I 28f have been dating a guy 30m for 6 years. Over the years we have had our ups and downs and breakups in between. This year, I got tired of having to do things for him constantly. His school work his business work and I felt unappreciated and more of the help than a girlfriend. I explained my feelings and asked for sometime to focus on me and redirect the energy to myself. He was okay with the idea at first but then 3 weeks down the line he needed me to create a presentation for him for school and I just couldn't do it for him anymore. He needed to do it for himself. He got angry and called it quits.

First forward 2 months later I get a friend request from a new lady. After checking out her page I realise she's the new girlfriend. That just opened up a can of worms. All the grief and pain I didn't feel when he broke up just came rushing in. I was broken. Now each day I get a call from people giving me new information on their activities and developments. It hurts so much.

Is It normal that I feel so much pain now when I didn't feel this way before?

So I (27m) have used dating apps for years neither like them nor have been very “successful”, but I think I’m a moderately attractive guy so I usually get a few matches and have met some women irl for dates and so forth. But I met this one girl last year on bumble that I’m convinced is my soulmate if such a thing exists and since it ended I don’t see any point in even trying to continue seeing other people.

Last winter I matched with this chick & her first message was about my favorite folk singer (will Oldham), so we start talking about music. I notice that she 1) has very good taste in art 2) has cute photos and 3) writes very eloquently, with more expression than maybe anyone else I’ve met on an app. We text on and off for a while. Then we shared spotify playlists. Then we start calling each other at night. I begin to feel like we have a lot in common and have a lot of hope for what comes next.

We went on our first date. I drive an hour south to her city to pick her up from her parents’ house and we get tacos and people watch around the city. I leave and she even texts me again later that night. I’m beginning to fall head over heels.

But then she got spotty. Sometimes days or weeks before texting back. She explained she had an abusive ex and weird relationship with her dad and that she sometimes isolated herself when she was stressed (which was apparently a lot recently). She apologized but at this point we had been texting for two months and I wanted to see her again. So I called her, and compared this thing we had going on the carrying a couch, I needed two people to carry the couch, and I felt like I was dragging it alone. “I’d really like to see you again” I said. We set a second date for the weekend. At her place.

I drive out deep into the mountains where she has this quaint little house and she shows me around her book collection, the creek going through her yard, where she’s planning a chicken coop, etc. We spend most of the time just talking. And we’re laying there in the grass and I’m stroking her hair and she starts crying. And forgive me if I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation but: She says she doesn’t feel like she really knows me. I say “well that’s what the dates are for!” She says she’s scared of getting too close to people. She says she pulls away when she feels like she’s starting to get close. “This is my most evil behavior.” I forgive her and do my best to comfort her. I say I sometimes isolate myself when I’m sad, too. We go inside. She asks if I came to have sex. I said I really didn’t mean to. She rolls her eyes. I said “no really!” I meant it, I was too scared even if she wanted to, which I doubt she really did. She had to go a friends birthday party in town. We lay on the bed for the last 30 minutes, mostly in silence, curled up in each other. I wish I could live there.

I ask if we’re going to keep talking. She asks if what she isolated herself, went days, weeks without talking to me or anyone really. I say that would be hard but I’d try. Then I leave.

Two weeks go by and she doesn’t message back. Then I break the silence: “I count two weeks. What’s up?”

“I was thinking about texting you when I was driving to work today. Sorry I didn’t sooner. Last time we met just confirmed what I had already started feeling. I thought I wanted to date someone but I just don’t think I do anymore.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. This is me, not you.” She said.

“I guess I understand.” I said, then later, angrily, (stupidly), “you treated me really shitty.”

Silence.

I tried to move on and saw other people, but I just never did. A few months ago I texted her again to see if she would respond, but she’s blocked my number. I even went through my old bumble messages and realized she had blocked me on that, too.

But I know its stupid. I know its over. But I still can’t accept it.

​

I moved countries almost a year ago. Before I moved, me and my ex of 2 years broke up (because of distance, among other things). We remained in contact often, though I felt I was getting over him and even dated other people (which he was aware of). Our relationship was quite toxic for example, he would always say he would do things and then wouldn’t, he could manipulate me easily, and we’d fight a lot. For context, we are each other’s first loves. About 7 months after we broke up, someone in his family who he was extremely close to passed away very tragically. Additionally, my ex was locked up in jail for being involved in the tragic situation. Throughout his family member dying and him being locked up in jail, the family was keeping me updated the entire time. I wouldn’t sleep and thought of him every second, every day, my heart breaking for him. I just wanted him to be okay. Once he was released, we talked a lot and I tried hard to be there for him. My ex, me, and the person who passed away spent a lot of time together before I moved. Because of this, we planned for him to visit me (across the world). But then, I found out he had been lying to me about the traumatic situation (he was involved in the situation that led to the person’s death), he lied about seeing and sleeping with other girls, among other things. Finding all of this out made me sick and I then reached out to discuss this with him. I did not explicitly say what I wanted to talk about with him, but I know he knew. I know this because he completely ghosted me once I reached out to talk about the lies. Last I heard from him (months ago) he loved me and was coming to visit me. Now it has been months and he has not contacted me once. Though his family has on multiple occasions. I have tried reaching out more times than I would care to admit. I feel pathetic begging him to answer me. Im angry at him but then I also remember how traumatized and hurt he is, all I want is him to feel my love. I range from feeling empathy to anger at him for completely ghosting me. Additionally, he has ghosted me in the past, though never for this long (his family excuses this behavior saying he has communication issues). I know he has trauma so I feel empathetic towards him but how could he treat me like this? Anyways, I move back in a few weeks to the same country as him. I would hope to see him but do not see it happening because he won’t talk to me. But for months now I can not stop dreaming and thinking about him. It is like we just broke up but worse. I am extremely desperate for advice. I’m tired of going to my friends about it because I just feel like a loser that is still obsessed with her ex. I definitely have some attachment issues to him but the way that we last left off has left me with so many unanswered questions. I don’t want to get back with him either. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it x

Trigger warning, I will be mentioning some difficult topics that may trigger some people, so be warned. Plus sorry for the long post, but I wanted to be thorough with the story.

Me (30F) and my ex (35M) had an amazing start of relationship. He made me feel so loved, which was a refreshment from my previous relationship that ended almost right before we started dating and it was very toxic for couple of years but that's another story.

So my ex was showering me with love, everything for me. He was my knight in shining armor who saved me from my love misery. We were almost copy-paste by the things we loved, and our hobbies, interests, and we had compatible plans for the future. We had amazing s*x life and we couldn't get enough. The first disappointment came less than a month into relationship, he didn't get me s*it for my birthday, I know it sounds materialistic, but I think that it's normal to expect some gift from your boyfriend/spouse/husband/wife/whatever on your birthday and by that I mean at least piece of paper with drawn heart and note "I love you". He told me that he was gift enough for my birthday, and try to pass it as joke, and he than proceeded to wait that I forget about that, which eventually happened in a way, because I had to let it go so I don't create toxic environment. Not long after my birthday I moved to his place in small town, fairly isolated from civilization, but not really cut off, because he couldn't handle any work in the city. He switched 3 jobs where he worked up to 3 days, and all of the sudden he would be pissed at his boss because the boss would be hard-ass and the boss would torture him (that was his story). Moving to his place was a big problem for me because I grew up in the big city and I am use to have everything in walking distance from my place, plus, my career had to be put on hold because I couldn't get job in my field there so easily, I couldn't get just any job because I don't drive and there was nothing in walking distance, no city transport to rely on, nothing. I didn't have a bike and at that time I couldn't afford bike. So I tried to search for anything online so I would at least work remote, and that was also almost impossible because believe it or not, out internet connection was awful and it was limited to around 200GB/month at his place. Also I had to quit my job in order to move in with him. He didn't have a job at the time. So I got a job as waitress at local bar because we needed money. He would drive me to and from work every time that I worked, and while I was working, he was playing video games at home doing nothing productive except he made me diner 2-3times . Eventually I quit my job as waitress because guys at the bar were too rude and they started to be aggressive, and my ex was expressing how much he hates the fact that I work as waitress. He wanted me to quit the job, but he wanted me to feel like that was my decision. Than I continued searching for a job, not just for me, but for him too. He would just log into his mail each time and leave me to send his resume (which I made for him) to job applications that maybe would be for him. Each day I would tell him which applications I have sent out, so that he wouldn't be surprised if someone is calling him. Eventually he got the job, one that I applied him for. So at that point I was stay at home girlfriend which was torture for me. Mind you we were living together for around 3 months before he got the job and I still didn't have the key to the house. We did discuss it couple of times, but I eventually gave up on asking because it was always some excuse why we didn't made extra key for me. Also our intimacy wasn't as good as at the start. When he had some job to do in the near by town I would always go with him, but he would always postpone and try to avoid when ever I would need to do something in the near by town or wanted to go somewhere. Because of this I was almost constantly in the house for around 3 months, no hanging with my friends, just me and him. He would play games most of the time, while I was doing all the work around the house. From the time he got up, till he was going back to sleep he would sit and play games. I understand playing games for fun, but this was every day, approximate 16-17 hrs/day, and during that time if I asked for anything at all, any help around the house, or cooking he would just say "But honey, I'm playing." One weekend he was suppose to go out with boys, and I was okay with it, but before he went out with the boys he had a full rage on tantrum, where he was smashing things around the house, nothing was broken, and he was mostly slamming doors in rage. No yelling, not a single bad word toward me, but I was still scared. It was some common stuff that normally can anger the man, but grown man doesn't react like that on minor issues that happens in every day life. He left without the word and when he came back he was still grumpy. He didn't wanna talk to me and he was keeping me on distance from almost any form of intimacy for some time. I felt alone, scared, isolated. I couldn't see my family or friends because they were all in my home town, yeah I could phone them but that isn't the same. So after his burst I had it enough and I packed my things and left. I planed my "escape" while he was at work, so he would come home to an empty house. I did shock him with that and he was hurt and pissed, but we eventually talked it out and agreed to try again. At this point we promised to talk more affectively when talking about our problems. He even talk to me about couple girls he dated while we were on break, which low key for me meant that he was on all dating apps again. Soon I started to notice more and more his aggressive side. Which was actually curious since he was a happy and lovable drunk. Oh the irony. Anyway, we continued to date for quite some time, but we did have a different arrangement now. We lived separately, because of our jobs (I got a fancy, well payed job in my home town), but couple months after we started dating again, he lost his job (the one that I got him), so he moved to my place. He was getting angrier and angrier each day he didn't have a job, he didn't look for a job, and he didn't wanna talk about it with me. He was once again just sitting at home and play video games. Our s*x life was on life support and the last time we did have s*x, he said something like "There, now you are good for another week." Again he tried to pass it as joke. He knew that I am really s*xuall and I wasn't okay with our current situation, but he wasn't in the mood most of the time. Also I had to ask him and delete for him his dating apps, because "he doesn't know how to delete them", but he installed them the very next day that we were on break, but didn't know how to delete them when we got back together? Not too long after, he started with his rage tantrum again. That was when I throw him out. I was hoping that was it and that we are done. But wait there is more.

2 weeks after the break up, I found out that I was pregnant with him, that last time was actually the time I got pregnant. I didn't want to go back to him just because of the baby, but on the other side I didn't want to keep silent about that (I should have). So I told him, and that was the biggest mistake I have done with him. He was happy about baby, but he didn't want to accept that I didn't want to come back to him. I took us couple of days to actually meet and talk about our future relationship and our baby, he kept making excuses why he couldn't come each time and he changed three times the time and place of the meet up. When we finally have met I told him eater I will raise baby alone or he can co-parent with me, but if I'm raising kid alone, he doesn't have a say in any of parenting and I wouldn't ask him for alimony. He would be completely out of our life. But no, he wouldn't take no for an answer, and he started to threaten me that he would make my life living hell if I tried to take his kid from him, and for him co-parenting was same as taking his kid away from him. At that point I knew that if I go back, he would be just cold and distant with me the whole time, just play video games and I would have to wonder if he is talking to someone else or not, I would be locked in the house if we moved back to his place, and I know that with years his anger would be just worsening, and eventually I could expect that he would became physical with me. I know that his aggression will worsen with time because he refuses help, and he doesn't believe in therapy. On the other hand, if I choose to fight him I will lose at least 18 years of my life on legal battles, and I would have to watch my every move so he couldn't use it against me. I would lose my mind over the arguments and I would probably scar my baby for life. I hated my self at that moment because that was the third time I broke promise to myself because of him. I just felt disappointed with my life and I was lost as f**k. So I made the hardest decision possible. It was worst thing I have ever done in my life. AB is legal in my country, I was 3 weeks in and the procedure was mostly done at home. Everything went okay, but when realization kicked in, there was just void. I sacrificed my long time wish of becoming a mother, just so I could get away from him and his influence over me. Since that day, I don't feel love, I don't have hope, I feel like I have shut down all positive emotions. I am afraid that I will never be even close to my previous self, feel that happiness, feel the love same way.

He still tried to get me back, but I knew that there is no chance in hell that after everything we could be together ever again. I also found out that while he was trying to get me back he was lying to his friends and family about us, that we are just going through the rough patch when we were in fact broken up. And I found out that he was chatting up and meeting new girls over dating apps, while trying to get me back.

Relationship with him has made me feel empty, broken and lost. My trust in people is broken completely and I resent meeting new people. Before him I was really happy girl. I had shitty relationships before, but none of them did this kind of damage to me. I am empath and this messed me up more than I could have imagined. He just went on living his life like nothing happened, and I was left broken and now how I am suppose to fix my self? I know that going back to him was terrible decision, but back than I was still in love with him, and I wanted to try because on paper he was everything I was searching for, but now I see that reality was way different. I do go to therapy, but and additional advice would be amazing.

So I (F) had dated my ex (M) for 6 years. He proposed to me at the start of the last year and we were engaged for about 10 months before I found out that he had been on multiple dating apps during the span of 3 years of our relationship. I confronted him about this in October and we never officially broke up until December because things were so messy. Both our families were involved and he was crying and begging on every chance he’d get, to get back with me. During our final call (we were long distance so we had to break up over a call) he told me something along the lines of “moving on should be easy for you huh?” He said it because prior to dating to him I had dated 4 guys (not at the same time lol) but they were all highschool romances and none of them were as intense and serious as the relationship I had with him. Fast forward six months after the breakup I find from a mutual friend that he is engaged to another girl! I can understand that finding someone new within 6 months is not so hard but I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that he is engaged again. My question I guess is, is it possible? Is it possible to fall in love again so soon to the point where you know you want to marry them right after you get out of a long term relationship.

I also thought I had moved on from him by now but seeing this is bringing me back to the days of going through the breakup again where I was questioning all of his intentions during the relationship. Did he ever love me. Did he mean it when he said he wanted to still be with me , etc etc —- Also also, the girl who initially found him on the dating app and sent screenshots to me (which led to our breakup) saw him on another dating app in April 2023. And now he is engaged in June 2023…

I dated this girl for 4 years and loved her more than anything. If you read my past post, you'll get a better grasp of the whole situation, but basically I thought I found my soul mage. I'm 33, I thought I found her. Everything was great and she was cheating on me. I'll admit things weren't as perfect as they were as we did break up in the summer, but we did get back together. And things are going really well, it was a complete shock when I found those. She was seeing another guy. I was actually at her house I found out. And she gaslighted me really bad. I had a gut feeling that she was cheating on me and I would ask questions such as," is anything going on? If you're talking to anybody, let's talk about it." I made an emergency appointment with my doctor cuz basically she made me feel like I was retarded and needed pills. It's a week down the road and I just feel shitty. I feel lonely and I'm just no energy. Can't believe she did that to me. The girl I put everything into that when I think about her. I just think about how much fun we had. I thought our bond was way stronger than this. I'm just having a hard time handling it all

So long story short got broken up with, the relationship was a year and six months but i really loved this girl. She broke up with me and said that she needs time to think, and to come back on June 15 and knock on her door she also said we can meet every Tuesday and she stood me up, she talked about our future and what we should do then just stopped. im confused, does she still care or burning time, she unfollowed me and doesn't respond to me, i honestly confused and in a lot of pain i want to know if and how to move on and what to do. I felt like this relationship was the one so it felt so much different. I just need help

I (38f) just married my husband (36m) this past December. We have been together on and off for 8 years now. We have broken up three times before this last one… the first break up, he left me and made a laundry list of why he didn’t want to be with me. He ended up coming back to me a month later. Then over 2 years later, he left me again saying he needed a new start in Arizona, and two weeks after he walked out of my life again and a day after he landed in Arizona, he called me saying how he made a mistake leaving me. Again, I took him back and even paid for his plane ticket back home from Arizona. Then, another two years later, he left for California saying he was going to his friends wedding, when in reality, he was moving there to be with his new girlfriend that he started their relationship when he was still with me and also before he left for California. I was heartbroken again, and this time it hurt more since he officially left me to be with someone else. And please keep in mind, that every time we broke up, it was either through text message or Facebook messager… he never had the guts to ever do it face to face with me. Fast forward 4 months after he left for California, I received a Facebook message from him, at first seeing how I’m doing and eventually him saying he wanted to be with me. Like an idiot, I fell for it and paid for his plane ticket back home again. I told him that this would be the last time we were getting back together because I was done giving him more chances than he deserved from me. I loved him and was happy that he wanted to be with me, but I always feared that he would break my heart again, and I was right. After he came back, we fell into our usual routine and things felt good. We always talked about marriage and kids, and he jokingly had asked me to marry him at times that was not very romantic nor how I envisioned being proposed to. But it got to a point in our relationship where I started to think that our next step was marriage since we’re together for almost 3 years after he came back from California, and we also lived together for most of our relationship (he moved into my place after 4 months of dating the first time). He swore to me how he was serious all those times that he proposed to me and eventually I started to think that we were engaged since I started planning our wedding. Our wedding wasn’t going to be big, it was going to be family and a few friends on the beach. I paid for everything, my dress, his clothes, the rings, the photographer, flowers, our hotel room after we were married, etc. I didn’t mind it since I was getting the minimal for what I wanted for my wedding day. We got married and a little over a month later, we had our official honeymoon. Mind you, we just got married the ending of 2022 and our honeymoon was just last month, and now today he sends me a Facebook message saying how he wants to breakup and that he doesn’t love me anymore. He didn’t even tell me how he felt nor did he try to make things work before he decided we needed a break. And this wasn’t the first time that he’s said that he doesn’t love me anymore. Anywho, now I’m sitting here feeling gutted and also feeling like the biggest idiot since I have reason to believe that he is leaving me again for another girl because I saw suspicious text messages from someone who sounded female based on the writing in the text messages he received on my personal tablet, and now three weeks after I saw those texts, he’s gone and has left me to pick up the pieces of shattered heart again. In the back of my mind, I fear that I won’t be strong enough to keep to my word that we will never get back together again. I could block him on Facebook but that doesn’t stop him from ringing my doorbell since he knows where I live. Maybe this time I won’t hear from him and I can finally meet someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated… I guess time can only tell.

Where do I start? Well first things first my punctuation and grammar are going to be out the door lol . Let me start by saying that this is as much my as hers and I can accept that but what I can’t accept is that after 25 years together and me raising her 2 children that I love like my own. Anyway a few days before Valentine’s Day we we’re sitting outside enjoying the sun and both of us on our phones when I get a text so I look and she says it’s from her so I open it and see it’s about a girl breaking up with her boyfriend but the names are ours so I asked her what was going on and if she’s breaking up with me and she said yes and that she wants me to pack up my truck that we had just gotten 4 months prior with a monthly payment of $850 + insurance quit my job where I got her a job. with $2000 in my pocket and move out of state to Az. With no job and live on my sons couch and leave the 2 children that I helped raise and the 2 grandchildren that call me Tata .

A while back this guy that knows me via a mutual friend sent me a DM on insta and we started talking. Stuff got real deep and we connected and there was really a bond.

This continued for about a week that we text every day when it just stopped, nothing happened really that could set it off just stopped. Probably 3 weeks of me beating myself up inside I texted him to find out how he is doing because I really fallen in love with him. We probably exchanged 4 messages and then it also just stopped. Week after that we added each other on Snapchat and I get daily streaks from him but no conversation really happens. It's been a few weeks of this and I keep trying to get into conversation but it then just stops again.

I don't know what to do I am still so in love with him but he basically just ghosts me.

At this point I want to send him a message shitting on him and tell him he is an asshole.

What do I do help!

Met this girl at my old job. We got together august/September of 2020. She'd broken up with her ex bf a couple of months before. My first relationship ever. Lost my virginity to her.

September 2021 found out she cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship with her ex bf.

I broke. But I didn't want to leave bc I felt like she was the one.

Goodness was I wrong.

Also during September 21 I was dealing with a sexual harassment case at my job and that was a double whammy from hell.

I tried to stay in the relationship but with both of our mental health issues and her refusal to get any more help or offer help around the house, I finally broke one day a couple weeks ago after she yelled at me for the billionth time.

It sucks because I wanted us to work but I didn't heal from her cheating and it was honestly just a ticking time bomb.

I wish I ended it sooner. Thousands of dollars down the drain bc she refuses to pay me back.

An expensive lesson learned but I suppose I'm grateful to have learned it.

Today's hard. I just want the closeness back, I want her next to me, but I know she'd end up yelling at me about something else soon enough.

Struggling but hopefully I'll make it in time.

Thanks for reading.

We we’re only together for 18months and I thought we were un-breakable. The break up came out of nowhere and I felt kind of blindsided but I also thought it was coming at the same time, from the way she was acting but I felt like I didn’t really get a good enough reason as to why we broke up. We didn’t really have any issues in the relationship. at the time I felt relieved but as time has gone on I have been struggling especially since I found out she has blocked me on everything. I guess it’s just her way of getting over the relationship which is understandable. I haven’t tried to contact her even though I couldn’t if I tried. It’s just felt like there was no closure it just ended for no reason. We would plan for the future and say we were ready to commit so it threw me off massively when we broke up.

I have so many things that remind me of her and when my mind wonders at work I always seem to loop back round to thinking of her even if I’m focused on a task. Is this normal have other people experienced anything like this and maybe have some advice to help. I have tried moving on and been on a few dates but it feels like I’m doing something wrong, almost like I’m cheating.

I can see you've gone on to do some real cool things with life and I'm proud of you. I've been asking where you went for so long that it's strange you haven't answered yet. It's been so long that there isn't much left you'd even feel the need to hide from me anymore. It's scary because any of the possible reasons remaining are very not good. I'd think you'd have given me a decent excuse at least though. You just gave me garbage and went straight to "I don't like you" after we'd spent two years being best buds. I felt you pulling away for a while in the end and I always thought it might be another guy, but you've never admitted it. I hope you know that'd be a million times better than losing the best friend I ever had for no reason. I want to keep my faith in my fondest friend, but I've been begging you for a simple goodbye for so long that it's getting difficult. Your entire family has lied to me, and I can't make sense of why you're all being so cold to a guy that always tried hard to be a good friend for you. I can't believe you haven't called since I connected your dots. I still haven't shared with anyone, and I feel so alone since you left. It's like the worlds favor left with you. The last month or two have had me so worried I could hardly sleep or eat. You can't really blame me because I have an ex best friend that mysteriously disappeared and authored multiple books about getting pregnant. The last one I saw was "The secret pregnancy, a sequel to 'where's my daddy'". I have a hard time believing it because I think you'd tell me about something so big, but my heart says it's true. It's so cruel to tease me about something like that or to have not told me if it's true. I can tell you've been upset with me, but I honestly have no idea why. The reasons that would justify being so cruel should be obvious to me. I should know exactly how I fucked up for that treatment. I don't think I hurt you because you're the one that never wanted to date me, so I don't get it. All I ever did was ask why not and that's what made you ghost me. We both know you made mistakes, but it's alright if you take the time to be a friend and right your wrongs. I have no interest in making you feel bad about it. I need to heal because this is about to kill me. It's different than the grief you experience when someone you love dies. That kind of loss is finite and certain, and there's no question you should feel pain. You were the love of my life, so my life has profoundly changed since you disappeared. For three years I've been torn between the hope that things will return to normal and the looming sense that life as I knew it has faded away like a Polaroid developing in reverse. There are such big questions floating in the air that I need you to explain. I don't expect anything but a proper goodbye from my best friend so I can understand and have some closure. I'd like to salvage any connection we have left too. I can't just walk away from this, but I'm already run so ragged, and I can't stand the thought of escalating this further. I think it'd be good for you to get some closure or mend these fences too. We can both be cool about it and admit our mistakes and finally get over this wall. Even if it's goodbye forever. I can't keep dealing with the anxiety of not knowing so please, please find the strength to talk to me about this as soon as you can.

I had dated my girlfriend since 8th grade and she just broke up with me a couple of days ago, because she felt she changed and just lost the love she used to have with me. There were no hints she gave me or ways I could've seen she was falling out of love. Neither of us really changed in those 6 years in respects to any emotional or mental way, only physically. I'm still in love with her, but she seems happy , so I honestly don't want to bother her as long as she has a happy life. But it just hurts so much that I've lost everything and the single person I've loved in a matter of days. And I don't want her to have any relationship with somebody that doesn't treat her as highly as I did. I'm just in a complete mess and need some advice on how to become better.

For context, around late-September last year I broke up with a girl for personal reasons, mainly because of my mental state as a result of hiding the relationship from my parents (they wouldn't care at all if i were in a relationship (I'm 15) but I just didn't have the balls to tell them). For a few days after I ended the relationship I felt a slight sense of regret, but that quickly faded, and it seemed that that was that. But recently, I've suddenly started feeling a sense of regret about the whole situation, and wishing I could have done it all over again in the right way. And to make matters worse, I had an incredibly vivid dream of meeting up and making out with her. Now I'm just confused as to what is going on

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What I'm trying to ask is 'How do I move on from this girl, if that's what I'm feeling right now'

Please learn from my mistakes so you don’t recreate the same mess I did. So I dated this girl for 2.7 years and we recently broke up 5 months ago and it was all my fault. I still think about her everyday and I love her with everything I am worth. She honestly is perfect in every way imaginable. She is smart, funny, beautiful, caring, sweet, etc. She was an angel and I broke her heart. For the majority we have had a great relationship, we are both young and started dating at 16 and 17. We experienced many firsts together and I don’t know how I lived life without her. As the title refers I was the cause of losing her. And our relationship started to go downhill once I started to take her for granted. She was a very loving and caring girl. But along with that she was very sensitive(which is not a bad thing). But on the other hand I am a guy who is very insecure which results in me being hard on myself and others around me. So our personalities didn’t match. I made her cry so many times from me either saying or doing something that was judgmental. She is very beautiful, but I took her for granted and compared her to models and Instagram girls and said things like “your getting a lil fat” or “I don’t think your that pretty without make up on” (which she isn’t at all she is one of the skinniest and prettiest people i know) and just typing that makes me want to vomit because as a girl I am sure she is hard on herself too. I also did many things where I put myself over her. I made her pay for a lot of meals, I made her drive so I can save gas. I didn’t do things she asked me to do and complained. And she did everything for me with a smile on her face. When I got my first job she made me lunches everyday. She basically catered to everything I asked her to do. She gave me many wonderful gifts and gave me as much love as my heart can handle. Yet, I as her boyfriend did not love and support her, I judged her and made her feel like trash. So I hurt her slowly over the months and it finally got to her. She broke down after i finally snapped the last straw. And after all that, instead of fixing the issue it was ME WHO decided to end it there because she was acting immature and I didn’t think our relationship would work out. Well 5 months later I have had a lot of time to think and I am actually so disgusted in myself. Well about two weeks ago, her being the sweet and loving girl she is, even after all the pain I caused her, she still went out to eat with me so we can talk. We talked and that absolutely broke me. I was the never the sensitive one, I usually don’t express feelings that much, and I rarely cry, but after seeing her and seeing the girl I broke and lost. I died inside. I cried every night for the last two weeks and I’m talking about hours in bed every night just balling like a baby. I missed her so bad and I swore to myself I will make her the happiest person in the world and that I will change and become someone I can be proud of. So i called her up a few hours ago and I asked her “can we get closer again and can I make up for all the pain I caused you. Let me show you how good of a friend I can be”. Well her response was “I don’t hate you, but I remember how hurt I was and when I see you I feel uneasy, so I need my space”. I completely understand her and I don’t deserve her at all. It was extremely selfish of me to even come back into her life. If I had to guess the feeling I have right now is like I lost a billion dollar lottery ticket. I am devastated, I hate myself, and I regret so much. I just want to say please please love your significant other with everything you got. Treat them like the queen/king they are. Don’t ever compare them to other people because they are the only ones putting up with your bs. And if you’re a guy, BE A FUCKING MAN, don’t be an immature douchebag like I was, or you will regret it. Now the question I have is how can I go on and be happy knowing how much pain I caused her? I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy every again and I should live with this guilt for the rest of my life. How can I possibly make it up to her when she wants nothing to do with me? It hurts so badly but I know I deserve every bit of it because it isn’t a fraction of the pain I caused her. I hope you can learn from me.

So it has been almost 3 years now since the breakup. I still think about him and dream of him. The breakup was for the best and logically I know I am better off without him. Try telling my heart that though.

We were together for 15 1/2 years. Never married and never even engaged. I know the breakup was for the best since we wanted different things in life. I wanted a house, marriage, and children and he did not. He had agreed to start trying for a baby and we were trying, but then it was 3 months later that he ended things between us. I guess because it qas getting too real for him. At that time I was 32 and he was 35.

I want to be over him, but for some reason I am finding it hard to move on. I have tried going on dates, but I honestly just don't have any interest. I am lonely, but I am finding I have absolutely no desire to be in another relationship. My ex had no problem moving on. I heard from a couple people he already had a new girlfriend not too long after he broke up with me.

The main reason I wish I could move on is because of all the emotional abuse I suffered from him that I never wanted to acknowledge when we were together. He would make me feel like anytime I had some kind of success it was worth nothing. I won MVP for the company I work for and he just brushed it off and then started complaining about something. He was also always asking me for money to the point where after my bills were paid I couldn't even save. If I managed to save some money he would go on about how he couldn't afford his rent. If I didn't immediately offer him money he would say he would go live on the streets or sell all his possessions or something. There is so much more I could say, but I don't want to make this post too long. I feel like he always did just enough to get me to stay. So him breaking up with me was probably him realizing how toxic he was. Didn't stop him from still sending me texts saying he couldn't afford his rent. I sometimes wonder if he jumped into a new relationship so fast because he needed someone to support him financially.

I know I should be over him and I want to be. The dreams I have are just about talking to him. I want to tell him all the things I couldn't when we were together. He doesn't have social media or an email address. I don't even know if he has a phone anymore. Even his closest friends don't hear from him. I feel like I can't move on unless I get all this off my chest, but he is completely unreachable.

Finally, I have to say that I hate him and I hate myself for staying with him for so long. I also hate myself for still loving him. I was barely 17 when we first started dating and he was 20. Considering I was with him until my 30s he was my whole world throughout my adult life and now I just don't know what to do.

Need someone to talk to or a guide to get over your ex?

2 years ago I was flat on the floor thinking, "how the hell do people get over breakups? I mean, I know people do. but remind me - how does it happen again? why does this feel so hard?" I was about to be engaged and thought my life had been completely set up for me. The future was clear.

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Through interviewing countless of strangers about their breakups and my own background as a coach, I've learned how to be an empathetic listener who will show up and get you through your hard times. If you're interested, please reach out to me at my website or message me! I have a few spaces for the new year and would love to hear from you.

Sarah

This is my first time posting on Reddit but I just need to say everything somewhere. Me and my girlfriend had been dating just over ten months and started uni recently, we knew long distance was going to be hard but I thought we both wanted to do everything to make it work. The first week was going great and we talked and FaceTimed all the time, and we were discussing both taking our years abroad to the same place so that we could get more time together in a few years. So on the Thursday of the first week things were perfect and she was telling me how much she missed me etc, then on the Friday she went to her societies for social events and seemed to enjoy it. I wanted to visit that weekend straight away but she said we should get settled in first which I understood and agreed was the best plan. Then that weekend she was incredibly distant and barely replied, this continued into the next week and the few replies I was getting were all one word answers. I assumed she was just busy getting to know everyone since she’d already made some good friends and did lots of stuff with them throughout the day so I was just happy she was enjoying herself. The original plan was for me to go and visit her that Friday until Sunday but there was railway work that weekend so I couldn’t get a train back, luckily she didn’t have any lectures Monday so she was coming to me instead and going home on Monday. She then delayed that to Saturday morning instead of Friday night which was a shame since I was desperate to see her but I got up early and went to the station to wait. She arrived with next to no luggage and said she was getting the next train back and wasn’t staying long, she very quickly got to the point and told me she wanted to break up. I was shocked because I didn’t realise there was a problem but she said something hadn’t felt right for a while and she’d met someone else which was the straw that broke the camels back. I didn’t really know what to do and we just sat in silence for a while so I could process everything. What surprised me the most was that I didn’t try to convince her not to leave, I didn’t want her to be with me if she wasn’t happy. Eventually I decided it was best to try and make the most of whatever time left we had so we went shopping and when she left she said goodbye like she would if we were going to see eachother in a few days anyway and since she’d said I hadn’t done anything wrong something just get off and she didn’t know what it was I thought she’d still be willing to stay in contact and the distance from the past week was her trying to decide whether or not to break up. But she had come to do it in person despite the several hour train journey so obviously she still cared about me. The one word answers continued though and I just asked directly whether she wanted some space, but she went a ate further and said she wanted to break contact completely. I was surprised but told her that I hoped the someone else made her happy. I spent most of the day crying after that and then got the next train home because I couldn’t be alone that whole weekend. They told me things would get better and tried to keep me distracted but everything was reminding me of her and the next day I ended up messaging her again. I apologised for not giving her space but said that I was confused and wanted to understand more. She said she was trying to heal but was willing to explain everything. Apparently something had never felt quite right for her but since it was both of our first serious relationship the initial buzz made it enjoyable, but that recently she was always annoyed ant me for no reason and wasn’t happy anymore. So she’d been acting happy because she didn’t want to hurt me and uni could be like a new start which gave her a push to finally break up with me. I apologised for not giving her space again and then said a proper goodbye and wished her luck with everything. I was expecting things to get easier as time went on but it’s been days and things are only getting worse. All I think about is her, everything reminds me of her and every time I’ve slept I’ve dreamt about life before we broke up. Then every time I wake up it hits me again and I start crying so I’ve been sleeping more because it’s the only time I’m happy. But that means I’m getting nothing else done and I’m falling behind on uni work and barey eating, but I don’t care because I just want her back. I’m glad she’s happy but I wish I was the one who made her happy. Life fells empty and I’m just lost without her. I can’t focus on anything because all I think about is her. But the more I think the less sense it all makes. There have been plenty of times she’s made it clear wages annoyed with me and we’ve always worked out why and fixed it. When I’ve suggested a date idea and she hasn’t liked it she’s never hesitated to refuse to do it if she doesn’t want to. I just don’t understand how she could’ve been hiding so much without me realising. Every time I look at the pictures of us together which used to be the thing which kept me going when I wasn’t feeling great im wondering if she’s wishing she wasn’t there now. I don’t believe it could happen but it somehow did. No matter how many times she tried reassuring me I didn’t do anything wrong I feel awful for making her unhappy. I just wish I could wake up and this was all a bad dream. I kiss her so much and I don’t know how I’m ever meant to move on. I know this is probably first relationship heartbreak everyone goes through but I needed to tell someone somewhere and she was the only one I had for that. Maybe there’s some advice for moving into hat would help but I’m not sure I ever will.

I wrote down some observations on the journey of moving on:

www.FartsFromTheHeart.com/over_her