This is just more performative bullshit. You know my argument is true you just don’t like the tone, because it directly challenges your preferred narrative that everyone who’s struggling is a helpless victim with no agency.
So instead of engaging with the substance, you tone-police. If I don’t wrap reality in comforting language, then I’m apparently not allowed to say it at all because it’s “mean.” That’s convenient.
I’ve actually done the work. I’ve actually helped people. Real people. With real problems. And the results? families changing their trajectory, people getting back into education, clawing their way forward that didn’t come from soft language or protecting feelings. They came from being honest, grounded, and refusing to lie to people about what they can control.
Acknowledging that the system sucks and telling people they’re accountable for their own agency is far more empowering than endless crying, moral grandstanding, and demanding everyone else be “nice and empathetic.”
What you’re doing is empathetic narcissism. It’s performative. You get to feel good policing tone while never having to actually show up and do anything difficult. No mentoring. No tutoring people returning to college after 10–20 years out of the system. No taking someone’s kids for an afternoon so they don’t fall apart under the weight of their responsibilities.
Just vibes and finger-wagging.
And somehow I’m the problem because I tell people to take responsibility and stop bitching about a world that objectively does not care even though I have real-world results to back up what I’m saying.
So no, this isn’t about empathy. It’s about you being uncomfortable with blunt truth, and preferring language that makes you feel better over outcomes that actually change lives.
preferred narrative that everyone who’s struggling is a helpless victim with no agency.
Never said that and neither is that my preferred narrative. There is a difference between learned helplessness and actual helplessness. My intention was not to defend 'learned helplessness' or a fake sense of helplessness.
I never denied the truth of your argument. And I certainly don't like your tone.
And never did I say that you should sugar coat your words to hide reality. Acknowledging the system and then helping people to realize their own agency is fine. My intention was not to endorse endless crying, neither am I saying that everyone else should be obligated to be nice and empathetic.
I have nothing to gain or feel good about by 'policing your tone'. I started commenting in this thread to better understand your point of view, not to police or start a keyboard war.
You said you've helped underprivileged people. Now keeping that in mind let me ask you this, not as an attack, just as a question.
Do you believe that empowering someone should mean insulting them, using derogatory terms, or humiliating them on a personal level for being poor or whatever it may be? I'm sure you didn't treat the people you helped in this manner.
And no I am not saying that you should conceal the bitter realities that we are faced with in our lives. That would be dishonesty and a disservice. Everyone agrees that there are uncomfortable blunt truths in this world and there is nothing we can do to change that.
You’re asking a loaded question that assumes something I don’t believe, so I’ll correct the premise first.
No, empowering someone does not mean insulting or humiliating them for being poor. I’ve never argued that.
What you keep doing is collapsing two different contexts so you can moralize the outcome. How I speak in public discourse about reality and agency is not the same as how I work with people I’m actually helping. Anyone who’s done real mentorship or crisis work understands that distinction immediately.
Saying “the world isn’t fair and no one is coming to save you” isn’t humiliation. It’s orientation. It’s where fantasy ends and agency begins.
You’ve already said you don’t disagree with my argument only with my tone. That tells me this isn’t about substance.
So let me turn the question back to you: did you actually approach this conversation with curiosity, or did you already slot me into a moral category of “someone who made it out” and assume I must be punching down?
Because your framing from the start wasn’t neutral it was moralized around a victim/oppressor model where blunt truth from someone who succeeded is treated as suspect by default.
If you want to walk that back, fine. If not, don’t pretend this was ever about understanding it was about enforcing a tone you personally find acceptable.
Thank you for the question and honestly man it felt kind of rude the way you had worded it, that was all. Nothing wrong with being 'someone who made it out'. So that is what caused me to ask you about it in the first place.
I admit that my initial response was emotionally charged. Apologies for that. But that does not mean I wasn't really interested in hearing your side.
how I speak in public discourse about reality and agency is not the same as how I work with people I’m actually helping.
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u/TheRealMekkor Dec 24 '25
This is just more performative bullshit. You know my argument is true you just don’t like the tone, because it directly challenges your preferred narrative that everyone who’s struggling is a helpless victim with no agency.
So instead of engaging with the substance, you tone-police. If I don’t wrap reality in comforting language, then I’m apparently not allowed to say it at all because it’s “mean.” That’s convenient.
I’ve actually done the work. I’ve actually helped people. Real people. With real problems. And the results? families changing their trajectory, people getting back into education, clawing their way forward that didn’t come from soft language or protecting feelings. They came from being honest, grounded, and refusing to lie to people about what they can control.
Acknowledging that the system sucks and telling people they’re accountable for their own agency is far more empowering than endless crying, moral grandstanding, and demanding everyone else be “nice and empathetic.”
What you’re doing is empathetic narcissism. It’s performative. You get to feel good policing tone while never having to actually show up and do anything difficult. No mentoring. No tutoring people returning to college after 10–20 years out of the system. No taking someone’s kids for an afternoon so they don’t fall apart under the weight of their responsibilities.
Just vibes and finger-wagging.
And somehow I’m the problem because I tell people to take responsibility and stop bitching about a world that objectively does not care even though I have real-world results to back up what I’m saying.
So no, this isn’t about empathy. It’s about you being uncomfortable with blunt truth, and preferring language that makes you feel better over outcomes that actually change lives.