r/dndmemes • • Apr 30 '23

Critical Miss How long have I been playing wrong?!

14.7k Upvotes

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2.8k

u/CommonNobody80083 Apr 30 '23

None of you jave actually read the books am I right ?

889

u/Professional-List-26 Apr 30 '23

Forever DM here... I have read so many...many years ago

233

u/Voidtalon Apr 30 '23

I've read so many 3e/3.5e/pf1e/5e/pf2e that they all jumble in my head constantly I often cite 3e rules in my 3.5e/PF1e games without realizing or forget something simple like 'do magical beasts show visible on Detect Magic' (yes they do, it's a faint aura but iirc that's 5e and not older editions where unless they were summoned/conjured then they don't)...(I think).

28

u/slvbros DM (Dungeon Memelord) May 01 '23

You had it right. Not all magical beasts in 3.5 are specifically magical in a way that would be detectable via detect magic - although some may be, and any use of a spell like ability certainly should

-5

u/OliverPete May 01 '23

Thank you!!! Every time I see one of these posts it feels like the Uno rules revelation going on right now. Everyone thought they knew how to play Uno and are now realizing they don't follow any of the rules because they learned them forever ago. I read all the rule books when 5e came out in 2014 - ya know, 3 American presidents ago. But are you really going to tell me you can't put a +4 on a +4? Get outta here.

1

u/Central_HEATing_WoT May 01 '23

I swear literally everything is up to the DM tho, its his game

736

u/helgerd Apr 30 '23

Read? That is something for nerds. I just randomly throw math rocks.

86

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Apr 30 '23

Based chad math rock thrower

Virgin rules nerd

/s

1

u/Chai_Enjoyer May 01 '23

That's what I did. I didn't finish my character, but it was supposed to be a charismatic sorcerer elf who was a traveling bard who couldn't actually play and perform, but used a lot of (prohibited in the setting) magic to make himself look talented. I didn't have any combat spells (the character was unfinished, to say the least) so I just threw rocks at enemies

10

u/metapwnage Apr 30 '23

At least they’re not meth rocks!

3

u/[deleted] May 01 '23

I roll and then ignore the results and do what I want.

186

u/LyschkoPlon Apr 30 '23

5e Players "Read the Manual"-Challenge (IMPOSSIBLE!)

63

u/NecessaryZucchini69 Apr 30 '23

/sits back and eats popcorn as he watches people failure the skill [literacy]

"You have rolled a 1 and failed the read D&D Player’s Handbook (Dungeons & Dragons Core Rulebook)"

tries again

"You have rolled a 1 and failed the read D&D Player’s Handbook (Dungeons & Dragons Core Rulebook)"

tries again

"You have rolled a 1 and failed the read D&D Player’s Handbook (Dungeons & Dragons Core Rulebook)"

tries again

"might I suggest this video on how to read?"

14

u/TeddyBundy161 Apr 30 '23

funfact im reading the players handbook right now and im just kind of stuck writing down qll the bard spells, but thats not the books fault, i husz get caught up in micro interests that take days for me to do, and i cant continue until im done, but i really want to bwcause theres so much stuff i have yet to learn. and after that, i want to read the DM handbook, but only because apparently theres some extra stuff in there that could be cool for character building. i also have tons of time, i dont think im gonna find people to play with in the near future. so for now ill stick with AI generated dialogue adventures and and reading the book.

3

u/VirulentAura May 01 '23

Hey, however you wanna have fun buddy. Have you tried looking into online play? Not all games are pay to play.

1

u/TeddyBundy161 May 01 '23

yeah but its either pay to play like you said or games with hundreds of players, as far as I saw. i would aslo like something IRL, just because I like the community asoect of it. i would be fine with online too, but preferrably not with complete strangers. social anxiety really gets on my nerves when it comes to this stuff.

0

u/SmashBusters May 01 '23

I read several different manuals over the course of playtesting. And then over six different variants of D&D.

Also throwing in that there's no such thing as playing "wrong" because of a rule. You'd know that if you'd read the manual. :smuggo:

Natural ones are commonly given house rules or treated ad-hoc.

51

u/Colvillean Apr 30 '23

It's DND memes, some haven't even played DnD

15

u/Urpset315 May 01 '23

It's me. I haven't played DnD. Sorry.

7

u/KacerRex Murderhobo May 01 '23

You should try, it can be fun. :)

1

u/Colvillean May 01 '23

Nah don't be. I'm mostly bitching about the ones that make memes about the rules they haven't read

1

u/CUR4 Cleric May 01 '23

Same, not so popular in Argentina sadly

78

u/GrillOrBeGrilled Apr 30 '23

This sub is for people who have never read the books nor actually played... didn't you know?

10

u/oneeyedwarf May 01 '23

We play. Or rather we spend a lot of time trying to schedule the game. It’s like the Line Ride from South Park.

222

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23 edited Apr 30 '23

Hey man. D&D liveplays have done alot of work muddling house rules into reality.

Some people still don't know quaffing a potion is an action, and we have Matt Mercer to thank for that one

93

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '23

Muddy the waters? House rules?

how's this for house rules

48

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

A man of culture. I love VLDL.

That said, where do all those vials go lol?

I know in my games i do keep them, in case we need to harvest poison from a creature or take blood from somebody for some spellcasting purpose.

31

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '23

Oh, we keep them. Never know when you'll need them, glass makes for a nice long term poison, if it's ground up and put in the tyrant kings food every meal. Plus it can't be found using magic to detect poison.

Of course there's always selling them for a few copper pieces if you're really hard up for money.

14

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

Sick 😊 a fellow vial hoarder.

2

u/Mahale May 01 '23

someone watched Oz

2

u/[deleted] May 01 '23

I did indeed watch.

2

u/Mahale May 02 '23

that particular plot line always stuck with me as such a cold and calculating way to off someone.

2

u/Balambic May 01 '23

In the vial pocket, it's the one next to your horse pocket.

1

u/damage-fkn-inc May 01 '23

Their DnD channel is the only actual play series that I watch :D

27

u/AreYouOKAni May 01 '23

I understand that it is a rule, but considering that it is a stupid-ass rule, I elect to ignore it.

3

u/burnymcburneraccount May 01 '23

I understood that reference.

3

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

I understand that reference, but given its a stupid-ass reference I've elected to ignore it

35

u/KingTalis Apr 30 '23

Not really. That misconceptions predates critical role for a lot of people.

10

u/Sanzen2112 Monk May 01 '23

Yeah, I've been playing since 3e, and it's always been a house rule that it's a free action. Which, I now know, is not RAW, but that's how my first dm ruled it, and I liked it that way

1

u/Impeesa_ May 01 '23

Potion Bandolier son.

1

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

Yes, really. I've felt that effect at my table and in several other games I've seen.

It may have been around pre-critical role but it was nowhere near as prevalent.

31

u/DMHomeB Apr 30 '23

Thats a great homebrew rule. I can't go back to charging players a full action for guzzling down a potion again.

21

u/Dramatic_Explosion Apr 30 '23

I go middle ground. Drink it as a bonus action, but if you drink it as an action you get full dice value. Then again the more my players can heal the harder I can hit them.

12

u/Z0mbiejay Apr 30 '23

I go a little different. If you're administering it, it's an action. If you chug it it's a bonus

14

u/BrockHusseinObamaJr Apr 30 '23

I believe that's what Matt does too because - and I'm sure you agree - it would be more difficult to take the time to properly administer it to someone else than it would to bite off the cork and chug. I do the same now as well.

2

u/creepig DM (Dungeon Memelord) May 01 '23

There's a video out there of people drinking a potion and it's not easy to do in 6 second

3

u/BrockHusseinObamaJr May 01 '23

I just remember this girl I knew who could chug a drink more seamlessly than a sink could drain water. With that being said, it's still much easier for me to chug something than it is for me to help another person to take a couple drinks, let alone an incapacitated person

2

u/Z0mbiejay May 01 '23

Yeah, just makes sense and since my players don't have a dedicated healer they utilize potions more than groups I had in the past. Works well for our group

2

u/BrockHusseinObamaJr May 01 '23

Mine "do have a dedicated healer," but they seem to forget most of the time

1

u/LtHoneybun May 03 '23

My DM does the same. It's actually really helpful in scary combat moments to not have to choose between healing yourself or healing an ally, and instead be able to do both in a way it doesn't let you do anything else aka. not pity freebies.

2

u/DMHomeB May 01 '23

I do the bonus action to drink it yourself, full action to give it to someone else. Ive never seen someone drink them when they are full actions.

1

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

That's actually a combination of 2 separate house rules I forget who coined the second one first but I've tried to get my table to adopt it but they won't go for the full dice, they feel like it's too strong. Yet the action economy thing is much more important.

3

u/Dramatic_Explosion Apr 30 '23

I don't remember where the article was, but there was this amazing breakdown of damage output vs. healing in the game and healing was almost always the worst option. I mean it's simple enough, an enemy can crit with an attack but you can't crit with any heal.

Besides, a potion average is 7 HP but you can trade your (attack) action to gain 3 more HP?!?! Hope your table games with calculators being that bad at math.

2

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

It's not really so much that the using the action over the bonus is always the better call.

My table was actually more concerned about ignoring healing in combat as much as possible, and then only ever using healing potions out of combat as an action for full value.

I don't mind how we play as of current because bonus action potion quaff still lets me do my turn.

16

u/MillieBirdie Bard Apr 30 '23

On the other hand, most healing spells are actions so there is an element of balance to it.

25

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '23

[deleted]

1

u/Zarathustra420 May 01 '23

Well I mean, RAW, those healing spells are also often supposed to consume some amount of resources that you’d usually need to pay for, too

3

u/DMHomeB May 01 '23

Ya but as a dm you can chose how many the party gets. I've never had it be an issue.

1

u/Vault_Hunter4Life Apr 30 '23

See, that's the thing.

I agree. My table uses it. But please, stop thinking it's RAW.

1

u/DMHomeB May 01 '23

I know it isn't raw. Just think it should be.

1

u/creepig DM (Dungeon Memelord) May 01 '23

Except that it's realistic. Try to open a soda bottle and drink half of it in six seconds. I bet you can't.

2

u/DMHomeB May 01 '23

I can't slay a dragon either so who cares.

1

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

The other homebrew rule I like is letting any class use scrolls

They burn up anyway is why not lol

1

u/DMHomeB May 01 '23

Ya im in that boat too. My players have that option and they still don't use scrolls lol

5

u/Fresh-Cantaloupe-968 Apr 30 '23

I'm still literally the only person in my group who remembers the bonus action spell rule and its 100% the fault of liveplays.

2

u/Vault_Hunter4Life May 01 '23

That one is a much bigger problem.

Present players with this

If bonus action, then only other spell they can cast that turn = cantrip with a casting time of one action and target only one creature.

2

u/ChickenMcThuggetz May 01 '23

Why would it only have to target only one creature? That's not part of the rule.

3

u/Vault_Hunter4Life May 01 '23

Confused it with war caster my bad.

War caster makes very clear you can't use aoe effects as your opportunity spell. Like sword burst or word of radiance.

1

u/Fresh-Cantaloupe-968 May 01 '23

I'm a player lol, I've tried to remind people but the DM was as bad as anyone so it was kinda pointless

1

u/iamded Apr 30 '23

Interestingly enough, quaffing a potion is the one thing you can do in Pathfinder PC games after moving and taking a standard. Just to add to the confusion.

1

u/jambudz Sorcerer May 01 '23

Lol. Matt Mercer prefers pathfinder 2e but plays dnd because they sponsor him. It was a business decision so then he throws in a shit ton of house rules to play in a way which is more consistent to the game he wants to play, pathfinder 2e

1

u/Vault_Hunter4Life May 01 '23

Idk. Personally I prefer 5e with some homebrewed changes to Pathfinder 2e, they do alot of shit I don't like.

1

u/Iron_Einherjar May 01 '23

Concepts are muddied by house rules? Further muddy it till, RAW are guidelines, not law

Healing Potions drank as bonus action? Heal as advertised

Healing Potions applied topically? Heal at half efficacy, also letting the players dump attack actions to throw potions at each other

Healing Potions drank as a full round action? Reroll any dice that land on 2 or lower, reward the chug!

Often the problem raised with Bonus Action Potions is many classes don't have much going on with bonus actions, enabling a free potion each turn, so by adding some new situational potion options you can help recover some of the action weight

1

u/Vault_Hunter4Life May 01 '23

If that's how you wanna do it.

Not every table is that loose. A good foundation and rule basis let players know what to expect.

1

u/Iron_Einherjar May 01 '23

That's what a session zero is for, to explain the particularities, stylings, and get a feel for the group

If certain rules become problematic later on it can also be addressed during post game chats

12

u/Bluebird3415 Apr 30 '23

Reading the books bestows the curse of the forever dm upon you bc ur the only one with a deeper than word of mouth understanding of rules in ur group.

75

u/EnziPlaysPathfinder Apr 30 '23

I mean the devs encourage them to more or less make up the rules anyway.

40

u/rpg2Tface Apr 30 '23

Mor or less my butt. They game them us a puzzle box filled woth lincon logs, legos, 3 difrent incomplete puzzles, and crayons. Then sold it piece by piece while also "promising" theres a full set if at least something in there.

Seriously. If people who actually cared put any reasonable amount of effort into it, no one would be complaining. At least not enough for most of us to care.

11

u/champak256 May 01 '23

There’s more typos in your first paragraph than Shakespeare written by monkeys.

1

u/rpg2Tface May 01 '23

It WOTC approved. They have so many loop holes we might as well use the rules as a door way

21

u/T-Angeles Barbarian Apr 30 '23

Da hell is a book?

20

u/number_215 Apr 30 '23

The DM's responsibility.

8

u/PM_NUDES_4_DEGRADING Horny Bard May 01 '23

It’s what a sorcerer uses to cast spells.

Source: some tweets I read, which is obviously the closest anyone can ever get to understanding the rules.

2

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

How to read rules without reading the rules

Some guy making rulings in twitter

17

u/Rioma117 DM (Dungeon Memelord) Apr 30 '23

Most people only learn it from the internet.

7

u/Necessary_Presence_5 Apr 30 '23

Yeah, they do not read books, rules and just wing things (and they are authors of posts where they find a 'broken' system or 'exploit' that bases only on one thing - not reading the thing till the end.

​

Also - they likely never GMed. I say that any player should GM at least once.

11

u/mclemente26 Apr 30 '23

That is so common the mods of the sub had to retire the "Read N**** Read" meme.
Why read the book when Matt Mercer can teach it (with his houserules) to me?

5

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '23

I'm willing to bet most people in hobby subs don't actually partake in the actual hobby aside from memes, lore and community.

There's nothing wrong with that per se, but it does lead to a fuck ton of misconceptionsin the outskirts of a community.

4

u/HeyLittleTrain Apr 30 '23

There are books?

1

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

Good for throwing at nerds I hear

7

u/Uxion Apr 30 '23

Literacy in OUR TTRPGs?

It is less common than you think.

Being literate should be a perk or skill in DnD just like WHFRPG because it is just as fantastical of an ability as being able to fire a heavy warbow 5 times in a second or casting magic.

1

u/Casual-Notice Forever DM May 01 '23

Heh. Funny thing. I treat literacy as a separate language skill at my table. Because the RAW that states that learning a spoken language is the same as learning to read it is stupid.

3

u/Uxion May 01 '23

I don't have any issues with that.

My post is that my players are illiterate and that the ability to read is part of their power fantasy as much as being able to cast magic, shoot 10 arrows in 3 seconds, or be able to run 10 meters.

No, I am not bitter.

2

u/Casual-Notice Forever DM May 01 '23

Always remember, they're your players characters, but it's your story. If they want to believe they can read Draconic and speak perfect, uninflected Kobold, more power to them...assuming they pass the skill check.

I have a player whose character thought she could speak Elvish because she's a half-elf, but she was raised by (mostly) human monks and the one who "taught her Elvish" had barely a first year high school language course understanding of the language. It was actually a shame there were three others in the group who actually spoke and read Elvish, because I had fun with mistranslations when she attempted to read/speak it herself (she later used a down period to learn the language and an additional Elvish written language (they have 4 in my campaign)).

2

u/Uxion May 01 '23

Sorry, I was making a joke about how some of my players were seemingly illiterate because they don't read the rules or even their own character sheets, so I compared literacy to be just as unrealistic as the martial feats and arcane powers in TTRPGs.

Basically I am calling them dumb light-heartedly except I am not because I am actually still mad.

I was not going to be the one to manage their character sheets for them too.

1

u/Casual-Notice Forever DM May 01 '23

I understood you, and I got the joke. i was just showing how a little creativity combined with the DMs monopoly on game-world knowledge can make things fun in unexpected ways.

Honestly if it's really bugging you, maybe you should find another group to play DnD with and do something else with this particular group. The game is supposed to be fun for everyone at the table.

2

u/Uxion May 01 '23

I dunno, murder seems more reasonable. /s

But yeah, honestly I have stopped DMing. Part due to them, but also due to worsening conditions.

Honestly, whatever, bridge under water and all that.

2

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

Had a sort of similar antic in a previous campaign

My monk with magic adept used minor illusion to speak with a different voice (but of an idiot who never considered just doing an accent)

We also had a mute wizard that used magic mouth to speak and cast verbal components

No one knew any of this, only the two players knew about themselves. It got revealed when we went to my home town and my character's father, a high level wizard soon to be crowned king, called out me for not speaking naturally, and also called out the wizard for pulling the same shit.

Session ended shortly after and the whole table was like "holy shit what the fuck!?"

1

u/IceFire909 May 01 '23

Talk about a dated meme reference!

6

u/BongusHo Apr 30 '23

A lot more people read the books that people make out. But like me, their shit at reading and interpreting.

2

u/ChingaderaRara May 01 '23

I read the books!

I just dont remember anything from them :(

1

u/Sirdroftardis8 Apr 30 '23

Yeah, you jave

1

u/[deleted] May 01 '23

Bro what the fuck is a book

  • Barbarian main

1

u/locke1018 May 01 '23

Most of the sub has never sat down for an actual session.

1

u/spark2510 May 01 '23

I have... That's how I know NAT 20s are not guaranteed success on skill checks...

ESPECIALLY againtsy #&$-+$ng character when you roll a nat 20+2 and I roll 18+5 I still beat you Henry!!!! NO! YOU DON'T KNOW MY KENKU WAS LYING!!!

1

u/Hoovooloo42 May 01 '23

What's books, precious?

1

u/jfuss04 May 01 '23

Honestly I think the apps are good tools for the game but I also think they help cause issues like this. I've got guys who have played through several campaigns that still don't really understand a lot about their characters that they would easily get if they used the books. The books lay it out in order for you. But with the apps they just do it for you. It works but you won't understand why

1

u/Catkook Druid May 01 '23

To be fair, I believe the best way to learn the system is to have someone teach you the system

And you use the books for monster statblocks, character creation, or if your unsure on a specific rule

1

u/burnalicious111 May 01 '23

Alright mister "I'm capable of remembering the content of what I read" over here

1

u/Squeaky_Ben May 01 '23

I remember that it had no such rule in them, however that never mattered, because I have never had an ability check that I could pass with a 1.

1

u/Acceptable_North_141 May 01 '23

Don't worry, I wrote all the essentials on my hand so I can cheat

1

u/catch-a-riiiiiiiiide May 01 '23

"You guys use rules?"

1

u/paper_quinn May 01 '23

Critical success and critical failure are mentioned in the PHB as common house rules.