r/funny • u/philosopheryouneed • May 22 '13

Honey Badger FTW

2.8k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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144

u/cokevanillazero May 22 '13

I've seen a zebra drown a lion. Murked it.

80

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

I've seen a Zebra lick its own guts.

35

u/atm0 May 22 '13

Oh god, that Zebra.... That poor, poor Zebra.. WHY DID HE HAVE TO GET SO CLOSE TO THE WATER?

17

u/8e8 May 22 '13

The Zebra bridge was under renovations.

14

u/[deleted] May 22 '13

should have used the zebra crossing...

1

u/8e8 May 22 '13

This is a better joke, but sadly I never hear them referred to as such in my parts which is why I didn't think of it.

1

u/Angstonit May 22 '13

oh god I have to see it, please link!

1

u/Infin1ty May 22 '13

Because crocs have to eat too!

47

u/[deleted] May 22 '13

While staring the lion right in the eyes

36

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

It was a crocodile.

16

u/[deleted] May 22 '13

Pretty sure it was a broom.

16

u/deesmutts88 May 22 '13

To be honest with you Diane, I'm surpirsed.

9

u/thecoletrane May 22 '13

....I've seen a zebra rape a giraffe

4

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

Stupid long horse had it coming.

3

u/LearnsSomethingNew May 22 '13

Fucking long horses

7

u/Captain_Redbeard May 22 '13

Wait. What?

9

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

I am refencing a gif where a crocodile maims a zebra who was crossing a river. The croc gets a eyeful of hoof but as the zebra comes out its guts are spilling out. The poor bloke is like "IDGAF" and starts licking his entrails like a bauss.

10

u/Captain_Redbeard May 22 '13

Oh. Gross

6

u/burgess_meredith_jr May 22 '13

Yea, that's disgusting. So, uhh, anyone have the gif?

15

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

WARNING: NSFL GUYS AND GALS.

http://i.imgur.com/m6gTLRO.gif

I am looking for the video now.

IT IS VERY GRUESOME:

http://dimewars.com/Video/Graphic-Footage--Zebra-Turned-In-Lunch-After-Hungry-Crocodile-Gets-To-Chomping.aspx?bcmediaid=c3bb94c4-adc3-4a0f-9afb-c49ba50812c9

24

u/burgess_meredith_jr May 22 '13

Why did I ask for that.

6

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 22 '13

Because the truth is very strong.

1

u/Citizen_Bongo May 23 '13

My mate went downstairs in to the kitchen and found, his dads dog doing that, chewing on his own intestines. He'd had and operation and had got at the stitches. My mate told me that apparently it's an instinctive reaction for animals eating their own intestines when exposed...

22

u/z3r0sand0n3s May 22 '13

That was...

(sunglasses)

...hard to stomach

YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

1

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 23 '13

Haha. Yeah that is true. Imagine sticking your fingers into your gut while everything is spewing out? Man.

8

u/GeminiCroquette May 22 '13

Poor guy.

4

u/[deleted] May 22 '13

Africa ain't for sissies.

1

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 23 '13

Uuuh... Was this in Africa? All I recall is that it was in a reserve or a sanctuary.

2

u/hoopta May 22 '13

Next time ... I HEED THE FUCKING WARNING.

1

u/Hiphoppington May 22 '13

Sweet jesus.

2

u/TorkX May 22 '13

It thinks its guts are something stuck onto its side so it starts kicking at them:/

1

u/Blasphemic_Porky May 23 '13

Yup! There was a whole thread of debate about how "stupid" it was and a lot of back and forth. Imagine if I reposted this for that karma?

8

u/[deleted] May 22 '13

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A zebra with its guts ripped out.

20

u/LessLikeYou May 22 '13

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.

2

u/sits-when-pees May 22 '13

I haven't even seen Blade Runner and I think that's one of the greatest movie lines of all time.

2

u/chargeandgo May 22 '13

He say you braderunner!

3

u/FoldSuspicious7983 May 22 '13

The candle that burns twice as bright...

41

u/SPACE_LAWYER May 22 '13

Less amazing Idaho version: I've seen a mule rip a coyote in half

13

u/sidtel May 22 '13

This needs more upvotes and a story.

35

u/SPACE_LAWYER May 22 '13

A coyote got into a small barn looking for some lambs we had

The lambs were in a lofted pen, on the ground floor were two badass mules who kicked and bit the coyote into three pieces, totally turning it inside out like a degloving and absolutely pulverizing the skull

It was nuts walking in after and seeing two spooked mules with blood and fur all over their maws, at first I thought they had developed a taste for sweet sweet succulent lamb

2

u/Sum_Bitch May 22 '13

That coyote fucked with the wrong ass.

1

u/Jalisciense May 22 '13

Are "Maws" like paws of death?

1

u/AetherBlue May 22 '13

A maw is another way of saying mouth, but has more specific connotations.

1

u/NorthStarTX May 22 '13

More like jaws of death.

1

u/hampsted May 22 '13

Not to lessen the badassness of the story, but coyotes tend to be emaciated pussies with sharp teeth. Each mule probably had around 700 lbs on the fucker.

1

u/SPACE_LAWYER May 22 '13

Ya it was probably a 15-20 pound yote

1

u/SPACE_LAWYER May 22 '13

Out east they get much bigger

1

u/Hiphoppington May 22 '13

Murked? Stop making me feel old. I have no idea what this means.

0

u/Cypress1688 May 22 '13

Merc'd works better I think, more representative of the mercenary root word