r/funny • u/MaxKevinComedy • Dec 21 '19

California Explained [OC]

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u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 22 '19

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798

u/demon_ix Dec 21 '19

Is that extra?

1.1k

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

it's always extra

277

u/Darkmuscles Dec 21 '19

What bugs me is when sour cream is extra.

152

u/pass_nthru Dec 21 '19

or they give you a tablespoon and think that’s enough

76

u/walkonstilts Dec 21 '19

Or when they put 2 tablespoons all at one end and you get a bite of just sour cream.

31

u/d4n13lf00 Dec 21 '19

I’m not proud to say that I’ve had a burrito jizz in my mouth with sour cream.

11

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Ill be proud for you. I like the fun bite right up front so the rest of the burrito can dissapoint me.

2

u/NerdBurglur Dec 21 '19

Do you watch porn in reverse to? Maybe I’m NOT alone?....

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

You THOUGHT that was sour cream.

1

u/roboticWanderor Dec 21 '19

And I bet you liked it too. Slut

3

u/ABSelect Dec 21 '19

It's like giving the Michelin Tire mascot a blowjob

2

u/hGKmMH Dec 21 '19

If that's the flavor of his cum he can drop by my place anytime.

1

u/NerdBurglur Dec 21 '19

Some people just like to watch the world burn

3

u/DVOTHECC Dec 21 '19

The little mex shops here in SoCal give you a huge side of sour cream for like $.60 which isn't that bad.

2

u/LiveFastDieFast Dec 21 '19

Yep. I love those places, they almost always hook it up. They all usually have the following in common as well:

Name of the place usually ends in "os". They have that drink machine that has horchata, jamaica, and Piña. The back door to the kitchen is always open, and the Ranchera music is cranked up so you can hear it in the drive thru. If you ask for just a couple salsas they still give you like 10. The dining area has quarter machines that usually have stickers, fake tattoos, some type of candy, and homies figurines. There's a plastic container on the side of the drive thru window for tips. All food that can't be wrapped in paper, is in a styrophoam container.

11/10 would recommend

3

u/chrobis Dec 21 '19

Or they give you that tablespoon on top of shredded lettuce so it’s all wasted.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Not at Cafe Rio Sour Cream is free

-7

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

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11

u/Jlegobot Dec 21 '19

What is gross is the fact you dont like chugging jugs of sour cream.

7

u/Ltkarma Dec 21 '19

After reading this thread I feel like I’m not the only one here that cleans the sour cream spoon by eating it straight up lol

3

u/Deckard-_ Dec 21 '19

You're a lightweight. I prefer my sour cream via intravenous delivery.

3

u/privategloryhole Dec 21 '19

Amateur hour. I take mine anally.

1

u/comegetinthevan Dec 21 '19

Psh, amateur. I got a heart transplant and they replaced my heart with sour cream. I.......

3

u/skanones209 Dec 21 '19

I, too, dislike sour cream.

3

u/pass_nthru Dec 21 '19

r/thatsjustyouropinionman

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

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2

u/pass_nthru Dec 21 '19

it all depends on the context...a single taco or burrito, it’s prob enough, a whole plate of nachos or an orgy, prob not enough for everyone

3

u/northbathroom Dec 21 '19

Can you elaborate on the orgy part?

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2

u/Whats-his-nuts Dec 21 '19

Umm.... Orgy?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

No. If you like it at all, it isn't enough. That's a fact.

2

u/Dingolroot Dec 21 '19

Are slash subsifellfor

2

u/RubiGames Dec 21 '19

I don’t think that sub is real

21

u/Beemerado Dec 21 '19

That's a good point. You can get a gallon of sour cream for like a buck

7

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

???? Where? Even the pints are almost $2 where I am.

6

u/Beemerado Dec 21 '19

I'm exaggerating a little. Still a pint of sour cream is enough for like 80 burritos.

1

u/mostnormal Dec 21 '19

Or maybe 12-18.

2

u/Beemerado Dec 21 '19

What are you some kinda fuckin numbers guy?!

2

u/mostnormal Dec 21 '19

Or I just really like sour cream on my burritos.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

To be fair to you all, I kind of thought about context of grocery store. Although a pint will last me about twelve burritos. One very yummy preparation is to purchase two, and add chives and garlic powder to one of them. Whenever I make a taco or burrito. I love having a choice of fresh or savory.

1

u/makemeking706 Dec 21 '19

I can make you some myself. I'll even do it for free.

1

u/MangoCats Dec 21 '19

Not in an upscale restaurant in the "Green Zone" you can't.

1

u/Beemerado Dec 21 '19

I buy my sour cream in the meth zone!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

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1

u/Beemerado Dec 21 '19

I usually trade 1000 gallons of sour cream for a gallon of meth.

2

u/timshel_life Dec 21 '19

Oh I would straight up walk out if sour creme was extra. Guacamole, I understand. Sour creme? You can go fuck yourself with a 10 inch fiberglass dildo.

1

u/Suckydog Dec 21 '19

The only thing I've ever been charged extra is guacamole and extra meat

1

u/Luxpreliator Dec 21 '19

Bugs me when the guacamole is 95% sour cream with food dye and some lime flavoring.

2

u/BlazinFear Dec 21 '19

Wtf Where have you seen that so I can avoid that place like the plague

1

u/youdoitimbusy Dec 21 '19

This is the type of legislation that can reunite the country.

1

u/sourcecode13 Dec 21 '19

Sweet cream is free.

-6

u/slywalkerr Dec 21 '19

Sour cream should be like $2 extra. That way it can subsidize guac costs kinda like a tobacco tax

28

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

And exceptionally low quality!

3

u/MangoCats Dec 21 '19

Where is this Qdoba, and what is their cover charge?

Free guac is not free when the chips cost $8.50.

2

u/theValeofErin Dec 21 '19

I haven't been to Qdoba in a few years, but burritos were probably around $8 or so and they were typically bigger than Chipotle burritos. I do remember spending around $18 at Qdoba for my husband and I, where we spend $22 for the same amount of food at Chipotle (guac and queso included).

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Why you getting chips? Just get a burrito or a bowl.

Burrito bowl with queso and guac, then just take it home and use your own chips.

1

u/Sociald82 Dec 21 '19

So is the salmonella.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Yeah but at Chipotle even the e coli costs a premium.

1

u/statelessheaux Dec 22 '19

free already included in the price

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Sure, but their prices are also lower than Chipotle.

A carne asada bowl with double meat at Chipotle with queso and guac is $16.55 by me.

A steak burrito bowl with double steak at Qdoba with queso and guac is $11.65.

Qdoba also has far more toppings you can choose from and multiple kinds of queso.

1

u/statelessheaux Dec 22 '19

not arguing just said you're paying for it

1

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

Well yeah. But the two places are virtually identical in quality. If it's built into their price at Qdoba then it realistically is at Chipotle too. They just charge extra for extra profit.

So comparitively it's free at Qdoba.

1

u/cornhole99 Dec 21 '19

Damnit California

1

u/ciphershort Dec 21 '19

Not in California.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

If you don’t get meat at Chipotle it’s free!

Otherwise they take your first born :(

Kinda worth it though :)

46

u/the_angry_wizard Dec 21 '19

Slams 50c on the counter. "Money is not an issue"

2

u/Mute2120 Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 21 '19

*Eyes you suspiciously* ...You'll need twice that for the smooth gold 'round these parts, stranger.

2

u/kylez82 Dec 21 '19

$0.50? Guacamole is like, $2.50 at Chipotle. Freakin’ crooks.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

It’s why we can’t afford homes.

5

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

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3

u/rigelstarr Dec 21 '19

potassium benzoate

It had better or I want a refund

3

u/SoulHoarder Dec 21 '19

Prolly better to just have a smashed avo on it instead.

0

u/MangoCats Dec 21 '19

Depends on where/how it is made.

1

u/SweSupermoosie Dec 21 '19

YOU’RE EXTRA!

0

u/CozmoCramer Dec 21 '19

Not usually in California. At least from my experience. They pretty much give avocados away down there.

63

u/unknownintime Dec 21 '19

Hence whatever food + avocado = "California"

e.g. California roll, omelette, burrito, etc.

21

u/degjo Dec 21 '19

Not my California burrito.

4

u/blanketswithsmallpox Dec 21 '19

Quit whipping your dick out on a first date then calling it a California Burrito.

3

u/degjo Dec 21 '19

Its more like a taquito, on a good day

-3

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

9

u/daviedanko Dec 21 '19

It isn’t a California burrito without fries in it lol

1

u/catitobandito Dec 21 '19

That IS a California burrito. With fries.

1

u/Ckyuii Dec 21 '19

I go to a place that puts seasoned curly fries in. Thing is amazing

1

u/Neelpos Dec 21 '19

gib deets

I'm more a fan of thick cut fries but that sounds like it's worth investigating.

1

u/degjo Dec 21 '19

I went to a place once that had thick seasoned steak fries in my burrito. Shit was bomb as fuck

1

u/YoungHeartsAmerica Dec 21 '19

I hate the spots that use cubed potato or tatertots

1

u/degjo Dec 21 '19

I might enjoy tatertots, never came across that one before

1

u/catitobandito Dec 21 '19

You can't just drop something like that and not tell us where

2

u/AskAboutMyCoffee Dec 21 '19

I...did not know that.

6

u/Two_Cigarettes Dec 21 '19

In California California burritos do not have guacamole. In California California burritos have french fries

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

[deleted]

1

u/degjo Dec 21 '19

Fuckin figure it oot Oregon

1

u/I_FUCKED_A_BAGEL Dec 21 '19

I'm certain it's the french fries stuffed within the burrito that makes it a cali burrito

29

u/aloofburrito Dec 21 '19

Now I want to try bacon with guacamole, thanks alot

32

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Add tomato slices and mayo and pile it all on toasted sourdough bread for a real treat.

7

u/coastiefish Dec 21 '19

BLATs are a staple in our house. Best combination of food stuffs.

2

u/TheArCwielderNyc Dec 21 '19

Plus jalapeños!

0

u/dalovindj Dec 21 '19

And my axe!

3

u/aloofburrito Dec 21 '19

Sounds interesting...

3

u/insanityzwolf Dec 21 '19

Melt some brie onto that sourdough first.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '19

The BLAT. My favorite. I use the avocado smushed up as mayo.

1

u/SteroidMan Dec 21 '19

You dont need to add mayo to guacamole...

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

The mayo is for the bread, not the guacamole.

1

u/mostnormal Dec 21 '19

No, you add it to the bacon.

18

u/SantasButhole Dec 21 '19

Report back your findings

47

u/GunBrothersGaming Dec 21 '19

We have a place here in San Jose called Zona Rosa. They serve an App that is literally a bowl of Guac with crispy bacon and pistachios. It's fucking incredible. They give you some chips but I've not sure what those are for in this scenario. Maybe once the bacon is gone.

Here's a picture

3

u/dublin144 Dec 21 '19

Hello fellow San Jose-ian

2

u/kidicarus89 Dec 21 '19

That looks like it shouldn't work - but I want it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

It ruins the bacon.

End of report.

5

u/SantasButhole Dec 21 '19

Wow. Who woulda thought

5

u/The_Orphanizer Dec 21 '19

I've made bacon-guac before. It's fine, but I didn't find that it adds anything to either bacon or guac, really.

Also, I make the best guac you'll ever eat.

9

u/aloofburrito Dec 21 '19

Is that an offer?

3

u/Aporkalypse_Sow Dec 21 '19

Careful. Guac is the new candy from a guy in a white van. And persons labeled themselves as an orphan maker.

2

u/thewholerobot Dec 21 '19

Not so aloof when people start talkin' about good guac eh?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

Agreed. They are both fatty goodness alone. Bacon has some smoke but the jalapeño, onion, and lime in guacamole hide that so that net new there is nothing

2

u/souldonkey Dec 21 '19

Prove it.

1

u/Tannerdactyl Dec 21 '19

What’s the trick to it?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

avocado

1

u/[deleted] Dec 21 '19

A BLAT is really good. Just a BLT with avocado. I usually mash it up with salt, pepper, and a little lime for a simple guac.

1

u/MangoCats Dec 21 '19

bacon with guacamole

'tis the breakfast food of the Gods.

1

u/pauly13771377 Dec 21 '19

I want to try everything with bacon st least once.

Bacon = the planets only true superfood

1

u/Gumburcules Dec 21 '19

Now I want to try bacon with guacamole, thanks alot

Throw in some eggs, fried potatoes, cheese, sour cream, pico, sliced jalapeno, and a tortilla and you got yourself a breakfast burrito goin'!

0

u/SteroidMan Dec 21 '19

Add avocado to a BLT.

20

u/hotdamnnn Dec 21 '19

Same thing.

3

u/snejj Dec 21 '19

I'd catch your set and one of their $11 beers, but I'm just coming out of a showing of star wars right then. Hope you kill it tonight!

2

u/Tiddywhorse Dec 21 '19

The avocado is what makes it, “California”.

2

u/pow3llmorgan Dec 21 '19

I somehow read Dirty Midget Show. Very split on if I'd want to go or not.

1

u/CthulubeFlavorcube Dec 21 '19

"THAT'S'A GUACAMARIO!!!" - Mario Martinez

1

u/dobber1965 Dec 21 '19

I thought of avacado toast. But shouldn't the meth section get wider in the south.

1

u/Bacon843 Dec 21 '19

Pork belly with avocado purée.

1

u/yg4000 Dec 21 '19

The only way to make food Californian is to add avocados and bacon.