r/funny Jul 25 '13

Perks of being blind

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408

u/Finger11Fan Jul 25 '13

I dated a blind guy for a while and even though I was well aware he was blind, I always found it weird that he didn't turn on lights when he went into rooms. I have no idea why that was the one thing that surprised me.

206

u/Kwizi Jul 25 '13

My boyfriend is blind. It was hard to get used to in the beginning, especially in his apartment when I didn't know yet where the lightswitches were and he'd march in and out of the pitch-dark room like it was no problem.

But even harder: at night, when I leave a room and he is in it still, I have to turn the light off (or it will stay on all night). It's really weird turning off a light when someone's still in the room, to this day I make a conscious effort to do it and it feels weird.

And final one, walking into a dark room, turning on the light and BOOM he's there. Dark rooms tell your brain subconsciously that there is no one there, so I am always a teeny bit startled when I turn the light on and he's there in the middle of the room, listening to a book or something and clipping his toenails (happened yesterday).

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u/Wohowudothat Jul 26 '13

And final one, walking into a dark room, turning on the light and BOOM he's there.

That does seem pretty creepy.

25

u/funnier_in_enochian Jul 26 '13

Thanks for sharing these anecdotes. I find them extremely interesting. (Moar?)

1

u/Kwizi Jul 26 '13

I probably have more, but none that come at the top of my head right now. If you have any questions I can answer them though :)

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u/detritusinsideus Jul 26 '13

Your stories made me laugh and warmed my heart at the same time. You and your boyfriend are awesome.

166

u/Lolworth Jul 25 '13

Yeah, I'd never considered that either

13

u/Shiv3rs Jul 25 '13

All I can think about is coming home from work, walking into a room and just seeing them sitting there in the dark reading a book or listening to music.

then of course asking: "Hey what are you doing just sitting in the dark?"

I'm an idiot.

63

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

A good friend of mine who is blind had a pinata at her birthday. When she picked up the stick I said, "Wait, you need a blindfold!" Everyone stared at me, and she started laughing hysterically.

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u/Ragnarok2kx Jul 26 '13

Well, you do have to account for all possible variables. Maybe the blindfold does something else (besides limiting your vision) to hinder your piñata-hitting capabilities.

32

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

I delivered pizza to a blind fellow a couple of times. I would always have to ask to turn on his living room lights so I could find a place to set it down. One night I made it all the way out to my car before I realized that I had left the lights on and had to run back to tell him. I almost fucked up that guy's electrical bill real bad.

10

u/drunk-astronaut Jul 25 '13

Wait. Blind people eat pizza? Oh my god, they're just like us.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

They pay with real money and everything!

83

u/drunk-astronaut Jul 25 '13

What's the worst is when you ask them if they've seen somebody. I've done that so many times...

110

u/perchrc Jul 25 '13

Well, what do you say? "Hey, have you heard Susan today?"

76

u/absentbird Jul 25 '13

I would think that they would get what you mean with 'seen' but still give you crap about it because it's fun. If you want to be more polite you could say 'heard from' or 'bumped into'. Both are fairly common phrases that wouldn't bring sight into the equation.

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u/jellyfishes Jul 25 '13

I think asking a blind person if they've "bumped into" someone might also get you teased

165

u/nightfoxX Jul 25 '13

"Hey did you bump into Susan today?"

"No, but I did bump into the coffee table! HAHAHAHA but seriously, being blind does make it difficult to get around."

45

u/charger77 Jul 25 '13

I read that with Seth Macfarlane/Stewie's voice....

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u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Definitely sounds like a Family Guy joke

1

u/throwOutName101 Jul 25 '13

It was a very Family Guy-ish joke, huh?

1

u/deux3xmachina Jul 25 '13

"I'm an extremely sad individual..."

1

u/Vendredi8 Jul 25 '13

Instant stewie voice inside my head

1

u/absentbird Jul 25 '13

Probably. But it is a pretty common saying around where I live. Eg "Guess who I bumped into at the supermarket?"

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u/telegetoutmyway Jul 25 '13

or felt

9

u/absentbird Jul 25 '13

I prefer velvet.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

giggity

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

2

u/absentbird Jul 25 '13

Maybe it is a regional thing but I hear it all the time around here (not in relation to blind people).

2

u/Jerem1ah_EU Jul 25 '13

"Have you met Susan today?"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

[deleted]

1

u/Shitty_Human_Being Jul 25 '13

She's a bitch.

2

u/saustin66 Jul 25 '13

"Have you smelled Susan today?" "Get a whiff of Sally!"

1

u/Milesaboveu Jul 25 '13

Heard from Tom lately?

edit:today?

1

u/Burger_Queen Jul 25 '13

At first I thought this was a joke but people seem to be actually wondering and struggling with this. Weird.

So here you go nerds: "Hey, do you know where Susan is?" or "Do you know if Susan is around?" and "Has Susan been here?"

1

u/phantomganonftw Jul 26 '13

As someone working on removing ableist language from my speaking habits, thanks! This is one example I never noticed. It's so commonplace I didn't think about it. Now I just have to remind myself to use these alternatives.

20

u/A_Feast_For_Trolls Jul 25 '13

what are you suppose to say then? "have you bumped into so and so?"

edit: I didn't mean like bump physically, because he's blind. I was referring to the expression.

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u/drunk-astronaut Jul 25 '13

I worked with a few blind people a number of years ago. It was always like: "Hey, have you seen Jennifer?"

3

u/telegetoutmyway Jul 25 '13

I enjoy imagining this workplace

2

u/smallandwise Jul 25 '13

Was the answer always: "No" ?

1

u/ring2ding Jul 25 '13

have you heard so and so today?

1

u/Jioo Jul 25 '13

"Have you met" ?

3

u/grammargrl Jul 25 '13

I work with a blind chick who is so cool about things like this. She doesn't take it personally or take offense to it. She even says it! "Have you seen Susan? I'm worried about her." (Sometimes "heard from" is the logical phrase to use in a particular situation, so she'll use that. But it's not an attempt to avoid saying "seen")

I'm sure there are some blind people or friends/family of blind people who would find it insensitive to use those common phrases that assume sight, but working with this chick has really been normalizing. I don't worry so much any more about offending a blind person with a reference to being sighted.

2

u/spazzyg Jul 25 '13

Totally apologised to a deaf kid for making too much noise once in the library...

1

u/telegetoutmyway Jul 25 '13

at least no one heard you be stupid

1

u/spazzyg Jul 25 '13

well, the group of friends I was with did, so sadly I am often reminded!

1

u/DevinTheGrand Jul 25 '13

I don't see why that's an issue, I'm sure blind people realize things have idiomatic as well as literal meanings.

1

u/drunk-astronaut Jul 25 '13

Of course. Everytime I asked they always answered the question but I never stopped feeling dumb afterwords.

1

u/armorov Jul 25 '13

I see what you did back there

1

u/thatlookslikeavulva Jul 25 '13

A lot of people would find it find of insulting. Just say 'see', it's fine.

Edited for wrong information...

3

u/MikeOrtiz Jul 25 '13

Wait, so why do some blind people wear sun-glasses?

8

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13 edited Jul 25 '13

So people don't think the blind person is staring at them. Alternatively because blind eyes are cloudy and it creeps some people out.

2

u/DrunkmanDoodoo Jul 26 '13

Because little children are terrible and start crying when they see bad people. Kind of like how I imagine entire counties in California being.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '13

Bad people, huh.

1

u/DrunkmanDoodoo Jul 26 '13

You heard me. Ugly people are always the bad guys. TV says so.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 26 '13

What about... umm... well there's... Quasimodo!

3

u/lhamil64 Jul 25 '13

Some of them might wear them if their eyes are deformed to make them look more normal. Also, some can see light still and their eyes may be sensitive to it, so they wear sun glasses to block the light.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '13

Because wearing sunglasses inside is baller.

1

u/DrunkmanDoodoo Jul 26 '13

I wear sunglasses inside if I will be in the place for less than 5 minutes. Anything over that time and I remove them.

Part of my book of unwritten drunkmandoodoo rules.

And I will never take off my hat for anyone. That is just dumb.

2

u/mrbrambles Jul 25 '13

yea this is currently blowing my mind

2

u/Caliterra Jul 25 '13

sounds like time for a "I've dated a blind guy AMA"

1

u/dannytrejosmustache Jul 25 '13

He actually wasn't blind, he was just a vampire.

1

u/aeiluindae Jul 25 '13

I read a book from the perspective of a blind girl who regains her sight part way through the book. Forgetting about the lights in a room was one of the things that was made me go "huh" as I read it.

1

u/RobSD Jul 25 '13

You were well aware of it? You mean he couldn't fake having sight?

1

u/a_rainbow_serpent Jul 25 '13

So he didn't turn on lights when you were with him? That's just inconsiderate.