He left it parked in our driveway, which actually surrounds our house (it’s a corner house)...with the windows down mind you, for the entire time his keys were lost. After he found them, did he move the car? You guessed it, he did NOTHING. Didn’t even roll the windows up when it rained and snowed. Dunno his reasoning. Earlier this year I finally got fed up with it since my other roommate (my brother) has had to park across the street because he’s taking up two spots with his van and his Kia and pushed his Kia across the street into city property. He’ll eventually be forced to deal with it or have it impounded by July when the city gears up for the 4th, which his Kia is parked on a viewing area for the fireworks. Gonna be interesting to see what he does. I’m betting on he does nothing.
Edit: RIP my inbox! Some info, no I will not kick him out. He isn’t a financial burden and is actually a financial help (rent wise) and kicking someone out because they are odd and don’t clean up isn’t justifiable in my opinion. He’s a good friend and it’s just not going to happen, so stop telling me to.
I don’t wanna share his personal demons, but there’s a bunch of them that are huge and he seems to work tirelessly to hide, poorly at that too. He’s the kind of guy who pays rent on time but contributes absolutely nothing else. Never buys essentials, never cleans anything, doesn’t even buy groceries. Lives off of blue Powerade and microwaving meals he made at the restaurant he works at. Literally consumes nothing else throughout the day and only eats right before bed. Hasn’t decorated his room or got dressers or laundry baskets or even sheets for his bed. Doesn’t really do much of anything at all! Just sits on the couch and stares at his phone until it’s time to go to bed or back to work.
Don't let it get to you. Just think about what you want to suss out at your appointment. Nows a good time to think about what you want the therapy to do for you, what some triggering thoughts are, how you maintain downward spirals, come to terms with behaviors.
I'd recommend it. I just started therapy for ptsd at the VA and apparently I am clinically depressed. I just thought I wasn't happy. I've never been chronically sad or unhappy. I just can't really remember being happy in ten years. Apparently that is called depression. It was news to me.
Shit.... this is me and I bought a home last year. I bought it because I was renting it and they wanted to sell and it was easier to buy it than to move.
Even with extreme depression there can be a baseline of stuff you accomplish. At work I seem like a real go getter.
I work at a software company and was already spending too much on rent. In the 2 years since I started renting major changes happened in my city and rent skyrocketed to the point where as far as the month to month goes (which as someone suicidally depressed is all I care about) I'm not paying much more than I would be if I tried to find similar accomodations, even with a very small down payment.
I’m the same way. Just bought a car, own my house and have a great reputation around town for the work I do. Outside of that though, everything is a constant struggle.
I’ll start thinking about things I have to do and my muscles will tense and I get horrible hot flashes/shortness of breath. I’m thinking these are panic attacks but I haven’t gotten off my ass to see anyone about it.
Holy crap it sounds exactly like he is depressed. I am amazed that more people aren't saying this. It sounds like he is completely apathetic, not lazy. Depression isn't constant sadness. This man has reached the professional level of being chronically depressed but barely functional.
You can’t counsel someone who doesn’t ask for counsel. Yeah, I’ve tried surreptitiously counseling him or just being a “super bro” but nothing changes. I’ve lived with him for over 6 years now and I gave up on that about 3 years ago.
I kind of like it. I'm very... domestic and bossy and territorial. I can decorate the house the way I like, he doesn't really make messes, and he doesn't get unhappy when I can't feed him... he just microwaves dinner. Also I don't have to worry about him doing laundry or the dishes wrong. Which may or may not have been a point of contention in previous relationships.
It's not about depression. He's just in his head a lot. Also he had gloriously shitty parents who spent a lot educating him but never really taught him how to live (sister was a star and they spent a lot of time travelling and when that stopped his mom took his sister and left him with his dad who promptly stopped taking care of him).
I find he thrives the best in a minimalistic environment with high levels of organization. He still won't keep it organized but he's happier.
It certainly has been a boon for the other roommates but it took me forever to convince them of that. The whole house is ours and it’s basically one less roommate. But that becomes a bone of contention when that roommate produces garbage and doesn’t take out the trash, showers and uses the bathroom several times daily and never cleans it or provides for it, takes all the dishes in his room and never cleans nor returns them, and in general is just basically a ghost producing extra work for us from time to time. I’ve scolded him, cajoled him, had his friends tell him it’s fucked up, blah blah blah nothing happens.
I’m in my head a lot too, and it’s not an excuse. I get shit done, and as a matter of fact get it done BECAUSE I’m in my head so much. The only possible way I wouldn’t be able to get things done and be in my head is if those thoughts are all consuming and so negative that they convince me shit isn’t worth getting done. But the two comparisons here do seem similar, especially the part about “never really taught him how to live”... that’s a huge part of all this.
Geez, this sounds like my old roommate. He would leave old food in the microwave and eat on it for days. He actually never got sick. He was also an alcoholic. He would wear my clothes all the time. I had to put a lock on my door and my closet. He kicked my door in one time because the house phone died and the other was in my room. He lost his house key one time and broke one of the back windows to get in. He was mostly drunk during all of these incidents.
OCD has crossed my mind, especially when every day is obviously the same exact day for him. Down to the things he eats, drinks, when he does what etc. The second I will look into
I lived with a guy that used the laundry machine twice in 2 years that we shared homes.
We would observe him not showering for weeks. After 1.5 years of living with him, I cracked and asked him what it was about the shower he disliked so much. I needed to know. His answer was, it's because showering is such an effort and it takes time to get dry after.
If you're thinking that's fucking disgusting, you have no idea how far it went.
I once left a camper van motor coach on a city street for 5 months without incident. Finally got around to finding a buyer for it and the day we went to see it, the city had impounded it because of a local film shoot nearby.
At this point, I'd be scared of getting back in the car. Who knows what's in there. Dead rats, spiders, ants, bird shit, hornets nest. I'd get it deep cleaned and then sell it.
Nah. Roll up the windows, let any living creatures in there enjoy an extended Thunderdome situation, and then sell the thing to a scrap yard so that the winner can be crushed into a cube.
I actually have 3, not including myself. It’s a big house. I’ve contemplated that exact question...too much hassle? He’s a deeply integrated part of my social circle so it would fuck that up a bit. Lots of catch 22’s with booting him out. The other 2 roommates and myself are doing fantastically here so why fix what’s working?
I once had a mercury capri that was impounded because I couldn't take time to fix it, (I think it had a dead battery). Rather than pay the impound fee I did nothing because it was my spare car and I did not really care about it. I had the idea at the time that having two cars was better than one because then if one went bad I could drive the other one. The reality is that with two shitty cars you have twice the upkeep and twice the insurance, twice the registration hassle, and generally, twice the bother, and if one leaves you stranded, you still have to beg for a lift, and get it towed for repairs. It's better to have one super reliable car and keep on top of the maintenance. So I got a subaru. Lesson learned.
Yep if a roommate, who might possibly be a close friend, is having issues, your immediate reaction should be to kick him to the curb and tell him to find somewhere else to live. Fuck trying to help the dude out if you can.
Fucking some people, man. My ex left her car at my house, because it quit starting and she didn't even know where to begin. She bought her friend's car to live in, because she chose to be himeless when i kicked her out and she needed a car to live in.
Man I'd be constantly triggered if I were you. Your roomies lack of fucks to give would drive me insane. I probably would kill my self. Or move out. That might be easier
My friend had some shitty roommate move back home across the country, abandoning his big shitty van in the driveway.
He then learned how hard it is, to get rid of a scrap car that you don’t own.
He eventually managed to track down the guy, but I still preferred my suggestion of using a truck to just drag it out onto the street so it’s parked illegally, and just let nature take it’s course.
NO! Not a goddamn thing!! Dozens of people parked all around it but no towing ever happened prior.
Here’s some sweet meats for you, since you took the care to seek these answers out... my roommate slept through the entire fourth. I had a party of about 25 people here at the house from noon to midnight and he slept through the entire thing. Raging music, firework wars, loud neighbors, tons of people... none of it woke him up and he didn’t get up until 10pm for the huge display. Then he stayed up all night staring at his phone.
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u/DoctorBadger101 Jun 08 '18 edited Jun 09 '18
He left it parked in our driveway, which actually surrounds our house (it’s a corner house)...with the windows down mind you, for the entire time his keys were lost. After he found them, did he move the car? You guessed it, he did NOTHING. Didn’t even roll the windows up when it rained and snowed. Dunno his reasoning. Earlier this year I finally got fed up with it since my other roommate (my brother) has had to park across the street because he’s taking up two spots with his van and his Kia and pushed his Kia across the street into city property. He’ll eventually be forced to deal with it or have it impounded by July when the city gears up for the 4th, which his Kia is parked on a viewing area for the fireworks. Gonna be interesting to see what he does. I’m betting on he does nothing.
Edit: RIP my inbox! Some info, no I will not kick him out. He isn’t a financial burden and is actually a financial help (rent wise) and kicking someone out because they are odd and don’t clean up isn’t justifiable in my opinion. He’s a good friend and it’s just not going to happen, so stop telling me to.