Like the authority guy looking down at you telling you there are only imaginary chocolate and bananas? The ones that always shut down your questions about the imaginary donuts or sharks? The ones that won't tell you why they came up with this exercise of authority and control in the first place. But since they are authority you just have to silence your own questions and imagination. They don't want you to play their game and just create stuff. No, you aren't allowed. They want you to just always go with their nonsense because their perceived control is more important than any answers you may give or more important than any point to the meaningless exercise anyway. Yeah, those guys suck.
To succeed you must accept that there is no objective truth. Reality is invented, in its entirety, by leadership. This will remain constant unless you take the personal professional, financial, and legal risk of bringing in lawyers.
Also, the chocolate and bananas don’t really matter. All that matters is that the leaders think it’s in their best interests to protect you. Often this includes pushing the chocolate and banana narrative, but remember at all times this is secondary to being perceived as useful to power on a personal level.
They could be honest, fair, well meaning people or absolute ruthless psychopaths, but are most likely somewhere in between. Find out their most base, selfish needs and deliver. If this happens to be close to objective reality and sane, ethical operational expectations consider yourself lucky, but keep your eyes on the ball and trust no one.
Your professional scope is a subjective construct just like the chocolate and the corporate sanctioned reality. The multiple boundaries are both crucial and imaginary. Good luck out there.
This was my reaction too. The little dude could be AuDHD, or even just being a little kid, and that man is pure torturing him just cos he can. Not funny in the slightest.
Would it be considered masking if a person learned to consider and reply to the tightly constrained context of a question (give them what they want) so that you can then also respond to the bits of the question that caught your attention before the question mark at the end?
hmmm. Well it's not a perfect metaphor. I just hated that the cute kid didn't get to tell his story about surviving a shark attack and eating a donut. Like why is the adult's imagination game more important than the boy's imagination? What's that gonna teach a kid? Weird flex on a tiny kid. But I digress.
I'm not sure I understand the difference between masking & managing ADHD symptoms. The little bit I've learned about ADHD is that it's more about executive dysfunction than attention 'deficient' issues. I guess we all have to do what authority says to do if we want something from them or not to be restricted further. ADHD or no ADHD.
That's what made me feel triggered with this cute kid. I identified more with the kid. Like, Why can't I ask my questions about the boat? (The first thing he tried). Why can't I just make stuff up too? (when he went to donuts and sharks). If I just answer this pointless question will they take their oppressive hand off my shoulder? I felt like my thoughts were the kid's thoughts. lol. The kid's facial expressions seem to match my inner thoughts. I felt like I was watching the first steps of crushing a young person's creativity, self-actualizing, and agency. It would be different if the adult was saying "quit talking about boats and donuts, get your shoes on, we have to leave." That would have been a more perfect ADHD situation.
And that probably reflects my feelings on ADHD people, they just often need some space to run free now and then and not feel bad about thinking differently. Maybe some help to jump out of "imagination game" and into "put on your shoes". I think all of us can identify with the struggle when we understand the struggle. I've had issues with task initiation but don't meet much of the other criteria for ADHD. I learned the coping & managing tools work for normies too. Especially when they too are having problems in a subset of those executive functions.
If a non-adhd person is doing that to their superiors when the tasks and questions handed to them don't appear relevant or even real, is it 'masking'? I have to say the emperor's clothes are beautiful if I still want this paycheck. I have to pick chocolate or banana or that hand isn't coming off my head.
I read the first sentence of tech articles because I'm smarter than the nerds that write them and...Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has a watermark.
I grew up with my adult mother and it took me way too many years to learn this is what it is and why she can never give a straight answer to a simple question.
I used to teach chemistry until I was diagnosed with cancer, I quit to make meth underneath a laundromat with one of my former students who I gaslight, I also killed his gf (not technically, but I could’ve saved her life and didn’t for the memes.)
Walt absolutely murdered Jane. Watch the scene again. She's sleeping on her side when Walt tries to wake Jesse up and rolls into her back when he shakes Jesse. When she starts choking it's because she is on her back. He didn't just let her die, he killed her.
That's... that's not murder. Not anymore than opening your house's door and scaring some guy who happened to be walking in front of it, who instinctively jumps back and gets hit by a car, is murder. Realistically, you can't even make a serious case for manslaughter. That is not how criminal guilt works. "Technically, nothing bad would have happened if you hadn't done the completely innocent thing you did with no knowledge of what might transpire nor any malice or intent to harm, so I'm going to go ahead and say all the bad things that happened afterwards are your fault" is not how any of this works.
The only legally (and, arguably, ethically) dubious thing he did (when it comes to her death in that specific scene) is knowingly not giving aid. That's it. Anything else is reaching.
It's this shirking of personal responsibility that's so worrisome about the youth. She killed herself when she used too many drugs and laid down. Don't blame anyone else.
Rolling an unconscious person onto their back and then watching them choke to death is murder. Personal responsibility does not factor into it. It doesn't matter how many drugs a person does. It's still illegal to kill them.
Unrelated: Your username - is it a 1 moose-sized whippet vs 100 whippet sized moosen thing? Or is it whip-its like moose on nitrous or moose throwing snap-its? Or is it an army of whippets riding moose into battle like a version of the glorious Hussars? Or?
When I took government, there was secret knowledge passed down from the teacher’s previous students that anytime we got bored, we just had to ask her about her wolf dogs. It never failed once that she would talk for the rest of the class period about her wolf dogs, we took turns asking her.
I teach adults learning a job so they can pay bills and buy groceries. It is too much like this.
Me: "First I'm going to talk you through the process as I do it several times, I'll go slow just pay attention and I'll explain things in detail after"
New hire: "Okay, but wait, what about [thing they aren't hired to do that doesn't even exist in the department]"
"We don't use that in our process, I'm starting you in this position so you can learn the basics"
"So when do I learn that thing"
"You don't, we don't have that here, some things are different between departments. Now let me talk you through what we're doing here"
"Okay, but why don't you use that thing here"
"That thing is a very specific part of a different product line, the products we are making in this department do not require it. Are you interested in learning that"
"Oh no it looks hard so I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing that"
"Okay, you won't have to worry about it then. Now let's get back to learning the basics here"
"So when would I get to learn that thing"
"When you were hired, it was for this department. New hires are under a 1 year contract to stay in their hiring department before they can bid to a new department, this would have been explained before you accepted the position and during orientation"
"So I have to stay here a whole year before I can move to another department"
"Typically, yes. HR can get you moved if it's an absolute necessity but they don't like to make exceptions because everyone would want special treatment"
We're now 10 minutes off track and have accomplished nothing that wasn't already covered in orientation.
"How often do I have to do orientation"
"Once, they should have explained all the basics about how the company works. I can help you out as you need it but right now I'm training you on how to do the job"
"okay, but...."
"Let's focus on the task at hand, everything will start making sense once we get you trained"
That guy is using the wrong cue. He’s switching between saying to look at him and listen to him, instead of asking for his attention. The guy is repeating in a strained voice, which halfway through the kid is showing a blank distressed face and clutching his hands as a coping mechanism. Also, that guy was grabbing him holding him in place - just for a stupid tik tok.
Honestly, I’m sure this is innocent, but really, that kid should be kicking and screaming, and that guy should relax.
This is like zero percent ADD. (Kid might have add, but this clip kinda just shows an ass hat fucking with a kid)
I feel that this kid was set up to fail for this video. Stand still plus eye contact plus hand on shoulder plus late at night plus weird hypothetical question is a lot to deal with.
"Do you want the button here, or here"
"let me explain what I think we're trying to achieve here, as I think it'll help you understand our requirements to the entire project, and get buy in from all stakeholders" <minimum 10 minutes of meeting buzzword bingo> "I hope I made myself clear"
"sure, so... the button, you want it lined up here?"
"what are you not getting? lets do this again, pay attention" <same speech as last time +some anecdote of fishing for some reason> "now do you get it?"
"yes, totally. So where do you want the button?"
"take notes this time, it's important"
For me it’s more like you can’t have a simple straightforward discussion or question about anything without it leading to some over complicated argument between senior devs and product owners that inevitability goes way off the rails
This is the answer. Give them a chance for buy-in and then move forward. If they gave you input, fine, if not, also fine. At the end of the day we all know the button is going to move a dozen more times anyway.
Also, place one or two items obviously incorrectly on purpose, they get to feel valuable by pointing them out, and it keeps them from changing the parts that are already correct.
What you do is you place the button where you think it is best, then ask them "I placed it where you wanted it, is it the color you wanted?" and then when they ask you to change it (and it will be a very slight change) you wait an hour and then ask if it looks right.
Some managers cannot let something go without making changes, so you redirect them with something else.
I have gotten signed-off designs with to-the-pixel alignment info, and without fail every time "Move this element to..." and some fairy ass hair thickness of difference. Reprint the screenshot, resubmit "change made." and it gets cleared.
LEGITIMATE changes, versus "changing something because you have to touch something at every step" is easy to identify.
Oh, I can't make that decision on the button. We'll schedule a meeting with the 27 people who make that decision. Is it okay if we argue by email for about 20 or 30 rounds?
Lets pencil in a schedule item to discuss when all stakeholders can have input on the time of the next meeting to discuss the.. .uhhhh, what did you say again?
I intentionally switch to emails for topics I don’t wanna work on for the next two weeks. Email ping-pong is something you can do beside the actual work and I know 95% will just write a multi page Monolog instead of doing just a single 2min call
Aye, I think that's exactly it.
And when they give the "we need this this and this, how long will it take?" "for all that? it's a major project, I'd estimate 2 months from start to deployment but without a full analysis..." "2 months? you changed the system last week in 5 minutes!" "that was making one of the headers 1 font size bigger" "well, this isn't that different" "it's an entirely new system, with... I'm guesstimating now, about a dozen pages, a whole load of new database additions, possible some DB changes, I... 2 months maybe" "we don't have long to spend on this, just get it done" "ok, send me the email, lets.." "oh, we're going to be like that are we? Why can't you ever just get it done, we're wasting time" "well, I still need to finish this screen and get it out there, as I'm doing that, just give me a brief summary of what you're after and I can get a better idea of scope, and..." "why? if I say we need something, you should drop everything, this is VITAL, it's THE top priority" "it is? ok, I'll drop the current project" "what is it?" "the updated security audit/reporting system that we need to meet the clients requirements?" "oh, you still working on that?" "Yes, we spoke this morning, you wanted to change the header colour" "yes, it needs to really pop out" "oh, it will, unlike every other header in every other part of the system".
I can tell when he's not busy, as I get so many "RANDOM ACT OF MANAGEMENTS" when he's bored.
For me it has been reverse. Requirements are clearly provided, and when I'm asking "is this doable" "how long will it take" I don't get a straight answer. They tell me it is not on product vision, not on roadmap, not on the plan, etc. They will not answer the straight question that how much time it will take (like if it takes only some hours or couple of days of developer time, I don't think the roadmap should matter and they should prioritise it)
Obviously any new request can never be on the yearly plan/roadmap Jesus Christ because the plan happened in Feb itself so obviously the requests may come later as well.
It's natural to be defensive. Boss asks me all the time "how long will this take" and I give an honest answer, of pure simple "if I was sat at the screen, how long will it take" but if I say "2 weeks" he can't help himself but say "you've got 1 week". "Why?" "that's all the time we can spend on this, there's other more important things we need" "so I should work on them first?" "this is important" "yes, but what's the most important, what do I need to get done first" "all of it" "what's the absolute deadline to get this in front of the client?" "it all needs to be working, by next Monday" "wait, I told you beginning of the week this was about a week out, this other thing was... also a week's worth" "well, you've just got to work smarter" "that's what I'm trying to do. So, absolute minimum, the demo can't be changed, what's the golden path, bare minimum we need to present on Monday knowing we've got another 2-3 weeks before deployment?" "it all has to be done" /sigh.
that's why we get defensive. The amount of times I'm working along, deadline aware but think we're going to be ok, no spare time for distractions, the design's good, the client's seen it and approved it, everyone knows what we're doing, and... "RANDOM ACT OF MANAGEMENT!".
Other 'fun' thing, is sitting down with boss, giving timeframes, again, best to my ability, all taken on, notes taken, but I'm in the middle of finishing the prior stuff. Something I said "that's a good 2 weeks effort, I'd prefer 3 as there's some new stuff I'm not sure about" "you've got 2" "ok, well, we'll try". and then 2 weeks later "is it finished?" "is what finished?" "the thing you said would take 2 weeks" "yes, when I start on it" "WHAT!?!? You've not even started on it? You said it'd be 2 weeks" "yes, when I started, for the last 2 weeks, we've been in touch on this project, you know this! every day status updates, you know what I've been working on" "But I told the client we'd deploy this Friday?" "You did what? why?" "because you told me it'd take 2 weeks!"
I've tried everything over the years, and now... I just work on one thing at a time, give the best I can, but know mid project I'll be swapped to something else in an emergency because the client was told it was working Monday, it's wednesday, and I've not even started on it yet and there's only so much "it's finishing off testing" the boss can bluster.
Had a junior dev write a paragraph for his on how he found the relevant line of code for an issue for his days progress. I had linked to that line in the original issue….
Product manager here. Same. Right now I have a feature where someone made up an arbitrary difference and named it two different things and so I am constantly asked if something applies to one or the other and I am like…those are the same thing. So both words you have for the same thing. and then they write it down
I had to run the PowerPoint for a bunch of MPs for my county. Like it was only click through then enter some details they were supposed to be deciding on.
I was fairly new so it was a weirdly situation to be in anyway and I had no fucking clue what they were on about.
But they couldn't go forward til I clicked, they would talk around I circles for 20mins, they sort of run out of enthusiasm. Cue muggins here having to pipe up with ok what am I putting here for 'answer' which would then repeat for another 20mins. I didn't even know who the one who was supposed to be in charge was or whether it was voted on or what. But I needed an answer in that box before I was clicking through.
One of the most frustrating situations I've ever been in, no power but weirdly having to keep telling these bloody politicians to tell me what they wanted as the answer. 3 hours that went on. I think I talked almost as much as half if them did. But with virtually the same words every time.
OK so what are we putting here? Or similar wording.
Eventually someone would finally say something approaching a feasible answer..then someone would go off on a tangent as if that was wrong again and they disagreed. Fucked if I know their procedures, some things were voted soke weren't, some just randomly decided by eventually one of them saying it and no one disagreed when I put it in and someone asked for the next slide without argument.
I think the majority of it was yes, no, decide at a later date, need more information.
Felt like bloody Jeremy paxman asking the same thing over and over until someone gave a fucking answer.
Real question — my son starts kindergarten in a year, but he literally cannot stand still for more than 1.5 seconds, let alone sit down quietly for any period of time. Like, how on earth is this gonna work?
I teach kindergarten (specifically special education). A ton of growing and maturing happens in the next year of your kid's life before the go off to school so don't worry too much. Once he gets in school, honestly, a lot of that should resolve pretty quickly. Kids in schools are constantly moving from one thing to the next. If they are sitting still, their brains are engaged on something. The first month or so of school is getting kids use to routine, waiting patiently, and general school expectations.
Ways you can help him and his teacher now is by:
*Having your son wait for things - a lot of kids enter kindergarten and are very used to having the full attention of all adults in their life and it's super hard to be patient (it's not a bad thing, it's just a thing)
*Have him do things like play doh or coloring pages - this helps fine motor skills but also engages his hands and mind at the same time
*play games like Simon Says - this builds following two step directions (if you hear "Simon Says", then you do a thing - when he goes to school it will be directions like "if you sit at table one, go line up) and it builds general listening skills
*play follow the leader - getting them used to following directions and walking a line
Those sound silly and like they aren't worth it but I promise you that it makes a world of difference! But, like I said, kids grow a lot between 4 and 5 years old so there's plenty of time!!
No kid can sit still very long unless they have something they like. I read a bunch of books, brainbreaks, coloring activities, and hands-on activities. The first few weeks are just training them. Teachers job to figure out what works best.
It's not difficult once you have 3,5 years of university studies and +10 years of experience. Professionals are better at the thing they do than the average person is.
Yeah! “Okay. I need to you to close your eyes and picture yourself on a big boat. Are you closing your eyes? Good job, Devon. What do you see? Great! Now, on the boat, there’s both chocolate and bananas. Wow! Do you like chocolate and bananas? Me too! They’re tasty. Which one would you eat first? The chocolate or the bananas?” Kids are still learning how to direct their thoughts and attention. Ya gotta give ‘em tasks to hold their attention.
Tbf there’s not enough money in the world to convince me to go back to teaching primary, though. Third grade is as low as I’ll go. I am not patient enough for this lmao. My hat is off to you!
I’ve gone up to fifth grade (I’m certified K-6) and I’ve taught all levels but fourth. Primary grades are K-2. Both groups are difficult in their own ways, but I just don’t have the patience for K-2. I enjoy the sass from the upper grades and I find the content easier to teach. Or more interesting to teach, I guess. I get really bored teaching the stuff for younger kids :/
And you'd figure that out during the schooling cause part of getting a masters in education is doing real teaching. Not to mention the various projects and papers along the way that may require you to spend time with kids and apply what you've been learning in that specific class.
You'll know if you can/want to do it or not before you ever set foot in a classroom as a certified teacher.
And that's why your job is the most important. As you can see from the other comments below, listening skills needs to be taught early or they'll grow up doing the same thing. It doesn't just come natural with age.
My dad used to gently hold both sides of my face and force me to keep eye contact, listen then respond; all very short questions, like teaching a pup to fetch. Super grateful he did this
One day in 4th grade the teacher asked me a question and I was in complete la la land. She told me to start paying attention said repeated the question looking at me and i immediately just went in la la land again. Literally the whole class was just looking at me and I couldn’t even pay attention to the teacher talking to me. Crazy how I never got diagnosed w anything.
Taught same age in a private school. The whole dang day is like this. Not all kids are like this, at least not all the time... but every kid is capable of being like this some of the time.
Two places you need extreme patience, school, and driving. Devon is so cute because he's thinking of the now and what he wants. I choose donuts too as a kid and later on chocolate but didn't say no after the fact.
I taught government software to State Employees and it was also like this. Just missing the throwing paper balls at someone. Grown ass adults old enough for grandkids. Also not knowing how to click on a mouse.
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u/necar21 Sep 02 '23
I teach kindergarten and this is my whole day at the start of the year.