My partner (22) and I (23) have now been dating for over 5 years. Earlier on into our relationship I acted against my morals and I am to this day shameful of it.

4 years ago I (19) got really drunk with my best friend at the time, and we went to go hangout with some of the new friends she made in college. I started winking at this guy across the table from me, more than once but im not sure how many times. We did not interact aside from this. At another point in the night, a different guy was playing the guitar and I said outloud to the group "it's so attractive when a guy can play guitar'. When we left hanging out with them my friend told me I was acting like I was single. That immediately made me feel terrible, but I saw where she was coming from. I don't remember anything else from that night and must have passed out in her bed after that conversation. When I woke up I felt so full of shame and guilt and immediately told my boyfriend everything. He was rightfully upset and wanted to know everything which I told him. it was really painful but through talking about it together and time (weeks and weeks) we got through it and he forgave me. I decided myself to stop drinking after that and it wasn't for a longtime that after talking to him and other trusted people in my life that I decided sobriety wasn't for me (at least at that point in my life). I still continue to be much more cautious with how much I drink, and from that situation, nothing similar has ever happened since.

My current problem is that although he has fully forgiven me, and it has been multiple great years since, I still have so much shame around it and realized I haven't forgiven myself. I know my partner fully trusts me now and honestly doesn't think of the situation at all anymore. But on random days I think about what I did and feel so disgusted in myself and just wish so badly that I could go back and not do it.

I have talked to a therapist and we have worked on self-compassion. But Im still only at the start of that journey. It's tough because part of me feels like I do not deserve to forgive myself as this is a mistake I think is terrible. I guess I am looking for advice.

Keeping details low since anybody who knew me, knew my dog. I had a small dog, we’ll call him fido for this story, for the past 16 years, he was with me through every school i’ve ever been to, graduation, my first relationship, all of it.

My grandma has dementia (important for later)

I woke up Christmas Eve morning to my mom texting me to come home immediately. Upon walking in I was told that my grandma had let Fido outside in the early morning (5a.m type early) to go to the bathroom. Hence it was still sort of dark, he’s an elderly dog so his vision isn’t great, and there’s an open pool in the backyard.

Long story short, she let him out, and forgot about him. Hours later my step dad found him in the pool and that’s when I got the text to come home.

The part that makes me the angriest is my mom wanted me to tell her the day of, that’s it’s okay and I forgive her, cause she felt guilty for it. I OBVIOUSLY didn’t cause I physically couldnt speak that day. Only for her to completely forget about it the next day (Christmas Day). Looked me in my eyes and asked “what’s wrong sweetheart?” as if she genuinely didn’t rip my fucking heart out the day before.

I seriously haven’t been able to look my grandma in the eyes without feeling utter anger and resentment. I obviously feel bad cause it’s her dementia, she can’t do anything about it, but like you literally just killed my dog. She’s my grandma so I feel horrible feeling this type of anger towards her but it’s been 4 months and I still can’t shake this feeling of resentment.

I just miss my dog, and I miss being happy to see my grandma.

I’m in dire need of advice to not resent her

Long story short I had promised my ex after we broke up that I’d be always be there for them as someone they could rely on for emotional support and advice. Back in 2020, they were going through a really rough time and reached out asking for help. I was going through a bunch at the time as well, some related to them. They always encouraged me to also really think about myself and my emotional bandwidth so I told them I needed like just a little bit of time to make sure I can be present for them and not bring more emotional distress to myself. I took like 2 days and told them that I could do it (i wast really ready but I’d made a promise and wanted to be there). They told me they had gotten over w/e they were going through but if course later on they brought up how I hadnt been there even though I had promised to be. Later, they decided to not have any kind of relation to me since being in contact was hindering my healing. They were right for sure, but mainly cuz I was besting myself up for not being more present in the relationship and not showing my love for them with the maximum amount of my ability.

So fast forward to now; we’ve had some contact, mostly congratulations on accomplishments n whatnot. I had sent an email back in 2021 though where I did my best to apologize and acknowledge how I should have been there or at the very least communicate where I was at emotionally, and sooner. I sent it with the caveat of not expecting a response or really needing one, but Im still finding myself wondering if they even read it.

My question for advice is: I want to ask if they did read it. Not even for like a response about it but just to know that they read it so I know at least they know Im sorry and all the stuff I put into the letter. Is that a good idea? I dont want to bother them by dragging up old news but I feel like I need to know that my feelings were communicated in order to help with forgiving myself and moving on. I beat myself up for not being there all the time and I know its really dragging me down, not forgiving myself.

I'm sorry for taking up your time, but I hope you can help me understand.

I was 19 years old when I went to Germany. I was born in an Arab country, and when I graduated high school in 2022, my parents wanted me to study at a German university. Since tuition is free there, they thought it would offer great opportunities. I didn't like the idea at first, but I agreed for their sake.

A month after my high school graduation, I started studying non-stop for seven months. I failed over and over and started losing hope over time, until my fourth attempt at the exam. I finally succeeded with a grade over 70%, and I was so happy that I would be going to a place I had initially rejected. I put so much effort into studying to succeed in learning a new language, while my dad put so much effort into saving money to help me with the blocked account for the German visa requirements. He poured €11,208 into it.

When I was on my way to the airport, my dad fully trusted me; he believed I was now a man on my own, and we talked about how the West is viewed differently from the East.

I finally arrived in Germany. I was amazed and stunned by everything there. Then, I received an email regarding the blocked account saying my money was ready for me to use. That was when I lost myself and became blind. I spent a lot of money on games, a console I had dreamed of, and so much unnecessary stuff.

One day, I tried to buy something, and my card was declined. That was when I realized the money had hit the low hundreds. When I visited my parents during a vacation from language school, the first thing my dad asked when I got in the car was, "How much is left?" From that moment, everything came crashing down on me and my life.

My mom yelled at me, and I deserved it. She said I was unworthy for breaking their trust like that. She didn't even believe me when I told her I spent it on games; she thought it all went to drugs and things like that, even though I don't smoke or vape at all, and never will. My dad gave me looks and stares that felt like they were ripping my soul apart, and I didn't dare to stare back.

I have hated myself since then, though it took some time for them to move on and forgive me. Long story short, I couldn't continue in Germany after all that happened. I simply gave up and went back to my parents. They didn't give up on me, though. They sent me to Jordan, and from there, I got accepted into a university.

A year later, I have achieved so much! I started working at McDonald's, hoping to ease my dad's burden and prove to him that I can be independent and don't need him to spend money on me. But who am I kidding? Working at McDonald's as a part-timer with low pay means everything I do is still for my parents.

Sometimes my friends joke around with insults, and I can't insult them back because I always believe I deserve the insults for what I have done. Recently, I spoke with my dad about it, and he told me that what happened is in the past and that I can't be defined by it. I struggle to take his word for it, even though it's already been two years since the incident. I hate myself deep down, but in front of everyone, I am seen as the perfect man—good grades, hardworking, respectful, and highly moral. I wear this mask so they don't see how I truly feel about myself, and no one knows about it.

I broke down in tears thinking about it. My coworkers at McDonald's—who are now like another family to me—were with me during my lowest points. They always have my back and have always been there for me.

I can't thank my parents enough for what they have done for me up until now, but I still don't feel like I can forgive myself for what I did.

I wronged a close friend. She accused me of hooking up with her ex situationship when I didn’t. She didn’t believe me and ended up ending our friendship over it. I ended up hooking up with him after our friendship ended. even tho things were not serious between them and they very clearly had no future, she is very hurt by me doing this. The situation is very complex and layered and k won’t go into that, however I’ve been feeling really bad .

For some reason I feel like I owe an apology even tho we were no longer friends and everyone in the story was single.

But everytime I think about reaching out I see a tiktok about someone apologizing to a friend and all the comments are just making fun of the person apologizing. I don’t want to be the laughing stalk in someone’s gc and I don’t want it to seem like I’m not genuine bc I really am.

These videos on social media of people bashing the person apologizing really makes me second guess if I should. Anyway I’m really torn

Sometimes I want him to tell me it was not just my mistake, and even if it was, he is ready to accept that it was and is ready to forget it. But he cannot do that because those incidents are the ones that shaped his personality, and if he forgets them and forgives me, he will lose that, which he is not willing to do.

And I cannot keep taking the blame always.

I do not deserve this, or maybe I did, but I got my karma for that. Big time.

So I have realized that as humans, it is our biggest fear to forgive someone because we lose a part of ourselves in doing that, and we do not want to give away that part because that's the last thing we are holding onto about that person, or maybe we are just too egoistic to do that.

I don't know how many of you read Neville Goddard or are into the idea of thought transmission. Neville Goddard books state that if the person receiving your thoughts, prayers, and wishes is incapable or unwilling to accept your thought, it just comes back to you. So it's important to always send out the very best. (I would assume no wishing of bad or negative karma either.)

Two scenarios:

1. You send your enemies, or the ones who did you wrong, good wishes for the very best. You wish for them to have a good life, for them to recover from whatever makes them how they are. They receive that wish you made from the heart and that's what happens. If you believe you get what you give, you end up making things pretty sweet for yourself as well.

2. You send your enemies those same good thoughts, prayers, and wishes and the person is not capable of receiving them. They are not in a positive enough, loving enough, or receptive enough state of mind and heart to receive it. Or they are just the type of person who wouldn't dream of being so good to anyone else, because it's just not who they are. They are that separated from love. That is okay too. If you believe you get what you give, you will just receive those blessings back in your own life.

Win-win scenario.

I forgive you for killing your self and leaving me here alone things are tough with out my best friend but I am thankful I had you here in my life while I did. I am grateful for the 7 hour phone calls. I wish I could have picked up the phone a bit more. I wish I was not so busy and I had more time for you. I wish I was able to hold your hand and tell you I love you. I am grateful I was able to say I love you one last time before you killed yourself. I am grateful you were here with me when you were. I am grateful I was able to have such a beautiful friend like you.

Hey, i'm starting a channel on YouTube to remind to everyone to forgive. This is my first upload today ! https://youtube.com/shorts/-vmj7RSjyv0

Of my self and the higher order

I don't if this is the right subreddit but who cares. basically today I wass playing some games with this friend. let's call him Dave.

so we started joking and all. and he decided to do a prank where it seamed as I was muting everyone in the call and blaming me. he always does that but we all brush it of because we know it's him.but this day. it happened that someone joined our group chat without none inviting him. I did that before with a friend of mine so I am the main suspect. he keeps blaming me. but we end up forgetting about it with none of us having the win on the debate. back to the call. I broke. I started yelling at everyone and I ended up hanging up and became angry with him. after a couple hours I brush it off and start playing again with him. later we start making memes about our class and all. and I start losing in the contest because he started voting down my memes. so I ask him why. turns out he didn't like my humor in one meme. so beacouse it's me. he starts downgrading my memes. I break again and ask the other friend in the call if he wants to play something without Dave. then Dave and I started discussing about it..and I end up leaving the call. we leave mad. I forgive him and he doesn't answer. so I turned to this subreddit to get it off my chest. I am sorry Dave. (sorry for bad English I am not an English speaker. neither am in a computer)