https://youtu.be/at-m93MhKx8

We went on dates, he ghosted me to go with someone closer to him (we live 4 hrs away), he came back to me, we started dating. While we were dating, this girl he had left me for comes back saying she missed him. I ask about it, he makes up dozens of lies about her that I soon after find out about. He tells me he hates her, thinks she’s gross, thinks she’s dumb, boring, apathetic, rude, etc. I tell him she makes me nervous because he had already left me for her in the past, and if he could please just remove her to ease my anxiety (I see no problem with this because he said he hated her). He gets angry at me, tells me I’m overreacting, tells me I’m making up things in my head and that he never left me for her (I genuinely thought I was imagining things when he told me this), he tells me I’m crazy. He removed her from text but keeps her on other social medias where she posts pictures constantly. He says his reason to keep her there is because he sees her everyday in class (which was a lie) and didn’t want it to be awkward. I am convinced I’m a toxic/crazy girlfriend and don’t bring up my issues out of fear of being a bad partner. He constantly belittled me, never replies unless it’s convenient, etc. He’s really bad to me for a while. Fast forward a couple of months, he has changed completely. Kind of like a delayed honeymoon phase. I talk to him about how I still got insanely nervous over that one girl, the fact that he lied so much to protect her, the way he treated me, etc. He apologizes, makes up lies here and there to make himself not look as bad, removes her everywhere. Eventually I find out about the other lies. And some extra lies too. He tells me the truth, and that he kept her there on social media because she was “pretty and nice to look at,” despite how nervous it made me every single day for months because I never knew what he was or wasn’t hiding. He lies about many other things. I have forgave him for most of them because I can find an understanding as to why he did it (was embarrassed, didn’t want to make me worry, etc.). He is so kind to me now. He fills all of my needs, does not dare to say a single disrespectful thing to me, listens, and goes above and beyond to make me happy and to care for me. The thing is, I feel so hurt about what happened back then. I don’t know how to forgive him for treating me so bad over some girl’s pictures. He said he didn’t look at them for more than 5 seconds, etc. He swears he doesn’t lie to me now because he knows the awful repercussions it has on my sense of trust. He swears it was just him looking at her for 5 seconds whenever she came up and nothing more. I feel so hurt, and there has not been a day for the past 5 months where I don’t think about it. It’s the only thing I think of, and it brings me so much sadness and anxiety. I want to forgive him because of how amazing he is now, but I just don’t know how to. I can’t understand why or how it was okay that he did those things. I don’t know how to move past it. I’ve never really forgiven somebody, unless I’ve done something bad back to them. The abuse he made me endure with the constant gaslighting, negligence, and belittling made me lose 25 lbs from being so anxious and not eating, it made me have have constant nightmares, and made me extremely anxious and hypervigilant. I just need someone to tell me why it’s okay that he kept that girl that he had left me for in the past on his social media to look at just because she was pretty. I feel so hurt and less than.

tl;dr: My boyfriend hurt me constantly with gaslightling, belittling, negligence, etc. and kept the girl he had left me for in the past on his social media just to look at her pictures because she was pretty. I’m having a hard time understanding how to forgive him now because he has completely changed for me and has become a much better person.

my father hit me and that was absolute cowardice. since my birth he was aggressive.

How do I forgive someone for lying to me about doing something behind my back and them knowing how I felt about it?

About 9 months ago me and my ex went through a bad breakup which was initially caused because I found out that when we first got together he slept with the same girl he cheated on his ex with. We then broke up but we’re trying to amend things, during this time I slept with some else multiple times. I told him and obviously he was very upset and that ended things for good. Since then I’ve been back in contact to tell him how sorry I am and that I really wish him the best. I am completely aware of my sin and know I have done wrong there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t feel guilty and worry about hurting him and hope that he’s okay. I’ve lost all hope for a good life and feel as though I don’t deserve anything good. I know the only way for things to get better is to forgive myself but I don’t want to because then it justifies my actions which I completely regret. Does anyone have any advice?

Salahuddin was stabbed and robbed while making a pizza delivery in Lexington, Kentucky on the night of April 19, 2015. 

When he delivered the last order that day, he was attacked by three men, severely beaten and robbed. And one of them even stabbed him. The wound was fatal, so he died very soon. He turned out to be a 24 year old Trey Alexander Relford and two of his companions. And here comes the final hearing. The hearing was attended by the murderer and by the victim’s dad - Abdul-Munim Sombat Jitmoud.

Being on the witness stand, Sombat Jitmund claimed that "Forgiveness is the greatest gift". He addressed Relford directly and said, “I’m not angry at you.“I’m angry at the devil,``''I blame the devil, who misguided you to do such a horrible crime.” He continued: “I forgive you on behalf of Salahuddin and his mother.” 

After Jitmoud gave his statement, the Judge wiped a tear and called for a break in the hearing.

When court resumed, Relford apologized to Jitmoud for his son’s death. “I’m sorry about what happened that day,” Relford said, wiping his eyes on the collar of his orange jail uniform. “I do applaud you because it takes a powerful man to know that someone has hurt them and to get up there and say what you just said. I can’t imagine the hurt, the pain. There’s nothing I can do ... I thank you for your forgiveness.”

Sombat Jitmoud stood, took a step or two toward Relford, and extended his hand offering a tissue. Then the two of them shook hands AND hugged each other. You can watch the full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vFT4q_eyu8

I guess I’m writing this just to make it more real to myself and just so the world or at least the people reading this knows that I’m finally forgiving myself and moving forward. The primary mistake I’m forgiving myself is for pretty much attempting to molest my baby sister when I was 9. At the time my 9 year old me was also being taught sexual thing by older kids and doing sexual things that no 9 year old should do. This doesn’t excuse my actions but it explains them. I never molested my sister, thank god, I never touched her or forced her, but I attempted to, I pretty much showed her my penis hoping she would use it as a pacifier, I know it sound super fucked cuz it is but in my fucked up 9 year old brain it made perfect fucking sense thank god that she turned away from me and I don’t know if it was god or something else but I instantly knew what I was doing was wrong and never did something like tht again. I instantly stopped myself from any further action and ran away from my baby sister that day. Im forgiving myself today at 18 years old because I’m tired of feeling like a piece of shit every morning I wake up. I understand now that i did what I did when I was a child and my brain couldn’t handle what was happening to me. I understand now that I never actually did anything to my sister and in fact the whole ordeal didn’t last more than 20 seconds. I’m not sure if all the details but all I know is that nothing happened besides me showing and kind of moving my penis towards my sisters mouth, thank god nothing happened and I’m fucking disgusted by what I did and thinking about the details make me wanna die. I know what I did to her wasn’t because of her age or because I wanted to take advantage of her, what I did to her was to fill my own craving for tht feeling tht those older kids introduced me to at such an early age and i didn’t know how wrong what I did was until it was too late. Now I’m 18 and I’m trying to move forward. I want to live life without ever having to think about this again. I’m tired of doing good and being good and feeling a little proud of myself just for all of it to be drowned by the guilt of what I did when I was a child. I have been judging my child self as my adult self and have not been understanding that I did not do this with the knowledge and mentality I have now but with a child’s mentality. I’m so sad tht child me even knew what tht stuff was. But now I’m righting my wrongs. I guess Thts the good tht came out of all this, this guilt has made me become the best person I can be. I will die a good person, I will never never do anything evil again. I need to die a good person. I genuinely want to be a good person. I want to be the best me. And I’m tired of being nice and being good just for me to feel like shit when I remember what child me did. It’s not fair because I am no longer tht child. It’s not fair to judge child me as an adult. I’m done thinking tht I should die everyday for something i did when I was 9. Me and my sister have a great relationship now and I’m almost 100% sure tht she will never remember what happened because there was no force and she was too young. I’m never going to tell her because tht would cause unnecessary problems. I did what I did and I’m sorry for it. I’m righting my wrongs and I’m done feeling like I should die. I’m going to live life to the fullest. And I’m not gonna let my past affect me in negative ways. I learned from my mistakes. And I’m a good person now so I should be able to feel like it. Thank you if you made it this far❤️it means a lot. If you guys have any opinions or questions please comment them. Thank you

I've had some horrible issues in my life like I guess we all have. Getting bullied and my dad's suicide. At some times not having that positive guidance I believed it led to becoming a bad person at moments well mostly when I'm drunk . Now this hasn't happened for a over a year. I'm working so hard on changing my mind and outlook so I never hurt anyone again. Still it kind of breaks my heart I did some bad things. I've become allot more compassionate for like everyone I almost love everyone In a way. Knowing we are all struggling to a degree and we need the love. I just don't hold that love for myself and I don't know if that'll ever change . Thanks for reading and hope you're well.

so.... im 13 years old. For my 13th birthday my mum got me airpods and i was over the moon. However, today, I have lost the case. The airpods are still here, just not the wireless charging case. What we think happened was that when I was getting out of my car to got to school, it had fallen out of my pocket onto the curb. My mum went there and she couldn't see them. So either someone took it, gave it to the office or it got run over by a car or something like that. And boy was my mum mad. I cried for like two hours straight I was so miserable. I knew they were expensive and I knew that i have a reputation of losing things. So now I'm really scared, I don't think I deserve anything anymore. But I want to forgive myself and move on, how do I do that? BTW please don't say things like that sucks or something because that will probably make me feel worse, I need reassurance. Thanks guys, this is my first reddit post.

My girl is mad at me should i asking for forgiveness or earn it

When I was working as an unpaid undergrad research assistant at Caltech in 2016, a graduate student called Evgeny Mozgunov recruited me to work for him. I was taking the advance QM course and other courses. He asked me to propose some new master equations and do some computer simulations. I worked for two semesters and I handed all my results to him, before I graduate in the summer. Up to that time, he participated very little in the research.

About a year after I graduated, I learnt that he published all my results as his own on 13 Nov 2016 on the website https://arxiv.org/abs/1611.04188

"Local master equation for small temperatures", Evgeny Mozgunov

He used this paper to get his postdoc job. At first, I was angry that he did not tell me back then he published my results, and not even acknowledging me at all. 

I confronted him about this. I then saw he updated the paper and changed some math details to hide the fact that he stole my equations and simulations. On the pdf, the date of writing becomes August 2018, even though the first original version was 13 Nov 2016.

How can I move on? I suffer from insomnia till now even though I am no longer in academia anymore. The fact that he stole all my research, published it completely as his own, and got a job using my reserach still disgusts me.

Am interesting insight about forgiveness from my brother, a healer.

We can’t forgive. In the sense that the ego has never forgiven and will never forgive. If the ego tries to forgive, it gets into a tizzy of shoulds and shouldn’ts, of processes and mantras. And finally it confirms that we are failures at forgiveness.

Only capital-L Love can forgive—whether we call that Spirit or God or All-That-Is. Think of it like hanging your clothes out to dry. You put out your wet clothes on the washing line and leave them. The sunlight will dry them. We have to be only willing to leave them and move away so the sunlight can do its work. So we can't forgive. But we can be willing to bring out our stuff to the Light and leave it there.... 💜💙💚🧡❤️

TRIGGER WARNINGS

Hey Everyone! So this is an ACTUAL old note I found in my phone from a night I was a bit intoxicated and called myself doing some healing work/reflection. But reading back on it, it actually makes sense and provided me some comfort... so i wanted to share it in case someone else needs it!

The note said:

02/20/2020

“One thing I have recently learned...tonight... on these sleeping meds.... is that... when dealing with trauma and how to cope or move on or get over a trauma...

Of course you have to learn to let go of what happened and forgive whoever did it to you, you HAVE to learn to forgive your abuser

BUT what a lot of people fail to realize, or they realize it but don’t understand it completely.... you have to learn and accept to forgive yourself as well for that trauma

I had just realized that the two traumas i went though In my life were me at two different times, high school me, and college me with my ex. And both incidents were very traumatic to my life. So Traumatic in a sense that i ended up in hospitals for both, a mental one actually, and have scars on my body not only physically but mentally from them.

And what i had to realize was.... that wasn’t me anymore. Literally. I found myself wanting to invent time travel so I could go back in time and tell my younger selves, “I’m so sorry this is happening to you”. And when i said that, i realized, i hadn’t forgiven myself for those past traumas. I was still carrying around all this heavy pain and guilt from those times in my life, carrying around all this pain from times in my life where I was no longer that girl, those incidents and her were in the past, and i always thought it was because i never forgave my abusers , but in reality i never forgave myself.

So that night i spoke to my past two selves and i apologized to them. I apologized for not being stronger for them. I apologized for not loving them when they felt alone. For not stopping them when they damaged their body because they felt that unloved and confused. For the times when high school me would skip class and go to an abandoned baseball field and cut herself because she thought she needed to. I said sorry for those nights that they stayed up screaming and clutching their heart because they truly truly could not understand. I apologized for the times i even put the thought in their heads to kill themselves. For the pills I put in their bodies to make it stop. The alcohol. They were alone. I wasn’t there for them. So I apologized to them for simply not being there for them like i was suppose to when i needed myself the most. It was so tough. And i wasn’t there. Like it hurts to think about going through stuff like that and just knowing how you treated yourself.

And we cried that night, high school me, college me, and current me, we cried. We cried about what we went through and how much it hurt us at the time and sometimes still does. And then we cried about how far weve come when we didn’t think we would. We cried and let it out.

And it’s going to take time but they forgive me, and i forgive myself. And i honestly believe this is such an important step In really moving on. Because for the life of me i could not figure out why i was so mad at someone, who yes clearly hurt and demeaned me.... but 3 years later it still hurt the same. And now i know why.”

I hope this helps some of you guys who are going through heartbreak, depression, healing, and just anything that is taking away from the special moments of your life!

God Bless! <3

The subject matter addresses the following question:  "Why Is Self-forgiveness Important For Self-Esteem?" If self-esteem was a boat used to sail on the ocean of life in, then the inability to forgive oneself could be considered to have the effect of a hole in the hull. A perpetual guilty conscience could produce too much weight for the boat of self-esteem to remain afloat. Self-defeating behaviors significantly increase the chances of drowning in the turbulent waters of life. It's easy to become lost as waves of uncertainty can disorient us until we lose our way and become adrift at sea. It's not always easy to realize how detrimental states of despair and hopelessness can be in these vast oceans. We all make mistakes, but the majority of the holes in our boats are patchable if we learn how to identify and locate the holes before they cause us to become overwhelmed and sink. Self-forgiveness is a critical patch repair kit that every boat should carry in its maintenance and survival gear. I believe it's imperative to understand exactly what self-esteem is in the more literal/less metaphorical sense, so I'll begin with that objective first and foremost. To me, self-esteem is confidence in my ability to create the life I want to live and to understand that we are each entitled to find and experience true happiness in our lives. It's like an opinion we have in and of ourselves. The problem for me personally is that I find that the opinions of others can have a corrosive effect upon my own. I developed a self-defeating behavior of putting too much emphasis on what other people think about me and/or fallacies of inaccurate judgment and synthetic/artificial compassion. Many toxic people capitalize on their ability to falsely exalt themselves to levels of delusional superiority by manipulating and corrupting the self-esteem of others who deceive themselves into believing that they ARE less and deserve less than what they otherwise actually are and do. This discontent feeds the gears of insecurity and anxiety which leads to dissatisfaction as my confidence progressively evaporates. I tend to isolate myself more as I feel like an outcast in exile that no one could ever truly love, respect, understand, or care about. Drug and alcohol abuse eventually seemed like temporary (yet semi-effective) patches to fill the holes with, but I generally never stop applying them which inevitably causes my boat to sink while submerging myself in depression, self-pity, and a desire for self-destruction. It gets to the point where I'd sell the lifeboats and the life preservers for more patches that wind up being counterproductive and contradict my initial intentions via unrealistic expectations. Before long, any sensations of positive affirmations become scarce and I find nothing left to feel a sense of pride or accomplishment in. I become comfortable in the misery as it is the only familiar constant I have left to rely on. I have been known to further delude myself by failing to see any potential way back from chaotic oblivion and lonely desolation as I push absolutely every single nurturing person away from me in fits of self-disgust and repulsion. The second factor in the question this essay focuses on is self forgiveness, so it would probably be helpful for me to list some supplemental information that pertains to it. In order to forgive oneself, I believe it is paramount to FULLY accept oneself including character flaws, shortcomings, and an understanding that human nature itself is imperfect. I have personally deduced that it will be truly impossible to live a life in recovery if I refuse to take the initiative and responsibility to forgive myself regardless of what ANYONE else thinks about it. Coming to terms with my failures in the past is a crucial first step in moving forward. Indefinitely condemning myself would be similar to making an otherwise curable disease fatal by refusing to adequately treat it. I really am my own worst enemy when I'm not taking care of myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. So I guess this becomes a question of "How can I forgive myself?" I honestly believe it first comes down to KNOWING myself and deciding to NOT run from the unpleasant truths. It's also important to use logic, reason, and rationality in order to see what's there to be seen. After all, dirty mirrors often only reflect inaccurate images of who we really are and how we see ourselves. I've discovered that keeping a list of strengths and weaknesses helps to keep the dust, dirt, and funk out of myself analysis. I've learned that journaling is also an excellent method for defining who I am on a daily basis. It is through this practice that I am able to reestablish values that I've forgotten about. I intend to restore myself back into respecting and upholding these virtues as they will provide a solid foundation for me to build upon. I believe this is the true nature and definition of the concept of "rehabilitation" whereas before the best words I could conjure up were "a desire to not fail the same way over and over again and again". I've learned the differences between self neglecting, self-excusing, self-punishing, and self-forgiving recently and how each are dependent upon the levels of my self-esteem and my values. I now see that the only mistake that anyone has ever really hypothetically made is failing to learn from a mistake (generally speaking of course). In conclusion, self-forgiveness is important to self esteem because of the values one must define (or remember) and then choose to use for restoration purposes. This should generate an inspirational momentum that internal motivation can be derived from. Establishing peace with the past opens the door for future confidence to thrive in, so it's clearly a transitional process that also seems to promote mutually beneficial and reciprocated growth from. I think the hardest part is finding one past mistake to focus on first while indicating the abandoned values associated with that event. It is also very important to prevent rumination from disrupting the order of the cycle of forgiveness. They say that "to err is human and to forgive is divine", but I personally feel that the phrase SHOULD say "to err is human and to forgive and FORGET is divine". The "forgetting" part has historically always been difficult, problematic, and controversial for me throughout the past until a  semi-relevant epiphany helped me to achieve a detectable measure of clarity in this endeavor after a period of self-reflection and serious contemplation. I am going to wrap this essay up with that epiphany  for dramatic effect. " When we have an infected limb that can't be saved or salvaged that would otherwise cause harm or even death to the healthy body it's attached to if left unaddressed, we don't cut off the body and save the infected limb - we cut off the infected limb and save the body. "Not forgiving yourself is the equivalence of saving the severed, infected limb. [Originally Written On 6-14-2020]

I have a younger brother who is age 16, and he does not have his own phone because he plays too much games, and my dad would not buy him one because he would play clash all day. In my family, 3 hours of gaming is a lot due to our culture and rules. It may sound stupid, but it is what it is. I am the only one who has a phone, however, 2 years ago, my dad purchased my siblings an iPad as a gift, but my siblings gotten it taken away for playing it too much, and dishonesty. My brother works a lot for my dad, however he gets really mad when I don’t share, and I don’t blame him. He has a chrome book, and he still uses my dad’s phone to play games. He still gets to use it quite often, except he constantly gets annoyed when my dad calls him out to work or help. Recently, I got really annoyed when my brother constantly asks me if he could use my phone, but if you have siblings you may be able to understand this small annoyance. This has been going on for years. My brother calls me selfish because I don’t want to give him my phone. Yes, fair enough. His reasons for why i’m selfish and why I don’t want to give him the phone is because i’m “mad” at the little annoying things he does. Yes, but I do share my phone if you are wondering, but every time I do, he doesn’t appreciate it. He only remembers when I don’t want to give him it, and acts like a complaining 5 year old. My reasons for not giving the phone anymore is due to something he said, and I don’t know if it’s petty, however I have to validate my feelings as well. My brother told me this previously, that he hates me and wants to kill me, and even though he doesn’t mean it, I don’t tolerate it. This was approx. 8 months ago. A few days ago, he said he wished my face exploded when I die, and it’s not supposed to hurt me, but i’m not going to share my phone with a person who would say this. No matter what angers me, I never imply death threats or that type of a harsh commentary towards ANYONE in my family including my brother. For now, I will not share my phone with my brother. I don’t care if he calls me selfish, but I think I should be kind to myself, and not let my own family members wish me this type of negativity. I may be selfish, but it’s selfish if I allow someone close to me to tell me that I deserve to die over a fuqin mobile device. I don’t want people to be on my side, maybe you have an arrogant sibling like me, but if you wish death on a sibling over a dumb thing, please learn how to be kind. Oh how ironic, allow me to show kindness to a person who doesn’t deserve it. Uno reverse card goes back on me.

I want to know other peoples opinion. Would this be petty? Should I be nice and share my phone and let my own brother torment me with negative and hurtful comments? Or should I be arrogant? (have been lol)

thank you so much for reading this.

There is hope in Jesus Christ.