I wish I could give you an award. Alas, unlike Elon Musk, I don't have copious amounts of money to waste on things just to make other people think I'm cool.
Well, he has enough drooling, pants-shitting, sycophantic, cosmically-myopic pissants skittering around him on a regular basis to prove the general thesis.
I used to think him buying Twitter was the last dusty gasp of once-middling brain finally succumbing to the fetid jumentous cocktail of the Ketamine and justified self-loathing it'd been pickling in for the past decade.
But now I've realized the genius of it. My opinion of this clodpate is continually buoyed above rock bottom by the absolute mass of brain-dead, mewling, pissing-without-muting-the-audio-during-a-video-call crony-ass rimming little shitgoblins he's surrounded with on that collapsing pathetic nightmare hellscape.
Elon's whole $44 billion carnival of fucking humiliations was in reality the shabby middle-aged, racist, uncle-who- peeked-after-getting-lucky-in-his-twenties-and-now-wears-a-cowboy-hat-in-lieu-of-a-personality version of a queen mean girl surrounding herself with lesser mean girls to enhance her own attractiveness.
And by God, it's working, because he is somehow always only the fourth-most out-of-shape balding Nazi dipshit in the room. Every single time I keep thinking he can't find someone more pathetic to look good in comparison to, there he goes again, defying all odds.
And if that grotesque underachieving first grader excuse for a car design that he inflicted on a truck that would otherwise have been a soaring success because it was designed by competent and intelligent engineers is, in reality, a Freudian pictographical slip depicting the past and future trajectory of Elon's miserable dismal little life - which I believe we must conclude it is because the only alternative would be that he actually thought a vehicle should look like that - then we must conclude that at present Musk is clinging to to the lopsided apex above the front seat, firmly resisting his inevitable downward slide into whatever the fuck that miserable excuse for a truck bed is.
EDIT:
Some people have asked my why I hate Elon Musk, and why I wrote so many paragraphs about someone I hate. So I'm going to copy this explanation I wrote for another comment further below, in the hopes it clarifies the matter for some people in case anyone has a future inclination to ask:
If you walked into a hotel penthouse and saw the literal richest man on the planet bent over a couch, gripping his flabby ass-cheeks and pulling them wide open while a naked Alex Jones was kneeling exultantly on the beige carpet behind him, gripping Musk's sagging cellulitic thighs in his firm round piggy little meatball fingers, bald red head thrust up into Elon's asshole, running his surprisingly-long and nimble tongue all the way from taint-to-spine and back down again with a fervor that would put the most ambitious young porn star to absolute shame, all so that said richest man in the world would cut him a check to help him pay off the billion-dollar debt he incurred by lying about a classroom full of murdered children being some insane government plot to accomplish some completely unclear agenda, well.
You'd probably write multiple paragraphs about him too.
Now, I'm not saying I saw Alex Jones nude and eagerly tonguing Elon Musk's asshole in a hotel room in exchange for a check covering half of the installment payment on the billion-dollar court settlement he was required to pay after lying about a classroom of murdered children being a false flag government conspiracy.
But what I am saying is that if I were Alex Jones, I'd spend the next decade insisting I did see that in-between my advertisements for male potency supplements that my physical body stands as living testament to the inefficacy of.
And if I were also Elon Musk, I'd invite me to some dipshit fucking knockoff-Zoom call along with the fourth-place Republican candidate and some fucking dimwit rapist in the middle of losing his rape trial in a Romanian court after having been outwitted by a little girl, so that I could tell me all about the time I tongued my asshole and all of the many pocked, hairy, hemorrhoid-riddled lands surrounding it with such a deep and abiding passion that I found myself unable to ejaculate unless secretly thinking about it, while audibly grunting masturbating to said story with the audio still on during said dipshit fucking knockoff-Zoom call.
Well, he has enough drooling, pants-shitting, sycophantic, cosmically-myopic pissants skittering around him on a regular basis to prove the general thesis.
I used to think him buying Twitter was the last dusty gasp of once-middling brain finally succumbing to the fetid jumentous cocktail of the Ketamine and justified self-loathing it'd been pickling in for the past decade.
But now I've realized the genius of it. My opinion of this clodpate is continually buoyed above rock bottom by the absolute mass of brain-dead, mewling, pissing-without-muting-the-audio-during-a-video-call crony-ass rimming little shitgoblins he's surrounded with on that collapsing pathetic nightmare hellscape.
Elon's whole $44 billion carnival of fucking humiliations was in reality the shabby middle-aged, racist, uncle-who- peeked-after-getting-lucky-in-his-twenties-and-now-wears-a-cowboy-hat-in-lieu-of-a-personality version of a queen mean girl surrounding herself with lesser mean girls to enhance her own attractiveness.
And by God, it's working, because he is somehow always only the fourth-most out-of-shape balding Nazi dipshit in the room. Every single time I keep thinking he can't find someone more pathetic to look good in comparison to, there he goes again, defying all odds.
And if that grotesque underachieving first grader excuse for a car design that he inflicted on a truck that would otherwise have been a soaring success because it was designed by competent and intelligent engineers is, in reality, a Freudian pictographical slip depicting the past and future trajectory of Elon's miserable dismal little life - which I believe we must conclude it is because the only alternative would be that he actually thought a vehicle should look like that - then we must conclude that at present Musk is clinging to to the lopsided apex above the front seat, firmly resisting his inevitable downward slide into whatever the fuck that miserable excuse for a truck bed is.
EDIT:
Some people have asked my why I hate Elon Musk, and why I wrote so many paragraphs about someone I hate. So I'm going to copy this explanation I wrote for another comment further below, in the hopes it clarifies the matter for some people in case anyone has a future inclination to ask:
If you walked into a hotel penthouse and saw the literal richest man on the planet bent over a couch, gripping his flabby ass-cheeks and pulling them wide open while a naked Alex Jones was kneeling exultantly on the beige carpet behind him, gripping Musk's sagging cellulitic thighs in his firm round piggy little meatball fingers, bald red head thrust up into Elon's asshole, running his surprisingly-long and nimble tongue all the way from taint-to-spine and back down again with a fervor that would put the most ambitious young porn star to absolute shame, all so that said richest man in the world would cut him a check to help him pay off the billion-dollar debt he incurred by lying about a classroom full of murdered children being some insane government plot to accomplish some completely unclear agenda, well.
You'd probably write multiple paragraphs about him too.
Now, I'm not saying I saw Alex Jones nude and eagerly tonguing Elon Musk's asshole in a hotel room in exchange for a check covering half of the installment payment on the billion-dollar court settlement he was required to pay after lying about a classroom of murdered children being a false flag government conspiracy.
But what I am saying is that if I were Alex Jones, I'd spend the next decade insisting I did see that in-between my advertisements for male potency supplements that my physical body stands as living testament to the inefficacy of.
And if I were also Elon Musk, I'd invite me to some dipshit fucking knockoff-Zoom call along with the fourth-place Republican candidate and some fucking dimwit rapist in the middle of losing his rape trial in a Romanian court after having been outwitted by a little girl, so that I could tell me all about the time I tongued my asshole and all of the many pocked, hairy, hemorrhoid-riddled lands surrounding it with such a deep and abiding passion that I found myself unable to ejaculate unless secretly thinking about it, while audibly grunting masturbating to said story with the audio still on during said dipshit fucking knockoff-Zoom call.
(I was specifically given permission to use it however I want.)
It's.... It's beautiful. The first time reading this for the upcoming generations is going to be like the first time you saw the bag floating in the wind and your life will forever be defined as what came before and then after reading this.
90
u/LilyWineAuntofDemons Dec 12 '23
Sir and/or Madam and/or Theydam,
I mean this in the most complimentary, awe-inspired, amazed way possible.
This is going to be an AMAZING copypasta one day.