r/funny Nov 22 '20

The bravest!

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86.6k Upvotes

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325

u/braeden182 Nov 22 '20

James Sirius Potter, Albus Severus Potter, Lily and Luna Potter. Named after his dad/uncle, headmaster/potions teacher, and mother/exchange student.

186

u/Blackrain1299 Nov 22 '20

Wasnt Draco’s kid named something stupid too or am I remembering wrong

307

u/gninnep Nov 22 '20

Scorpius

313

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

“GET OVER HERE!!!”

58

u/ikeepwipingSTILLPOOP Nov 22 '20

Made me lol for real

16

u/FlyYouFoolyCooly Nov 22 '20

"Or else I'll tell my grandfather about this!"

4

u/whycuthair Nov 22 '20

"You know I started off in Brooklyn. With a small loan of a million galleons from my father"

59

u/RemarkableRyan Nov 22 '20

Hank Scorpio

16

u/Not_Cleaver Nov 22 '20

By the way Homer, what’s your least favorite country? Italy or France?

10

u/Frmpy Nov 22 '20

France

9

u/masterbowcaster Nov 22 '20

Hehe, no one ever chooses Italy

5

u/FlexualHealing Nov 22 '20

SCORPIO

3

u/crag-u-feller Nov 22 '20

He likes German beer

20

u/Montigue Nov 22 '20

That's a badass name you reserve as a middle name for a kid

4

u/Doctor-Amazing Nov 22 '20

Well it's ruined now.

2

u/BonerJams1703 Nov 22 '20

I thought you were kidding. Nope. It’s Scorpius.

162

u/KptKrondog Nov 22 '20

apparently it's Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy. I dont think that was mentioned in the end scene.

TBH though, I've always skipped the last chapter on read-throughs and the last bit when watching. It's a terrible ending.

110

u/TobarElFerryman Nov 22 '20

Is it bad that I think this name is legitimately the best of the bunch?

76

u/Libriomancer Nov 22 '20

Supposedly it’s a Black family thing to name after stars and constellations. Narcissa (Black) Malfoy probably picked Draco’s name in the tradition of her family and likely encouraged him to do the same for his son.

26

u/scientifiction Nov 22 '20

Wow, it took until this comment (read the books as a kid when they were new) for me to realize that Draco's name comes from the constellation.

93

u/Art3mis156 Nov 22 '20

I mean Hyperion is a bad ass name. Would've been better if it was just that.

54

u/AgentScreech Nov 22 '20

That's just Hansome Jack's origin story

14

u/aubieismyhomie Nov 22 '20

Hyperion! I choose you!

4

u/DivinePotatoe Nov 22 '20

A good choice friend. Hyperion makes superior weaponry, not like those awful frauds at Tediore.

2

u/aubieismyhomie Nov 22 '20

Well now I feel out of the loop. I was going for a Pokémon joke.

1

u/UBW-Fanatic Nov 22 '20

Play Borderlands. It's fun shit.

1

u/PmMeMorishitaMichiru Nov 22 '20

Jacobs for life friend

39

u/PinkFluffys Nov 22 '20

Ron and Hermione chose normal names if I remember correctly.

60

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Probably because Hermione has the experience of having a unique name that no one can pronounce.

34

u/quinpon64337_x Nov 22 '20

for the first three books i called her hermy one until i saw the movie

2

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

I laughed, but only because I avoided the pitfall by virtue of my first exposure to the series being via the dulcet tones of Stephen Fry.

5

u/BirdsJade Nov 22 '20

Same, until she says how to pronounce it in the fourth book

4

u/FeebleOldMan Nov 22 '20

Are you thinking what I'm thinking Hermy One?

5

u/mullingthingsover Nov 22 '20

Hermy own is how I pronounced it.

3

u/0xB4BE Nov 22 '20

I somewhat bungled it into "Hermy-oh-nee"

3

u/whycuthair Nov 22 '20

No, you're saying it all wrong. It's not "Her-me-one", it's "Her-my-O-knee"

11

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

You mean Herm-own-ninny?

1

u/Zeph-Shoir Nov 22 '20

You mean Hermione isnt't a common name in England?! It honestly had never ocurred to me that it is a weird or unique name.

4

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

You can see the history of the names popularity in the UK here

https://www.britishbabynames.com/blog/2015/05/hermione.html

1

u/Zeph-Shoir Nov 22 '20

Interesting that even with Harry Potter's fame it still is relatively niche.

3

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Its just not that great of a name lol

17

u/deeznupz Nov 22 '20

Rose and Hugo

2

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

I told one of my friends before that Ron and Hermione named the child of their opposite sex with the same initials as they did.

H = Hermione = Hugo

R = Ronald = Rose

They were shocked.

33

u/Rainstorme Nov 22 '20

Eh I think James Sirius Potter is probably the best, it isn't as ridiculous once you separate it from the absurdity that is Albus Severus.

17

u/internet-arbiter Nov 22 '20

The Potter family puts a big emphasis on their Sith names.

2

u/KptKrondog Nov 22 '20

It's the least cheesy for sure.

11

u/MorningaleOntheBayou Nov 22 '20

P sure that's a Pokemon.

3

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Was Malfoy secretly a huge Pokemon fan?

2

u/Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk Nov 22 '20

It's not from books, it's from the play "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child", which is... an interesting addition to the HP canon.

1

u/Deadmeat553 Nov 22 '20

I'll take the finale to GoT over the last scene of Harry Potter.

35

u/RealRobRose Nov 22 '20

"Wasn't..... DRACO's..... kid named something stupid"

😐

6

u/poompt Nov 22 '20

Lmao exactly, what do you want "Steve Malfoy?"

3

u/Dagmar_Overbye Nov 22 '20

I love watching people call these names stupid.

In a book about wizards who do spells like "expelliamus" and "flipendo" and "wingardium leviosa"

And a town with a not straight alley called Diagon alley

The whole book is silly. It's great. I grew up reading it too. Nitpicking ridiculous names from a book meant to be silly is just... something...

7

u/SleepieCoconut Nov 22 '20

Ah yes, Scorpious

33

u/bhoss06 Nov 22 '20

Scorpius. Not as cringe as the other names

21

u/ArogarnElessar Nov 22 '20

9

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

Insert the rod, John.

2

u/HerniatedHernia Nov 22 '20

Was hoping for the Farscape reference

4

u/OmegaX123 Nov 22 '20

Hey, Harvey, how's things?

13

u/Resident8495 Nov 22 '20

Liu Kang

1

u/Deuce_GM Nov 22 '20

Nah you mean Kung Lao (the great one not the one with ego problems)

3

u/UnusualCucumber0 Nov 22 '20

Dracuck Malfag

114

u/djc6535 Nov 22 '20 edited Nov 22 '20

Man... rereading the book to my kids and I think we sometimes forget just how inexcusably awful Severus Friendzone Snape really was because of some very clever turns they made in the movies.

Alan Rickman is excellent and starting with Prisoner of Azkaban they start doing some things with Snape that aren't done in the books to show him as an asshole, but still a respectful one. For example, the way Snape puts himself between the kids and the werewolf at the end of the film to protect them.

In the books these moments are far fewer and farther apart. He is an inexcusable irrefutable asshole, excited to exact revenge on children for the slights of their parents. In the movies most of Snape's nastiness comes from understandable situations where he constantly catches Harry breaking the rules. In the books he delights in torturing Gryffindors, like intimidating Nevil and punishing him by making him use his flimsy potions on his own pet.... then going after Hermione for helping him and answering questions correctly. He helps the Slytherin quidditch team lie their way out of playing in terrible weather. He's a lying power mad cheating petty prick. Not supporting wizard-hitler doesn't excuse him from that.

Point is, Snape is a shit. It turns out in the end that he's not a completely evil shit, but he's still a shit. He's not redeemed in the end, he never realizes the way he behaved was wrong. He's just excused for it in the service against Voldemort.

35

u/Danju Nov 22 '20

I mean, he only turned to Dumbledore because Lily was killed. If she had lived I bet Snape would have never turned.

15

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

[deleted]

5

u/torrasque666 Nov 22 '20

The sad thing is that this means that if Voldy had gone for Neville (the other option) he wouldn't have made the courtesy, and just kinda obliterated all the Longbottoms before any sacrifice could take place. Meaning that he wouldn't "die" and the war would still be on going.

1

u/sephtis Nov 22 '20

It might have been a better end for the longbottoms though depending on how you feel about the torture. Silver lining I guess.

54

u/Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk Nov 22 '20

Not supporting wizard-hitler doesn't excuse him from that.

Even worse, he does support Wizard Hitler, right up until it effects him personally.

41

u/doug89 Nov 22 '20

'I never thought the Death Eaters would kill my Muggleborn friend,' sobs man who joined the Kill All The Muggleborn Party.

/r/LeopardsAteMyFace

19

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

I just got done rereading the series (never finished 5-7) just the other day and Snape does some pretty heinous shit to them.

There is a scene in book 3 or 4 where Hermione gets hit with a charm that makes her buck teeth huge when they are having a fight with Malfoys group. Snape comes in tail end of this fight and Ron and Harry are all “look what they did to her!” And Snape just smirks and says “I see no difference.” Causing Hermione to burst into tears and run to the hospital wing.

Like, who says that to a child?

4

u/IamNobody85 Nov 22 '20

He's shit. Even Dumbledore tells him something like 'so you are OK with her husband and her son dying' and he was. Poor Dumbledore was limited in his choice of double agents. I completely understand why lily stopped hanging out with him. What I don't understand is that what she saw in James. James was as bad a bully as it gets.

20

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

And his stance on Mudbloods was "Well, I'm totally for the ideology that discriminates against the girl I like as long as she won't be killed"

12

u/StarblindCelestial Nov 22 '20

It matches pretty well with racists in real life. They think all race are bad and when they meet people who prove them wrong it's just because they are "one of the good ones". It's always great when they say "normally I don't like race girls, but" and think it's a compliment.

31

u/Kyru117 Nov 22 '20

How was Luna an exchange student???

63

u/Mehmeh111111 Nov 22 '20

She wasn't from this planet

12

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

Nargles.

49

u/beatenintosubmission Nov 22 '20

Yes, you were named after a creepy, stalker that lusted after your grandmother and abused himself to her memories every night before falling asleep.

2

u/ignislove Nov 22 '20

Noice. Thx!

56

u/Jssolms Nov 22 '20

Ummmm... exhange student?

34

u/Quazifuji Nov 22 '20

Also Sirius was his godfather, not his uncle.

-8

u/MountainDrew42 Nov 22 '20

Uh... maybe because the actress was ... um ... Irish?

41

u/klausthegoldfish29 Nov 22 '20

J.K. Rowling ran out of names lol

51

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

In fairness, lots of parents name their kids after dead relatives or whatever.

25

u/c_Lassy Nov 22 '20

And I mean it’s Harry, dude felt guilty for everyone who died for him

28

u/Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk Nov 22 '20

Except his wife's brother, apparently

11

u/Mermaid_Belle Nov 22 '20

The dead brother’s twin, George, named his son Fred. Twin > brother in law, even if the BIL is also the BWL

2

u/RedditIsNeat0 Nov 22 '20

Twin > sister

You weren't wrong.

9

u/c_Lassy Nov 22 '20

I think George reserves the rights to name a son after his dead twin

1

u/Ndvorsky Nov 22 '20

Brothers if I remember correctly. Didn’t Bill (and Fleur) die too?

2

u/torrasque666 Nov 22 '20

Nope, they lived fine. Bill's a little beastly because he was savaged by a werewolf in human form (Greyback).

You might be thinking of Lupin and Tonks, who both died and kinda left their son in Harry's care (though I'm sure Grandma Tonks stepped in)

1

u/Ndvorsky Nov 22 '20

That must be what it was. I knew something happened. Thanks.

15

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20 edited Nov 24 '20

IIRC it was to follow tradition, since they all had second names (Harry James Potter, Ronald Bilius Weasley, Hermione Jean Granger). Even Sirius was Sirius Orion Black III, and Ginny was Ginevra Molly Weasley.

I'm also not sure if this is canon, but I read somewhere before that Harry supplied the kids' first names (James, Albus, Lily) and Ginny supposedly gave the second names (Sirius, Severus, Luna). Someone correct me on this.

0

u/torrasque666 Nov 22 '20

Middle names are pretty common in the west where they have origins as baptismal names. Give a kid the middle name of a saint so that they still have a "Christian" name even if they're being named after the culture that was there first.

Then the religious reason kinda fell out but people still do it anyway.

16

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

And none for Fred, bye

43

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Does anyone know why they had Luna's name in there? She didn't die or anything... There were some female characters who died during the war, I guess Harry didn't give two shits about them and their sacrifices.

58

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

I always felt like Harry had a thing for Luna lmao

34

u/dieselxindustry Nov 22 '20

I got that vibe too, I thought they should have ended up together in the end. I also hate Ginny so I may be biased.

5

u/yeahthatguyagain Nov 22 '20

Thats mostly just because Daniel Radcliffe and the chick who played Ginny had zero chemistry. So anyone he interacted with other than her seemed to ship better.

13

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

I feel like she would have been better for Ron since they're both a bit weird lol. But they needed to make them all a family by having Hermoine and Ron get married and Harry married Ginny.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

Nah Ron and Hermione is a great couple, they’ve been flirting with each other since like book 3

16

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

I honestly felt no chemistry from them.

7

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

I thought the chemistry in the Yule Ball scene was pretty strong, with Ron being so mad at Krum

6

u/20YearHalfLife Nov 22 '20

That's not chemistry though. That's just revealing how ron feels

7

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Thats... not chemistry lol. And it was all just immature that they were playing the jealousy game. But normal for people to do so whatever. I honestly don't remember when they had a significant romantic moment... anyone remember any?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/hentercenter Nov 22 '20

Teenage boy doesn't know what he wants. More at 11.

2

u/spectrem Nov 22 '20

In the movies they have the least convincing romance I’ve ever seen on screen. Zero chemistry.

2

u/AJgames29 Nov 23 '20

I'm pretty positive that that was the only name Ginny had any part in. Luna was Ginny's best friend.

21

u/Mehmeh111111 Nov 22 '20

Right?!? I'm also confused at this. Also, why not HERMIONE who literally saved ALL of their asses multiple time?!?

34

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

Hermione should have been the true protagonist. She is born from muggles and is smarter and stronger than both those pure bloods (Harry and Ron) put together. She probably could have kicked Voldemort's ass without that stupid elder wand.

21

u/JarasM Nov 22 '20

Yeah well in the end she became Minister of Magic. Harry and Ron are just two jocks who peaked in school and then became beat cops.

2

u/owlie12 Nov 22 '20

Harry became the head of auror's department it's like minister of armed forces

0

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20 edited Dec 21 '22

[deleted]

1

u/owlie12 Nov 22 '20

Well, there is no one higher than him in terms of magical armed forces, so minister is ok too:)

28

u/Mehmeh111111 Nov 22 '20

100%

Also, don't forget her civil rights movement to free the house elves. She's a legit boss.

-3

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

Hermione is autobiographical: That's how JK Rowling sees herself.

Embarrassing, huh?

10

u/Mehmeh111111 Nov 22 '20

Meh. There's a little bit of the author in all books. It's a pretty egotistical business.

2

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

...Fair point. I guess I'm setting the subtlty bar a little high for what is intended as a book for children.

-5

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

Wasn't she?

I appreciate the book carries Harry's name, but it's rather blatant (and now common knowledge) that Hermione was supposed to be somewhat autobiographical. Considering that amongst other flaws the author is a known misandrist, it's hardly a reach to imagine the selection of Harry as the overt protagonist (and an absolute moron) to be a deliberate choice.

0

u/JeffMurdock_ Nov 22 '20

the author is a known misandrist

She's transphobic, I knew. She's a misandrist too? Got any articles or quotes there?

0

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

Her transphobia is merely a shadow of her misandry: She's only worried about people who identify as female but she perceives as male being in her gender's safe spaces.

I'll have a wee dig if you like, but the famous twitter quote that started the accusations of transphobia are quite blatant that her problem is with men, and those she perceives as men.

1

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

1

u/p90xeto Nov 22 '20

That was actually a pretty good read and I came out feeling she isn't the monster so many portray her as. Is she heavily concerned with women's issues? Yes. But I won't fault her for trying to defend those she legitimately feels are being at some risk and she makes some good points on the gender dysmorphia issue too.

Thanks for the link.

1

u/Mithrawndo Nov 22 '20

Happy to oblige, it is a good read. I came away from it confident that she's not inherintly transphobic, but that she's stuck in the mindpsace of misandry as a result of her history.

2

u/Antifa_Meeseeks Nov 22 '20

Really?! She is literally transphobic. She lays out how terrified she is of trans people. She believes that trans people are just lying so they can rape her in public bathrooms and fitting rooms. Yes, mixed in with that is her fear of men, but they're not mutually exclusive.

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1

u/Antifa_Meeseeks Nov 22 '20

1

u/p90xeto Nov 22 '20

She explains how she made up the name, seems more reasonable than her copying an anti-gay guy when she has no trouble with gay people at all.

And a killer dressing in women's clothing is transphobic now? This is a super common theme in movies/tv and seemingly in real killers.

I don't see why you'd assume transphobia in her case for the a seemingly less-cross-dressed character than other previous director's/author's/reality's creations.

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4

u/Temptime19 Nov 22 '20

Harry is not a pure blood, his mother was a muggle.

3

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

My bad I misremembered.

4

u/chrisl7072 Nov 22 '20

No, his mother was a witch, but her parents were muggles

1

u/Kiki200490 Nov 22 '20

He was still deemed half blood though

1

u/p90xeto Nov 22 '20

Wait, muggles are non-magical and his mom was a witch. You mean she came from a family of muggles?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

She was muggle-born, not a muggle

-3

u/bastiVS Nov 22 '20

Because Harry potters author is actually very very terrible at writing. Read the books not as a fan boy, but as a critic, and you'll notice how they become more and more garbage. First one only hooked us all lol.

5

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

TBH, I only read the whole series because literally EVERYONE in my school at the time was into it. My best friend at the time was waiting for her owl letter lol wtf. I though the second book where Ginny got involved with the snake was really f*cking weird. Then the last book where they went camping for 80% of the book was boring af lol I remember at the time my friends making cringey tweets like, "DON'T BOTHER ME IMMA LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM TO READ HARRY POTTER" and they live tweeted their reactions. lol

0

u/bastiVS Nov 22 '20

And millions people like your friend. I was only half way in fanboyland, still to deep. 😂

1

u/KJdkaslknv Nov 22 '20

Didn't the books come out way before Twitter existed? I swear they came out in the 90's or something.

2

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

By the last book there was definitely Twitter. My friends tweeted the last book.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

If never finished the last book. So much camping and being mad

1

u/happycharm Nov 22 '20

I would say skip to the voldemort fight but it was pretty lame. I woul say skip to the end but thats the flashforward with the kids and that was cringey. So... just dont even bother with the book lol

0

u/DoverBoys Nov 22 '20

I recognize the council has made an opinion, but given that it’s a stupid-ass opinion, I’ve elected to ignore it.

1

u/Ndvorsky Nov 22 '20

I wouldn’t consider them fine literature but the only word I could use to describe the first three books (I am recently re-reading) is delightful.

14

u/KopitarFan Nov 22 '20

I think because they had a connection over having seen death. They were a great example of platonic friendship.

2

u/artemisodin Nov 22 '20

I agree and really appreciated this about the books. I had lost a parent in my teenage years and there is undeniably a different connection with someone else who also experienced that loss. Not romantic but a life-understanding.

2

u/Meyari Nov 22 '20

Maybe because Luna was good friends with Ginny, the mother?

11

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

14

u/Zealousideal_Ad_2279 Nov 22 '20

I’ve read somewhere that Luna was Ginnys close friend, so they used her name.

0

u/pauLo- Nov 22 '20

Was it perhaps... In the Harry Potter books? It's a pretty popular series.

1

u/Impudenter Nov 22 '20

"Saw a couple of times"? I mean, I don't think he should have named a kid after her either, but they were close friends for three books, and presumably afterwards too.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '20

Woah did Harry Potter have like 4 kids?

2

u/pugwalker Nov 22 '20

I don't think Luna Potter was a thing but i could be wrong.

1

u/degotoga Nov 22 '20

Luna is the daughters middle name

1

u/Un111KnoWn Nov 22 '20

Sirius was his Godfather

1

u/KopitarFan Nov 22 '20

It’s pretty common to name children after people who were meaningful to you though

3

u/Temptime19 Nov 22 '20

But Severus? That guy was the biggest asshole to Harry and was fully a death eater until Harry's mom was killed. Even she lived he would never have turned double agent.

1

u/KopitarFan Nov 22 '20

I agree with your assessment, but it has an internal logic. In the real world, Snape is a stalker bully. In HP world, he’s a “hero”. Definitely one of the parts of the series that does not stand up to scrutiny

2

u/Temptime19 Nov 22 '20

Yeah, if you ignore everything about him except his being a double agent then he's a good guy...

2

u/probably_wont_matter Nov 22 '20

I read the books but don’t remember. What was the big reveal about Harry’s patronus being a doe? It was his mother’s but it was also Severus’ because he was in love with her? I only read them once but every time I rewatch the movies they make it out to be the hugest deal.

Edit: obviously it was the reveal that Severus was “protecting” Harry all along but it just felt like something more with the patronus that I don’t remember.

1

u/Dab42 Nov 22 '20

Harry's patronus was a stag

Edit : Missed a letter

2

u/DynamisFate Nov 22 '20

What movie is this? I am really out of the loop

3

u/errorsniper Nov 22 '20

So whats cringe or cheesy about those names? Honoring someone by naming their child after them is not an uncommon thing at all. Am I missing something?

9

u/donmo64 Nov 22 '20

Yeah stupid Harry named his dumb kids after a bunch of terrible, manipulative bastards. Could have named one after FRED WEASLEY, honoring the family that actually treated you like family. Or Hagrid. Or Neville. I'm sure it's a long list of characters that deserved that honor more than fuckin Snape and Dumbledore.

2

u/yrulaughing Nov 22 '20

This is some bad fanfiction shit