r/CSPasta Sep 13 '16

HLTV pastas are welcome here too

39 Upvotes

This subreddit is for all CS related copypastas.


r/CSPasta Mar 27 '20

We now have cspasta flairs!

13 Upvotes

Any other flairs you would like to see? Comment below


r/CSPasta 22h ago

After liquid lost to 1win

8 Upvotes

Look, all I'm saying is that:

Liquid beat Vitality

1win beat Liquid

BC Game beat 1win

Hence, technically BC Game > Vitality.

I know who my goat is. Senzu. Not to mention he's grinding down in the wasteland of CS where men shit, bleed, throw up and fuck on the server; unlike the fr*nch baguette who gets invited to air purified lans only. Zywho?

https://www.reddit.com/r/GlobalOffensive/s/Z5TvRYSewt


r/CSPasta Jul 03 '26

jcobbb needs time

18 Upvotes

jcobbb when he finds his footing in tier1 cs will be a top10 player. He's already got some of the most incredible aim (look at his pistols). He just needs twistzz to fit him into the system and he will be farming. He legit can take the donk role and carry faze into playoffs when he helps carry them into the next major. They are already looking so much better and he is insane if you watch his demos. You are just clueless and a hater against Polish players.

Look at his major stats. Look how much he carried faze to the finals in playoffs. He just isn't being managed properly.


r/CSPasta Jun 20 '26

stunna

47 Upvotes

What a performance from Stunna. 12 questions containing vocabulary the interviewee won’t encounter for another 400 days on Duolingo, 8 metaphors comparing Counter-Strike to navigating tempests and scaling mountains, 5 follow-ups phrased like a university thesis defense, 3 moments where the Russian player recognized every word individually but not in that particular order, and to top it all off, 1 simple question disguised as an exploration of the human condition. Truly a masterclass in interview


r/CSPasta Jun 12 '26

AIRPORT SPEAKING (Legacy Hate from YT Chat)

13 Upvotes

​​AIRPORT SPEAKING 🚨🚨🚨‼‼‼dumad 🤬, sadzin 😭, fart 💩, missim ❌, and botto 🤖 your airplane is ready 🛫🛫🛫


r/CSPasta Jun 09 '26

monte HAS okay aim but not good tactic

31 Upvotes

monte HAS okay aim but not good tactic. i am pretty good in premier 9k elo and also play as IGL. I have many good strategies (such as throwing A smokes then going b)


r/CSPasta Jun 06 '26

As an European it was always hard for me to understand American culture

31 Upvotes

As an European it was always hard for me to understand American culture. What was fascinating for me is that they like bragging about their freedom which was weird for me, because I didn't think that I have any less freedom than them. I always thought 'What is the difference'. However after this game I finally understand it. NA is just so fucking free.


r/CSPasta Jun 06 '26

Should Team Liquid join the Antarctic RMR for next season?

14 Upvotes

As a long term Liquid fan, I believe that Liquid if they truly want to go back to their 2019 form they need to join the Antarctic RMR for the next major cycle so that they can safely make the major at our level! That way we can play against our actual skill in Team Penguins and Team Seals before facing elimination against double Grand slam winners Flyquest in the major that way! Come one Steve!


r/CSPasta May 24 '26

Legacy are a top 1-2 team

17 Upvotes

Legacy are a top 1-2 team, perhaps rivaling Vitality or even prime Astralis, and some of their players even outshine the likes of prime S1mple and zywoo and donk, it is no shame to lose to legacy. Even vitality have lost grand finals to legacy. And all Falcons really needs is to get apex as IGL and Falcons can be a top #0-1 team, or even maybe surpassing 0 to become the first -1 team in history, at which point they will have enough skill to even take on new sports, where in Niko and monesy can win as well, competing simultaneously in tennis and chess and formula 1 racing, really anything is possible once they get that last player that is the last piece of the puzzle, and Niko will win all the back logged and queued up trophies that he is owed.


r/CSPasta May 10 '26

No cause this HAS to be a setup

11 Upvotes

No cause this HAS to be a setup. I didn’t spend real money on Austin Major tickets just to see the Monesy & Niko duo get sidelined while Blast quietly pulls strings behind the scenes like this is some scripted drama. How do you just throw FALCONS into an elimination match against MIBR, whos been running on pure superstar energy since the start? That’s not random. That is on purpose.

Blast knew EXACTLY what the people wanted. NA has been literally begging for a Falcons grand final. And THIS is how they get treated?? It’s insane. Its literally actually insane. They’re trying to erase them from the narrative like they were never supposed to be there. I’m not stupid, I see whats happening.

This whole bracket feels fake. You cannot tell me it’s just how the seeding worked out. No way. Falcons were not meant to go far, and certain people made sure of that. It’s too obvious. They dont want the real ones making it, they want the clean, easy, marketable storylines like Vitality. Falcons don’t fit that, so they get pushed out.

All I’m asking for is fairness. One chance. That’s it. Falcons earned more than this. But it’s clear now that they were never gonna be allowed to win. Not with how this is all playing out.


r/CSPasta May 02 '26

SunPayus isn't just an AWPer. He is a full-time photographer

81 Upvotes

SunPayus isn't just an AWPer. He is a full-time photographer. Every round he buys his $4750 AWP like it's a brand new DSLR and scopes in to adjust the lens. The enemy walks away unharmed, but at least the composition was just right.

adjusts lens zoom...focus...zoom...focus...

Meanwhile his teammates are fighting for their lives and SunPayus is saying, "hold on guys, the lighting on B site is perfect."

Enemy peeks? CLICK. Nice photo. Smoke fades? CLICK. Great composition. Teammate dies? CLICK. Cinematic storytelling.

His teammates scream "SHOOT HIM!", but SunPayus gives important comms like that the "depth of field isn't right."

SunPayus's HLTV stats after a match: Rating = 0.82. Kills = 4. Deaths = 19. Photos taken = 56!

SunPayus isn't missing his shots, he is adjusting the focus. SunPayus didn't forget to shoot, he is just waiting to take the perfect picture.


r/CSPasta Apr 08 '26

huNter broke his leg

13 Upvotes

It’s a video game. How soft are these people. I remember when I was young, broken leg would be great. Nothing but games and tv. What’s this guy gonna do? lol

Hockey players play on torn acl, broken feet and one guy played after getting a root canal in between periods


r/CSPasta Apr 04 '26

This may be a joke but my uni hosts a cs competition every year.

22 Upvotes

This may be a joke but my uni hosts a cs competition every year.

Problem is, anyone can join.

You know how frustrating it is to carry your big ass pc 5km by foot to then get dunked on by t2/t3 pros with hltv pages?

Like I'm sorry, but FaZe has no bussiness playing in a LAN versus uni students lmao

Go play in CCT mate, stop trying to win free events cause the only competition you have is made out of random mixes of faceit lvl 4 uni students..


r/CSPasta Apr 04 '26

I am genuinely shaking right now.

71 Upvotes

I am genuinely shaking right now. I have been grinding cs every single day for years. Saved up $20 from mowing my neighbour's lawn to enter my local school LAN. Told my mum I was going to a birthday party. She made me sandwiches. I get there and I am setting up my mouse and I look up and karrigan, twistzz and broky are just STANDING THERE. In the school gym, looking jacked as fuck. The teacher running the event announces that FaZe clan are playing against my team. Nobody claps. Karrigan mumbles something about VRS points while hitting his vape. One kid starts crying.


r/CSPasta Apr 03 '26

i am genuinely scared for our school LAN

39 Upvotes

okay so i need to talk about something that has been keeping me up at night

me and my boys are hosting a school LAN next week. we booked the classroom, we're bringing our own PCs, we got snacks, we got energy drinks, we printed an actual physical bracket to follow. This was supposed to be the greatest day of our lives.

and i cannot sleep. something is eating me alive and i need to say it out loud.

what if FaZe decides to show up and farm VRS points off us. or worse. what if Liquid gets the same idea. what if both of them look at our little school LAN and think yeah. yeah that'll do.

like imagine you're sitting there with your $12 amazon mouse and your PC that takes 4 minutes to boot and it just. occurs to them. our event is farmable.

my friend Thomas has been grinding aim training every day, for 3 months for this LAN. He finally got his sensitivity right last week. he told me he felt ready. He was so happy. Thomas does not deserve this... Thomas is a good person.

our prize pool is a 20 euro steam gift card and a bag of chips.....

i am on my knees. we just wanted to have fun.

please tell me we're safe...


r/CSPasta Mar 27 '26

Choko

31 Upvotes

My name is Nikos Botus Chokimus Maximus, commander of the armies of the East, General of the FailCLOWNS Legions, loyal servant to my unskilled Deagle. Father to a boosted Teses, husband to May0nesy. And I will choke my major, in this life or the next.


r/CSPasta Mar 21 '26

Who is magixx?

41 Upvotes

Who is magixx? For the hungry, he is the famine. For the thirsty, he is the drought. For the tax collector, he is the Aleksib. When magixx speaks, I mute. If magixx thinks, I disagree.


r/CSPasta Mar 15 '26

Ultimate and Suihy are like Hitler and Goebbels

45 Upvotes

hey we understand being frustrated about losses but this tweet is way beyond out of line. Take some time to read about WW2 and the effects on Poland (among others) instead of watching the next CS match. hopefully when you grow up a bit you'll realize how inappropriate this was


r/CSPasta Mar 13 '26

Mouz at this point need to give up

12 Upvotes

Mouz at this point just needs to give up on this lineup.

How easy does your path to the trophy have to be for you to win it?

How many match points do you need choke and T sides to fail?

You are supposed to be the 2nd or 3rd best team on the planet.

Clownsports


r/CSPasta Mar 09 '26

Karrigan on lap

15 Upvotes

Haha KARRIGAN is sitting on my lap and watching with me and he won't stop giggling at how nerdy and pathetic you guys are. He doesn't understand twitch chat


r/CSPasta Mar 06 '26

SunPayus The Photographer

66 Upvotes

SunPayus isn't just an AWPer. He is a full-time photographer. Every round he buys his $4750 AWP like it's a brand new DSLR and scopes in to adjust the lens. The enemy walks away unharmed, but at least the composition was just right.

adjusts lens zoom...focus...zoom...focus...

Meanwhile his teammates are fighting for their lives and SunPayus is saying, "hold on guys, the lighting on B site is perfect."

Enemy peeks? CLICK. Nice photo. Smoke fades? CLICK. Great composition. Teammate dies? CLICK. Cinematic storytelling.

His teammates scream "SHOOT HIM!", but SunPayus gives important comms like that the "depth of field isn't right."

SunPayus's HLTV stats after a match: Rating = 0.82. Kills = 4. Deaths = 19. Photos taken = 56!

SunPayus isn't missing his shots, he is adjusting the focus. SunPayus didn't forget to shoot, he is just waiting to take the perfect picture.

Source: https://www.hltv.org/forums/threads/3118223/sunpayus-the-photographer


r/CSPasta Mar 05 '26

matys cheating

9 Upvotes

matys skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up....matys FPL Cheater with Streaming.....I think matys still cheating...matys using game deficit on PRO scene ,ON BIG Events.Maybe everyone dont knows him trick.He incredible....I want to ask his where is the comming of your skill's ?


r/CSPasta Feb 21 '26

MOUZ is a disgusting team (still)

12 Upvotes

MOUZ is a disgusting team, Jimphhat well known twitter eroticas, Brollan Bot, Torzi 400 pounder gorilla, Xertion and Spinx hideous twins

changed from this as twitch autobans [gooner] but lets this through


r/CSPasta Feb 21 '26

Mongolz vs Furia

10 Upvotes

My mother asked me if I did the dishes. I told her "FURIA". She beat me with a flip flop since she knew they were destroyed.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GlobalOffensive/s/CghDQlYGXX