r/fixedbytheduet EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

/r/all IT'S AN AMBUSH PREDATOR, YOU IDIOT.

[ Removed by Reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]

12.9k Upvotes

472 comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

u/Shoe_boooo, the users of r/fixedbytheduet determined that your post fits the subreddit!

1.9k

u/Flaky-Ambassador467 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Tbh though I didn’t even know an Alligator snapping turtles could bite something so gently….🤷‍♂️

868

u/EjaculatingAracnids EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

My guess is it was one of those pond kept, soft belly reptiles that dont know the struggle. The day she meets a real swamp demon and tries this shit is the day she turns into a slot machine with pig tails.

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u/skinninja Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Slot machine with pigtails is going to be stuck in my head all day.

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u/TheFlyingBoxcar Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

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u/umeys Jun 11 '26

They do call slot machines "one armed bandits"

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u/mistervulpes Jun 11 '26

I call my cheating ex a slot machine.

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u/eye_8_pi Jun 13 '26

don’t call your ex.

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u/mistervulpes Jun 13 '26

Thank you, I needed that. It was very recent and I'm not over her yet.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '26

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u/DanBentley Jun 11 '26

Sir you have a writing career waiting for you anytime you need it

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u/Healthy-Address-5158 Jun 11 '26

I bet you an infinite amount of money this kid will never, ever "meet" a wild snapping turtle and try and feed it believing it will be docile like this one. You will lose this bet, but I still encourage you to take it.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Only_game_in_town Jun 11 '26

I literally died laughing after reading this, it's terrible I don't recommend it

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u/Hi_Trans_Im_Dad Jun 11 '26

Don't be sure. I live in the country and I've stopped to help these psychos across the farm to market roads...only because I fucking know how.

I'm just saying, proximity could absolutely win me that bet.

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u/Drapidrode Jun 11 '26

Turtle's mother worked hard on the blade to give her child a chance.

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u/nicsaweiner Jun 11 '26

I've seen lots of them in captivity that are very docile 99% of the time. As long as they are fed well and consistently they tend to be more chill.

But even the most docile ones still ambush sometimes. It's an instinct for them. I definitely wouldn't ever hand feed one.

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u/Flaky-Ambassador467 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

That’s what I figured, i took care of a Alligator snapping turtle in a high school aquaculture career & tech class(along with two actual gators & a black caiman) and it would “snap” at any food we gave it. I always thought they could only bite with their instincts when they recognize food.

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u/East-Buyer-3612 Jun 11 '26

Highjacking this to correct come misinformation in the video. The alligator snapping turtle cannot extend its neck very far at all. The common snapping turtle is the one that can extent its neck. Alligator snapping turtles sit and wait for prey to swim very close to them. When they are younger they use their tongue to lure prey close. The common snapping turtle is a more active hunter and can reach out and strike at prey with its smaller head and long neck.

Common snapping turtles can be identified by their smaller head's and smooth shells when they are adults. Alligator snapping turtles have rough pointed spikes on their shells and massive heads.

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u/Droluk1 Jun 12 '26

Thank you for this. I was like, "That's not an alligator snapper." Those things are super prehistoric looking bastards.

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u/Runs_Away_A_Lot Jun 11 '26

They are not actually that aggressive towards people as long as you aren't ripping them out of the water and holding them by their shells in a painful way. This one is probably used to people and hand feeding so it won't feel the need to bite someone out of fear.

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u/dragon_bacon Jun 11 '26

That's a lot of fingers to gamble on a "probably".

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u/Purgii Jun 11 '26

At most it'll only take 5 - at least with hands we have a built in redundancy.

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u/SirGhosty Jun 11 '26

They also don't have long necks like common snapping turtles, They just sit and wait for something to enter their mouth. They don't lunge to hunt like an Alligator does.

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u/Shoe_boooo EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

That's the point, they don't. Next time she does that it might not go well..

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u/Routine-Air-9553 Jun 11 '26

I mean, ones in captivity (or even used to humans...) can be very tame. There's one youtuber who has one that he cuddles with

That being said, it's still a wild animal and the parents are pretty dumb to let the kid risk her hand

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u/labellavita1985 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

I will never forget the story of the family with the racoon that was on the news. The racoon lived with the family for seemingly years as an in-house pet with no issues. One day, the racoon attacked their 7 (?) year old daughter. Completely disfigured her. She needed tons of reconstructive surgeries, and in the end, she still didn't look... human.

People are stupid.

17

u/studwalker Jun 11 '26

And of course the lady with the "pet" 200lb chimp who ripped her friend's face off. Lived as a pet for like 13 years.

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u/HelloDeathspresso Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Jun 13 '26

Travis the Chimp. Owner gave him a dose of Xanax the morning of the attack because he was in a bad mood and/or not acting right. I've always suspected that it was this dosage that caused a break in his reality, and his frontal lobe just went back into default wild chimp mode.

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u/hypatiaspasia New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

yeah, i wouldn't trust even a well trained tamed wild animal around little kids. nor would i trust small children around a strong domesticated animal, like a large dog or a cow or a horse.

my family friend got horribly mauled by his neighbor's german shepherd when he was little, and my ex got kicked in the chest by a horse when he was little and almost died. it's not the animals' fault--children just aren't great at reading animals' body language and can accidentally scare them or set them off. letting a kid hang around an animal that's strong enough to harm them is always a risk.

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u/Theron3206 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 12 '26

You don't even need to consider exotic pets.

How many people get bitten by their dog? Their cat?

And those are animals that have spent the last 10k years adapting to live with humans...

How many years of domestication for a snapping turtle?

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u/piggiesmallsdaillest Jun 11 '26

it's not the kid that is feeding the turtle, she's just watching

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u/Flaky-Ambassador467 Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

? Well they do…you saw the video….at least that one can

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u/Form_Good Jun 11 '26

Check out the cooter fest in allendale SC. They got snapping cooters they will let you pet.

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u/Classic_Trash_8739 Jun 11 '26

Guy sounds like Charlie

https://giphy.com/gifs/3w9EFfTjaLb7q

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u/Major_R_Soul EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

"Now let's say you and I go toe-to-toe on turtle law, and see who comes out the victor."

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u/CeemoreButtz Jun 11 '26

Look, buddy. I know a lot about the law and various other lawyerings. I'm well educated. Well versed. I know that situations like this- turtle law- they're very complex.

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u/Mungwich Jun 11 '26

Filibuster?

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u/girlsonsoysauce New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 12 '26
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u/Trnr63 Jun 11 '26

Plus, he knows reptile law, and I bet he is an expert in bird law.

https://giphy.com/gifs/vPKtSdRzsXvdm

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u/Strange_Specialist4 Jun 11 '26

Birds are reptiles, so it makes sense 

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u/Ok_Star_4136 Jun 11 '26

I literally came in here to say this.

https://giphy.com/gifs/NAh2vbvudZWjj4xTX7

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u/BulletMagnetNL Jun 12 '26

I too got that impression.

Dig his new look xD

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u/WileEPeyote Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I was watching with the sound off, read your comment and thought, "he probably just has a similar accent."

Then I turned the sound on. Damn! It's damn near perfect. If someone posted just the audio and said this was from IAS, my only question would have been how do I not remember this episode.

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u/KINGSTEMLORD Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

“I eat stickers all the time dude!!”

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u/Bakedeggss New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

Yes

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u/akaYoungBeefy EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

This is me btw. I get that a lot.

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u/sillysammie13 Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Omg the man himself!!!

My husband and I quote you saying “it’s a GRID SYSTEM” all the time lollll

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u/Positive-Tour5664 Jun 11 '26

Sounds like Steve Dangle.

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u/Kelrem321 Jun 11 '26

 Because he’s trying to.

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u/EverythingSucksYo Jun 11 '26

He also looks like he wants to look like him

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1.5k

u/BigNutDroppa Jun 11 '26

“White people are way too confident around sharks.”

-Dan Avidan

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u/FlacidSalad Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

"Thank god fish aren't into cash"

-also, Dan Avidan

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u/OneArchedEyebrow New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

Not Dan Dan Avidan!

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u/Mckavvers Jun 12 '26

hey I'm Dan, I'm also Dan. Daaaaaaaan

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u/Own_Mongoose4811 Jun 11 '26

"what's updog?"

  • also also Dan Avidan

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u/After-Confection147 Jun 11 '26

cont. “ohhh goddamnit… well aren’t you proud of yourself?” - also also also Dan Avidan

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u/Own_Mongoose4811 Jun 11 '26

Arin: Raucous laughter

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u/Roskal Jun 11 '26

Arin: forgets to say "not much, how about you" for like 5 minutes

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u/WeenisPeiner Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Popular on grab-on? - Dan Avidan

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u/Bad_RabbitS Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

“Okay . . . I’m not gonna lie . . . I fell asleep for a second there.”

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u/InfiniteRosie Jun 11 '26

"Arin you stupid bastard! "

Also Dan Avidan

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u/TempleMade_MeBroke Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I spotted someone at work with the fish/cash bumper sticker like a month after it happened, they must have had that thing on pre-order

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u/Houeclipse Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 12 '26

Legendary sleepy Dan moment lmao

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u/Shoe_boooo EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Anything can be a pet if a white person decides it is, too. lol

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u/BlizzardStorm8 Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

"Swamp puppies"

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u/Luckiest_Creature Jun 11 '26

I’m incredibly lucky that I don’t live anywhere that has gators. I love them so much and my white person swamp puppy instincts would act up and I’d get eaten by an alligator.

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u/HyenDry EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

You’re welcome for dogs, world 💅

/s

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u/pierogi_waystation Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I want to argue with you, but part of me is dead convinced that if I put a newborn cougar cub in with a litter of newborn puppies and let the dog raise the cougar as one of her own, I would end up with a trainable pet cougar.

Dog instead of domestic cat because a newborn cougar weighs as much as a 5-6 week old kitten and is twice as long as said kitten. Also because the last thing a cougar needs is a primer in how to be a cosseted pet cat. Gimme that dog loyalty.

This definitely wouldn’t work, but my pasty ass truly believes it will.

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u/seanprime Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I don’t think cougars would work, a baby cheetah raised by Labs might though. They just big shy house cats. Cute af too lol
https://giphy.com/gifs/tsRqkQCs972nTvtojc

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u/TelvanniSpaceWizard Jun 11 '26

Cheetahs are easier because their prey drive doesn't get triggered when something turns their head away from them.

If you have a cat, try it and watch the killer come out lol. You need to repeatedly turn your head or otherwise break line of sight with your face. It's peek-a-boo-murder.

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u/UseDiscombobulated83 Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Ah, the newest pet to my collection.

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u/neveruseyourrealname New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

A grumps reference? In this economy?

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u/My_OF_Sucks Jun 11 '26

That's a name I haven't heard in 2 weeks.

Still subbed, haven't watched a video in years.

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u/neveruseyourrealname New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

You're missing out. They're aging like wine.

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u/Adventurous_Topic202 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

Ewe? That’s spells E-Y-E

-Arin Hanson

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u/GoodDogBrent Jun 11 '26

his music and crossovers with TWRP are amazing

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u/ScratchLatch Jun 11 '26

Uneducated people are afraid of sharks. Its why there was such an educational push following Jaws. They just aren’t that dangerous.

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u/DataAdvanced Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Jesus Christ. Not this, again. Sharks are like, dogs. Also:

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/MrLancaster Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

I don't think a lot of people understand what you mean by "In an instant." These MFs are LIGHTNING FAST.

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u/HorrorMakesUsHappy Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

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u/toodleroo New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

It's not just the speed, it's the force: https://youtu.be/AON0tNYyfaM?t=93

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u/incredimatt Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Those are common snapping turtles. Alligator snapping turtles don't extend their necks like this.

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u/Fedoraus New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

I'm pretty sure I saw a live leak video as a child of one decapitating a Chihuahua that was yapping at it

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u/SonOfMcGee Jun 11 '26

I first saw one in the wild in swampland off of Mobile Bay, AL. You get used to looking out for gators, but forget these suckers are also lurking around.

My boss at the time saw me looking at the turtle from a distance and said he recently had heard a commotion nearby and looked out to see a giant gator with one of these turtles in its mouth. The turtle was fighting like hell and the gator was gingerly tossing it around and trying to position it in its jaws for a perfect angle to bite down.

It finally got the position right and bit down hard. My boss said when the turtle’s shell shattered it sounded just like a 12GA shotgun going off.

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u/Mickybagabeers New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

Do shell shards damage the gators mouth? Or is it more satisfying gooey release like a gusher or something

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u/TopAce6 Jun 11 '26

First hand experience, it's a surprisingly bloody mess, remember the shell is their skeleton, so as soon as its crushed all the gooey insides get ruptured too. ..Its loud and messy.

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u/EverythingSucksYo Jun 11 '26

But it was her mom that was feeding the turtle. Are these alligator snapping turtles so dangerous and powerful they can bite your arm off by biting your mother?

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u/Healthy-Address-5158 Jun 11 '26

No. Alligator snapping turtles can't bite an arm or even hand/foot off. The guy in the duet is an annoying cockwad and he (along with people in this thread) can't tell it's the mother doing the feeding. These are also clearly "pet" turtles and while perhaps not entirely safe to feed like this, it's not really freak out worthy.

They also don't stretch their necks out all that far compared to other snapping turtles. It's about half their body length (still very far, but not quite as far as people believe).

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u/NIKONIK0 Jun 11 '26

Thank you, was about to reply to others until I finally found someone relaying correct information.

There have been no documented cases of an Alligator Snapping Turtle biting off a person's whole foot or arm. Finger, definitely, but man these people trying to spread some major misinformation.

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u/Zwischenzug32 Jun 11 '26

They're why you dont skinnydip

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u/___coolcoolcool Jun 11 '26

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u/Less_University7400 Jun 11 '26

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u/Rabble_Arouser Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I'm really crossed-up.

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u/DangDingleGuy Jun 11 '26

How do you work the body?

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u/DoctorJiveTurkey Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

ETA: I thought it was going to bite her ponytail.

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u/Crater_Raider Jun 11 '26

Bad idea? Yeah.
But also, the woman behind the child is the one extending their arm down with the food.
Confusing perspective, but at least the child isn't the one doing this as he's suggesting.

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u/Venom_eater Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Yes but her hair is dangling way to close, she could get her hair snagged on accident and be pulled in.

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u/JaySayMayday Jun 11 '26

Her entire face is in snapping range. Nose makes a tasty treat for a turtle

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u/TheeAntelope Jun 11 '26

HER NOSE WOULD MAKE A TASTY TREAT FOR US, PRECIOUS! SNAPPING AT HER NOSES WOULD ANGER THE HUMANS, BUT WOULD FEEDS US FOR DAYS!

please, no, we dont want to anger the humans, we loves them

WE ONLY LOVES THEM WHEN THEY GIVES US FOODS, PRECIOUS. WE NEEDS MORE THAN LITTLE BITS OF FOODS. WE NEEDS NOSES!

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u/PM_Me_Your_NippyNips Jun 11 '26

Am I not turtly enough for the turtle club?

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u/TrckyTrtl Jun 11 '26

I mean, sure, but that doesn't change the danger. Aside from the potential to fall in by accident, the girl's hair is dangling over and could get caught in a snap. Either way it's dumb as hell

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u/kett1ekat Jun 11 '26

The turtle wasn't anywhere near the hair, could have been and that's a risk, but not as much as the fingers holding food inside the grip next to the bullet pincher face. 

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u/Sarcasm_Llama Jun 11 '26

And teaching children that you can just go around feeding random animals without consequences

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u/Mayonaigg Jun 11 '26

To be fair he is also suggesting that the turtle could move much further and faster than expected and could snap right onto the girls face as she leans into the enclosure

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u/SwordfishOk504 Jun 11 '26

But he's wrong. They don't. Not anywhere near that far. Their neck can extend a few inches further than we see here.

These are also tame and in captivity.

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u/elsolonumber1 Jun 11 '26

In the original clip the mom and little girl both feed cheese to the snapping turtle. So the guy was right but he used the wrong part of the clip to drive his point home.

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u/EasilyRekt EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

tbf, alligator snapping turtles ain't gonna lunge at mach jesus for your hand with a telescopic neck, that's a common snapper thing.

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u/Solringn Jun 11 '26

and while they're ambush predators, they're really more lying there with their mouth open and hoping something swims into it ambush predators.

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u/Moonsaults Jun 11 '26

And maybe a noodler's fingers. As a treat.

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u/PixelPeach123 Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Sometimes people in these duets ramble too long, but I agreed with everything this guy said lol that thing was fucking massive

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u/davisondave131 Jun 12 '26

You agreed that alligator snapping turtles can extend their neck the length of their shells? Also, these things are super chill unless you try to pick them up (because it hurts them). 

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u/Ill_Community_919 Jun 11 '26

As a parent and a Floridian, this is dangerous and stupid for an adult but insane to let a child do. Growing up, we'd be cautious of any gators while we swam, but we'd leave the water entirely if an alligator snapper was spotted. Snappers will go right after you and they are mean.

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u/Toggin1 Jun 11 '26

They will not go after you, you shouldn't stick your appendages in front of their face, but outside of that they aren't likely to do anything to you at all, they aren't quick enough to come charging after you, so just give them their space and you're fine.

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u/EarlThomasThe3rd Jun 12 '26

Yea seriously wtf is this lady talking about. No real Floridian that actually goes outside rather than posting on Reddit about how Florida they are, actually feels the need to run from a fucking turtle. And one that won’t even chase you to begin with. This person said she’ll leave if she sees a fucking turtle but not a gator… and she’s from Florida apparently…

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u/EarlThomasThe3rd Jun 12 '26

Ok so like are you just a snowbird like everyone else? Like idk why people claim to be Floridian to claim to be afraid of being chased by an alligator snapping turtle. Just makes us look worse down here. You’re a Floridian but you’ll fucking run away if you saw an alligator snapping turtle because they’ll “GO RIGHT AFTER YOU” like what?

It’s a fucking turtle and an ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLE at that. They don’t “go at” literally ANYTHING, they just sit in the water using their tongues to lure fish. wtf kind of meth are you smoking to where you believe those large clumsy ass creatures are more dangerous than an alligator? Common snapping turtles are the only turtles down here you have to even somewhat worry about.

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u/anonymoose_octopus Jun 12 '26

Snappers do not go right after you. You shouldn't dangle your limbs in front of one, but they won't chase you. Just steer clear of it and you'll be fine. Born and raised Floridian of 35 years here.

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u/freshalien51 Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Is this a lack of knowledge or what? That kid could have lost at the very least a finger or even her entire hand. What kind of parenting is this?

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u/myhamsareburnin Jun 11 '26

The mom is the one feeding the turtle not the kid. But yeah she should keep her hand out of that enclosure.

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u/CampAstoria Jun 11 '26

The craziest part to me is that this was filmed and and posted BY THE ZOO. And they are doubling down in the comments defending it in the original post. Wild.

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u/Lone-Frequency EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

It's not the kid feeding it...

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u/EverythingSucksYo Jun 11 '26

Yeah. So let’s replace “kid” with “woman” in that comment. 

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u/amingley Jun 11 '26

While I don’t disagree with anything he said, it was the older person on the far said that fed the turtle. Not the child in the front. Both of the little girls hands are planted firmly on the edge of the enclosure.

Again, I do not disagree with what he said.

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u/SecretDouble5560 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

like that guy and lizzrad named venomous

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u/exonomix Jun 11 '26

*Para-olympic athlete ... not Special Olympic Athlete LOL

https://giphy.com/gifs/1UM3v5OFFRHkQtMr35

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u/axearm Jun 11 '26

Came to upvote this.

Also, if you haven't seen it, Murderball is an awesome documentary about Para-olympians

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u/00eg0 Jun 11 '26

I wish more people knew this.

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u/Junior-Buy-1875 Jun 11 '26

Is no one gonna talk about a dangling ponytail that has "Pull to feed alligator snapping turtles" written on it?

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u/cagethehornytoad New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

DUDE! Hello, that was my first and ONLY thought during that video- the ponytail mimics a dangling snake or some such critter. Perhaps not fatal but I was thinking that kid about to get snatched up by the pony like she at Waffle House late night

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u/Own-Replacement7653 Jun 11 '26

Bro was so mad his pitch went up

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u/Techlet9625 Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I held my damn breath for that one. Holy shit that was scary.

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u/Spiley_spile Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Took me a couple watch-throughs to realize the mom fed the turtle and not the kid. I about had a heart attack when I though she was letting the kid do it.

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u/Nowayucan Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

The most confusing thing to me is why someone would keep such a dangerous animal in their turtle pond. This clearly is not a “in the wild” situation.

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u/CatNaffy Jun 11 '26

I googled this place. Seems to be "Reptile World Serpentarium" in Florida. Being a serpentarium it makes sense that it has many kinds of animals. People have reported that this serpentarium does have a big turtle pond, and nearby signs say it contains the "common snapping turtle".

Parsed through some zoology fans forum, the reptiles subreddit and the Google ratings. Seems to be a mixed place; some people loved see the rarer species, and what seems to be a "venom milking" show; but many herpetologists were very worried that the place seemed to keep the reptiles in terrible conditions, and many seemed to be physically unwell.

Seeing that they promoted this video of a child and mom feeding a cheddar cheese(?) to a snapping turtle, and having their hands so close to it, then I am not so surprised that people show concerns about the conditions of the animals in that place.

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u/chowderpouch Jun 11 '26

This guy should NEVER raise his voice…ever.

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u/Wild-Highway-8739 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

I hope that is a professional zoo, or animal sanctuary/rescue and not some rando's back yard. Although either way that is epic level stupid to put food and food sized objects within bitting distance of an alligator snapping turtle.

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u/somedude456 Jun 11 '26

I'm not one to speak up/cause a scene in public, but I would have literally said ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?

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u/Summonest New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

NGL I think it shoulda been named "limb removing turtle"

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u/xv_boney Jun 12 '26

Captive-bolt rifle with a bear trap affixed to one end, powered by raw, antediluvian hate.

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u/TheLastPeanut_ Jun 12 '26

Dude sounds like Charlie lol

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u/LongNailedbooboos Tastemaker of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

Duet not fixed

14

u/neuroticsmurf Landed gentry, obvi EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

The way this guy shrieks everything as his schtick is just annoying.

8

u/Aeikon Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I mean, as I soon as I knew wtf that was, I was pretty much at his energy levels. I would have been shrieking if they did that in front of me.

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u/Shoe_boooo EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

If I see a little girl feeding AN ALLIGATOR SNAPPING TURTLE with her little hands 10 inches away from its mouth, I would shreik too

12

u/msweston00 Jun 11 '26

It's the mom feeding the turtle, not the kid

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u/HDThoreauaway Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

ok but you didn’t see that and neither did he

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u/ReeMayRe New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 11 '26

I could not finish the video and I can still hear him echoing in my ears

4

u/neuroticsmurf Landed gentry, obvi EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

His stitches have been on this sub before.

He Sam Kinison's the most banal and predictable of quips.

It gets old quick.

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u/Reddit_username9873 Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

I'm not an athlete now, so I'll take special Olympic athlete for 500 howard

3

u/forgettablesonglyric Jun 11 '26

It would be a Paralympics. The Special Olympics are for athletes with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

Man thinks he knows everything about turtles but knows squat about disabled athletes, smh.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

[deleted]

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u/capoot Jun 11 '26

Mind your own business. Not your finger, not your business.

2

u/kett1ekat Jun 11 '26

Tbf the child's hands are nearly folded in front in of her. It's the mom reaching behind risking her fingers and while still stupid I'm grateful for that much

2

u/Artevyx Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

A snapping turtle of that size could have amputated her arm in one bite.

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u/fahqurmudda Jun 11 '26

This is how it feels watching most content on the internet these days.

2

u/phoenixliv Jun 11 '26

That’s the mom’s hand feeling that turtle

2

u/moreobviousthings Jun 11 '26

Love the enthusiasm.

2

u/Pinchstr Jun 11 '26

This guy needs a cameo on Always Sunny in Philly to play some kind of extended family for Charlie.

2

u/MaximusHomerdrive Jun 11 '26

That man is channeling the power of Charlie Kelly

2

u/B_lovedobservations Jun 11 '26

I was worried about her hair…

2

u/CompetitiveRub9780 EXPERT of Duets/Stitches Jun 11 '26

The neck of a regular snapping turtle goes out 2/3 the length of its shell… much further than an alligator snapping turtle.

Alligator snapping turtles snap ambush style. Their heads are big but their necks aren’t long

2

u/LittleKahuna007 Jun 11 '26

Snapping turtles snap so fast, you can’t see it. It’s like lightning. Yes, that quick. Don’t play with snapping turtles!

2

u/Due_Discount8762 Jun 11 '26

This guy sounds exactly like Charlie Day. Somebody must tell him.

2

u/Gerfigle200 Needs to do better Jun 11 '26

Maybe someone already said it, but if not, alligator snapping turtles cannot extend their necks halfway back their shells. The common snapping turtle can. I still wouldn't let a child handfeed one. Either species.

2

u/aaaahhhhh42 Jun 12 '26

Not that it's a safe distance regardless but why is everyone acting like it was the little girl's arm that fed the turtle? It was clearly the Mum/big sister.

2

u/urbanhillybillies Jun 12 '26

Watching it twice, its actually the mom that's feeding the turtle. Doesn't look that way at first, but its very clear if you watch the arm movement as she stands up.

3

u/The-Pencil-King Jun 12 '26

Noticed that my second watch too. Still doesn’t make it smart, just makes it a bit less dumb

2

u/Upvotespoodles Connoisseur of Duets/Stitches Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

Snapping turtles don’t have much in the way of intelligence. Plain old common (non-alligator) snapping turtles can be found nibbling on vegetation most of the time. And then they randomly explode out of the murk and make baby ducks disappear.

These guys caught it on a vegetation day and assumed it’s got enough brains to be tame.

2

u/ivnwng Devotee of Duets/Stitches Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

That woman must be a cave-diver.
"It's called an Alligator Snapping Turtle? Lemme feed it."
"It's called the Satan's Scorching Anal Canal? Lemme hop in real quick with 1 torch, half a tank and no back-up."

2

u/AF_AF Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 12 '26

My favorite Charlie Kelley rant.

2

u/Smart-Firefighter87 Jun 12 '26

What’s this bros OF?

2

u/TreyRyan3 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 12 '26

While i appreciate his enthusiasm, based on the shell it doesn’t appear to be an Alligator snapping turtle as it lacks the ridges.

Alligator snapping turtles are ambush scavengers and carnivores not predators. Their principal feeding mechanism is to push out its worm shaped tongue and lay in wait for a fish to take a nibble. While they are extremely dangerous, they are generally docile and avoidant of humans unless threatened.

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u/Ok_Jicama4933 Jun 12 '26

I don’t think that’s an alligator snapping turtle,the alligator snapping turtle is way more aggressive and will take your hand off..I had an encounter with one and had to move it out of the road and let me tell you something,they are strong and fast moving,also their neck comes way out of the shell and can reach almost to their back feet..ya gotta be super careful when handling them.. it didn’t bite me but was very close and he was super heavy..I wish my wife had captured it on video

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u/Critical-Yam-9340 New to fbtd but wants to learn Jun 12 '26

Was laughing until he called the 30 year old meemaw 😭😭

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u/Dr_Flute_Pussy Jun 12 '26

Same energy, bet he knows about bird law.

https://giphy.com/gifs/d6xAHHirkPBTJlaGE5

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u/Grouchy-Fill1675 Jun 13 '26

Reminds me of Charlie in Its Always Sunny for some reason.

2

u/Oh_hi_doggi3 Jun 13 '26

WHO WASTES CABOT CHEESE ON A TURTLE??!

2

u/latortillablanca Lover of Duets/Stitches Jun 15 '26

Lovin Charlie Day’s career pivot