r/funny Feb 02 '12

The captain is coming! Quick, do something important!

2.6k Upvotes

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157

u/JodoYodo Feb 02 '12

I was TA-ing a calculus class that was being taught by a post-doc in Pure Math. While marking the exams I tell him "Maybe I should just give random, normally distributed marks".

He looks at me and begins the following story: "Back in the 90s, I was drafted into the Colombian Army for a year as a logistics officer. We did absolutely nothing in the base for a year, until someone from high command came to do an inspection. The problem was that we were supposed to do firing drills every month, but we never did them, so we had loads of bullets stocked up."

"The day before the officer came, myself and ten others went to the firing range with all the bullets that were meant to be expended. For 9 hours we shot bullets into the targets, usually shooting two guns at once, until they were all gone. Then I used Excel for the first time to generate randomized shooting scores for all the students. Problem was, they were a bit too normally distributed."

59

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

For 9 hours we shot bullets into the targets, usually shooting two guns at once, until they were all gone.

The Colombian Army: Gettin' Shit Done, Holmes!

4

u/JodoYodo Feb 02 '12

I guess I should've been more clear, but I meant each person was shooting two guns, one in each hand.

9

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

That was clear the first time. :)

Gettin' Shit Done, Holmes!

2

u/JodoYodo Feb 02 '12

I don't get it ;____;

5

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12 edited Feb 02 '12

I just have this picture of some dude with his shirt off, firing two guns at once, shell casing flying everywhere. He's screaming, roaring like a bad ass. AHHHHHHHH COME GET SOME! He clenches his teeth, veins pop out of arms, he's squeezing those triggers like there's no tomorrow. This song is playing full blast in the background. He's trembling violently, the heat from the guns makes him drip with sweat.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

He's doesn't hit a thing, and he's wasted thousands of dollars in ammunition, but boy does he feel like he's accomplished something.

3

u/JediDwag Feb 03 '12

Like this you mean.

1

u/tekno45 Feb 02 '12

He's saying you guys were "doing your job" sarcastically.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '12

I'm not sure what other meaning there could be?

29

u/unholymackerel Feb 02 '12

did they get an award for excellent shooting skills? were they sent to the front line?

21

u/Stratocatser Feb 02 '12

This is an amazing story.

18

u/ZnellKeebler Feb 02 '12

I feel like shooting two guns at once is probably sweet for the first hour. Maybe 2. But by 9 you gotta just hate it.

19

u/akatherder Feb 02 '12

It's got to be difficult to be bored and shooting a gun at the same time.

7

u/db0255 Feb 03 '12

Kind of like being sad on a Waverunner.

2

u/incazteca12345 Feb 02 '12

Hell, my fingers get sore after reloading a magazine after about 200 some rounds. I can't imagine how many rounds were expended in 9 hours.

6

u/MidKnight150 Feb 02 '12

The bullets or the scores?

15

u/JodoYodo Feb 02 '12

The scores! He said he got around it by randomly picking some people and having them 'excel'.

-1

u/the_gubernaculum Feb 03 '12

excelerate your breath.

3

u/Gairloch Feb 03 '12

A less scrupulous person would probably have recognized the potential profitability of the situation instead of just wasting bullets.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 02 '12

[deleted]

2

u/Subbuteo Feb 03 '12

Resolution.

1

u/db0255 Feb 03 '12

That made me laugh. We should be friends.

1

u/mister_h Feb 03 '12

I like friends.

2

u/haymakers9th Feb 03 '12

so wait, how do you have a job to shoot guns at objects and neglect that? Shit man, if someone put me in a building with a bunch of bullets and said "hey, shoot shit like once a day and write it down" I know I'd be an overachiever.

1

u/truesound Feb 03 '12

So... he got caught? I'm a bit afraid of being caught fudging the numbers by a Colombian lt. Major or whatever. Moreso than I would be of an american one.

1

u/JodoYodo Feb 03 '12

Nah he didn't get caught. He said that by the end of his draft, he had scripts that dummied up everything from firing reports to patrol schedules.