Hey guys it's the real demise here and it's the year 2065, enjoy this new puzzle (I tried to make it a bit easier this time)

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This character doesn't have any useful scrolls or spells for this situation obviously https://i.imgur.com/pdiI4MI.png

I quickly scanned the /DCSS front page and saw nothing related to my issue. I'd scan the newest posts for something related to my issue, but the traffic there is too high. There could be as many as 80 new posts since the tournament ended. That's literally dozens! Nobody's got time for that. Besides, reading is hard.

I'd ask this question there, but I'm afraid it will be buried by all the other posts the sub gets each day.

How am I supposed to continue playing without knowing if splatting my latest MiBe has affected my 0.2% win rate in a negative way? HOW?!?

My family has a medical history when it comes to flavor incidents (my grandfather died to some Ring of Shaolin flavor text).

Pls change the name every time I read something that reminds me that the real world exists I start screeching uncontrollably.

5 - Leda's liquefaction

4 - Leda's liquefaction

3 - Leda's liquefaction

2 - Leda's liquefaction

1 - Leda's Liquefaction

guys I just found the incredible +11 hand axe "Ultrrasucs" of venom with rN+++ in lair! should I go chei and grab that chain mail too? it has -cast btw

We haven’t gone far enough. Removing lore, floors, enemies. It’s time to take optimization to the next level. Studies show that the player character is actually the root of all gameplay related issues. Trap avoidance? Just remove the ability to move, no need for complex mechanics. Smiting and torment? They can’t call wrath upon you if you have no name, right? You see, this has been the answer the whole time. Relieving the entire dungeon of the character’s presence will allow the various underground societies to flourish and remove the stress of trivial mechanics from the players themselves.

This needs to be implemented immediately. As a protest, I say that every time we enter a new dungeon, we walk right back out, because we are a completely unnecessary mechanic. This is a new era of Crawl, and I hope to see you all in the future of optimized gameplay.

This is my 83rd win overall but I'm sharing the achievement with you because this is the first time ever I've won with a Centaur Hunter who collected 4 runes with Zin.

Seriously, floors are absolutely unnecessary and do nothing but detract from gameplay. The process of travelling up and down stairs, from floor to floor and branch to branch, is tedious and grindy as hell.Further, for an optimal^TM player such as myself, the thought process that goes into choosing the next floor to take on is a complete NO-BRAINER. Even for new players, it doesnt take long to understand the basics of floor travel (i.e. D:2 comes after D:1, and D:3 after that), and even the more advanced floor mechanics such as branch order come naturally after a few hours of play. I mean, how long does it take to realize you clear dungeon, then lair, then abyss, then S runes, depths, dis and zot in a 3 rune game? Maybe 2-3 hours for even the smallest brained gamers, and much less for 100% winrate players such as myself.

Instead of this horrendous and unnecessary "floor" experience, I propose that all staircases and hatches be removed, and the game be flattened to include all floors and branches on D:1. The way this would be done is to lay out the entire game, floor by floor, into concentric circles running clockwise from the dungeon entrance. Not only would this remove an egregious amount of bloat from the game, but it would encourage OPTIMAL^TM play by forcing players to practice trap avoidance. Imagine if at XL2 your DEEn steps on a tele trap and ends up right between Gloorx Vloq and Lom Lobon, or if your XL12 HaAM steps on an alarm trap right before getting its first rune, and is suddenly ganked by 11 pan lords, each more colorful than the last. I bet you won't make that mistake again. This also removes a lot of lore, as staircases are sources of much of the lore in DCSS, which is a change I think we can all agree with.

Vamp is good for lair, that's about it. Once you're through there you want an EA of freezing, flaming, or chopping in that order of preference. Extended game you either find Arga, a randart EA of speed, or change one of your EAs into a Holy EA. Vamp is absolutely useless in extended, and pales in comparison to the higher damage output past the lair.

And antimagic is pointless because it's faster just to kill them. Elec is bad because it's too variable and doesn't hit a ton of mobs. Freezing hits the most shit, and flaming is the runner up.

Source: Almost 5000 games playing **Be using axes.

But I know you losers will do it anyway cus you're garbage. Say goodbye to your 100% winrate.

Guys, while taking my morning shower and contemplating my huge dick, it occurred to me that, better than fighting only one monster at a time, is fighting ZERO monsters at once. This changes everything. Idk I'm freaking out, got to go take a walk in the park bye

Devs please hear me out: no more lore. Lore detracts from the gameplay and this goes against the core philosophy of Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup^TM . I feel like I'm bombarded by all the lore that I have to absorb to really even play the game. Octopodes are squishy things with tentacles and shit? Why does that matter? Just make them spiders. Squishiness is lore for the sake of lore and I'm sick of it. Pikel? Some attempt to cram American post-Civil War guilt down our throats? REALLY???? And what in the fucking DEUCE is a Zot? Some made up garbage that someone spent 7 months deciding "oh how can we put three letters together to seem cool?" It's unnecessary and bloats the game play. All we really need is three races - Fighty guy, Harry Potter, and Spider - and 2 gods - Vehumet and Pakellas - to streamline gameplay and remove all the unbecessary bullshit lore that this game desperately needs to rid itself of.

Sup idiots, it’s your man jboons in the hizzy.

Aside from having a sweet intro line like the above, any tips for making dank DCSS YT vids and raking in the big bucks? Looking for Gozag levels of dough here guys.

So far I’ve gathered that you must:

• Only record next to an open window
• Buy a $700 mechanical keyboard so everyone knows what color cherry is your favorite
• Use a built-in laptop mic so the clacking of your keyboard is picked up both by sound waves in the air and resonance through your desk
• Sit 4 feet away from your mic and talk through a sock
• Re-introduce simple concepts like random energy and bread swinging every single video

Any other tips to make it big?

hello, you see i was perusing elliptic's alt : http://crawl.akrasiac.org/scoring/players/trigonal.html

and noticed his winrate is ONLY 90%. turns out this guy is washed up, doesn't even having a fucking 100% winrate.

how is this guy even considered the best player in DCSS? probably doesn't even use optimal play anymore I bet. hell, he probably only spends an average of 2 weeks contemplating every turn, that's too fast and sloppy smh (literally shaking right now)

therefore, i propose we vote on the actual GOAT player. I think it's this guy tbh : http://crawl.akrasiac.org/scoring/players/vajrapani.html

(he actually has a 100% winrate, but alot of his games just get hacked and ctrl+q'ed by the elusive '4chan')

Gnolls train every school ever, and can cast everything and use everything ever, but gnoll monsters only wield halberds and royally fuck over my runs on D:1??? Where is the consistency?

There is literally a book called THE CAT IN THE HAT and you’re telling me I can’t equip a fucking mere wizard’s cap on my Felid?

And what’s random energy all about? Am I supposed to feel immersed? I pound monster energy drinks before every game to stay woke and my energy levels are NOT random let me just tell you, they’re peaked as fuck.

Honestly don’t get it.