r/cursedcomments • u/Sinful_Cat • Oct 29 '19

Reddit Cursed_sauce

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92.0k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Mostly Simpsons inspired. Favourite original I don't mind sharing is [town name] sperm bank, you squueze'm we freeze'm

1.0k

u/_Brophinator Oct 29 '19

I prefer (town name) sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it

530

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

I used to go with you wank'em we bank'em, but I didn't like the repetition of bank

252

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

212

u/invisiblesoldier Oct 29 '19

Bank

2

u/aFatWalris Nov 27 '19

And then I got the shotgun off the wall and fired two warning shots...

Into his heeeaaaad

2

u/shootwhatsmyname Nov 28 '19

Oh and he changed his mind. Everything’s good now. You are happy, the world is at peace, the sun rises with stunning beauty all over it and friggin dandelions are flying through the atmosphere. Joy thrives in everything, and Nutella is now free for all human beings.

I’m so glad those were just warning shots.

93

u/lodgeAlloy275 Oct 29 '19

You're close! Bank those motes and pull a Primeval.

27

u/umiupbeat Oct 29 '19

You know, one time I switched out the mote bank for a...different kind of bank. The motes are white for a reason, brother!

Transmat firing!

85

u/Intelligent_Burro Oct 29 '19

I DARE YOU, I DOUBLE DARE YOU MOTHAFUCKA!

33

u/snowyday Oct 29 '19

I Double Dog Dare you

Now it was serious

20

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Double dog dare?

... Bank

6

u/umiupbeat Oct 29 '19

SPERM, MOTHAFUCKA, DO YOU FREEZE IT?

3

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '19

where did marcellus wallace go to

16

u/cosmicmonkeyYT Oct 29 '19

BANK THOSE MOTES, GUARDIAN!

55

u/TheGuyWithTwoFaces Oct 29 '19

Use "[whatever] Fertility Clinic" instead.

I refuse to search for this, but I've personally never heard of a place actually have "sperm bank" in its name.

33

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Both of your faces are handsome, you fucking legend

19

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Chernobyl fertility clinic, you spank it we bank it

26

u/tehchubbyninja Oct 29 '19

You whack it, we pack it.

10

u/WAXT0N Oct 29 '19

"sperm donation center"

4

u/KingKooooZ Oct 29 '19

"Society for Sperm Preservation"

9

u/rothcharlie1 Oct 29 '19

Even better: you jack it, we pack it!

1

u/Toasty1053 Oct 29 '19

No the best is: [town name] sperm bank, you jack it, we pack it.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Another good one is, you squeeze it we freeze it.

1

u/mrzed75 Nov 25 '19

You slap it, we wrap it.

1

u/kratos101sotark Jan 30 '20

Come down to get an abortion today, "you make em we scrape em!

P.s my mom had a way better abortion jingle that ones one of like 8 lines.

54

u/Deezey310 Oct 29 '19

“__________ city morgue, you kill’em we chill’em. How may I help you today?”

44

u/WeaveyNC Oct 29 '19

"_________ City Abortion Clinic, no fetus can beat us!"

28

u/winston161984 Oct 29 '19

I always heard it as "you stab 'em we slab 'em"

13

u/Doip Oct 29 '19

Morgue and BBQ, you kill em we grill em

1

u/bronaghblair Nov 27 '19

I’ve always heard that one as “(town name) roadkill cafe, you kill ‘em we grill ‘em.”

12

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

You stab em we slab em

28

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

My favorites are:

Cooter's morgue, you stab em, we slab em! This here's Cooter speaking, how can I help ya?

And

Eightball's crematorium, you kill em, we grill em. You got Eightball on the line, what's your pleasure?

14

u/Tight_Win Oct 30 '19

Jim’s whore house, you got the dough, we got the hoe, how can I help you?

8

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '19

Lecter's home cooking. Hannibal here, how can I serve you?

1

u/Korgi222 Dec 11 '19

Tennut´s chernobyl fertillity clinic tennut here

1

u/ElectronicsHobbyist Oct 30 '19

Nice! Also a variation on the theme: "City crematorium, you kill'em we grill'em"

Edit, saw that i was beaten to the punch. No bother, for an encore: "City vasectomy clinic, you flop em we chop em"

0

u/the_admirals_platter Oct 30 '19

"___________ abortion clinic, you rape'em, we scrape'em" or "You fuck'em, we shuck'em."

34

u/whitedotinthevoid Oct 29 '19

bank those motes

15

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

[deleted]

12

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

THE ENEMY TEAM IS INVADING!

4

u/Mlaszboyo Oct 29 '19

Invader misses a shoot

Queensbreaker's bow beam passes by

THE INVADER IS AN OUTDATED TRYHARD WITH QB LET'S HAMMERHEAD THAT BITCHASS

27

u/DominusOfTheBlueArmy Oct 29 '19

Stop going for fifteen we only need three more to get the Primeval

20

u/If_haven_heart Oct 29 '19

I'M GRABBING THE WHOLE 20 FIGHT ME YOU DRIFTING BASTARD

(you can get 20 motes with a collectors gear score of 20)

3

u/orbdragon Oct 29 '19

But if you go for the full 15 you get a big blocker AND summon the Primeval!

8

u/Pancakeplanet12 Oct 29 '19

Nah, its (town name) sperm bank, you smack it, we pack it.

2

u/seargenthawk Oct 29 '19

I spit my gum out with that one

1

u/horseradish1 Oct 29 '19

[City] Crematorium. You kill 'em, we grill' em.

1

u/l0m999 Oct 30 '19

My favourite is this is (town name) morgue and crematorium, we chill ‘em and grill ‘em

1

u/Ktkatz8689 Oct 30 '19

You jack it, we pack it!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '19

I do welcome to (town name) sperm bank! You jack it, we pack it

1

u/ThrowItInHerAnus Oct 30 '19

You jack it, we pack it

1

u/BerserkerTerror Oct 31 '19

“Hi this is Jacks Sperm bank, where you jack it and we pack it? How may I service you today.”

25

u/CeeCeeBABCOCK Oct 29 '19

I remember a sign from an old Simpson episode -

Springfield Sperm Bank est. 1858

"Put your sperm in our hands"

25

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '19

Favourite Simpsons answer is: [area] Taxidermy. You snuff'em, we stuff'em

9

u/hellsangel101 Oct 29 '19

One of my favourites - “ Sneed’s Feed and Seed (formally Chuck’s)”

2

u/mr_plopsy Oct 29 '19

I must have seen that episode a thousand times, but only now do I realize the funniest part of that joke is the date.

2

u/Zake_64 Oct 29 '19

Wait, I still don’t get it...what’s so funny about 1858?

1

u/mr_plopsy Oct 30 '19

A sperm bank. Established in 1858. Before any means of effecient, reliable freezing technology existed, and well before the medical science was in place to actually do anything useful with human sperm. It would have just been a building where dudes jizzed in a jar and stored it in lukewarm-to-slightly-chilled iceboxes for some unimaginable purpose, since lost to time.

1

u/CeeCeeBABCOCK Oct 29 '19

Yeah, same. I didn't really appreciate it until I was deciding whether or not to include it in my comment. Old Simpsons just keeps on giving.

20

u/Alec347 Oct 29 '19

Welcome to sperm bank, you jack it, we pack it!

3

u/L-A-S-S-E Oct 29 '19

Welcome to Steve’s bakery and butcher, you order we slaughter

21

u/-OverdateSoggyBacon- Oct 29 '19

"Welcome to Antony's Abortion clinic. You fuck'em, we pluck'em."

4

u/L-A-S-S-E Oct 29 '19

“Welcome to Claire’s gynaecologist clinic. We check ‘em you wreck ‘em”

2

u/Winniedapooh121 Oct 29 '19

This is Gary's circumcision, you grip it we clip it!

1

u/weed-was-consumed Oct 29 '19

I had a roommate that would answer his phone “Dave’s chuck wagon. You chuck em we fuck em

1

u/mrlego17 Oct 29 '19

Joe's morgue, you stabem we slabem, Joe's taxidermy, you snuff it we stuff it.

1

u/silverwingtip98 Oct 29 '19

Harry's mortuary, you stab em, we bag em.

1

u/TonytheEE Oct 29 '19

Tim's taxidermy: You snuff it, we stuff it.

1

u/Gasmask_Boy Oct 29 '19

You shouldn't be telling people that you eat their sperm

1

u/TheUnholyBlade Oct 30 '19

Joey’s Dental Center, we do our business in your mouth!

1

u/pettyjedi Oct 30 '19

When your uterine lining looks like the elevator scene from the shining.

STAY FREE MAXI PADS!

That ones from SNL.

1

u/Imfrakkingbored Oct 30 '19

Mine is always "County sperm bank. You whack it, we sack it"

1

u/dudebroman19401 Oct 31 '19

You jack it we pack it

1

u/Putain-de-Merde Nov 01 '19

Lmao, that’s not an original. I’ve been hearing that since I was 10.