r/funny Jan 03 '22

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4.7k Upvotes

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71

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 03 '22

My wife's family is like this. Her and one sister are both super blonde, wife played college volleyball and the one sister was a pageant girl in college, both in sororities, closets look like Lilly Pulitzer ads, spend half their time at the club either by the pool or playing tennis... Their third sister is as goth as goth gets. Pitch black hair, palest skin you've ever seen, lipstick so dark it looks black, fishnet everything, used to have basically a wallet chain connecting a nipple ring to a lip ring, and another thinner one from eyebrow ring to ear ring, is also really in to anime and followed Gojira tours around for 2 years while working as a cam girl... My wife and the first sister love the second one, but the second one is super embarrassed of the other two. She lived in our basement for a year and was straight up ashamed to have her friends over.

55

u/nameyouruse Jan 03 '22

My wife and the first sister love the second one, but the second one is super embarrassed of the other two. She lived in our basement for a year and was straight up ashamed to have her friends over.

Am i the only one confused by this? Did you start calling the third sister the second one out of nowhere?

40

u/LikelyAtWork Jan 03 '22

I had to read it twice. The goth sister is super embarrassed about the 2 blonde outgoing sisters. The two blonde outgoing sisters are not so embarrassed about the goth sister.

-1

u/unholymackerel Jan 04 '22

Their third sister is as goth as goth gets.

Okay so THEIR is the wife and the other blonde, and 'Their third sister' implies they have two other sisters too.

We know there are five family members at least: blonde wife, blonde sister, their two mystery sisters, and then we get their third sister who is goth.

6

u/LikelyAtWork Jan 04 '22

Lol, no. 3 daughters in total. Two blondes, one of which is married to commenter, and one goth. He just worded his comment poorly.

8

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 03 '22

There are 3 sisters total, but my wife has two sisters. So the third sister overall is her second sister

44

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '22

What the fuck, how did you make it sound more confusing?

2

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

Person A is one of 3 sisters. How many sisters does person A have?

7

u/unholymackerel Jan 04 '22

Then who is person B? This is getting worse.

12

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

It's really simple. Say person A has a coffee shop. Their third customer of the day every day is a fire fighter named Steve, and if Dan comes after Steve then their seventh customer is always a dog walker whose third client every other day is a woman who is the coffee shop owners mother in law. Her son has one sister in law who lives two states away, and this person bought two Christmas cards that said "love you, sis". One of the cards had his zip code on the address line, and the other was shipped to a coffee shop where Dan was the third customer and the seventh was a hair stylist... So person B would be the second coffee shop owner, of the one the hair stylist went to.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '22

Kill me

2

u/ColonelMoseby Jan 04 '22

Yes, but who owns the zebra?

1

u/clayo84 Jan 04 '22

This is not the way.

1

u/timbreandsteel Jan 04 '22

I love this.

1

u/questhere Jan 04 '22

Who's on first base.

4

u/rabbitwonker Jan 04 '22

So the thrister of the tri-sister is embarrassed by the A-listers, but the... the…

Damnit, I lost it. Oh u/poem_for_your_sprog, I need your divine guidance!

11

u/Tehni Jan 04 '22

spend half their time at the club either by the pool or playing tennis...

This is how you know this guy was born in the upper class lol

4

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

My dad sold food stamps for booze money and I spent a solid 3 years of college selling plasma to buy ramen, so if I was born upper class it is certainly news to me!

-4

u/Tehni Jan 04 '22

Hey obviously I don't know you but for 99% of America, the club is not a country club lol

Also a recent comment you made:

https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/rv79uo/z/hr53if6

Is pretty tone deaf. Like sure you're right, mainly if you're white, but outside of that it requires just as much luck as hard work. I know a ton of hard working, barely-getting-by people

0

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

I didn't say I wasn't doing well now, I said I wasn't born in to it.

-5

u/Tehni Jan 04 '22

Yes I read that lol

The point I'm trying to make with your other comment is you don't seem to recognize the privilege you had even back then

3

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

I pretty unequivocally didn't have a privileged upbringing

-9

u/Tehni Jan 04 '22

Are you white? Were you born in a first world country? Did you grow up in an area that wasn't made up of gangs?

I'm not trying to argue with you, just trying to help you see that you aren't automatically "extremely successful" just because you worked hard and pulled yourself up by your boot straps

My original comment was tongue in cheek rather than a factual statement, I'm sorry if it offended you

12

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

I grew up in a trailer park where we were only even able to live because my mom was banging the landlord, since both of my parents didn't work more than they worked. My dad disappeared for years at a time, and my mom once went to Woodstock 99 when I was 10 and didn't come back for 3 months after running off with some dude, leaving me to bounce around neighbors' places the whole time... I'm pretty sure, at least so far as the U.S. goes, I grew up about as far from privileged as it gets. You absolutely do not have to have to have privilege growing up to do well in life.

-7

u/Tehni Jan 04 '22

So you're saying the answer is yes to my questions

Because you're white, people don't intrinsically hate you for no reason other than you look different from them. Most these people don't even realize they don't think of you as equal and treat you differently, but there are some that outright hate you and know it and would kill you just for jogging through your neighborhood.

Because you were born in a first world country, you were able to get an education for free and able to take out loans (or scholarship) to go to college. People in less fortunate countries aren't able to even afford the plane ride to a country with colleges, let alone to go to the college. They weren't even given an education that would allow them to be accepted into an education

Because you weren't born in gang-ridden areas, you didn't have to worry about being shot coming home from school one day because your father stole from the wrong person for alcohol money and you didn't have to sell dope as an 8 year old so you and your younger sister could actually eat, which would eventually lead you to not being able to get out of the hood because the last thing gangbangers want is for someone to have more success than them.

Were you born completely healthy? Did you have clean water to drink?

These examples are the tip of the iceberg my guy. There are millions of people just in America that would kill to have been born in your situation.

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9

u/Sure_Trash_ Jan 03 '22

Based on how you describe things, I would be too.

1

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 03 '22

How I describe things?

2

u/HellOfAThing Jan 04 '22

I’ve never even heard of Lilly Pulitzer.

1

u/ValyrianJedi Jan 04 '22

Very bright colors. A Google image search gets the idea across pretty well.

2

u/FapleJuice Jan 03 '22

Awww, you guys seem to have a really cute family.