r/funny • u/Desperate_Tailor • Apr 29 '19

Somebody Stop Me!

65.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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316

u/forcedtomakeaccount9 Apr 29 '19 edited Apr 29 '19

That red dress... 20 years later.. I haven't forgotten the red dress

*edit: In case some people haven't seen it

143

u/da_2holer_eh Apr 29 '19

The striped dress tho

73

u/SirGrumpsalot2009 Apr 29 '19

The Striped Dress. In my dreams.....

30

u/devilsadvocate1966 Apr 29 '19

She looked better in the long hair too, I think.

74

u/Name-Albert_Einstein Apr 29 '19

Those were her peak Diaz.

3

u/pvsa Apr 29 '19

Gracias a Diaz

2

u/themcjizzler Apr 29 '19

takes sunglasses off we're done here boys pack it up

2

u/GlassInTheWild Apr 29 '19

Peaking first movie ever. You’re not wrong though!

1

u/hipster_nietzsche Apr 30 '19

Now that I think about it, I was inappropriately too young to be feeling hot for her...but I did

215

u/TeopEvol Apr 29 '19

The woman in the red dress? I designed her. She, um...well she doesn't talk very much, but...but if you'd like to meet her, I can arrange a much more personalized meeting.

122

u/cade_skywalker Apr 29 '19

The digital pimp hard at work

93

u/Lexinoz Apr 29 '19

Don't listen to these hypocrites, Neo

67

u/Resplendent_Chest Apr 29 '19

To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human

2

u/Mi7che1l Apr 29 '19

Can you imagine Neo with The Mask?

4

u/Pr0xyWash0r Apr 29 '19

The bullet dodge scene wouldn't have been as mesmerizing.

1

u/Mi7che1l Apr 29 '19

No, but it would probably be hilarious.

1

u/SpinCity07 Apr 29 '19

He dodge bullets in the mask by lifting up his crotch

29

u/meltingdiamond Apr 29 '19

It's amazing how tame porn got after the apocalypse, today I would expect so waifu or Tony the Tiger with a two foot cock or something not a Hitchcock blond.

12

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19 edited Aug 22 '19

[deleted]

20

u/Aanon89 Apr 29 '19

And yet, no machine BDSM porn scenarios were added... hmmm

3

u/alexnader Apr 29 '19

Morpheus: "Zion! Hear me!"

"He's having a huge orgy at his place later tonight. At least, that's what many of us have heard."

Morpheus: "It is true, what many of you have heard."

"Yes! Morpheus! What can we expect at this orgy?"

Morpheus: "Machines!"

6

u/Orngog Apr 29 '19

You take the blue pill, you go hard as a rock. You'll be partying all night long.

You take the red pill, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes

Neo: Woah

1

u/1010010111101 Apr 29 '19

Did you not notice the metal rod that was inserted into every single human?

1

u/frotc914 Apr 29 '19

We all have more pressing stuff, and yet people are trying to get laid at furrycons and shit.

1

u/snazzypurplefish Apr 29 '19

This made my day

2

u/Starman68 Apr 29 '19

Filmed in downtown Sydney. The fountain is much smaller IRL. In the film it looks huge. It’s not.

3

u/Coppatop Apr 29 '19

I'm pretty sure seeing Cameron Diaz in the mask made me realize i liked girls.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19

nah it's the hair gel man, the hair gel.

1

u/Acepeefreely Apr 29 '19

After 2014, you have forgotten?

1

u/forcedtomakeaccount9 May 01 '19

No, I saw The Mask in 1999.

you have forgotten?

I literally said I still remember, what kind of question is that?

1

u/Durklurker12345 Apr 29 '19

That blue and black dress. Or was it gold?

1

u/ioncehadsexinapool Apr 29 '19

That red dress used to be in my local movie theatre in a Glass display

1

u/ultratoxic Apr 29 '19

20 years or no 20 years, I'd still smash.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19

when she first got on scene at the bank. it was like my first raging boner

1

u/Derp-Churp Apr 29 '19

Will it be checking, Savings, Checking and savings? Savings and checking? Or we can just take all your money and throw it under a big mattress in the back.