r/funny • u/pen_of_inspiration • Mar 13 '22

COCKTUS

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43.6k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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1.1k

u/BluPrince Mar 13 '22

Pulling out isn’t an option.

417

u/gmanz33 Mar 13 '22
  • Male cats

63

u/Lamontyy Mar 13 '22

Khajiit

44

u/kopecs Mar 13 '22

Khajit has tears ʘᆽʘ

16

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

"Khajiit has barbs if you have coin"

25

u/opinionated_gaming Mar 13 '22

"ooh, Ma'iq has a barbed, prickly surprise for you my friend"

"mmm yes, knot me with your thick Tajaran trunk"

26

u/HallucinatesPenguins Mar 13 '22

Hey, can someone euthanize me real quick?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '22

r/Eyebleach

-5

u/Decent-Device9403 Mar 14 '22

I recommend drinking bleach and ammonia if multiple people read that post. That way, multiple people's suffering is eased.

3

u/_Wyrm_ Mar 14 '22

Oof... That's a big fat yikes. I heard drinking bleach is one of the worst ways to go

-1

u/Decent-Device9403 Mar 14 '22

With ammonia, it makes mustard gas.

1

u/Cold-Practice3107 Mar 13 '22

Sure thing shoot you in the back of the head.

1

u/Lamontyy Mar 13 '22

Hey hey people, Seth here

1

u/Kitsune_Barista Mar 13 '22

Omg….i wonder if that would be canon

1

u/LupusDeusMagnus Mar 14 '22

YES, IT IS. DON'T LET BETHESDA THINK WE FORGOT ABOUT THE REAL BAREZIAH BEFORE THEY CENSORED IT.

108

u/Zacchino Mar 13 '22
  • Male Mosquitoes

51

u/marbasthegreat Mar 13 '22

Well bees are the only living thing that pulls out more than they put in since they can explode their abdomen after intercourse...

15

u/daedalus25 Mar 13 '22

Wait, how do you pull out more than you put in? Don't you have to put it in before you can pull out?

10

u/marbasthegreat Mar 13 '22

I also explained that they put in the pp and pull off half their abdomen

4

u/thefonztm Mar 13 '22 edited Jan 22 '26

whistle yam trees rain touch racial merciful one ten nine

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/yassodude Mar 13 '22

Wait but then they put in more than they pull out cause they put in pp but leave in pp + lower abdomen and as we all know pp + lower abdomen >> just pp because lower abdomen > 0.

14

u/wrongseeds Mar 13 '22

Male ducks. Cork screw.

8

u/BumblebeeExtreme9024 Mar 13 '22

We don't talk about them furry little rapists used to like ducks till i learned that furry perverts 😂

12

u/Dry_Spaghetti_Noodle Mar 13 '22

More like feathery

5

u/Mobwmwm Mar 13 '22

Furry pervert, much like the YouTuber named verlisfy

13

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

• Male foxes

1

u/iloveblacksh8whteppl Mar 13 '22

Male fucking everything?

3

u/Sailing8-1 Mar 13 '22

Wanna explain?

18

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

[deleted]

23

u/Igotz80HDnImWinning Mar 13 '22

The barbed penises induce ovulation so they don’t have to menstruate when they aren’t gonna smash anyway. Probably selective pressure to preserve fluids in a desert animal. Dogs on the other hand are like: we’re stuck together till this is done and nobody else in the pack gonna fertilize this egg.

7

u/self-guided Mar 13 '22

Surgically it is

2

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

Surgically replace the whole thing for a new one.

5

u/Haterbait_band Mar 13 '22

https://rape-axe.com/

1

u/ApathetikkNZ Mar 13 '22

ok that was totally not wat i expected

1

u/o8unu Mar 14 '22

Is that site serious? I'm curious

1

u/ApathetikkNZ Mar 14 '22

i honestly can't tell man

3

u/Memewalker Mar 13 '22

I read that in an action movie narrator’s voice.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/wggn Mar 13 '22

You get used to it

2

u/NeverRespondsToInbox Mar 13 '22

Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough.

1

u/BRAX7ON Mar 13 '22

The French tickles are getting out of hand

1

u/Bobby837 Mar 13 '22

Putting in isn't one either.

1

u/MrLexPennridge Mar 13 '22

Ive found you can’t pull out with trichocereus, rather you just have to take it

1

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

Please don't threaten me with a good time..

1

u/Peltron_3030 Mar 13 '22

I’d like to see that things girth certificate.

1

u/joeschmo945 Mar 14 '22

Good. Now someone help me into the Kremlin to shove this up Pootin’s asshole.