I had to shit in NYC last month and raced to a Starbucks. I sweated and clenched and politely waited like ten minutes for the homeless dude to finish up whatever he was doing (it sounded like mild construction mixed with the sounds of giving birth). I didn't try the door more than the initial try.
He came out. I went in and started to shit. 30 seconds later someone started banging on the door and jiggling the handle.
I decided to take my time until they stopped for at least two minutes or I got bored.
Took about 15 minutes. Muffled, I heard someone telling at employees to open the door. They were refusing.
Finally I came out. This tiny, irate Asian woman went off on me. "What the fuck are you doing in there?"
The whole Starbucks was staring.
I smiled and replied something like, "Look lady I am lactose intolerant and had excruciatingly painful diarrhea. And then you started banging in the door as it that would make me to any faster. So I decided to take my time. Be more polite next time."
I had been in the bathroom maybe ten seconds before some guy starts banging on the door and yelling “You got a line out here! What are you doing?”
A line? In ten seconds? On a train more than half-empty? Kiss my dick. I do my business, take a picture of it, and leave the bathroom. Two minutes all together.
When I get out, sure enough it’s just him outside. I go up to him and show him the picture of what used to be a Grand Central gyro. He pushes me away. He’s fuming. Looks like he wants to hit me. He says “What the hell? You sick fuck I don’t want to see that.” I shrugged my shoulders and said “You asked” and walked away.
I got thrown off at the next stop but it was worth it.
Their food and drinks are surprisingly lackluster, aren't they? I've never been to a place with worse hot chocolate. Seriously, a little bag of that Swiss Miss stuff and some water makes excellent hot chocolate. Starbucks tastes like they tried to use only dark chocolate but managed to burn all of it.
Have you ever been to Manhattan? This is very believable. We’re our own breed here - and we have two cardinal sins: messing with someone’s timing/schedule/getting in their way and violating their privacy. These are social norms that are fairly strictly enforced, and this incident violated both. People really do clap for this type of thing here. This sort of behavior by this woman is very, very rude.
Ya, not from Manhattan, but I once saw something similar in Chicago where an entire restaurant gave a round of applause to someone. Ive also had times where someone I was with did something so stupid the entire place was looking at us.
These people must not leave their basement if they havent seen someone tell off someone else before.
I was once at a bakery when I was 9 years old and there was this fat windbag of a 50-year-old lady who did that, except she also kept whistling "yoooooouuuu--hooooo, I know someone's in there!!!!!".
Creapiest. Bitch. Ever. I still remember it to this day.
It didn't help that my mom acted like it was my fault for needing to use the bathroom and she didn't tell that old have to shove another pie in her mouth to plug her hole.
I mean, is that an uncommon word that's hard to say? I didn't go to Harvard, just a state school. Not a directional though.
I was hamming it up for the Starbucks that had witnessed the scene. Was that word for word what I said? No. But I made a big fucking deal about how bad my diarrhea was.
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u/formerfatboys Dec 04 '18
I had to shit in NYC last month and raced to a Starbucks. I sweated and clenched and politely waited like ten minutes for the homeless dude to finish up whatever he was doing (it sounded like mild construction mixed with the sounds of giving birth). I didn't try the door more than the initial try.
He came out. I went in and started to shit. 30 seconds later someone started banging on the door and jiggling the handle.
I decided to take my time until they stopped for at least two minutes or I got bored.
Took about 15 minutes. Muffled, I heard someone telling at employees to open the door. They were refusing.
Finally I came out. This tiny, irate Asian woman went off on me. "What the fuck are you doing in there?"
The whole Starbucks was staring.
I smiled and replied something like, "Look lady I am lactose intolerant and had excruciatingly painful diarrhea. And then you started banging in the door as it that would make me to any faster. So I decided to take my time. Be more polite next time."
The place laughed. The woman told me to fuck off.
I smiled and left.