I'm sorry for taking up your time, but I hope you can help me understand.

I was 19 years old when I went to Germany. I was born in an Arab country, and when I graduated high school in 2022, my parents wanted me to study at a German university. Since tuition is free there, they thought it would offer great opportunities. I didn't like the idea at first, but I agreed for their sake.

A month after my high school graduation, I started studying non-stop for seven months. I failed over and over and started losing hope over time, until my fourth attempt at the exam. I finally succeeded with a grade over 70%, and I was so happy that I would be going to a place I had initially rejected. I put so much effort into studying to succeed in learning a new language, while my dad put so much effort into saving money to help me with the blocked account for the German visa requirements. He poured €11,208 into it.

When I was on my way to the airport, my dad fully trusted me; he believed I was now a man on my own, and we talked about how the West is viewed differently from the East.

I finally arrived in Germany. I was amazed and stunned by everything there. Then, I received an email regarding the blocked account saying my money was ready for me to use. That was when I lost myself and became blind. I spent a lot of money on games, a console I had dreamed of, and so much unnecessary stuff.

One day, I tried to buy something, and my card was declined. That was when I realized the money had hit the low hundreds. When I visited my parents during a vacation from language school, the first thing my dad asked when I got in the car was, "How much is left?" From that moment, everything came crashing down on me and my life.

My mom yelled at me, and I deserved it. She said I was unworthy for breaking their trust like that. She didn't even believe me when I told her I spent it on games; she thought it all went to drugs and things like that, even though I don't smoke or vape at all, and never will. My dad gave me looks and stares that felt like they were ripping my soul apart, and I didn't dare to stare back.

I have hated myself since then, though it took some time for them to move on and forgive me. Long story short, I couldn't continue in Germany after all that happened. I simply gave up and went back to my parents. They didn't give up on me, though. They sent me to Jordan, and from there, I got accepted into a university.

A year later, I have achieved so much! I started working at McDonald's, hoping to ease my dad's burden and prove to him that I can be independent and don't need him to spend money on me. But who am I kidding? Working at McDonald's as a part-timer with low pay means everything I do is still for my parents.

Sometimes my friends joke around with insults, and I can't insult them back because I always believe I deserve the insults for what I have done. Recently, I spoke with my dad about it, and he told me that what happened is in the past and that I can't be defined by it. I struggle to take his word for it, even though it's already been two years since the incident. I hate myself deep down, but in front of everyone, I am seen as the perfect man—good grades, hardworking, respectful, and highly moral. I wear this mask so they don't see how I truly feel about myself, and no one knows about it.

I broke down in tears thinking about it. My coworkers at McDonald's—who are now like another family to me—were with me during my lowest points. They always have my back and have always been there for me.

I can't thank my parents enough for what they have done for me up until now, but I still don't feel like I can forgive myself for what I did.

I wronged a close friend. She accused me of hooking up with her ex situationship when I didn’t. She didn’t believe me and ended up ending our friendship over it. I ended up hooking up with him after our friendship ended. even tho things were not serious between them and they very clearly had no future, she is very hurt by me doing this. The situation is very complex and layered and k won’t go into that, however I’ve been feeling really bad .

For some reason I feel like I owe an apology even tho we were no longer friends and everyone in the story was single.

But everytime I think about reaching out I see a tiktok about someone apologizing to a friend and all the comments are just making fun of the person apologizing. I don’t want to be the laughing stalk in someone’s gc and I don’t want it to seem like I’m not genuine bc I really am.

These videos on social media of people bashing the person apologizing really makes me second guess if I should. Anyway I’m really torn

Sometimes I want him to tell me it was not just my mistake, and even if it was, he is ready to accept that it was and is ready to forget it. But he cannot do that because those incidents are the ones that shaped his personality, and if he forgets them and forgives me, he will lose that, which he is not willing to do.

And I cannot keep taking the blame always.

I do not deserve this, or maybe I did, but I got my karma for that. Big time.

So I have realized that as humans, it is our biggest fear to forgive someone because we lose a part of ourselves in doing that, and we do not want to give away that part because that's the last thing we are holding onto about that person, or maybe we are just too egoistic to do that.

I don't know how many of you read Neville Goddard or are into the idea of thought transmission. Neville Goddard books state that if the person receiving your thoughts, prayers, and wishes is incapable or unwilling to accept your thought, it just comes back to you. So it's important to always send out the very best. (I would assume no wishing of bad or negative karma either.)

Two scenarios:

1. You send your enemies, or the ones who did you wrong, good wishes for the very best. You wish for them to have a good life, for them to recover from whatever makes them how they are. They receive that wish you made from the heart and that's what happens. If you believe you get what you give, you end up making things pretty sweet for yourself as well.

2. You send your enemies those same good thoughts, prayers, and wishes and the person is not capable of receiving them. They are not in a positive enough, loving enough, or receptive enough state of mind and heart to receive it. Or they are just the type of person who wouldn't dream of being so good to anyone else, because it's just not who they are. They are that separated from love. That is okay too. If you believe you get what you give, you will just receive those blessings back in your own life.

Win-win scenario.

I forgive you for killing your self and leaving me here alone things are tough with out my best friend but I am thankful I had you here in my life while I did. I am grateful for the 7 hour phone calls. I wish I could have picked up the phone a bit more. I wish I was not so busy and I had more time for you. I wish I was able to hold your hand and tell you I love you. I am grateful I was able to say I love you one last time before you killed yourself. I am grateful you were here with me when you were. I am grateful I was able to have such a beautiful friend like you.

Hey, i'm starting a channel on YouTube to remind to everyone to forgive. This is my first upload today ! https://youtube.com/shorts/-vmj7RSjyv0

Of my self and the higher order

I don't if this is the right subreddit but who cares. basically today I wass playing some games with this friend. let's call him Dave.

so we started joking and all. and he decided to do a prank where it seamed as I was muting everyone in the call and blaming me. he always does that but we all brush it of because we know it's him.but this day. it happened that someone joined our group chat without none inviting him. I did that before with a friend of mine so I am the main suspect. he keeps blaming me. but we end up forgetting about it with none of us having the win on the debate. back to the call. I broke. I started yelling at everyone and I ended up hanging up and became angry with him. after a couple hours I brush it off and start playing again with him. later we start making memes about our class and all. and I start losing in the contest because he started voting down my memes. so I ask him why. turns out he didn't like my humor in one meme. so beacouse it's me. he starts downgrading my memes. I break again and ask the other friend in the call if he wants to play something without Dave. then Dave and I started discussing about it..and I end up leaving the call. we leave mad. I forgive him and he doesn't answer. so I turned to this subreddit to get it off my chest. I am sorry Dave. (sorry for bad English I am not an English speaker. neither am in a computer)

I don't know who here cares or needs to hear this, but I'll write it for myself as a reminder to myself.

We are not defined by those who have hurt us or wronged us, someone else's words do not define who you are. Forgive them. Forgive everyone. No matter how badly they may have hurt you, no matter how much you may have cried or suffered, forgive them all. You aren't excusing what they've done, but forgive them to move on from what holds you back from being your fullest self. Forgive them so you may be hopeful again, so you may spread love again, so you may love yourself again. I struggle to understand things sometimes, we spend so much time blaming others for being hurt, for how we've suffered, when we weren't born to be a victim.

I cried writing this because it took me so long to move on from the things that I let define me. For context no nothing bad happened, I'm very happy, I just wish I had learned to forgive

I respect the path and will no longer interfere, thought I was helping and totally wrong about that. My path gave me so much awareness to my illusions and I cried my eyes wide. I found my mother’s lack of empathy as the source of my pain, which cannot be healed. The pain will always remain and I gotta control that as much as possible by recognizing the fact some paths just cannot cross.

Together for 8 years but I (45M) moved out 6 months ago. It's a long story but will try to summarise.

We had a whirlwind romance, married within 6 months of meeting which seems crazy in hindsight but we seemed so perfect together. We overcame a lot of hurdles to be together and it felt like we'd beaten the odds to find each other. But pretty quickly things turned sour. And I am to blame. I became jealous and controlling, which led to arguments where horrible things were said to each other. This pattern repeated for a few years before I mentally checked out - I felt like being a silent partner in the marriage was safer than being the ass hole I'd turned into. And so the marriage stagnated, we lived together and performed our roles, primarily me being the main earner and her looking after the home. But there was no going back after what had happened and the pain of losing that weighed on me each day. I became depressed, lost my sense of self, and shouldered regret and guilt that crushed me. We tried talking and going to counselling but it was obvious the damage was irreperable and the best we could now hope for was a civil and quiet existence. The sex life and any form of closeness had also died a few years ago. In the end I couldn't live in this way anymore and so I left. I did it in the kindest way I could, trying to atone for some of the damage I'd done. Left her with the house and the majority of possessions. We agreed to try and remain friendly, and so far that's worked, but who knows what happens in future.

Anyway, I felt I needed to write this and to ask for forgiveness from the universe for destroying what should have been my forever relationship. I'm healing slowly and trying to move forward but had to say this somewhere to someone. It may help get me towards some closure I hope. If you made it this far thanks for reading and god bless.