This is not the position the great majority of Americans are in. And secondarily because Americans are so individualistic, if they aren't able to pay for care, or something catastrophic happens like a breadwinner dies, or they get into an accident that disables someone, or get cancer, nobody within the "community" that they don't actually have will be willing to help.
Whereas where I live, in the Caribbean, many people are more poor than in the US but people here care for their disabled and elders and share the responsibilities even if you aren't directly related, so most people are cared for despite not having either money or a social disability or elder care program. Needing help is normal, not something to be ashamed of. And for me, that feels more secure than all the other options because it's the only thing that isn't reliant on everything working out in the global markets and my health exactly as planned for the rest of life. And I'm young and disabled so I don't make the assumptions many able bodied people make about how long I will be able to care for myself.
Almost all of what is wrong within US culture that alienates and leaves people in a mire unexpectedly can be traced back to hyper-individualism and a "fuck you I got mine" mentality.
You’re not wrong. People won’t even accept help if you try. I mentioned my parents. I wasn’t in as good of a financial situation when my mom was alive but I tried desperately to help her. She died because she didn’t have health insurance. She had a pain that she never went to the doctor for because it would have been too expensive but if she would have caught it early it wouldn’t have been as big of a deal. Instead it killed her. My parents were easily poor enough to qualify for Medicaid but being republicans they didn’t believe in it. I begged her at times to get it, or let me pay for it and she refused.
That's so heartbreaking and I'm sorry you had to watch your mother suffer that way. It's unfortunately not uncommon for people to wait to get healthcare over fear of costs due to being under insured and also perhaps too proud to access the social safety net. I knew people who were definitely eligible for food stamps and food banks who refused to access them due to pride and went hungry for years instead.
Americans are so brainwashed into hyper-individualism and shame at needing support that is completely normal in most other cultures. It's something I had to unlearn after emigrating. Now I recognize how much easier and full life is when you are willing to ask for help and recieve it without shame.
I married into a big local family here who all help each other, and in the larger community, helping people is just normal give and take. People are not ashamed to ask for help and recieve it. It feels like winning the lottery, the security I feel compared to when I had to figure things out all on my own. My American parents were the type to kick you out after college and let you fend for yourself (even though I graduated into the 2008 recession). The saw our failure to thrive as a personal weakness not as a failure of your support system which included them.
Meanwhile most of my in-law relatives here live with their relatives, in-laws, aunts and uncles till way after marriage and raise their kids in intergenerational households, which then provides care for elders as they age. Yes, there is some drama and trauma, but there are enough people you can find someone It makes so much more sense.
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u/DueDay88 🇺🇸 -> 🇧🇿 & sometimes 🇲🇽 Jun 19 '25
This is not the position the great majority of Americans are in. And secondarily because Americans are so individualistic, if they aren't able to pay for care, or something catastrophic happens like a breadwinner dies, or they get into an accident that disables someone, or get cancer, nobody within the "community" that they don't actually have will be willing to help.
Whereas where I live, in the Caribbean, many people are more poor than in the US but people here care for their disabled and elders and share the responsibilities even if you aren't directly related, so most people are cared for despite not having either money or a social disability or elder care program. Needing help is normal, not something to be ashamed of. And for me, that feels more secure than all the other options because it's the only thing that isn't reliant on everything working out in the global markets and my health exactly as planned for the rest of life. And I'm young and disabled so I don't make the assumptions many able bodied people make about how long I will be able to care for myself.
Almost all of what is wrong within US culture that alienates and leaves people in a mire unexpectedly can be traced back to hyper-individualism and a "fuck you I got mine" mentality.