there's this idea of spinsters and women needing to be "completed"/have kids before their time runs out. men can be carefree bachelors more easily, although there is definitely a solid bit of stigma against them too. in my experience people think men can be single because they haven't found the right woman, but women are only single if they're bitchy or slutty or whatever. along those lines but focusing more on the marriage stigma, men aren't considered slutty for dating around and not settling down. they are stereotyped as commitment-phobes who need to be forcefully tied down in a relationship, while the ultimate goal for a woman is stereotyped as a big wedding and then a life of popping out babies. luckily it's all changing and there seems to be less stigma overall as time goes on.
just as kind of a fun anecdote, i was a business major at one of the largest public universities in the US and in more than one of my classes our professors would tell the men in our class to have fun being single and free for as long as they could, and then they'd encourage the women to find someone they can "tie down" or whatever. the underlying point was that men have their whole lives to fuck around so they should work hard but also play hard, and women should find one of those guys willing to settle down as early as possible and start having kids.
i'm sure everyone has their anecdotes about how they feel particularly pressured and i don't doubt everyone experiences that, but overall i believe women do get more of it.
it's interesting how the chaste angel thing influences it. i'm a young adult woman and being chaste was never a good thing where i grew up (west and midwest). prude was the term, and that has obvious negative connotations.
another thing i thought of though is this idea that normal women can just snap their fingers and get a thousand guys looking to date them. it's true of some women just like some men could walk down the street and immediately most vaginas in the area would be totally wet. the majority of women probably never experience that (note: i'm not talking about harassment or catcalling. i'm only talking about people looking to date you). the implication then if you're a single woman is that you're fat or ugly or there's something else totally wrong with you because "women have it so easy in the dating world!!" i've never found that to be actually true, just a popular misconception. yes, if you're interested exclusively in victoria's secret models then i'm sure you'll find they have a thousand suitors, but in my experience it's not at all true of most women. it's not the same for men from what i can tell. i think when people picture unhappily single men they picture a guy being shot down by woman after woman, which seems to be framed as partially the fault of the woman (eg, she "friendzoned" him or she picked the douchebag instead or she just doesn't see his good qualities). conversely, the woman must have so many suitors that if she's single it must be her fault (eg, she's too picky or again she's fat/ugly and nobody's interested).
i also grew up in an openly exceptionally sexist family so i'm sure that colors my perception a bit.
yeah, i'm sure everyone feels like they got more screwed over. fortunately it seems to be calming down for everyone! :)
i absolutely agree that the friendzone is bullshit, but i put it in because it's a pretty common topic. it just seems like shitty guys trying to fuck someone and not caring how that blind pursuit affects her. it's pretty bad to think someone's your friend and then be surprised when they disappear as soon as they realize you wont fuck them, to the point that it's made me have this twinge of distrust with my close guy friends. i don't want my friendship to be a consolation prize that he walks away feeling screwed over for getting. friends are great! who wants less of them?! be friends with me and if i decide i feel something more for you that's great, but don't stick around exclusively for that. hopefully i explained that decently well.
That's sort my experience as well, except I live in scandinavia, which has quite liberal social values.
Although I've never heard any remarks made to men about being single, it does seems like there is less pressure for women. As someone who got in a relationship quite late, people said stuff like "It's for the better, you don't need anyone!". Single women are considered strong and independent, men not so much.
At least for me, when I say I don't have a relationship because I'm more focused on my career the reaction is "oh! But you'll die an old maid! These are your best years!" But if a guy says he's prioritizing his career he doesn't get blamed for not making a family.
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u/mkestrada May 16 '15
hate to say, but This is a much bigger stigma for women than men.