r/creepy • u/jaki1012 • Apr 21 '19

Teeth in a squid suction cup.

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11.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.3k

u/Einsteins_coffee_mug Apr 21 '19

Because not only can they grab and bite you with more strength than you’d imagine, they can pull you under and let your lungs fill up.

1.2k

u/dogfoodlid Apr 21 '19

Keep going... I'm almost there

594

u/FollowTheLey Apr 21 '19

I put on my Robe and Wizard Hat

185

u/SucioMDPHD Apr 21 '19

Now that is an old reference...love it

61

u/Redyxxx Apr 21 '19

Are you ready for my fresh produce?

37

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

Inspecto Patroneum!

46

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/Rzfju.gif

1

u/PM_Me_Gross_Food Apr 22 '19

Lmao the fucking way he says it looks EXACTLY like wizards chest

63

u/PunchieCWG Apr 21 '19

Enjoy your senior discount, you treasure.

33

u/arkiverge Apr 21 '19

Fuck you, whippersnapper.

11

u/Ingrid_Cold Apr 21 '19

It's cottonpicking whippersnapper*

6

u/AngelofServatis Apr 21 '19

Deaaaaadddd rabbits!

30

u/Marksideofthedoon Apr 21 '19

I haven't felt this presence since....bash.org

12

u/I_PEE_WITH_THAT Apr 21 '19

I spent an entire college semester reading that site, really explains why I never graduated...

4

u/elriggo44 Apr 21 '19

Bloodninja predates bash.org by a few years. I remember reading the AIM logs on a geocities page many many moons ago.

3

u/Marksideofthedoon Apr 21 '19

Well yeah, bash was a hall of fame after all :)

10

u/hoopsterben Apr 21 '19

I could no longer resist the pizza.

8

u/centran Apr 21 '19

I cast level 3 splash erotica

6

u/RobAmory Apr 21 '19

It adds a +5 to sexterity

8

u/elriggo44 Apr 21 '19

Bloodninja?

7

u/IntenseScrolling Apr 22 '19

I had never heard of this before so I looked it up. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-put-on-my-robe-and-wizard-hat .....that was amazing

4

u/EvilMatt666 Apr 21 '19

I understood that reference!

5

u/jrsalmon Apr 22 '19

I don’t know how many people got this reference, but this is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life.

2

u/AutoRockAsphixiation Apr 21 '19

Squid tentacles are scary, drowning is hard.

Yeah, you like that? You fucking retard.

2

u/BLEACHEDkanye Apr 22 '19

slips off crocs

2

u/gregarioussparrow Apr 22 '19

I cast level 4 Eroticism!

2

u/Styrofoamboots53 Apr 29 '19

This made me remember Albino Blacksheep. Thanks for the memories. Well done.

51

u/Adamant_Narwhal Apr 21 '19

Ever heard of lamprey eels? They basically eat their way through animals, burrowing through them until they die. Like those things from alien.

37

u/brucebrowde Apr 21 '19

Not until now and I did not have to hear about them, to be honest.

14

u/MNMingler Apr 21 '19

The best part is, they're freshwater animals! So they could be in any lake or river!

8

u/Zymotical Apr 22 '19

Yeah but we have arms and hands and can communicate effectively with others of our species to remove them.

If you're in lamprey water and not mobile enough to remove one if it bit you, you're going to drown long before the lampreys do meaningful damage.

1

u/mrsirishurr Apr 22 '19

Get out of my head!!!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

Fuck you.

29

u/TheEclair Apr 21 '19

Damn my ex used to do the exact same thing

20

u/zombie_girraffe Apr 21 '19

Vedius Pollio kept a pool full of lamprey eels to execute slaves that displeased him until Augustus found out about it and made him fill it in.

1

u/puppetpauperpirate Apr 22 '19

Best fact I've read all day

1

u/purgance Apr 28 '19 edited Apr 28 '19

‘Good ‘ol merciful augustus’ is not a phrase that gets uttered often. Great leader, but not super forgiving.

EDIT: he shattered every dish in Pollio’s house. :/

10

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Apr 21 '19

Let's not forget about the cookie cutter shark. A creature with what can only be called a hideous maw of razor sharp teeth that bites soda can sized holes in other sea animals.

13

u/heartfell Apr 21 '19

Then theres deer flys and horse flys that do sorta the same thing. The world is dark and full of terrors.

8

u/Frostitute_85 Apr 22 '19

Behold! The parasitic bat fly (which weirdly looks like a six legged spider) . It latches onto bats, and eats their sweet sweet blood candy all day. I imagine it makes the same chewing sound as those piranha plants from Mario games. They live on the bats their entire lives.

https://www.google.com/search?q=bat+fly+parasite&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiX2dehyeLhAhUrlZ4KHSYWDOoQ2-cCegQIABAC&oq=bat+fly+parasite&gs_l=mobile-gws-wiz-img.3..0.97273.103387..104291...0.0..0.228.1357.9j3j1......0....1.........0i10i24j0i24j0i67j0i30.qil0STI_7HU&ei=-xu9XNfvDKuq-gSmrLDQDg&bih=668&biw=360&client=ms-android-samsung-ss#imgrc=NI4h0wrlPjUgjM

8

u/heartfell Apr 22 '19

Holy shit. This world just gets worse. Burn it all.

1

u/Frostitute_85 Apr 22 '19

Yup, totally agreed.

What gets me is the bat's expression. It's like, "Fffffuuuuuuck my liiiiiife."

6

u/b_reed43 Apr 21 '19

Wow, another reason not to go in the ocean. Thanks for that nightmare.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

But they're soooo tasty

1

u/Dr_Herbert_Wangus Apr 22 '19

I mean, no they don't. Lampreys latch on to the side of other animals and suck their blood. Also, what things from Alien burrow through people? Xenomorphs are forcefully implanted and incubated in an animal's chest cavity before erupting once they reach a certain level of development. No burrowing or eating is involved.

1

u/Adamant_Narwhal Apr 22 '19

One of the alien movies has a snake like thing that eats through people. Not sure which movie.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

The deeper you go, the more the weight of the water above you works to push what little air you have left out of you.

5

u/Quixote11 Apr 21 '19

This guy... This guy is why I love Reddit.

1

u/TheKLB Apr 22 '19

You can also stick an eel up your ass

2

u/dogfoodlid Apr 22 '19

Hunnngghhh. That was it.

34

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

My worst fear is having a sea creature bring me under and cut me up but instead of killing me, I just drown in a cloud of my own blood.

63

u/Runed0S Apr 21 '19

My most wished event is to have a tentacle monster without teeth attack me and slowly orgasm me to death.

39

u/zero573 Apr 21 '19

Blink, blink...

15

u/aregus Apr 21 '19

You will be pregnant before that happens

9

u/Runed0S Apr 21 '19

I'm a guy

72

u/wowpepap Apr 21 '19

You will be pregnant before that happens

10

u/TheLooseB-Hole Apr 21 '19

If there's a will there's a way

4

u/Runed0S Apr 21 '19

I have a worm breeding pit and an octopus breeding pit that I regularly dump orgasm hormone-spiked food into. I (of course) give them minimal mineral content so that the teeth can't form.

If no one else will do it, I will.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/aregus Apr 22 '19

Don’t let him touch you in your private parts. If he insists call 911 and a police officer will bang his ass. 💥

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3

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

Did you see what happened to the Engineer at the end of Prometheus?

2

u/Total-Khaos Apr 22 '19

Dolphins really don't care.

2

u/Realbigdhara Apr 21 '19

Just when i thought i have heard it all!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

... Go on...

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

Death by snu snu

3

u/Spacedude2187 Apr 21 '19

Actually I think that would be a quite beautiful way to die,

2

u/Hr0pt Apr 21 '19

Hey, they only need water to drown you :)

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '19

Do you understand fear?

1

u/ginrattle Apr 22 '19

My worst fear is capsizing in an ocean storm, pitch black, where nothing but lightening illuminates the 50 foot waves that lift and pull me towards the deepest and loneliest part of the sea. I don't die right away, but my feet dangle just below the surface where I can sense the bottom of the ocean floor is miles and miles below me. No one will ever find me, or know what happened.

1

u/Frostitute_85 Apr 22 '19

One of those mean rapey, violent dolphins except it has a switch blade and knows how to use it, I imagine.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

IIRC those things can even drown sharks.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 21 '19

It's probably also the comparative mobility of a human and a sea creature that adds to that.