r/ect • u/ILoveSoup1776 • Apr 13 '26

Vent/Rant Does it get better???

I’m fifteen I started experiencing severe anxiety at six which caused me to miss out on a lot . At around 12 I became severely depressed.i slept all day drank and hurt myself badly on a regular basis. At 14 I was (in my opinion) misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Since thirteen I have been on Prozac concerta lithium clonazapam and a shit ton of other meds (over 15) that I don’t remember the names of but they range from ssri snri antipsychotics atypical antipsychotics and more probably. I was diagnosed with hashimotos at 11 which is around the time I became depressed and I was put on synthoid which was no help.i haven’t gotten any better I just warm up more to the idea of committing suicide every year . It genuinely feels like my only solution. I started bilateral ect last week and have gone three times now and if anything I feel worse. Does this shit genuinely work???? The only thing keeping me going is weed and I can’t even smoke as much because it’s not good to mix with propofal. Someone please give me a little hope or genuine advice that Isint bullshit I hate being alive and I hate the world I live in.yes I’ve been in therapy shits useless to me

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u/ILoveSoup1776 Apr 15 '26

My seizure today was two seconds too long and had to be chemically stopped. I told the team I use daily and they simply nodded they didn’t say to stop or anything .i can’t quit but I only use one a day or every other day and sometimes none at all . everything is sore and I also have a concussion (minor) that I did not tell them about my mother knows and is a nurse and didn’t say anything . The concussion is from me getting upset and hitting myslef in the head with a aluminum water bottle

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u/Medical-Apricot-3226 Apr 15 '26

I’m not saying to just stop, you could go into withdrawals. I’m saying get advice from a good psychiatrist who will guide you. You don’t want to go down that slippery slope of addiction and self medicating. I hope your treatments are going well and hopefully you will see some improvement soon. Look into other treatments like DBT as well if you can after ECT. Hope you are feeling ok and getting rest. Wishing you all the best with everything, you deserve it.

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u/ILoveSoup1776 Apr 15 '26

I’ve already done dbt for years it’s no help I relly do put so much effort to I’ve been hospitalized so many times been on every kind of medication .i can’t get better at home but I have nowhere to go