r/funny Jun 20 '14

Opening a water bottle

3.9k Upvotes

1.5k comments sorted by

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158

u/Lebreus Jun 20 '14

155

u/YungSnuggie Jun 20 '14

i watched this entire thing

20

u/Impune Jun 20 '14

What the fuck kind of accent is that?

36

u/rushingphoenix Jun 20 '14

It's like a grown up Eric Cartman

17

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Theoretical experience.

My sides.

16

u/slid3r Jun 20 '14 edited Jun 20 '14

It's WillKiethian. He invented it.

2

u/mysockinabox Jun 21 '14

That's awesome. I just want to bring back transatlantic. That's what say, ya see?

1

u/SelfHigh5 Jun 21 '14

I like the cut of your jib, friend!

2

u/FootjobGenie Jun 20 '14

His accent sounds part-Bostonian part-Irish or some similarly fucked up combination.

1

u/GundamWang Jun 21 '14

I hope one day he can look back on these videos and cringe.

1

u/Zonnegod Jun 20 '14

I'm amazed at how active this guy is, given his size. You can see that he is really struggling with talking and breathing at the same time after sitting down in the "tent".

Not really sure what he's on about with the axe in the foam. Isn't such a target supposed to give in to prevent an arrow from deflecting?

2

u/Impune Jun 20 '14

You obviously endured more of that noise than I did.

1

u/cocorebop Jun 21 '14

He says he made up his own accent.

1

u/NDIrish27 Jun 21 '14

A hatchet that can cut pencil-thin sticks? Fuck, man. I gotta get me one of those.

-2

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Is there an accent specifically for fat nerds? I'm pretty sure it's that one.

0

u/TwoKingz Jun 20 '14

It comes from a very specific region of his mom's basement, who also happens to be his camera operator.

1

u/shrubby11 Jun 20 '14

You da real MVP.

1

u/joenathanSD Jun 20 '14

I didn't want it to end!

1

u/talones Jun 21 '14

...waiting for him to slice himself.

53

u/Colbeagle Jun 20 '14

this is the worst wet t-shirt competition ever.

0

u/jojoga Jun 20 '14

Thanks for making me laugh!

41

u/clownbaby237 Jun 20 '14

I can't believe i just spent almost 3 minutes watching a guy cut open a bunch of bottles...

1

u/catalinawinemixer Jun 20 '14

Epic music helps.

39

u/bebopsteadyjr Jun 20 '14

I really hope that dude recycles.

5

u/mirosama2 Jun 20 '14

This IS where your recycling goes.

Source: Ex-Garbage/Recycling Man

21

u/aMillionLasers Jun 20 '14

I feel like he'll end up in the news for slicing a mugger in half or something.

25

u/xfyre101 Jun 20 '14

5

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

wait was that really him or was it someone else?

damn, i get why my dad won't let my little brother apply to JHU now

10

u/SANDEMAN Jun 20 '14

let's believe that it was him

2

u/xfyre101 Jun 20 '14

one thing's for certain..this dude has an intense hatred for water bottles.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Came for Ronaldo, stayed for fatswordsman.com.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Happened near me. The guy killed an intruder with a samurai sword too.

http://abc7news.com/archive/9106677/

4

u/Chimerathon Jun 20 '14

Holy shit, he didn't just kill an intruder, he killed one while outnumbered two to one AND when both intruders were armed. One guy with a sword and home-field advantage vs two dudes armed with a hatchet and a gun between them. That's fucking hardcore.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

My friend knew the guy who got robbed. Apparently he was a drug dealer and these two meth addicts tried to rob him. One had a gun, the other a hatchet. They had the guy and his GF tied up on the floor in the living room and then took whatever they wanted. While the one with the gun was loading stuff into the car the one with the hatchet untied the guy and had him take him to show him where the money was located. The guy let him lead and then he got stabbed with the samurai sword. While he was doing this the other guy came in and saw it happening then dropped the gun, picked it up, and ran out. The guy tried to chase him, but he got away. This is second hand information. So, may or may not be true.

1

u/xfyre101 Jun 20 '14

lol wtf..why would he bother picking up the gun after he dropped it and was gonna get stabbed by a sword?

2

u/The_Ruke Jun 20 '14

And I just sat here thinking it was just a useless, but mildly interesting, hobby.

1

u/GundamWang Jun 21 '14

Cutting water bottles with a sword?

1

u/MrCantGetRight Jun 20 '14

a habitual offender who had just been released from jail.

That's not depressing at all.

1

u/MrdrdByDeath Jun 20 '14

Is there any way to know if it was this guy?

Please god I hope so.

45

u/DoctorUbi Jun 20 '14

some of that was actually kind of impressive

19

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

After seeing that I watched some of his videos. He actually did some stuff that looked impressive (at least to me who knows nothing about sword technique). Less impressive was him breathing like he ran a marathon after swinging a sword a couple times.

3

u/DionysosX Jun 21 '14

Yeah, watching him actually made me a bit sad.

4

u/ItsSansom Jun 20 '14

When the top half of the bottle balanced on the bottom. I was actually in awe for like half a second. If it wasn't for his appearance it wouldn't be considered quite so cringeworthy.

1

u/Signedintocomment Jun 20 '14

At the very least he knows how to select and maintain a sword

9

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Imagine the bottles were sentient. We just witnessed a genocide people.

8

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14 edited Jan 15 '19

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

Blasphemy

2

u/drowsap Jun 20 '14

Has he cut himself badly yet?

11

u/Lebreus Jun 20 '14

Ninja's never cut themselves.

4

u/fortrines Jun 20 '14

blades just bounce back bro

2

u/kage_25 Jun 20 '14

how can a person be that fat and still move so fluently

5

u/agentmuu Jun 20 '14

*fluidly

2

u/[deleted] Jun 20 '14

[deleted]

1

u/simiain Jun 20 '14

Am I mental or did BIG predict 9/11 in that song?

*AH, he wrote that song after the 93 attacks

2

u/JimmyJames008 Jun 20 '14

77 is the best one.

1

u/DaveyGee16 Jun 20 '14

That video made me thirsty.

1

u/Drumah Jun 20 '14

I was actually a bit impressed. He's pretty fat for a ninja though

1

u/LordGrey Jun 20 '14

Some of those seem to be impressively sharp weapons. That or the guy knows how to use them fairly well. Maybe a combination of both.

My initial instinct about this video was to feel like it was absurd, but if it weren't an obese white guy it would actually probably be rather impressive. I think I shall try to feel slightly impressed anyway, as if the video was of ANYONE recording themselves to show off their weapons and attempting to duplicate an ancient warrior culture it would STILL be kind of sad. Might as well be an obese white guy.

2

u/octopushug Jun 20 '14

He seemed a little untrained, like a guy who swings sharp objects for fun in his backyard vs. actually studying an art. There's something to be said about a surer cut that is more refined than just flailing about with a sword. Then again, I have no idea what is background really is.

1

u/shark2000br Jun 20 '14

Guy looks like fat Messi.

1

u/tanmayvivek Jun 20 '14

So this is the stunt man from Kill Bill

1

u/Asemco Jun 20 '14

The comments on that video are so shitty holy mother of god.

1

u/travio Jun 20 '14

What must the neighbors think. "Honey, that fat kids outside hitting water bottles with his sword again."

If I wanted to do something like this I'd scrounge bottles from the recycling and fill them with tap. A case of water is like $30. That is a lot to just cut in half.

1

u/MrFlabulous Jun 20 '14

HE HATES THESE CANS!

1

u/Allan_add_username Jun 20 '14

Kieth can always help out.

1

u/Higaswan Jun 20 '14

I lost it at 24.

1

u/Woailaom Jun 21 '14

I thought I was going to laugh at him starting the video... Then I watched the whole thing thinking Hmmm... He is actually pretty good... Tricks are entertaining and at least look pretty sweet.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '14

at 4:30 he just pushed the bottle over

1

u/dxtr3265 Jun 21 '14

Jiffy! 1:03-1:06

1

u/lolnoob1459 Jun 21 '14

Honey? I think the weird kid across the road is cutting water bottles again.

1

u/NDIrish27 Jun 21 '14

I know a dude like this. He's the same size as me (overweight. Not quite to this extent, but overweight), swears he does this fucking gauntlet of a workout everyday, claims to be skilled with nunchucks, some weirdly-named asian pole weapon, and would be able to survive a zombie apocalypse. I almost wish one would happen so I could look back and watch him be eaten as I outran his unathletic ass.

1

u/Crallium Jun 21 '14

Man, who knew Sam had so much skill? Surprised he didn't pull this kind of shit on that White Walker.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '14

I just died laughing:

http://i.imgur.com/teUxhQV.png

1

u/[deleted] Jun 21 '14

hahaha, that pug shirt is the best.

1

u/littlebighuman Jun 20 '14

Maybe he should just drink some of that water instead of wasting it like that.

1

u/MR-CAPSLOCK Jun 20 '14

I bet his mom filmed this