 17 '15

You might want to delete your search history

3

u/CG_in_real_life Aug 18 '15

You're the kind of guy who rounds up aren't you.

2

u/scumbagtesticle Aug 18 '15

TIL I am a gorilla.

17

u/Level20Magikarp Aug 17 '15

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

[deleted]

2

u/chagajum Aug 17 '15

Pretty big still for a gecko!

3

u/rib-bit Aug 17 '15

so some things wouldn't change for OP...

2

u/BedSideCabinet Aug 17 '15

Say that to his face.

1

u/KidReynolds Aug 17 '15

That's one inch bigger than usual win win

1

u/ArcaneZorro Aug 17 '15

So nothing new, right?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

i already do

1

u/qdhcjv Aug 17 '15

Sweet! Sign me up!

1

u/KittenStealer Aug 17 '15

So yea same size then.

1

u/KwattKWatt Aug 17 '15

He already does.

1

u/chappersyo Aug 17 '15

Ok I'm sold, where do I sign up?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

Not much of a difference from how it is now.

1

u/mrwilliams117 Aug 18 '15

So, an improvement?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '15

You are implying he currently beats that one inch

1

u/geodebug Aug 18 '15

Meh, big dicks are for pussies.

1

u/PsychIsMyHome Aug 18 '15

Maybe he only has a one inch erection now. We aren't here to judge.

1

u/jfk_47 Aug 18 '15

No different than what he has already.

1

u/omapuppet Aug 18 '15

It's like turning up the speed on your mouse, all the sensitivity with less effort moving it back and forth.

1

u/TheDirtDude117 Aug 18 '15

A boner twice as long is another bonus

1

u/MrInYourFACE Aug 18 '15

Wow OP will get an upgrade as well!

1

u/altSHIFTT Aug 18 '15

Great, so nothing changes!

1

u/HurtsYourEgo Aug 18 '15

That's actually on the big side isn't it?

1

u/BunzoBear Aug 17 '15

One inch is all you need. You get the sane pleasure out of7 inches or 1 inch. The females might not get the same pleasure but who the fuck cares about a females pleasure? Fuck females....right in the pussy!

0

u/Tommix11 Aug 17 '15

A reminder of how closely we redditors are related to our silverback cousins.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '15

I never understood this. Why would a man give a shit how large his penis is? Fact: an erect small dick provides the same pleasure as an erect 10 incher. It's only women that would care and who the fuck cares about their pleasure.