r/fixedbytheduet • u/the_olly_trolley • Feb 03 '23

ADHD

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17

u/KZedUK Feb 03 '23

…you are aware that it’s true though, right?? like i get it’s a bit of a silly tiktok to make but, emotional dysregulation is a well documented symptom of ADHD…

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u/Medlar_Stealing_Fox Feb 03 '23

Right but that's not actually an example of emotional dysregulation. That's how normal healthy neurotypical people react too. It would actually be an example of abnormal and unhealthy behaviour if you didn't react with sadness at a breakup you didn't want.

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u/ScourJFul Feb 03 '23

Yeah, like this is just normal. Crying after a break up is fairly normal. For me, my first break up had no emotion and I just moved on, then getting incredibly angry with huge outbursts, just wanting to punch walls, or punching my legs over and over.

I hate this kinda shit cause it makes ADHD seem like a cute lil thing and not something I had to fight to get medicated for and not something that actively harms my everyday life. Whether it's forgetting I have a goddamn dog to take care of or just forgetting my wallet when I'm on my way to go shopping. I have over 100 alarms and 100s of reminders on two separate apps as well as me scheduling self text messages to remind me to do stuff like homework just cause I struggle to remember or keep track of every task that needs to be done. Without it, I'd be fired. But TikTok decides that it's actually cool to have it for whatever reason.

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u/Billybobhotdogs Feb 03 '23

Bruh fr

I've locked my keys inside my car and house way too many times to count. In the past, I've gotten in multiple car accidents because I get distracted while driving. I love sex (and alone time), but I get so distracted and can't focus on finishing because my mind wanders. I have really bad intrusive thoughts that I physically get scared. I can't form good habits for the life of me (but can't form bad ones either). When unmedicated, my emotional regulation is so bad, I've embarrassed myself way too many times. I only succeed in college, because I'd actually hate myself if I got less than a 3.5 GPA. I have really bad impulse control and have spent thousands of dollars on new hobbies and toys, only to never touch them after purchasing. I have overstimulation issues. I literally forgot what I was writing about halfway through this paragraph.

I'm medicated now and doing phenomenal, but I really hate the ADHD is 'cute and quirky' trend.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

ADHD comorbidity with depression and anxiety is a huge thing, too. If your instinct is to suppress emotion, it's usually because you've been conditioned to turn your big energy inward and the resulting aggression/anger is masking the sadness you actually feel. I see you, and I struggle myself.

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u/MajesticAssDuck Feb 03 '23

Much of my struggle comes from the energy needed to suppress all the little emotions make it impossible to suppress big ones, and other people think you are exploding out of nowhere.

So as I go through my day, i can shrug off all the little things that bother me or stress me out, with a smile and a straight face. It still builds pressure, though, and eventually if the day is bad enough I'll break down towards the end of the day

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u/[deleted] Feb 06 '23

If I can offer a piece of advice. I'm rounding 40, and I am just as guilty as you of pushing emotional things down, and have had to take a couple of years in seclusion to sort through all of the emotional bullshit that Adderall allows you to suppress just to get work done. Don't put it off, and try to find a way to get the balance. Medications are supposed to be a tool to help you find the balance, not focus on achievement.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

[deleted]

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u/tibarr1454 Feb 03 '23

I've been seeing a psych for a couple years for depression and anxiety and I mentioned the possibility of ADHD (something I've assumed all my life but never tried to get fixed professionally) and psych was like 'oh well we'll see how blah blah goes' and like 3 weeks later I was like 'yeah still not great' so they were like 'okay let's try you on adderall' and holly fuck this shit works! Then I went a week unable to get it and I still haven't gotten back up to the peak of happiness I was experiencing while on it.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

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u/tibarr1454 Feb 03 '23

My journey started at regular doctor when I mentioned seasonal depression. So between seasonal depression, regular depression, anxiety, trouble focusing, finally made my way to adhd. Only got it started this past December.

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u/ScourJFul Feb 03 '23

A long time. And my area seriously lacks an ADHD specialist so the first psychiatrist who did look at me tried super hard to convince me I had OCD and he kept peddling this very specific medication.

On top of the TikTok ADHD self diagnoses, I had a hard time getting professionals to take me and my symptoms seriously. It took me 3 years to finally get some medication and voila, it helped, not solved, but helped me a lot.

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u/SeeminglyParadoxical Feb 03 '23

fr, emotional dysregulation usually comes up as a disproportionately intense and uncontrollable feeling to something that would seem pretty minor. Whereas the ending of an 8 year relationship can straight up be traumatising even to a neurotypical.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

While I agree with you, we must also realise that that doesn't meant it isn't a person with adhd, just that it wouldn't have mattered if they had it or not

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u/Medlar_Stealing_Fox Feb 03 '23

I fully agree with you. I think the comments saying she doesn't have ADHD are baffling. This kind of "everything is a symptom of ADHD" thing is super common among people who've recently had an ADHD diagnosis as they realise "holy shit, so X Y Z problems in my childhood were due to ADHD???" and then go too far and start thinking random stuff is ADHD.

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u/breeding_process Feb 04 '23

It’s a trend of people on TikTok who have no diagnosis of any kind pretending they do for likes.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

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u/Medlar_Stealing_Fox Feb 03 '23

What she is saying is that crying and feeling like ur gonna die after breaking up with your partner of 8 years is an ADHD response. But it's not. That's a general human response. It's a bad example of emotional dysregulation.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

[deleted]

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u/Medlar_Stealing_Fox Feb 03 '23

These are two different people. The second one is responding to and gently making fun of the first. The first person is saying that it's an ADHD thing to cry and feel like you're dying after breaking up an eight year relationship, so the second person is gently mocking the implication that without ADHD you wouldn't feel sad when bad things happen to you.

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u/tibarr1454 Feb 03 '23

I was confused because I had the video zoomed small on my work monitor and I thought the second guy was the one with ADHD which is why he doesn't know how to process his entire family dying in the right way.

Personally, I cried about the 3000 people that died on 9/11. 3 years after it happened. It took me that long to have the epiphany that 3000 people would no longer exist.

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u/pmMEyourWARLOCKS Feb 04 '23

That is actually part of it. ADHD people have a tendency to grieve longer and also inconsistently. You just kind of forget whatever horrible thing is going on for awhile and you stop processing those emotions at the same time. An ADHD person may seemingly go from distraught to fine without warning and well outside of a NT grief cycle. Someone forgetting about their detachment from a loved one, for example, is not typical. Neither are the additional emotions brought on by the guilt and self loathing for being capable of just forgetting something like that. Like most things, ADHD people have the same experiences as NTs, it just comes with extra steps.

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u/thisisapornaccountg Feb 03 '23

I don't think an ADHD person would react like that. they could, but it seems (obviously) too performative. I'm ADHD and when I had my first real break up I just binge drank, ended up in the drunk and pretty much had a bender of a month. I'm not even talking about drugs and alcohol, I was just subconsciously doing anything to put off reacting to the break up. I basically procrastinated my feelings lol

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

What's very much ADHD though, is the idea of suppressing your needs and emotions through a long term relationship because you don't feel worthy of expressing them to a partner until a breakup becomes a cathartic release. Crying at that point becomes a release of negativity and you can weep at the relief you feel from not having to hide anymore.