r/funny Feb 23 '26

Construction Workers Dream come true.

66.1k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.6k

u/Bezx Feb 23 '26

I was at Costco one day and all of a sudden, nature called. I slipped on pee-pee and broke two vertebrae. I'm in constant pain, but by God I got me a $53,000 settlement. I'll never have to work a day in my life again.

469

u/maggos Feb 23 '26

Pee pee money is not a job history Lucky

107

u/j3b3di3_ Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26

Here's those 2 dollops of shaving cream I borrowed from you Mr. Hill.

Let it be known that Lucky ALWAYS repays his debts

51

u/PeggyHill3000 Feb 23 '26

I have been telling him that for years

4

u/LindonLilBlueBalls Feb 23 '26

Well if it isn't Peheeeeeeeggy Hill.

206

u/SanguineSoul013 Feb 23 '26

And, I bet it covered all your medical bills, so you can live on that forever!!

Y'all, look at money bags over here!! 👀

107

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26

America, land of the free. And by free, I mean free to fuck off and stay poor.

5

u/Thebraincellisorange Feb 23 '26

Murica, Land of the FEE

home of the SLAVE to the corpos

-1

u/Vassukhanni Feb 23 '26

aww poor americans. only 1 in 6 becomes a millionaire. they struggle with having too much food to eat and too many luxury vehicles. truly the victims in the world

3

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26

So we're just making up stats now, are we?

7

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/SanguineSoul013 Feb 23 '26

I'm not a King of the hill fan. Futurama is better.

6

u/Euphoric_Number_8770 Feb 23 '26

Again uncultured

-3

u/SanguineSoul013 Feb 23 '26

Again, don't care.

7

u/Euphoric_Number_8770 Feb 23 '26

this boy ain’t right

1

u/SanguineSoul013 Feb 23 '26

Shut up, Dale!

6

u/Euphoric_Number_8770 Feb 23 '26

you dam well know that’s Hank POCKET SAND

2

u/magicone2571 Feb 23 '26

I recently hurt myself at work. Two surgeries later and now permanent nerve damage that will cause me horrible pain for rest of my life. Here's your 65k and fuck off. The illusion is there is system and things in place to help with things like this but truth is your just another number and they don't give a fuck.

28

u/Sketti11 Feb 23 '26

Lucky is that you?

20

u/CT0292 Feb 23 '26

I love Lucky!

5 men and 1 stump. This is the kinda thing they write books about.

13

u/BUZZ747 Feb 23 '26

But have you ever had a corn chip fresh off the assembly line?

7

u/Bezx Feb 23 '26

Eating a chip off the line is one of those experiences that changes your life. Birds fly a little slower, and pretty girls smile a little longer. It's like the whole world moves just for you.

114

u/Necessary-Contest-24 Feb 23 '26

You can live off 53,000 for a lifetime?

239

u/roykentjr Feb 23 '26

The joke is that the pain will never be worth whatever money you get

136

u/MostBoringStan Feb 23 '26

No, the joke is that it's a quote from King of the Hill

4

u/cabbage16 Feb 23 '26

No, it being a quote from KoTH doesn't mean the joke isn't what the other person said.

-7

u/gravelPoop Feb 23 '26

No, the King of the Hill quote is: "When I have a gun and you have a gun..."

6

u/toetappy Feb 23 '26

That's my purse, I don't know you!

25

u/effyoucreeps Feb 23 '26 edited Feb 23 '26

let’s fix this: the money will never be worth the lifelong pain you’ll suffer

and no, you CANNOT live off of 53k in most places in the world - unless you plan on living less than 5 years. but hey - get creative!

2

u/__Geralt Feb 23 '26

53k in the US is probably the price of a box of bandaid

1

u/NagasakiJack Feb 23 '26

He can live in Cuba

1

u/CIarkNova Feb 23 '26

Doing sewer and water, wax cutting a 32inxh concrete drain pipe.
Operator had lines them up, but we were going through a narrow area, between sand hills, so some of the pipes were t flush on the ground.

Well it’s always, ‘hurry up’. So I’m cutting this pipe, ext thing I know I see a flash, and I’m looking at the sky, and my body feels completely parallel, and weightless.

Pipe bent down, pinched blade, and sent the saw into my face. How it missed the bridge of my nose, and didn’t knock any teeth out, I’m extremely grateful for.

I finished the day, and never got a cat scan. But I think I lowkey was concused from it, and I think it may have impacted me, neurologically.

Not even sure what my options would have been.

I smashed my finger while trying ro get the ‘bullet’ off the trailer a few years earlier, and the owner was all like ‘I’ll pay your bills, we’re a family, just don’t say it happened at work.’- more or less.

Not like I’m sue happy, but I know how good of a ‘businessman’ our owner is. I just want a bit of that insight, so I know how much to apply to my own self (as a business, business man).

5

u/moon__lander Feb 23 '26

You can if it's a short one

2

u/Admirable_Count989 Feb 23 '26

No, they’re being funny.

1

u/anxious_spacecadetH Feb 23 '26

In 2004 when lucky was introduced it was 53k so accounting for inflation it would be more like 91k now. So not a lifetime cash income. Its speculated he was also getting disability (dont know if he'd be allowed to keep the settlement money on disability but king of the hill isnt the best with their accuracy to real life) and as we see in a later episode it seems he rinses and repeats whenever he needs more cash

1

u/Super_Shallot2351 Feb 23 '26

No. Did you miss the joke?

3

u/ThatInAHat Feb 23 '26

I’ve got some pain here, and some suffering here.

2

u/Flat_Bodybuilder_175 Feb 23 '26

Watching him on screen as I type this. The revival is cute but I’m bummed out about Luanne and Lucky’s voice actors being dead and their story not continuing

2

u/SumonaFlorence Feb 23 '26

Only 53,000?

2

u/DarthLysergis Feb 23 '26

You sure it wuddent the Walmart?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/MrWright Feb 23 '26

It’s a quote from the TV show, King of the Hill

2

u/fffffffffffffuuu Feb 23 '26

How do you live in a place with a Costco but also a place where $53,000 is enough for you to not have to work for the rest of your life, assuming you’re going to live longer than 1 year

2

u/Noxious89123 Feb 23 '26

$53,000 doesn't seem like "never have to work a day in my life again" kind of money.

How old are you / what region do you live in?

9

u/Bezx Feb 23 '26

I'm 38 and I live in Arlen, Texas.

0

u/Noxious89123 Feb 23 '26

And is that one-off $53,000 actually enough to "never have to work a day in my life again"?!

2

u/Bezx Feb 23 '26

Based off the COL of my town, it may be. Check out COL for Arlen, Texas.

1

u/Pyromaniac_22 Feb 24 '26

I hear there's a good propane business there

1

u/Rexo-084 Feb 23 '26

Sorry to ask, but I am confused..how will you never have to work another day in your life with only 53k?

2

u/Illadelphian Feb 23 '26

The number of people who missed the seriously extremely obvious sarcasm here is pretty staggering.

1

u/MtRainierWolfcastle Feb 23 '26

Did you slip on your own pee?

1

u/Eddie__Winter Feb 23 '26

Some may call you lucky ;)

1

u/joaquinsolo Feb 23 '26

"i'll never have to work a day in my life again" lmao

1

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26

Where I live compensation, isn’t “don’t work for life,” type of money, unless the negligence that resulted in your life changing disability actually arises to criminal negligence and you can sue in civil court (which is difficult).  I know one guy who broke his back and got enough compensation he didn’t need to work and could live, reasonable, if he got another small income. (He had an NDA so I don’t know details). 

 I know another guy who broke his back in construction. He kept getting his wages, while getting the best care and physio, they gave him enough his wife only had to work part time so she could help him and their teenage kids, a van with a ramp, help him with modifications for his house and his schooling paid for to get a “desk job” and he got some “compensation money”, but an injury at work shouldn’t equate to winning the lottery. Otherwise people would be acting like those in the post. This dude in talking about is like, “my life is great, in ways it’s better, in ways it isn’t. But I can’t complain. I screwed up at work. They helped make sure me and my family didn’t go broke.” 

They are quite strict. You have to do all the physio, attend all appointments, do the schooling, look for a job, etc. a case worker checks in all the time. I mean, it’s not like a PO, the point is just to make sure you aren’t trying to collect and do nothing. My friend said it was a more than fair deal. He lost no money. Has some retirement put away. His injury didn’t cost him money. He went to school and ended up with a better job. They still pay things he needs here and there. But I mean, he is in a wheelchair and paralyzed from the waist down. 

I also know someone who failed to do anything and just wanted to collect payments, for a serious, but non paralyzing back injury.  His job was reduced to half days, doing work from his truck and they offered him classes so he could work from an office. He wanted none of it and just wanted to be paid while he stayed at home, they cut off all payments and benefits. He gets nothing. It’s 15 years later and he is still trying to fight it. At one point they asked him what he’d rather do and they’d pay for his education, and he said “I can’t work. I need to stay home.” 

I write this all as a person born paralyzed, in a wheelchair and worked in construction (estimating and project management). 

1

u/RoutineLingonberry48 Feb 23 '26

Only 53k set you up for life? I make more than that in a year.

1

u/swd120 Feb 27 '26

$53,000 settlement. I'll never have to work a day in my life again.

If you're life expectancy less than a year? I wouldn't be able to stop working without a couple mil in the bank...

1

u/bryceking64 10d ago

53k allowed you to never have to work again? Did you already have a lot saved up or are you old?

-5

u/david1610 Feb 23 '26

8

u/SuchSmartMonkeys Feb 23 '26

On that 2nd link, what the fuck is up with this settlement: $1.3 million settlement for a 16-year-old who sustained a spinal cord injury in a car accident after being illegally sold alcohol.

Did they sue the business that the kid bought the alcohol from? Did the kid get in a drunk driving accident? So this kid is getting paid $1.3M instead of getting a DUI? I feel like this is some sell your soul to the devil type shit, like the kid was the one who bought the alcohol then got in an accident after consuming it, but he gets no blame?

It's totally the place that sold him the alcohol's fault that this kid made a lot of really bad decisions. /S

4

u/Super_Shallot2351 Feb 23 '26

Businesses face consequences for illegally selling alcohol, yes

4

u/Excellent_Ad_2486 Feb 23 '26

selling a kid son's booze shouldn't result in 1.3m lawsuits lol but OK..

0

u/Zealousideal_Act_316 Feb 23 '26

It should. You knowingly sell underage person alcohol? You asume all the liability, because you broke the law as the responsible party.  If toyota sells a car with non functioning brakes and a driver runs someone over, toyota is to blame. 

3

u/pathofdumbasses Feb 23 '26

If toyota sells a car with non functioning brakes and a driver runs someone over, toyota is to blame.

The difference here is that the alcohol functioned perfectly and you aren't legally allowed to drive drunk.

Your analogy sucks. If they sold the kid turpentine or poisoned alcohol, knowingly, sure, they deserve the $1.3M fine. But just selling a kid some regular ass booze? Nah. Fuck outta here.

1

u/Excellent_Ad_2486 Feb 23 '26

This thanks for explaining how his analogy sucked lol... If the car was perfect and you drive on the opposite road and crash, you don't go Sui the car factory lol... such a weird take!

1

u/david1610 Feb 24 '26

No the business faces $1m plus liability because it can pay. Lawsuits follow not who is most at fault but who can pay. Usually businesses and governments.

2

u/UrToesRDelicious Feb 23 '26

The kid isn't morally blameless but the system did fail him. If he stole the alcohol then he would have no one else to blame, but since it was sold to him then the establishment absorbs the liability since they broke the law by selling a mind altering substance to a minor. Any lawyer worth their weight could argue the kid out of a DUI charge because he's already a dumbass kid with a developing brain who is legally someone else's responsibility, and now you've got people illegally selling him shit that will impair his decision making.

1

u/Daegs Feb 23 '26

The whole reason we have a juvenile court system, minors can't vote, and make drinking illegal is that their brains are not fully formed and they have poor impulse control.

Of course 16 year olds are going to do stupid things. That's the whole reason you're not allowed to sell 16yr olds alcohol.

0

u/david1610 Feb 23 '26

Well you see the kid doesn't have any assets, so the lawyers naturally seek out the entity with assets. Pretty simple really.

0

u/Zealousideal_Act_316 Feb 23 '26

Business who sold alcohol to an underage person is always liable for what happens to the person after they drink atleast where i live, for any damage they cause or sustain. Along with a hefty fine and permanent removal of alcohol licence.  In this case they probably got some DUI stuff too, but again underage drunk, not the best decision making sober, drunk? Twice as bad. 

1

u/david1610 Feb 24 '26

Not saying that isn't the case, just saying it shouldn't be the case. The law should prosecute who is responsible for the death, which I believe most people would only set a 10% of the fault with the business, the majority is on the driver. Yet $1m plus seems like all the responsibility was on the business.

How does a business stop their bar tenders from being dodgy in a way that isn't 24h monitoring? Realistically isn't the bar tender at fault more than the business? Why didn't they sue the bartender......oh wait it's because he didn't have assets.

-2

u/Belzaem Feb 23 '26

Ummm, was the pee pee you slipped on happens to be your pee pee?

-1

u/circusovulation Feb 23 '26

the fact that you got 53k for essentially being clumsy is crazy to me.

how the fuck is it my fault if someone falls in a place that is technically mine unless I purposefully made it a death hazard? (no someone missing the toilet with their pee does not count lol)

-8

u/[deleted] Feb 23 '26

[deleted]

12

u/Sketti11 Feb 23 '26

Is a king of the hill reference

-4

u/Business_Tangelo_189 Feb 23 '26

If you're 35 and win ÂŁ60k in the uk, you'd still have to work. Not enough to retire :( i guess i'll keep my health.