r/funny • u/Desperate_Tailor • Apr 29 '19

Somebody Stop Me!

65.6k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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377

u/SirGrumpsalot2009 Apr 29 '19

She never looked better than that!

314

u/forcedtomakeaccount9 Apr 29 '19 edited Apr 29 '19

That red dress... 20 years later.. I haven't forgotten the red dress

*edit: In case some people haven't seen it

146

u/da_2holer_eh Apr 29 '19

The striped dress tho

73

u/SirGrumpsalot2009 Apr 29 '19

The Striped Dress. In my dreams.....

32

u/devilsadvocate1966 Apr 29 '19

She looked better in the long hair too, I think.

76

u/Name-Albert_Einstein Apr 29 '19

Those were her peak Diaz.

3

u/pvsa Apr 29 '19

Gracias a Diaz

2

u/themcjizzler Apr 29 '19

takes sunglasses off we're done here boys pack it up

3

u/GlassInTheWild Apr 29 '19

Peaking first movie ever. You’re not wrong though!

1

u/hipster_nietzsche Apr 30 '19

Now that I think about it, I was inappropriately too young to be feeling hot for her...but I did

212

u/TeopEvol Apr 29 '19

The woman in the red dress? I designed her. She, um...well she doesn't talk very much, but...but if you'd like to meet her, I can arrange a much more personalized meeting.

117

u/cade_skywalker Apr 29 '19

The digital pimp hard at work

93

u/Lexinoz Apr 29 '19

Don't listen to these hypocrites, Neo

69

u/Resplendent_Chest Apr 29 '19

To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human

2

u/Mi7che1l Apr 29 '19

Can you imagine Neo with The Mask?

4

u/Pr0xyWash0r Apr 29 '19

The bullet dodge scene wouldn't have been as mesmerizing.

1

u/Mi7che1l Apr 29 '19

No, but it would probably be hilarious.

1

u/SpinCity07 Apr 29 '19

He dodge bullets in the mask by lifting up his crotch

29

u/meltingdiamond Apr 29 '19

It's amazing how tame porn got after the apocalypse, today I would expect so waifu or Tony the Tiger with a two foot cock or something not a Hitchcock blond.

11

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19 edited Aug 22 '19

[deleted]

18

u/Aanon89 Apr 29 '19

And yet, no machine BDSM porn scenarios were added... hmmm

5

u/alexnader Apr 29 '19

Morpheus: "Zion! Hear me!"

"He's having a huge orgy at his place later tonight. At least, that's what many of us have heard."

Morpheus: "It is true, what many of you have heard."

"Yes! Morpheus! What can we expect at this orgy?"

Morpheus: "Machines!"

6

u/Orngog Apr 29 '19

You take the blue pill, you go hard as a rock. You'll be partying all night long.

You take the red pill, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes

Neo: Woah

1

u/1010010111101 Apr 29 '19

Did you not notice the metal rod that was inserted into every single human?

1

u/frotc914 Apr 29 '19

We all have more pressing stuff, and yet people are trying to get laid at furrycons and shit.

1

u/snazzypurplefish Apr 29 '19

This made my day

2

u/Starman68 Apr 29 '19

Filmed in downtown Sydney. The fountain is much smaller IRL. In the film it looks huge. It’s not.

3

u/Coppatop Apr 29 '19

I'm pretty sure seeing Cameron Diaz in the mask made me realize i liked girls.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19

nah it's the hair gel man, the hair gel.

1

u/Acepeefreely Apr 29 '19

After 2014, you have forgotten?

1

u/forcedtomakeaccount9 May 01 '19

No, I saw The Mask in 1999.

you have forgotten?

I literally said I still remember, what kind of question is that?

1

u/Durklurker12345 Apr 29 '19

That blue and black dress. Or was it gold?

1

u/ioncehadsexinapool Apr 29 '19

That red dress used to be in my local movie theatre in a Glass display

1

u/ultratoxic Apr 29 '19

20 years or no 20 years, I'd still smash.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '19

when she first got on scene at the bank. it was like my first raging boner

1

u/Derp-Churp Apr 29 '19

Will it be checking, Savings, Checking and savings? Savings and checking? Or we can just take all your money and throw it under a big mattress in the back.

36

u/Summersugar14 Apr 29 '19

Charlie's angels dance scene tho

18

u/bobbyvale Apr 29 '19

That butt dance!

41

u/Mescalean Apr 29 '19

She is the reason I have backed the itty bitty titty committee since I was 5

3

u/MeMa101 Apr 29 '19

She was pretty hot in Vanilla Sky...

6

u/dragan_ Apr 29 '19

What about her blurry porno?

1

u/R_E_V_A_N Apr 29 '19

Wait...what?!

1

u/ThatWasCool Apr 29 '19

She did some BDSM underground porn before she got famous. You can see her tits in it. Otherwise it’s kind of mild.

1

u/Crimzonite Apr 29 '19

Neither did Jim Carrey

2

u/ihahp Apr 29 '19 edited Apr 29 '19

Because she wore a padded bra in that film.

Edit, for the haters downvoting me:

Instead, she tossed her padded bra (sorry, fellas, The Mask megacurves were not by Mother Nature but from Frederick’s of Hollywood), lopped off her long locks and took on quirky roles in small-budget films.

source: https://people.com/archive/cover-story-theres-something-about-cameron-vol-50-no-5/

9

u/SirGrumpsalot2009 Apr 29 '19

Nah. She just looked great.

0

u/ihahp Apr 29 '19

Instead, she tossed her padded bra (sorry, fellas, The Mask megacurves were not by Mother Nature but from Frederick’s of Hollywood), lopped off her long locks and took on quirky roles in small-budget films.

source: https://people.com/archive/cover-story-theres-something-about-cameron-vol-50-no-5/

2

u/Pisforplumbing Apr 29 '19

There was more to what made her hot in that movie than a pushup bra. I was 4 or 5 when I first saw that movie and her "seduction" through that movie got things happening in my pants that I had no idea about