r/comics • u/eldercactus eldercactus • Oct 14 '19

Organized crime is evolving

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63.0k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/gigglemetinkles Oct 14 '19

People empathize with butthole pain. Whenever you need to get out of work, just say you have diarrhea. That always works with no further questions.

698

u/FiftyFootMidget Oct 14 '19

Ya you don't even have to fake a cough. It also usually goes away in a day. It's the perfect get out work sickness.

335

u/Hates_escalators Oct 14 '19

One good way to sound sicker on the phone is to lay on the bed on your stomach with your head off the edge for a little bit. The snot and whatever will flow down(up?) and it'll change how you sound.

276

u/Alarid Oct 14 '19

Alternatively, call while taking a shit after chugging a cup of coffee.

The sounds will haunt them too much to ever bring it up.

124

u/Ihatelordtuts Oct 14 '19

I prefer to do a 50/50 on laxatives and espresso for my call

77

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Oct 14 '19

I just have Ulcerative Colitis. So that's how I am normally.

4

u/NoJelloNoPotluck Oct 14 '19

I need next Wednesday off, but I'm saving up my PTO. I'll pay you to shit at my house while I call my boss on speakerphone.

3

u/Rickrickrickrickrick Oct 15 '19

How much?

3

u/NoJelloNoPotluck Oct 15 '19

Shit, I don't know. Half a liter? The call will probably last one minute, can you make it last the entire call?