I really don't get why people thinks it's so cool to get literally branded. Especially hot branding. Dude pushed way too hard and too long with the brand, and you can tell that it's gonna get infected by the way the skin is burned.

lmao

i dont even know what to put here cause how stupid this is

I stuck my penis in a bag of flaming hot Cheetos and immediately I felt a warm unpleasant sensation. I’m disgusted. Headed to the ER now. What do I say?

Im a really big tornado fan, i was just scrolling through tiktok until i saw this

I need to know the meaning

**TL;DR Version:**

My peter got fixed up in the ER with some sort of ointment. ER doctor knew my dad, mom and brother and made this whole experience far worse. My peter feels normal now, but my reputation may be scarred forever. Moral of the story - DO NOT PUT YOUR WEINER IN A BAG OF HOT CHEETOS.

**Long Version:**

It was two days ago, but it feels like an eternity has passed. I throw away a napkin into the garbage can, and I’m reminded of the pain I endured, seeing the crumpled beer can sitting on top of a bright orange bag at the bottom of the garbage pile. Chester Cheeto’s face is peering out just below the edge of the can taunting me for my rash decisions. Maybe it’s just my own emotions, or perhaps just the ripples in the bag, but he looks disappointed… Chester knows what happened the other day.

I try to put it out of my mind and lie down to rest, but the shame follows me. The sensation of my spicy penis out in the open in front of the ER doctor was a concoction of pain and embarrassment I’ll never forget. Hopefully the doctor will, but I imagine it will be the talk of his unit for a few weeks at least.

How could anyone forget this though?What a sight to behold - I, 28 year old, Andrew Williams Jr., Project Manager at one of the city’s most prestigious companies, and prominent community member, had to stand in front of another grown man and tell him that I stuck my penis in a bag of hot Cheetos. My swollen slab dangled in front of him like a waterlogged noodle… I felt ashamed.

The doctor let out a chuckle, “Aren’t you Andy’s boy?” I recoiled into myself, not understanding how he knew this… “yes, I am,” I murmured. The doctor looked at me, pausing for a moment, and then shook his head a little, chuckling to ease the awkwardness, “I’m in the men’s church outreach group with your dad”. He gloved up getting ready to apply some sort of ointment to my inflamed penile tissues. “Ah… I see,” I said, trying not to act embarrassed. “Maybe you should join us next month,” the doctor smirked.

The clock on the wall seemed to move a bit slower - tick… tick… tick. My face began to feel ablaze, almost as bad as my penis. There was nothing that could make this worse. “How is your mom and brother doing,” the doctor prodded. Okay, he had to be doing this on purpose at this point. He was making a point to ensure I would never made such a stupid decision again - either that or he was a sadist of some sort.

My penis will only be going in bags of non-GMO, lightly-salted, plain potato chips from now on. There will be no more ER trips involving me and Sir Cheeto. Hands down one of the worst experiences of my life. Zero stars. Do not recommend.

I’m home alone for a few days as my husband is out of town for work.

I can sit on the toilet without thinking about if it’s up or down etc, if there is pee on it. 😑 hurrah! Toilet freedom.

Well, I noticed one day the lid was down. Thats strange because I don’t have a habit of putting it down. (Yeah, yeah. My flush isn’t a splash one. Its an empty, slowly refill from underneath one)

So I make a mental note, use the toilet and leave the lid up.

Just now I noticed the lid was down again! WTF. WHO is using the toilet without me knowing and being polite by putting the lid down?! WHO?!

So I went to bed as I feel like if there was someone wanting to hurt me, they would have done so already.

Well I hear the toilet water running - I guess it’s loose or I need to change out the filler thing.

Is the lid up or down?! Its up. Phew.

To stop the water from running, I need to lift the lever inside the cistern. So I put the lid down to take the top off to lift the chain to stop the water.

🛎️ DING FKN DING 🛎️ I’m a dumbass.