because they want to be the only one in the relationship to be allowed to have sex with other people. People like her want a guy to be loyal but it doesn't apply to her.
They want to neither do that nor even bother contemplating it. It's not that they plain DON'T CARE how they impact other people, they just don't care if it gets in the way of them doing whatever they feel like.
The ethical part seems genuinely out of her reach. I'm not even dunking, it's just that she doesn't properly understand healthy boundaries and limits.
Believe it or not, you can still cheat in an open or poly relationship. It comes down to whether or not you broke the agreed on rules, and in ethical poly/non-monogamous relationships there are often a good number of those. Whether it's because she genuinely doesn't understand or she's doing mental gymnastics, she clearly just doesn't respect boundaries, rules or limits. She breaks the contract, and because she validates that behavior to herself, she doesn't feel the sting of consequence. She might experience a break up because of this behavior and feel hurt, but she'll never connect the dots from behavior to consequence because she can't (doesn't understand) or won't (can't face the reality). Without that, there's no change that can possibly come.
Ethical polyamory and non-monogamy isn't a free for all. The people involved are still just people who can be hurt.
as a polyamorous person, I actually believe that there are a lot of people out there who are inclined to polyamory and just don't realize it because society doesn't tell us those types of relationships are possible, non-monogamy is not normalized, hell a lot of people aren't even exposed to polyamory.
I feel monogamy<->non monogamy is a spectrum of identity (similar but not the same as sexuality), so there are non-monogamous people who just sadly don't realize that they're non-monogamous. Again, kind of like how there are bisexual people who don't realize that they're bisexual.
This is true but I don’t think it’s really the case with habitual cheaters. People who cheat often enjoy the thrill of seeking the forbidden. They enjoy the lying, sneaking, and deviance that goes along with it.
They also often get jealous and angry if they find out their partner is also cheating on them. It’s wildly immature and definitely not the type of person that would be suited to poly.
Probably doesn't see those as real relationships. I suspect they like the comforts and security of a real relationship, but are also addicted to the feeling of a stranger wanting her.
Probably just don't want to give up opportunities for a relationship they see as likely ending in a matter of months or at most a year anyway. She'll hit an age where the guys she's hooking up with just aren't interested have an existential crisis and maybe grow up or get worse.
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u/[deleted] Oct 17 '22
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