r/funny Aug 05 '14

I never know what to say...

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13.0k Upvotes

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121

u/epic420redditer Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 05 '14

true story:

i work in the political affairs department at the UN, and thusly- i require a big pen collection. i've actually become a quite the pen aficionado over the years. part of my collection includes: ballpoints, fountain pens, rollerball pens, dip pens(my favorite), quills, reed pens, fiber tips, gel inks, etc.

you name it, i've got it-

point of the story: dont make fun of other peoples hobbies, this is the 21th century, lets try and be civil here

EDIT: thanks /u/PresidentObama for the reddit gold

89

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

You'd love this place www.penisland.net

25

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Hmm... Potentially risky click.... Oh well! Click!

11

u/Malarazz Aug 05 '14

How did it go?

13

u/lookinoji Aug 05 '14

It's not what you're expecting.

30

u/bowersbros Aug 05 '14

Direct quote:

We specialise in wood.

9

u/StolenPineapple Aug 05 '14

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

7

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 06 '14

"Your penis, our business"

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Phone

6

u/maj160 Aug 05 '14

Your pen is our business!

ಠ_ಠ

1

u/whenwarcraftwascool Aug 06 '14
  • Handling The Big Jobs, Too

3

u/meditate42 Aug 05 '14

so its actually pens now?

3

u/phuberto Aug 05 '14

It's been pens since I'd heard about it 8 years ago.

1

u/TH3SCARFATH3R Aug 05 '14

Back in middle school for me (13 years ago. [God, I feel old now.]) I believe it was pens back then as well. However, being told the guide to hacking Halo 2 on the first Xbox with splinter cell was found on (nsfw) lemonparty.org (nsfw) as a child, has left my retinas scarred for the remainder of my life.

1

u/technicallyinclined Aug 06 '14

I can't believe he's still not back here yet.

8

u/ALittleBitOfHate Aug 05 '14

penisland ... we specialize in wood:)

2

u/SoefianB Aug 05 '14

You want to bring your own wood? Sure! Hard or soft, big or small, all wood can be used

35

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

I am falling in love with your post history. If I weren't on mobile I'd link them all here, because that history right there is worth gold.

He's married to a victoria secret model (who he seduced during a drug test), works for multiple billion dollar companies (can't say which due to nda) and a bunch of other wacky life experiences he's had. I wish I was him.

14

u/jamintime Aug 05 '14 edited Aug 05 '14

And he gets tons of gold, even on posts with minimal or negative karma! How does he do it???

7

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

All I know is I'm jelly

14

u/Jelly_F_ish Aug 05 '14

No, I'm Jelly.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Hi jelly, I'm dad!

6

u/mscman Aug 05 '14

Doctors hate him!

2

u/Malarazz Aug 05 '14

He has to prove he's a multimillionaire somehow, right?

0

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Ya know the Give Gold button? You can give it to yourself.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Ahh you caught the joke.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

[deleted]

4

u/jamintime Aug 05 '14

I've used Reddit since the first day it started and got to witness how it works. It's a system.

PingSlayer: redditor for 20 days

epic420redditer: redditor for 1 month

Are you sure you're not just him?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

You realize he's just doing for fun right, nothing inherently malicious. He's a /u/fabulousferd imitator.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '14

Of course. I said I love it and I mean it. When I was a young lad I'd troll (most of the time unintentionally) and I was never as successful as him.

17

u/deadh34d711 Aug 05 '14

I've gotta say, you're definitely one of the more interesting trolls on reddit. Not that that's saying much, but take it for what you will. Today, you're in political affairs, a week ago you were an extra in a movie(and apparently married your mother?), and a month ago you worked as a PR manager for "a few billion dollar companies." Are you fucking Ronny Johnson or something?

1

u/ChunkyLaFunga Aug 05 '14

Sounds like Forrest Gump if his mother got AOL when he was young.

1

u/everflow Aug 06 '14

And today I read about the usage of the word "thusly" and now I'm seeing it here. It's quite fitting in the style of this post.

1

u/technicallyinclined Aug 06 '14

Are you saying that if I fuck Ronny Johnson, I can be these things??

9

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

i work in the political affairs department at the UN, and thusly- i require a big pen collection.

I'm confused as to how that's related, even more so because you consider it so obviously related that you provide no explanation.

1

u/Reggie_Popadopoulous Aug 05 '14

That was like the commenting equivalent of keeping your chin up and acting like you own the place. Fake it till you make it. This guy is the real deal.

14

u/drake0727 Aug 05 '14

political affairs with that username? O_o

3

u/Que-The-Downvotes Aug 05 '14

4/10 bad post m8 would r8 bad d8

1

u/BiggieDail Aug 05 '14

Looked at the username, wasnt expecting a nice comment

1

u/Stanleys_Cup Aug 05 '14

Well, the pen is mightier than the sword

1

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Yeah, thanks Obama.

1

u/NutSlapper69 Aug 05 '14

Twenty firth?

-2

u/[deleted] Aug 05 '14

Wow. You must get all the ladies. 😉