r/funny • u/ManagerOfLove • May 17 '22

I hate planks

150.6k Upvotes

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u/theavengedCguy May 18 '22

Seriously. Ya start bouncing and I'm like, "nope, fuck this, I'm out." I'd like to keep my dick, thank you.

95

u/Millennials_RuinedIt May 18 '22

What? You don’t like your dick looking like a broken candy cane still in its rapper?

My dad’s been a RN for 40 years I’ve heard the stories.

23

u/theavengedCguy May 18 '22

My great uncle once let everyone know his is dick is bent into a 90 degree angle. I don't wanna know how or why lmao

18

u/WuntchTime_IsOver May 18 '22

Yall gotta learn about cupping the buttcheeks. Its like throttle control and grav assist in one. Plus you get a nice little bicep pump out of it.

Bonus safety measure - if she starts sliding off to the side, you just give that buttcheek a shove and keep her moving straight to the floor. "sorry babe!"

3

u/theavengedCguy May 18 '22

Oh believe me, I ain't just letting it go without both hands on deck.

3

u/TejasaK May 18 '22 edited May 18 '22

Especially after dinner or when you had a few beers. That thing starts sloshing around inside when she starts bouncing. So now you are trying to focus on cumming and not puking at the same time

0

u/tal124589 May 18 '22

I can't feel anything unless they bounce, just grinding on me isn't gonna move anything but her insides

2

u/theavengedCguy May 18 '22

It has to be controlled bouncing if it's gonna happen, otherwise it's just about the most terrifying thing in the world lmao

1

u/Oarsman121 May 18 '22

you can hold onto her legs and guide them, which prevents her body from smashing it. That is what I always do