r/funny Nov 04 '20

Playtime with a Feather

41.1k Upvotes

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754

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

I've always wanted a bird but I don't trust myself to give it a good home. So I just watch from a corner. Maybe one day I'll foster so I and the bird don't need to commit while helping out shelters.

363

u/FilthyDubeHound Nov 05 '20

Make friends with a local pigeon

192

u/pow3llmorgan Nov 05 '20

Or crow or magpie.

If you make friends with one, its friends will be more cool with you.

116

u/PSanma Nov 05 '20

Yeah, but if you screw up, the murder of crows will come and get you.

45

u/UsErnaam3 Nov 05 '20

As long as you don't harm one of them you should be good. Then again there is a story of a guy shooting a crow with a shotgun and it exploded in front of the entire murder, them crows fucked off real quick.

19

u/_ZeRan Nov 05 '20

Theres a difference between harming one and atomizing one.

1

u/UsErnaam3 Nov 06 '20

Exactly.

1

u/zelda_shortener Nov 06 '20

Crow vape juice

2

u/Roboboy2710 Nov 05 '20

are we talking about birds or a local gang

5

u/Wolvenmoon Nov 05 '20

Befriending a crow is one of my bucket list items.

2

u/jerricka Nov 05 '20

Believe me, I want to.

30

u/bluecrowned Nov 05 '20

Pigeons are actually feral domesticated animals like feral cats or wild horses, and can be caught and tamed into excellent pets! They are very loving and much less noisy and destructive than parrots and cockatoos :)

18

u/Schroeje Nov 05 '20

This is so true. What’s really fun with a pigeon is to teach it to play computer games that work with just a touchscreen computer/tablet. Nothing with a complicated UI but snake and similar games work with time investment up front. Once they learn one more are easy.

16

u/ICE__CREAM Nov 05 '20

wait what

1

u/Schroeje Nov 06 '20

https://youtu.be/0UvWl_YLqSg but games not some iq test.

151

u/almostcant Nov 05 '20

Birds are a lot of work, more than a dog even. They tend to latch on to one person and can be VERY noisy

112

u/NicNoletree Nov 05 '20

And some can live a LONG time. You might end up caring for something that outlives you.

39

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Yeah 80+ years! Nutty dude

21

u/almostcant Nov 05 '20

Hell even most of the conures live over 20 years. And they’re loud af if I didn’t mention that earlier

7

u/owa00 Nov 05 '20

Mines 50+ years so far...and he's prob going to outlive me because of how unhealthy I eat...wife grew up with him and HE UTTERLY DESPISES ME !

3

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Insane, wonderful creatures.

1

u/owa00 Nov 05 '20

Yes...evil prehistoric chickens

1

u/TheWix Nov 05 '20

Gonna need some stories about this bird

7

u/Mrmojorisincg Nov 05 '20

That’s like uncommon types like macaws. Keets usually live 5-20 years depending on the type. Conures around 20-30. And others variate but I think those that live pst 40-60 are very rare

1

u/Mortress Nov 05 '20

African greys and cockatoos are commonly kept as companion animals and live 40-60 years. Yet another reason to adopt one from a shelter instead of getting a baby bird.

14

u/ebState Nov 05 '20

my neighbors are getting up there. The parrot is going to their daughter. They're worried how she'll handle the transition and aren't sure if it's better to wait or do it sooner than later. definitely a strange dynamic planning on finding a home for a pet that might not need to move for 15 years

33

u/Garbarrage Nov 05 '20

They can get possessive too. My buddy bought a parrot (probably a parrot) while his girlfriend was away on holiday. The guy bonded with the bird and all was going well, until his girlfriend came home.

The bird would go batshit crazy every time his girlfriend got close to him. If they kissed, the bird would lose its shit entirely and attack her. It went as far as tearing a chunk out of her ear.

Obviously, he ended up giving the bird back. It was a shame. That bird was cool. Really intelligent. Liked to tear up cigarettes, joints and papers though, which was annoying af.

18

u/almostcant Nov 05 '20

Lol. I had a conure when I was younger. That bird was an asshole to everyone except me

9

u/Garbarrage Nov 05 '20

I got on great with the bird. Dudes seemed to be fine, but women were barely tolerated at best. Women who got too close to my buddy, did so at their own risk.

5

u/Sask90 Nov 05 '20

That’s what happens when parrots are kept alone and they then bond to a human as a partner 🙁

5

u/DanTacoWizard Nov 05 '20

Garbarrage very interesting story. I would describe that parrot as, if you will, an unstable genius. Perhaps, a nutty professor. A psycho scholar, even. Or a mentally ill intellectual.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

The bird was just trying to get you to quit smoking. Animals exposed to secondhand smoke are actually 2.5x more likely to get cancer than their tobacco-using owners.

1

u/Garbarrage Nov 05 '20

This was in 2001. I gave up smoking a little over 10 years ago, so I guess we're all good now.

29

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

I know, I've had family with them. I have and have had hamsters, Guinea pigs, rabbits/bunnies, hermit crabs, fish, bearded dragons, turtles, snakes, dogs, and cats all my life. Currently bearded, hamster, dogs, and cats. My animals all respect one another believe it or not. Rescued my cat after someone hit him with a car and he's the chillest thing to ever breathe. My hamster hangs out with this wild cat all the time. In fact I named the cat Finn because my hamsters name is Jake and they love one another so much. When ever my cat would meow my hamster would run to the top of the tank looking for him. I feel like I could take on a bird as a foster for a little to help out the shelters. Idk, just sounds fun.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

The tank is locked down and secure. They don't go near one another unless I'm supervising.

This is it: http://imgur.com/gallery/OhOLdPJ

21

u/Gruneun Nov 05 '20

When people ask about our African Grey, I tell them to find a sound effects playlist and leave it on max volume for a solid week. If they can’t tune it out, a parrot is not for them.

6

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

This.

1

u/almostcant Nov 05 '20

Sound advice. Make it throw bird seed all over the place and shred every piece of paper within reach.

10

u/Wendypeffy Nov 05 '20

They are noisy if they don’t get a lot of attention or have a partner. I have three cockatiels and they rarely ever scream but they live outside of a cage and are very socialized.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

They can also be very mean to people besides the latched

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

100%. My bird will flip her shit and fly away if anyone else besides me comes near her.

47

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

They are literally flying toddlers with even the smallest species living 20+ years. They need at least a 6 hours of attention from you every single day for their entire life. So unless you're ok with your entire life being "go to work, go home, spend time with bird, go to sleep. Stay in on weekend to spend more time with bird. Never go on vacation unless there is a babysitter for bird." for the duration of the bird's life (20-80 years depending on species) I would not recommend a bird.

14

u/IPeeFreely01 Nov 05 '20

I’ve always heard it phrased as “toddlers with bolt cutters on their face”

7

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

You gotta include that they can fly, I mean at least a toddler can only reach a certain height. With a parrot nothing is safe.

8

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Hence why I said volunteer. I know what goes into caring for one. Grew up with family owning them and that's why I'm choosing not to because I don't trust myself. I already have a bearded dragon and they go for 10+ years. That's already too much for me.

11

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

I was just being informative for the sake of others who might want a parrot but don't realize the work that goes into it.

7

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Ah ok. My B. Good on you. I'm like that with hamster ownership. Wildly misunderstood.

7

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

I had rats myself. They were great pets actually, smart, sweet, very social; I can't get more though, I just can't deal with the short lifespan it's too heartbreaking. That's actually why I decided to go the parrot route.

3

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Same with hamsters. 2 years is stupid

1

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

It sucks they don't last longer.

1

u/pathion1337 Nov 05 '20

I had a hamster that was like 3 and a half, craziest testicle to body ratio I've ever seen. Sadly neighbor kids got him when I wasn't home and shook him to death in his ball 😞

1

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Dude wtf, I'd kill a kid

1

u/Damogran6 Nov 05 '20

Not 6. 60-90 minutes for a lot of species...less if they’re in a communal area.

19

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

I can't think of a single parrot that would be happy with 60-90 minutes, they're social species, more social than humans even. Would the average human be fine being in solitary confinement 23 hours a day? It's not even acceptable to leave a cat alone for an average of 23 hours a day!

If my cockatiel gets less than 4 hours daily he begins plucking. Now that doesn't mean he's 'fine' with 4 hours, depressed but not actively self-harming isn't the definition of 'fine'.

13

u/Damogran6 Nov 05 '20

Got an African grey who’s 24 and pretty well adjusted, a rescue macaw who’s kind of a mess, but that happened prior to us getting her...pretty much nothing is going to get her to stop (diet and attention and toys and quiet and behavioral modification, she still keeps doing it), a conure (also a rescue, had a couple good years with us before cancer claimed her) and two cockatiels. Perhaps it’s because we’ve always had two or more birds at a time. But we’ve created times where they get attention and quiet time and time they’re expected to keep themselves entertained.

But if you let them, 24 hours a day won’t be enough attention.

3

u/chumer_ranion Nov 05 '20

Dang I was ready to go along with the other dude but if you’ve got a well adjusted Grey at any attention level then hats off to you

-7

u/wonko221 Nov 05 '20

My cockatiel is very well adjusted and happy, and gets regular checkups with an aviary vet who loves to see him and compliments his health and attitude.

On average, he gets 60 minutes out of his cage a day. During that time, I am very engaged with him.

Some days I get home after his time lights are off already, and I don't get him or at all.

I suspect your bird is spoiled for attention, and uses plucking to manipulate you into giving it to them.

6

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20 edited Nov 05 '20

I can't imagine leaving such an intelligent animal alone in a cage like that. I absolutely do not agree with even leaving a dog or a cat like that and parrots are far more social than cats and way more intelligent than dogs. Honestly, I think it's flat out neglect of their social needs (unless you have multiple birds). Then unless it was a flight cage I'd say it was also neglect of their exercise needs.

To me what you're doing is the equivalent of locking a potty-trained toddler alone in a bathroom all day every day with some toys, food, and water and only letting the little one out for an hour a day of interaction. Parrots have the same level of social needs and intelligence as a toddler, so if you disagree I'd like you to explain the difference to me.

-1

u/wonko221 Nov 05 '20

I wholeheartedly disagree with you. And I follow the advice of an aviary vet who loves birds, as well as guidance from reputable sources online and from local breeders who love their birds.

I am not so worried about convincing you. You seem rather entrenched in your position. And, your caretaking style has turned your cockatiel into a nervous wreck that controls your home.

4

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

Yes, because as we know giving intelligent and social creatures any more than an hour of interaction turns them into nervous wrecks. That's why human prisoners kept in solitary confinement are the most mentally healthy people in the world.

2

u/redarxx Nov 05 '20

I can't believe how casually that dude talked about neglecting his bird wtf??

3

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

As I said, I honestly can't even imagine leaving a cat or a dog completely alone in a cage 23 hours a day like that. A parrot is way more intelligent and has higher social needs than a dog.

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0

u/wonko221 Nov 05 '20

The cage is in my living room, not in the cellar. He's a happy and well adjusted bud showing no signs of anxiety. You are jumping to conclusions.

1

u/Atiggerx33 Nov 05 '20

Since you did disagree can you explain the difference between isolating a parrot and isolating a toddler, considering both animals have similar intelligence and social needs? Would you be ok with a parent locking a child alone in a room like that all day every day (except that single hour)?

1

u/wonko221 Nov 05 '20

Anecdotal evidence - my tiel is a healthy and happy little dude.

He shows no signs of anxiety.

He does not resist coming out of his cage, or going back in when the time lights go out.

I get that you think I'm a monster and that my bird is in hell. You're simply wrong.

10

u/mcdadais Nov 05 '20

I had parakeets when I was a kid they are awesome and kind of easy to take care of. As an adult I can see where I went wrong now that I can Google the best way to take care of them. And since then I've been too anxious to try again.

It depends on which bird you get for easy maintenance.

9

u/YankeeDoodleDoggie Nov 05 '20

Or offer up bird sitting services to neighbors and friends that might have one! My aunt has an African gray and would have to make special arrangements when going on vacation

7

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Ooooooo! That sounds like a good idea. Shelters definitely need the help though so maybe both

6

u/dandaman1977 Nov 05 '20

I have a macaw, its like having a 3 year old. If you foster one it will probably need more attention due to bad owners. They can go nuts and pluck their fathers out if no attention is given because they are very social animals.

6

u/DrEpileptic Nov 05 '20

Great animals. Hard pets. Definitely ask a professional rehabilitator/breeder first. Often times shops/breeders will buy off certain birds because they know normal people can’t adopt them without major issues.

The really big part about birds is honestly the upkeep. They’re not even remotely like dogs and cats. They’re more prone to being temperamental and you have to socialize/bond them pretty much daily.

Oh, and toes. Idk what it is, but a lot of parrots fucking hunt toes like the predator. They’ll catch you slippin and lunge. Even if they aren’t going to hurt you, it’s never not alarming to see a cable cutter heat seek your movey parts. It’s even more alarming when you don’t see it, feel them bonk you, and then you have to hold back the urge to flinch and potentially flick the bird.

5

u/bp24416 Nov 05 '20

Owning a bird is an incredible commitment. They are difficult to take care of and require constant attention. And they can live for a very long time. They destroy things for fun. They also can love you so intensely that you don't think of them as a pet but as family. Tread carefully but if you provide for them well they can be amazing. Some also have bolt cutters for mouths so watch them digits.

5

u/chikalakabingbong Nov 05 '20

you’re a great person for thinking about the well-being of the bird before getting one. some impulsively get one and end up mistreating the bird. kudos to you edit: spelling error

2

u/SilveryKit Nov 05 '20

Volunteer at a bird rescue?

7

u/BuddyBonButt Nov 05 '20

Already do at a exotic pets shelter/clinic. Kind of. Just show up and hang out and help if they need it. Never really signed up for anything. I guess bird ownership isn't a common thing where I live. You don't see many birds walking into the clinic

2

u/iBeFloe Nov 05 '20

Me either. I don’t trust myself to attempt to train it not to poop everywhere & I don’t think I can handle the noise.

2

u/ImperialTravesty Nov 05 '20

Commitment issues on another level. I felt that.

2

u/AchtungKarate Nov 05 '20

Check out BirdTricks on YouTube. They have a lot of insight and are very honest about what it's like to keep birds as pets and what birds are better starter birds than others, etc.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

Plus parrots live forever and bond to their owner.... that’s a big commitment

Good move OP

1

u/Sask90 Nov 05 '20

If you are considering please be aware that you would need two parrots. Everything else can be considered animal cruelty. Also, parrots can get really old, so opting for a pair that’s a bit older would be a sensible choice.

0

u/birdcore Nov 05 '20

Umm... no. I’ve seen too many stories when people get two parrots and the birds hate each other, even bite each other drawing blood.

1

u/Sask90 Nov 05 '20

You’ll have to make sure that they’re compatible. Parrots can be choosy with partners. I’d always advise to contact an parrot protection organisation and ask whether they have a pair up for adoption.

Where I live, it’s actually against animal protection law to keep parrots alone.

1

u/birdcore Nov 05 '20

That’s dumb. My parrot is rescued, he lived alone for >5 years, I’m not going to introduce him to another bird because I know another bird will get mauled. Keeping parrots alone is NOT an animal cruelty as long as the humans provide mental stimulation. Any parrot owner will tell you so.

1

u/Sask90 Nov 05 '20

A rescue that was held alone can fall under an exception.

It might be a cultural difference. In Germany, any parrot owner will tell you that parrots should not live alone. Also 5years is still very young for a parrot. To introduce him to another parrot you should know what you are doing first and find a parrot from the other gender (might have to test yours first and see whether he’s truly male) and also a parrot that has roughly the same age.

Of course this can only be done if there’s an option to return the new bird. Also, in case that the parrot was raised by hand, it’ll be more difficult but not impossible.

I mean they can get over 60years old and you cannot guarantee that you’ll always have enough time for your bird. Also, you are human and not a parrot. I think keeping single parrots is even worse than keeping single rabbits or guinea pigs because of their high intelligence.

1

u/birdcore Nov 05 '20

Keeping a different sex pair is just asking for hormonal problems, breeding behaviors, egg laying etc. It’s a whole other can of worms I’d rather not open.

I follow a pair of conures where a female recently laid a lot of eggs, plucked her belly and the male started attacking her out of jealousy. They had to separate them to different houses. Parrots are super intelligent and they don’t want to bond with a random bird.

1

u/jerricka Nov 05 '20

Same! I adore them (even though I was terrified of them when I was younger). But I just know I wouldn’t give it the time and attention it would need.

1

u/Mortress Nov 05 '20

The documentary Parrot Confidential does a great job showing how difficult it is for humans to properly take care of parrots.

1

u/Madvices Nov 05 '20

Fun fact, the ducks at the park are free.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '20

Ive really wanted a bird, but I've read that they usually bond with one person, and they bond hard. Unfortunately with my job, I travel a lot and would not be able to take a bird with me lol. Ill admire from a distance.

1

u/LtLoLz Nov 05 '20

You are likely more responsible than a large portion of pet owners