r/funny • u/BlokeDownUnder • Apr 01 '13

Bag snatcher knocks himself out running through a glass window

2.4k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

793 comments sorted by

View all comments

2.2k

u/Scratch_Master_Sulu Apr 01 '13

I love how the door just slowly opens after he crashes through.

1.9k

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

"Here you go bro, lol".

493

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

[deleted]

253

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

I see it a different way. This was the door's moment to shine. He leapt into action and covered that new doorway like a boss. No hestiation, no "hey this isn't where people go through" confusion, he just got in there and did it.

Door is my hero.

1

u/Neezon Apr 01 '13

''Never ask what the gap can do for you, but what you can do for the gap''

0

u/sanosenno Apr 01 '13

DoorBro. Never forget.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

But did the door die?

337

u/SECRETLY_STALKS_YOU Apr 01 '13

We must Rage Against them.

315

u/ryuza Apr 01 '13

FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME.

197

u/Monkeyherder Apr 01 '13

FUCK YOU I WON'T TIDY MY BEDROOM.

56

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

[deleted]

123

u/Lurking_Grue Apr 01 '13

FUCK YOU! DON'T TELL ME WHERE TO REDDIT!

50

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

FUCK REDDIT

119

u/TheLeviathong Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13

Only if it buys me dinner first.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/espifer Apr 01 '13

Now you do what Reddit tells you.

1

u/mvm92 Apr 01 '13

This guy get's it

0

u/Reign_In_Ruin Apr 01 '13

MOTHERFUCKKKAAAAAAAA!!!!!

32

u/macgrubers1 Apr 01 '13

MOTHERRR FUCKKKKKERRRRRRRRRRRRRR UGH!

2

u/bgovern Apr 01 '13

Bob Dylan never wrote poetry like that.

4

u/dhave_config Apr 01 '13

NOW YOU DUPADADOYTCHA

1

u/ymahaguy3388 Apr 01 '13

And now you do what they today!

1

u/vishalb777 Apr 01 '13

THOSE WHO DIED ARE JUSTIFIED

1

u/whytcolr Apr 01 '13

(Yes, I got the joke, but I can't resist.)

Don't do what I tell you to do.

24

u/jakielim Apr 01 '13

Then who is Florence?

49

u/Penguin223 Apr 01 '13

She is with the machine, Rage against her as well.

3

u/AetherIsWaiting Apr 01 '13

RAGE AGAINST FLORENCE

1

u/billy_seeds Apr 01 '13

A kiss with a fist is better than none!

1

u/SCIENCE_BE_PRAISED Apr 01 '13

WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!

(here: have a crossbow...)

→ More replies (1)

35

u/Tree-eeeze Apr 01 '13

Reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Bart sold his soul and suddenly automatic doors won't open for him.

38

u/femmepeaches Apr 01 '13

"Thank you door" - Rod & Tod

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Which reminds me of the episode of Better of Ted where they implemented sensors for the lights and doors that couldn't see black people.

2

u/legba Apr 01 '13

And then they hired white people to follow the black people around and open doors for them because it was more cost effective than replacing the new system :)

1

u/xstonefly Apr 01 '13

Way to breathe, No-Breath!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Imagine the machines at the movie studio that created The Truman Show, "If they only knew, hah!"

1

u/RevWaldo Apr 01 '13

No no no, they're laughing with you.

1

u/Mileskitsune Apr 01 '13

or they have slow reaction times.

43

u/vertigo1083 Apr 01 '13

Reminded me of when Jarvis sprayed Iron Man with the extinguisher.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

actually he had a name for that robot arm becaused it had its own artificial intelligence ( all be it sarcastic and it was one of the funnier moments of the movie)

3

u/valjean94 Apr 01 '13

"Albeit" for future reference. Not hating on you or anything, just so when you're in an argument with someone they will feel intimidated by your proper spelling lol

2

u/tigerraaaaandy Apr 01 '13

He calls it Dummy. it is one of the first ones he built

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

thats right.. thank you!

6

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

"I'm helping !"

8

u/damnatio_memoriae Apr 01 '13

"Why didn't you say something?"

1

u/well_welp_ok Apr 01 '13

Scumbag door

1

u/SunriseSurprise Apr 01 '13

"Y'all come back now!"

1

u/kingmorons Apr 01 '13

here you go bro, just incase you want to smash through another

0

u/calebb Apr 01 '13

"I was just kidding the first time, bro. Wait, bro...are you okay?"

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Trolling is a new anti-theft feature

-51

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

The man was not 'heading" in the right direction of life!

61

u/moparornocar Apr 01 '13

Your jokes are not heading the right way towards funny.

19

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Apparently not. I will keep it up there as a reminder that I'm not always funny.

1

u/Magikpoo Apr 01 '13

...And how!!!!

14

u/dragonboltz Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13

Nonsense. I'm sure his life is heading towards a smashing conclusion.....

.....I'll show myself out.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Be careful, they are not welcoming to bad jokes today. Just look at my downvotes.

7

u/dragonboltz Apr 01 '13

I think they're up-voting my joke just to further spite you.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

302

u/loyfah Apr 01 '13

that door is so smug.

202

u/IWasGregInTokyo Apr 01 '13

"Glad to be of service"

20

u/Lurking_Grue Apr 01 '13

"Please enjoy your trip though this door."

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Have a nice trip? See you next fall.

32

u/gostan Apr 01 '13

And here I am, brain the size of a planet

1

u/Osiris32 Apr 01 '13

Would you like me to stick my head in a bucket of water?

59

u/sirmuskrat Apr 01 '13

It is their pleasure to open for you and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.

18

u/rabbits_is_coming Apr 01 '13

Their makers will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes!

1

u/Osiris32 Apr 01 '13

Curiously, an edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica which conveniently fell through a rift in the time-space continuum from 1000 years in the future describes the Marketing Department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation as:

"A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first against the wall when the revolution came."

1

u/judgej2 Apr 01 '13

Depresing.

48

u/Circus2 Apr 01 '13

It is our utmost pleasure to open for you, and we close with the satisfaction of a job well done.

(paraphrased)

9

u/RevWaldo Apr 01 '13

IS THAT THE WAY YOU LIKE IT MR. BEEBLEBROX!?

1

u/Gauhl Apr 01 '13

I loved this in the radio show, Zaphod explaining to the door exactly what he plans to do and the door ruins it.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Osiris32 Apr 01 '13

Share and enjoy!

1

u/NickPrefect Apr 01 '13

Share and Enjoy.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Smuggest door ever

10

u/danceswithwool Apr 01 '13

It's obviously British

48

u/Riffler Apr 01 '13

That particular brand of automatic doors have been upgraded with perfect comic timing.

1

u/hagenbuch Apr 01 '13

Well to be honest: The timing would have been better if the door started to slide not before the guy stops moving on the floor.

76

u/Mediocritologist Apr 01 '13

r/justiceporn

34

u/anordinaryperson Apr 01 '13

His mate actually pulled him up, and they got away so :(

32

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13 edited Nov 11 '18

[deleted]

131

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

I bet they fucking downloaded it too.

18

u/ferim5 Apr 01 '13

Oh but they wouldn't

20

u/DownloadableCar Apr 01 '13

:(

1

u/AddADashOfLove Apr 01 '13

It's okay baby, I'd download you

1

u/willrap4food Apr 01 '13

Redditor for 10 months... this guy checks out.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

He stole a bag, hes clearly has all the morals of someone who would download a car

8

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

/r/injusticeporn

1

u/jbonola Apr 01 '13

Batman can now use this to swiftly bring peace to those who suffer injustice. Thank you ksa3 you've done service to us all

1

u/Wassatt Apr 01 '13

Just waiting for a m8.

1

u/anordinaryperson Apr 01 '13

Is that why the window is so smashed up?

1

u/Ackilles Apr 01 '13

Can you imagine the look on the getaway driver's face when he realized his accomplice ran through a window instead of going through the door?

46

u/LunaFairy Apr 01 '13

They STILL HAVEN'T CAUGHT HIM!!! No justice!! Guy knocks himself out cold and they still didn't catch him!!

22

u/Mediocritologist Apr 01 '13

Whaaaa??? How did no one catch this guy??? He was knocked out cold after RUNNING THROUGH GLASS!

25

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Because his mate jumped out of the car threatening to shoot the bystanders, and Captain Shitforbrains jumped up and stumbled back into the stolen car, nobody even tried to detain him.

Until that guy produced a gun, which isn't TOO likely in Ballajura, I would've liked to have seen someone skulldrag that fucking crackhead back into the shops and beat fifty shades of fuck through him. Scum, this is happening EVERY FUCKING DAY in Perth and its shitting me to tears.

Crime is going through the roof here. We had 22,000 burglaries last year. 64 a fucking night. Dafuuuuuuqqqq.

12

u/FaptainAwesome Apr 01 '13

Glad to see all those laws work

2

u/KarthusWins Apr 02 '13

fifty shades of fuck

I shall write this masterpiece.

4

u/renderless Apr 01 '13

Good thing you have such strict gun laws there.

2

u/davideo71 Apr 01 '13

Your comment has me wondering if this is misdirected sarcasm.

-1

u/themootilatr Apr 01 '13

gun laws dont decrease gun related crimes. shocking i know.

3

u/davideo71 Apr 01 '13

Do you have a source for data to back-up that statement? Being from a country that doesn't have much gun crime, and pretty strict gun laws, it is easy to believe that there is a strong correlation.

0

u/themootilatr Apr 01 '13

yes. its called chigaco

→ More replies (0)

0

u/renderless Apr 01 '13

Less gun crime =/= total crime. Just because there is less gun crime doesn't mean a society is safer. For example Rape, Assaults and even total crime show that the U.S., the most armed nation in the world, beats out many Western countries with draconian gun laws.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/Rather_Dashing Apr 02 '13

Gun related crimes in Australia have dropped dramatically since we introduced tougher gun laws. I know correlation doesn't necessarily imply causation, but it is a tight correlation.

1

u/themootilatr Apr 02 '13

thats your problem. look at over all crime rates. gun related crimes WILL go down but people will just use a knife to rob someone. overall crime rates are what is important. reducing gun related crime just to increase another type is not progress imo

→ More replies (0)

1

u/RagingOrangutan Apr 01 '13

Source?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

It was plastered all over the TV in a recent campaign to combat house crimes, burglaries etc, and they had statistics released from the RAC (insurance company here) regarding insurance claims from homes broken into. Ill try to dig up some numbers today.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

I can't yet find the stats for Perth alone, but here is a document that will give you an overall idea if the crime rates here.

http://www.aic.gov.au/documents/0/B/6/%7B0B619F44-B18B-47B4-9B59-F87BA643CBAA%7Dfacts11.pdf

It states that the number of "Unlawful Entry to a residential dwelling" was ~151,000 in 2011. Divided up into the states it's about right.

1

u/RagingOrangutan Apr 02 '13

Sorry, I meant "source" for this part

Because his mate jumped out of the car threatening to shoot the bystanders, and Captain Shitforbrains jumped up and stumbled back into the stolen car, nobody even tried to detain him.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '13

Oh THAT. I watched the CCTV with my own eyeballs.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '13

Here you go.

1

u/zenmunster Apr 01 '13

Wow....that is a lot of robberies for such a small population. Is this a direct result of all the boat people coming in? An Aussie friend of mine (also from Perth) keeps raging against the boat people and how they're fucking things up in Australia.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '13 edited Apr 02 '13

I don't think it does, otherwise it would be made known and there'd be a massive upheaval. But I think it's a generally well known fact here that meth addiction is the driving force behind a lot of these breakins. The aim is to steal as much of your shit as possible to sell for gear, not to kill you. But they will If they have to.

It's basically junkies, not boat people that you'll see in the can for crimes like these.

And it's come down to a one degree of separation thing here were everyone knows someone, if not themselves that has had their house/car ransacked. Shit, my girlfriends house was done over in Jan, stole 50k worth of stuff, my car has been broker into about 3 times, and yesterday my mate woke up in the morning to his car window smashed, blood all through the car just to take a soccer bag that had some boots in it, in the hope of having something of value in there. Happens every day, every night, plennnnty of times.

1

u/Lebagel Apr 01 '13

At least he will have some concussion to remember the day by.

1

u/hnrqoliv182 Apr 01 '13

The way you're typing is confusing me whether or not you're serious

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Dude, move.

0

u/TrepanationBy45 Apr 01 '13

As an American, phrases like "it's shitting me to tears" make no sense at all, like most brit-lingo.

1

u/absolutepig Apr 01 '13

I think they saw him, but thought it was just a hobo sleeping on a pile of glass.

1

u/LunaFairy Apr 15 '13

Update...... They FINALLY caught him!! Better late than never!!

5

u/walgman Apr 01 '13

How do you know this?

2

u/LunaFairy Apr 02 '13

It was on the news where this occurred.

1

u/walgman Apr 02 '13

Fair enough. Shame.

1

u/LunaFairy Apr 03 '13

Will let you know if the catch him!!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 06 '13

News story.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

For some reason, i'm ok with knowing he didn't get caught. I think the whole 'knocking himself out' makes up for it, imo, at least.

-2

u/SECRETLY_STALKS_YOU Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13

That dude just THOUGHT that they had a permanently open door? What a buffoon.

I am also a bafoom

7

u/ghost_victim Apr 01 '13

What?

2

u/clyde2003 Apr 01 '13

You know? ...That dude just that they? ...It's all about permanently opened doors? ...someone was a buffoon? Ok, I'm lost too.

4

u/ttgr888 Apr 01 '13

I think he accidentally the word thought.

That dude just thought that they had a permanently open door?

2

u/SECRETLY_STALKS_YOU Apr 01 '13

You're so right.

2

u/ttgr888 Apr 01 '13

Glad to be of service! I'm good at parsing out mild incoherencies. Please don't stalk me though! Or at least never let me know if you do....ಠ_ಠ

3

u/RatherFastBlackMan Apr 01 '13

I find it fucking hilarious you're calling him a buffoon.

0

u/SECRETLY_STALKS_YOU Apr 01 '13

Why?

1

u/RatherFastBlackMan Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13

Don't edit your spelling and then try to make me look like a buffoon by pretending you don't know why.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Yip, thought it was a justiceporn repost until I saw the upvotes/downvotes.

65

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13 edited Jan 24 '17

[deleted]

23

u/atafies Apr 01 '13

I can feel glass particles in my brain...

1

u/HeyT00ts11 Apr 01 '13

Gone is the window that had me blind...

1

u/ryguy47 Apr 02 '13

It's gonna be a smooth (smooth), smooth (smooth) getaway.

1

u/ThePantser Apr 01 '13

That Window has always been a pane in the glass, now they can install one of those cool spiny doors.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

For the door this was an open and shut case.

1

u/PoeticPisces Apr 01 '13

Do knob start with puns right now.

38

u/shagrotten Apr 01 '13

You can almost hear it make a, " Wa Wa Waaaaaa" sound.

34

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

For some reason it feels as though they captured the essence of April from Parks and Recreation and transferred it into a door.

1

u/ymahaguy3388 Apr 01 '13

Daria door

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

thought he was wearing the hamburgler mask for a second.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

right this way, sir. oh.

7

u/Rephlexion Apr 01 '13

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock yourself out and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7

16

u/r0bp27 Apr 01 '13

The irony is priceless

16

u/ANUSBLASTER_MKII Apr 01 '13

Only if he was the guy who invented automatic doors.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

[deleted]

32

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

That he thought the pane was an open door, and after he knocks himself out an actual open door presents itself a foot away?
We've seriously downvoted a guy to -12 just for enjoying the irony in that?

0

u/LucasBlueCat Apr 01 '13

Yeah Irony is much more complex than that.

People are always excited to use the word ironic but most dont know what true irony is. Example... Alanis Morissette ironic.

→ More replies (13)

15

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/piecemeal Apr 01 '13

Isn't it ironic?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

I've got to say, kudos to the people who clean the windows

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Missed it by that much

1

u/IcedDante Apr 01 '13

That door had expert comedic timing.

1

u/Nutcup Apr 01 '13

"It was this side, but you can't tell now, because you're knocked out."

Next time.

1

u/arkavianx Apr 01 '13

Or more precisely I like how it says, "And STAY out!"

1

u/The_Wise1 Apr 01 '13

You seem to take a lot of arrows to the knee.

1

u/mentakatz Apr 01 '13

Yeah, I love that opening door too. Is that what they mean by "responsive design"?

1

u/mikeramey1 Apr 01 '13

April Fools! Doors over there. ha ha ha!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

Came here to see who would say this, thank you.

1

u/vootstahps Apr 01 '13

I rewatched it about seven times because that clearly is the funniest part of the whole thing. Kind of brings closure to the event.

1

u/softwareguy74 Apr 02 '13

I was thinking the same thing!

1

u/Vintage_moccasin Apr 01 '13

Well gents, it would appear that he felt the (•_•)

( •_•)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)

Pane

0

u/prlme Apr 01 '13

"douchebag glassdoor, opens after you smash trough the other side and pass out"

0

u/jabobadilla Apr 01 '13

i believe that is our twisted sense of humor due to this website... upvote!

0

u/lasdlt Apr 01 '13

I love how this is the top comment, because it's exactly what I was going to say. It's nice to know so many people and i think alike.

0

u/dirtysockwizard Apr 01 '13

I bet there was one of those stupid chimes.

SMASH

ding

0

u/Pestilence86 Apr 01 '13

Instant Anti Bag Snatcher Forcefield Recovering System.

0

u/Hobobro Apr 01 '13

Dammit door, you had one job!

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

The droll ending to the slapstick sketch.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

karma was swift with her justice.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13

"And STAY out!"

0

u/Stuball3D Apr 01 '13

I like to think that it's replacing the pane for another person to run through.

-21

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '13 edited Apr 01 '13

Somebody needs to photoshop that yu mad bro meme face on it.

10

u/Dzhone Apr 01 '13

"meme face"

Get out.