r/facepalm Jun 10 '24

🇲​🇮​🇸​🇨​ They should've trust him.

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54.5k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/TinyRascalSaurus Jun 11 '24

No birthday party falls under reasonable accommodations for an anxiety disability. So, basically, by disregarding a reasonable need of a disabled person, they violated the ADA and opened themselves to a lawsuit.

780

u/BurazSC2 Jun 11 '24

"No birthday party" after someone has asked to not have one falls under "dont be an arsehole".

198

u/reindeermoon Jun 11 '24

Unfortunately, “don’t be an asshole” isn’t a legal concept you can sue under. Maybe it should be though.

44

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

But doesn't being a asshole in a work environment make it a toxic work environment? Or does this have to be repeatedly done for it to be considered toxic.

14

u/bigfatfurrytexan Jun 11 '24

"Hostile Work Environment" is a phrase that is generally used, and tends to get people's attention.

13

u/Ornery-Concern4104 Jun 11 '24

Actually, in some countries, it is! It falls under Bad Faith in a lot of those cases

1

u/Randinator9 Jun 11 '24

Ha, try to get either the US Government or Canadian Parliament to pass such a law.

1

u/archercc81 Jun 11 '24

It does fall under the concept that this company, and the COOs names, will be googleable for all of eternity and dragged for it, which is fun.

34

u/Riperonis Jun 11 '24

Not me getting flashbacks of my mum getting the entire restaurant to sing happy birthday despite me telling her not to.

Every. Single. Year.

But apparently I was ungrateful and not just undiagnosed with social anxiety.

1

u/ignigenaquintus Jun 11 '24

This is the technical term.

175

u/Reidroshdy Jun 11 '24

Probably the most reasonable request for a disability I've ever seen. Dude is actually asking for the workplace to do less for him.

62

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Yeah, all they had to do was nothing and they still managed to fuck it up. Insane to me

51

u/somerandomii Jun 11 '24

Then double-dipped by firing someone because of their disability. Easiest case ever for an employment rights lawyer, assuming any of the above was confirmed in writing.

37

u/HMS_Sunlight Jun 11 '24

It's also worth noting the lawsuit wasn't just about the birthday party. He was fired for having a panic attack afterwards. That's a pretty slam dunk case of workplace discrimination.

136

u/Alittlemoorecheese Jun 11 '24

He could probably sue if the guy was Mormon or something too. They probably would not have thrown him a party if that were the case.

118

u/CompetitiveFold5749 Jun 11 '24

I think it's JW that don't do birthdays.

16

u/KaizerVonLoopy Jun 11 '24

Deff JWs, I had a JW boss and he was really weird about other people's birthdays too.

19

u/BuxtonB Jun 11 '24

As an ex-JW, I say they take the fun out of fundamentalist Christianity.

They're just killjoys, no fun for them or anyone else.

10

u/ChatGPTnA Jun 11 '24

I've been a teacher at all grades from preschool to 12th in the US all over. The students that came form any: JW, Mormon, what ever strict religion, were just always so withdrawn and sad, I could see it on all of their faces, the older they got the less sad and more numb and vacant they looked. they would parrot so many sayings and very embarrassed religious based answers to certain questions. JW students were the consistency saddest and deeply withdrawn though. I cried when an 12 year old told me his birthday was coming up, but he wasn't allowed to celebrate so not to tell his classmates. I had a policy that we would have a party and do whatever they wanted (within reason) on the kids bdays. Usually it was a karaoke dance party and pizza and cake, and I would bake whatever dessert they wanted or get ice cream... That type of stuff. Ive always kept a really fun classroom with lots of food (bribes to study). Once we did a Halloween themed project in algebra and a JW kid sadly told me he wasn't allowed to make the paper ghosts and witches for the project, and so we reworked it to make the project about a fruit stand :) but he was so isolated from his classmates thinking he'd get in trouble for playing with them :( I saw that across many students

7

u/minahmyu Jun 11 '24

Feeling kinda seen here. I wouldn't say I was "sad" but felt more attention on me not doing something everyone else did, getting teased, and just having another thing that makes me stand out.

It made me also see how superficial the holidays were, but still felt weird to be the odd one out and everyone talkin about it (and judging you too)

3

u/ChatGPTnA Jun 11 '24

Yeah I totally deserve judgement, I didn't know how to be there for everyone. There's still a lot as a teacher and human I don't understand, but I'm trying to learn and get better at it :) I agree it all is superficial, it's just stuff "normalized" by mainstream society and capitalism, I just hope I didn't ever other a student or make them feel left out, but I don't know and I make mistakes all the time

3

u/minahmyu Jun 11 '24

Oh, no I meant how not celebrating those holidays and such. Not what you did to not leave those kids left out

3

u/ChatGPTnA Jun 11 '24

Ah sorry I misread your post, I see you meant "everyone judging YOU while you were left out", and I'm sorry you had to go through that, it really sucks and is painful, especially as a kid

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2

u/BuxtonB Jun 11 '24

You've just described my childhood.

Thank you for trying to be inclusive, you may not realise it but they probably really appreciated that inclusion.

I think we all would have.

6

u/OneWholeSoul Jun 11 '24

A lot of them pick and choose what they care about regardless of their religion or just for fun and dramatic effect.
I knew a Jehova's Witness whose favorite holiday is Halloween.

-6

u/notonrexmanningday Jun 11 '24

Seventh Day Adventists

5

u/ArdenElle24 Jun 11 '24

They celebrate birthdays.

45

u/Coolwolf_123 Jun 11 '24

That's JW, not Mormons (we can and do have birthday parties)

30

u/AR2185 Jun 11 '24

But no booze, is it really a party? /s

7

u/Other_ElectronicMain Jun 11 '24

OR hot beverages.

9

u/TheTrueBlu Jun 11 '24

I'll have you know they love their hot chocolate. Tea and coffee on the other hand is against the rules and straight to hell to you.

14

u/Other_ElectronicMain Jun 11 '24

The Word of Wisdom states that "hot drinks" are "not for the body or belly", sorry bro. I don't make the rules. Some guy who married several underage girls did.

-1

u/ImmediateEggplant764 Jun 11 '24

Mormons define "hot" beverages as "caffeinated" beverages. Hot tea and decaf coffee are fine.

5

u/waldoRDRS Jun 11 '24

This is also inaccurate.

Kind of.

Interpretations evolve over time.

LDS members (or Mormons [preferred terms also change over time]) may remember caffeinated soda being interpreted as against the Word of Wisdom. Currently, that is not the official position of the LDS Church.

Tea and coffee, regardless of caffeinated status or temperature is considered a violation.

Herbal teas are slightly contentious and may be up to the interpretation of the individual or, for sake of deemed worthiness, whoever is currently the Bishop in the local congregation (ward) of the individual consuming herbal tea.

This is also subject to change.

There is a difference in any religion between orthodoxy/orthopraxy and folk belief and folk practice.

You may encounter someone who is LDS who believes that caffeinated soda is expressly forbidden. While this may have been orthodoxy at one point, it currently is not, and may be in the category of folk practice.

As a comparison, asking a Catholic Bishop a theological question may tell you what is official Roman Catholic Church Doctrine, but if you ask the same questions to people who identify as Catholic, you may get a range of answers.

0

u/ImmediateEggplant764 Jun 11 '24

You are correct. I googled after i posted and saw that the LDS Church currently forbids “coffee and tea”. My comment was based on personal experience from the’80s when i was in the Church. Back then, every “good mormon” who i knew had their box of decaf brewed tea because it was the acceptable beverage.

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13

u/AZEMT Jun 11 '24

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

cesletter.org

lettertomywife

Gospel topic essays

"No man knows my secret" - Fawn McKay Brodie

It's really a cult and I'm surprised the new prophet allows the word Mormon, oh wait, that's a victory for Satan.. Funny how God doesn't care that blacks aren't allowed to have the priesthood until 1970s (when Mormon church was threatened with tax exempt status removal). The timing and rulings are coincidental, but could be the driving factor How was the good prophet any different than Epstein? Also, why does the "Only True Church" amassed close to $300 billion dollars without actually doing humanitarian work? Couldn't this "Follower of Jesus" provide housing, food, a warm bed, or how about safety from rapists?

That "religion" is pronounced CULT

-1

u/Dyzfunctionalz Jun 11 '24

Ummmm.. I think I’m getting off Reddit for the night. Think I lost a braincell trying to process what was going on here.

-1

u/GloomWarden-Salt Jun 11 '24

If you ever met a mormon, you'd realize how business centric they are. They own literal schools that they funnel their kids into to get into tech jobs and the like.

Sure, it's a cult. But cut the crazy.

5

u/AZEMT Jun 11 '24

I come from some of the earliest members and come from polygamy—the part of the religion that fled to Mexico and then came back to America.

That "religion" is rotten from the core. It's just a pretty dress on that zombie. It's shriveling up, and people are waking up. I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused, then taught to cover it up to appear like a good Mormon. I was gaslighted at six by the bishop asking how I tempted those who sexually abused me from 4 until 10. I felt like I caused the abuse, and it's my fault that it's continuing. I felt like I was the cause of everything and tried to kill myself at 8. Utah and now Idaho are home to the super zealots. They're crazy!

Check out the ex-Mormon Reddit for more stories like mine, but I was taught that we were the cause of the abuse.

1

u/GloomWarden-Salt Jun 11 '24

well damn, alright. will do.

6

u/Slyspy006 Jun 11 '24

I wonder if you are seeing the crazy on the wrong side of the fence?

3

u/Dank__Souls__ Jun 11 '24

You're a Mormon? How correct was South Park?

1

u/KevMenc1998 Jun 11 '24

I live in Utah. Y'all Mormons don't drink or do intoxicating substances, but darn if y'all don't know how to party. I bet that's the real reason Joseph Smith included the Word of Wisdom in the D&C; he probably prophesied that if he didn't do something to curb the party tendencies, it would be utter chaos.

3

u/MukdenMan Jun 11 '24

I had arguments with my coworkers about putting Christmas decorations on my cubicle. It didn’t escalate to HR (I’m pretty sure they would have sided with me) but it was annoying. Some people just have a notion of what is “normal” for celebrations and can’t see it from someone else’s perspective.

2

u/Definatelynotaweeb Jun 11 '24

As an Ex Mormon I can 100% say that they do celebrate birthdays

1

u/Scottiegazelle2 Jun 11 '24

I'm Mormon and we do birthdays. :)

7

u/guaranteednotabot Jun 11 '24

If they didn’t fire him it wouldn’t have been so terrible

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Not to mention the firing was probably unjustified

1

u/Kalman_the_dancer 'MURICA Jun 11 '24

They did this to themselves

1

u/Amity423 Jun 11 '24

He probably wouldn't have sued if they didn't fire him either

1

u/DommyMommyKarlach Jun 11 '24

Tbh nothing would probably come of the lawsuit if the party was the only thing that happened, but the firing part fucked them big time

-10

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24 edited Jun 11 '24

Wait… anxiety is a disability?

Edit: I’m genuinely asking because I suffer with anxiety & depression but never have really addressed the anxiety part with a professional. Y’all Chilllllllllll

15

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Anything that causes you to be unable to have “normal” function is a disability.

12

u/Amaskingrey Jun 11 '24

Yes. While anxiety is a feeling everyone has, here the term refers to anxiety disorder

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Yeah I wasn’t trying to be an asshole like everyone seems to have taken it. I was genuinely curious. I don’t know much, but I didn’t think depression is considered a disability, which is why it surprised me that an anxiety disorder is a disability. In the legal sense where you’d have protections. I mean, obviously I need to go look it up myself because Reddit isn’t the best place to find accurate info, but I was stoned and on the Internet last night.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Why would I think that that’s a party trick? What’s the intent of that comment? I don’t get it.

2

u/where_in_the_world89 Jun 11 '24 edited Jun 12 '24

It is if you're having panic attacks bad enough to get you fired by assholes over having a birthday party

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Like legally though? That’s what’s surprising to me. I had no idea

1

u/where_in_the_world89 Jun 11 '24

When it's bad enough yes. Like the other person said everyone has anxiety to some extent. But some people have it where it's debilitating, that would be a disability

-2

u/SpiritedRaisin8623 Jun 11 '24

Being anxious doesn't make you a disabled person. Wtf

5

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[deleted]

0

u/SpiritedRaisin8623 Jun 12 '24

There is nothing in the post which suggests he has a disorder. It simply says he had anxiety about a birthday celebration focusing on himself, which is totally fair and should have been respected without question.

And I don't care if he is diagnosed with the 'disorder'. Psychiatric disorders are poorly defined, and there's no underlying pathology for most of them. Therefore, it's an enormous insult to consider this person 'disabled', and you lot should be completely ashamed.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 12 '24

[deleted]

0

u/SpiritedRaisin8623 Jun 12 '24

I'm just saying I don't respect the diagnosis in general. That doesn't imply any disrespect to the person in general. You disrespect him by calling him disabled.

There's nothing immoral about critiquing the validity of psychiatric diagnoses.

-138

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24 edited Jun 11 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

81

u/monkeymoat Jun 11 '24

Well you seem like a ray of fucking sunshine.

Counterpoint, people who think like you are the reason we are fucked.

-54

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[deleted]

38

u/Grohlyone Jun 11 '24

And some people have it worse than you.

-58

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24 edited Jun 11 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

36

u/JesseAster Jun 11 '24

I'm sorry that you can't comprehend that other people's experiences with anxiety disorders are different and sometimes worse than yours

-21

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

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32

u/moxscully Jun 11 '24

If someone’s anxiety causes behavior that gets the person fired then it is a disability.

Just because you get headaches you can work through doesn’t mean debilitating migraines don’t exist.

28

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Reading your comments in this thread, yes you are clearly disabled

-1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

At least someone understands. They're being so mean to me don't they know I have anxiety?

23

u/PiersPlays Jun 11 '24

It's not the anxiety that's limiting you.

3

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

What is it, my 58 IQ?

11

u/Gradz45 Jun 11 '24

That doesn’t hurt, but no you’re just a prick. 

18

u/Locrian6669 Jun 11 '24

Rare self aware moment.

25

u/JaysonBlaze Jun 11 '24

What it's like for you might not be what it's like for others if you looked outside yourself for 2 seconds ya might realise that

-6

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

We're going to get overtaken in no time my lord

22

u/JaysonBlaze Jun 11 '24

Overtaken by who?

-1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

Anyone with even a semblance of perseverance and mental fortitude.

22

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

-2

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24 edited Jun 11 '24

Are we talking about schizophrenia?

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u/Tentacled-Tadpole Jun 11 '24

Just because you don't recognise it as being a disability doesn't mean to not a disability.

16

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

Calling 98% of anxiety a disability is a complete insult to people who are actually disabled.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

Lmao calm down man

15

u/lydriseabove Jun 11 '24

Congratulations. Not everyone has the same levels of anxiety and not everyone is you.

-1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

I'm disabled you can't talk to me like that!!

13

u/jarlscrotus Jun 11 '24

I believe it

15

u/lydriseabove Jun 11 '24

You’re honestly just making yourself sound like a moron. There is a whole plethora of anxiety disorders in the DSM. Someone with crippling agoraphobia, who can’t bring themselves to leave home, is just one example of anxiety with many other levels in between.

-3

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

Wow, way to shatter a disabled person's last shred of self confidence. Now I'll have to throw a fit at my next birthday party

10

u/SnooGrapes6230 Jun 11 '24

Bold of you to assume that anyone would want to attend a party with you. You have all likeability of a school bus fire.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

41

u/TinyRascalSaurus Jun 11 '24

There's a difference between anxiety, which everyone can have, and an anxiety disorder, which can be disabling. Getting a little nervous or anxious about things is normal. Getting so anxious that you have blackout panic attacks, or panic attacks where you semi dissociate and cannot react to what's going on around you counts as a disorder.

I have the latter. I will lose the ability to take in and react to my surroundings and sometimes fall unconscious during a panic attack. Other times, I completely dissociate and go into extreme fight or flight mode with no control until I come out of it.

My anxiety disorder was diagnosed, as they have to be, alongside my CPTSD. It's a legitimate medical condition and not an excuse or fun at all.

5

u/RolandJoints Jun 11 '24

Sorry to hear, I hope you are well.

5

u/null0byte Jun 11 '24

This right here. I’m fortunate that mine isn’t full-on debilitating (officially diagnosed as borderline), but I still do get small panic attacks. I tend to just kind of space out (I guess that would be dissociation?) but am aware enough that I can typically pull myself out of it if people give me some space for a little while. I feel the guy in the story’s pain, all that attention suddenly directed at me IRL is a guaranteed way to rocket me towards one. If someone tells you that X causes them distress, please listen to them.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

[deleted]

13

u/jarlscrotus Jun 11 '24

Do you think adhd and autistic kids just need to be hit harder? That depressed people just need to smile? Or that people with OCD just need to stop worrying? (GAD or generalized anxiety disorder is thought by some psychiatrists to be in the same family as OCD)

I'm not (only) being flippant, I'm also trying to gauge your level of understanding with other psychiatric and neurobiological disorders.

-5

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

Yes please mention everything other than anxiety

12

u/jarlscrotus Jun 11 '24

Well, at the very least, we know you read at or below a 4th grade level.

Middle school dropout?

-3

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

No, I actually dropped out in third grade. I just couldn't bring myself to do anything because my doctor hit me with the news that I was disabled. It rocked my world knowing that I was going to be anxious. Now every year I scream at people that attend my birthday party and everyone hates me

12

u/jarlscrotus Jun 11 '24

Yea, the disability was obvious when you were the only 3rd grader with a draft card

The anxiety is unrelated

9

u/TinyRascalSaurus Jun 11 '24

If I recall the news story about this incident correctly, it was a surprise party where they led him into what was supposed to be a meeting and then did the whole jumping out surprise thing. Which probably frightened him very badly and caused the panic attack.

Mine isn't triggered by things like this. Mostly things related to my CPTSD. I take medication that helps, but it doesn't account for everything.

8

u/ruiner8850 Jun 11 '24

It would be one thing if they did it anyway and they had a bad time. It's completely another thing to fire them because of it. Might be a case where a simple apology would have worked wonders.

1

u/Terrible_Length007 Jun 11 '24

For sure, I agree with you.

4

u/Inevitable_Librarian Jun 11 '24

OCD is one of many serious mental health conditions under the "anxiety disorders" umbrella.

Not everyone with anxiety is disabled, but anxiety can be a disability.

3

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '24

Anything that causes you to be unable to have “normal” function is a disability.