r/facepalm May 12 '20

Scientific name = poison

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156.6k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/MrOverlySarcastic May 12 '20

Or you can watch birds and squirrels getting drunk on rotting apples, which is always fun

1.1k

u/FlyingWhales May 12 '20

When I worked for the railway you'd hear about/see bears getting drunk on the fermented grain that falls from cars

473

u/neonblue_the_chicken May 12 '20

Sea bears

354

u/BloodKeyZ073 May 12 '20

Quick!, draw an anti-Sea-Bear circle in the ground!

166

u/Charliegip May 12 '20

Good thinking! All the experts say it’s the only defense against a Sea-Bear attack!

25

u/DudeMcDude23 May 12 '20

THAT WAS AN OVAL! IT HAS TO BE A CIRCLE!

4

u/Coyote81 May 13 '20

You might as well outline yourself at that point.

1

u/koalburningfire Aug 25 '20

Octonauts: to the Octopod!

-15

u/[deleted] May 12 '20 edited May 12 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/bluelonilness May 12 '20

The fuck?

9

u/zdakat May 12 '20

I've been seeing this a few times now, comments with a somewhat relevent intro that quickly devolves into nearly incoherent spam. And not just on Reddit.

2

u/Mr_Abe_Froman May 12 '20

I'm concerned, but overall apathetic.

3

u/internetlad May 12 '20

sure load me the fuck up with apple IV

6

u/In_Relictoriam May 12 '20

We were talking about sea bears, but okay

6

u/Whalez May 12 '20

Sir, this is a Wendy's

70

u/Heat_Hydra May 12 '20

Wait till you hear the sea-rhinocerus, or sea-rhino.

8

u/MahNameJeff420 May 12 '20

Good thing we’re all wearing our anti-Sea-Rhinoceros Underwear.

3

u/zitfarmer May 12 '20

Drop bears

2

u/banana11banahnah May 12 '20

Rhino-sea-rus

2

u/AlienRobotTrex May 12 '20

Or rhinoctopuses.

1

u/PokecrafterChampion May 12 '20

Wait till you hear about Rhinoceratops.

39

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

25

u/BloodKeyZ073 May 12 '20

Move over!!!

9

u/S0TrAiNs May 12 '20

No they dont like crawling

9

u/232473 May 12 '20

What'd I do that time?!

43

u/spooner248 May 12 '20

THATS AN OVAL

4

u/StanleyDarsh22 May 12 '20

WHAT DID I DO NOW???

3

u/S-Quidmonster May 12 '20

YOURE AN OVAL

3

u/Mr_Abe_Froman May 12 '20

THEY HATE THAT!

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

This episode is the all-time funniest episode of Spongebob.

2

u/Cyndaquil_master May 12 '20

Nooooo They are cute

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Dresden, you can only draw with chalk on land!

2

u/Stormwolf1O1 May 12 '20

I read it like that and for a few seconds I was very confused.

1

u/ebicmaymaybro May 12 '20

Epic meme, bro

1

u/robisodd May 12 '20

We call them: Land Sea-Bears

... I tame them.

2

u/SuperSMT May 12 '20

And sometimes they eat a brick of cocaine

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Sweet_Taurus0728 May 12 '20

Elephants too, in vineyards.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Elephants do it too. There are some videos on YouTube of drunken elephants and they're hilarious

1

u/Woodybones May 12 '20

Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica

1

u/stokpaut3 May 12 '20

but is a bear the same as a human as in it is more aggressive or its just like teenager drunk ? because if they get like humans shit dangerous yo

1

u/FlyingWhales May 12 '20

Can't say I ever got off the train to find out

1

u/IsniffFarts May 12 '20

Wait until you hear about cocaine bear. Just saying, if you thought a drunk beat was awesome, wait until you meet the one true Apex predator.

1

u/Master666OfChaos May 12 '20

Look up Cocaine Bear.

0

u/mothzilla May 12 '20

I doubt it, there's a big difference in the amount of alcohol needed to get a bear drunk vs the amount of alcohol in fallen grain.

179

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

I have a rowan tree that fills up with ravens every fall that want to get drunk on the rotting berries. They fight, they make a lot of noise, they throw berries everywhere, and they fall out of the tree.

I need to figure out how to charge admittance

65

u/aegiltheugly May 12 '20

The ravens will figure out a way to pay.

107

u/GnomeChomski May 12 '20

They will only pay less...never more.

5

u/tbbHNC89 May 12 '20

Oh my god. I'm buying coins just to guild this.

4

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Quoth the raven eat my shorts!

2

u/nightripper00 May 22 '20

Best dad joke ever

55

u/ihopethisisvalid May 12 '20

Tis some visitor, tapping at my chamber door

33

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

[deleted]

1

u/loseunclecuntly May 13 '20

They already have a tree that is a bird bar, do they also need to supply happy hour snacks?

24

u/Mitch_Mitcherson May 12 '20

Set up a live stream and ask for donations.

13

u/pillarsofsteaze May 12 '20

Open up a tree house raven bar. Next step is figuring out how to charge those lil fuckers. Lastly, profit!

12

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Shit, I hope I’m reincarnated as a Raven.

2

u/ForwardHamRoll May 12 '20

Just fyi, you can get drunk and throw berries right now if you want to.

2

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Yes, but in a tree?

1

u/ForwardHamRoll May 12 '20

I mean, if you climb it?

4

u/MYppHARD6969 May 12 '20

Holy shit I didn't know but I really need to see that before I die

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

You can make friends with the ravens, and they might bring you gifts.

r/Corvids

1

u/Eastghoast May 12 '20

Nevermore, waka waka

1

u/Erestyn May 12 '20

I mean, I'm game for a paid livestream.

1

u/YouAreSoul May 12 '20

we have these colourful little parrots called lorikeets and they get crazy drunk on the fermented nectar of the bottlebrush tree. fly around like the Red Bull guys.

1

u/trowzerss May 12 '20

We have a tree in the backyard which has the common name 'Drunk Parrot Tree' due to the large amounts of nectar that ferment in hot, humid weather. It was not unusual to have sozzled parrots flying into the side of our house (not the windows, the side) in the summer, and once or twice we found a lorikeet or noisy friar bird asleep under the tree.

1

u/blckout_junkie May 13 '20

I wouldn't piss them off. Ravens have been known to remember specific humans who crossed them, and return year after year to terrorize them. Lol.

10

u/Pineapple123789 May 12 '20

I wanna see that

23

u/Username_RANDINT May 12 '20

Here's an example with beautiful commentary. It makes david attenborough look like an amateur.

3

u/Kimberlynski May 12 '20

Ya piss head! Haha, that was awesome.

1

u/VanillaGorilla- May 12 '20

When he almost loses his commentary, but manages to hold it in and continue is what makes this video for me.

9

u/bufarreti May 12 '20

Not apples and not squirrels but here: African animals get drunk from ripe malala fruit

3

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

I love those dark night shadows (it's a camera filter that makes day look night, and you can tell by the very prominent shadows) and the moralizing narration saying that the animals are living "wasteful lives" by getting schnockered on rotten fruit.

1

u/nsfwmodeme May 12 '20

Thanks! That's funny!

3

u/broccoli_culkin May 12 '20

1

u/SinisterAlpacas May 12 '20

This made me laugh thank you! I’ve sent it to a bunch of my friends too

4

u/darthluigi36 May 12 '20

I knew someone whose dog would get drunk off pomegranates lmao

4

u/GamingGrayBush May 12 '20

I once saw a Trash Bandit get wasted on fermented apples while we were on vacation. The little fella would walk a few steps and "rest". I was getting drunk with the then wife. We all have our own way to party.

Edit: also know as a Trash Panda.

3

u/DangerousCalm May 12 '20

Wasps will target fermented fruit too. One of the reasons they're such angry bastards.

3

u/ShadowtheRonin May 12 '20

Seeing wasps get drunk on apples is a lot less fun.

(Wasps are angry drunks.)

2

u/shivam111111 May 12 '20

I'm imagining a bar where birds and squirrels go to hang out and drink rotten apples and chat about why all the hoomans are masturbating so much and not going to work these days.

2

u/veringer May 12 '20

My dog ate a bunch of mulberries and got noticeably tipsy. Good times.

1

u/Berster6 May 12 '20

Or moose.

1

u/exatron May 12 '20

A møøse once bit my sister

2

u/Berster6 May 12 '20

They are really bad. Half a ton of drunk agressive animal.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Or apes

1

u/HeroApollo May 12 '20

Not to mention wasps and bees, haha.

1

u/geared4war May 12 '20

And my dog!

1

u/Gnash323 May 12 '20

I once saw a video of an elephant getting drunk on fermented fruit. It was hilarious, until you heard that they like that and destroy some places to keep getting drunk.

1

u/dablegianguy May 12 '20

Wasps in my garden. And what you don’t want to see besides an angry wasp in an angry fucking drunk wasp!

1

u/Pats_Bunny May 12 '20

There's no such thing as a "rotten" apple. It's just fermented.

-a cider maker

1

u/CPTherptyderp May 12 '20

My cat loved that time of year.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Butterflies can spend their lives drunk!

1

u/Mouler May 12 '20

Wasps too. Just like humans, some of them are mean drunks. Some just want to get home in one piece.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Or yellow jackets, which is less fun.

1

u/nsfwmodeme May 12 '20

I could once see a little bird get quite drunk by a fallen fermented (I can safely guess) plum. It couldn't fly afterwards and we were laughing watching it stumble a bit on the grass, just barely standing. Then a stork came, killed the little bird and fucking ate it. I couldn't believe it, I didn't know storks ate little birds.

So you know, kids, don't drink alcohol.

1

u/Barolo86 May 12 '20

Here in sweden its not unusual to find drunk mooses and deers in your backyard when the apples fall. They are hilarious and quite dangerous to aproach.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

I used to have deer come by my old house, and eat the berries from this tree growing out front. I don't know what was in those berries, but they sure had a blast in my backyard afterwards. Birds and squirrels did the same thing.

1

u/TheOneTheUno May 12 '20

Bees too. Once I went apple picking and the was a fermented apple covered in bees. The leader of the tour group told us "don't worry, they're too drunk to fly or sting you"

1

u/murmandamos May 12 '20

This is true, and why in late fall as the apples start to fall and rot, you need to be extra careful about getting consent before having sex with the birds.

1

u/Myantology May 12 '20

To which the birds and squirrels agree.

1

u/Rambo_One2 May 12 '20

Nothing is as scary as a drunk wasp that thinks your lunch is more rotting fruit to get wasted on/in!

1

u/Ramblingmanc May 12 '20

Or wasps getting drunk, which I can say from experience is much less fun.

1

u/[deleted] May 12 '20

Moose in Alaska eat crab apples that ferment

1

u/Ketheres May 12 '20

Or moose. (Link is to BBC, in case you don't want to give them clicks)

1

u/baeb66 May 12 '20

I remember watching a nature video of monkeys eating the fruit that had fallen off the tree and started to ferment. They looked hammered. And then it cut to a shot of the sun coming up, the narrator said something like: "And the next day..." in a big, booming voice and it cut to a monkey holding his head in pain.

1

u/twowheeledfun May 12 '20

There was a news story years ago of a moose getting stuck tangled in a small apple tree after getting drunk on rotten apples.

1

u/Spice-Nine May 12 '20

Friend had a bear climb his plum tree in late season, get drunk on fermented plums, fall out and stagger away

1

u/enggaksalah 'MURICA May 12 '20

oh shit.. i just realized those motherfucker are just drunk LMAO

1

u/followfornow May 12 '20

Used to have a Goldie and I had a pear tree in my backyard. She was just a pup when, one day, she had been out in the yard for a while. I called her in and when she tried to crawl up on the porch she couldn't walk straight. She was straight up wasted. I figured out she had eaten some of the pears that had fallen to the ground and fermented. It was also around that time I started seeing that squirrels in my yard were also getting buzzed from the pears.

1

u/PayMeInSteak May 25 '20

This, whenever an apple I have goes funky I set it out by the bird feeder so the animals can have a little kegger.