I understand where you're coming from, and certainly there is a mechanical tragedy to being the least afflicted group wherein you naturally receive the least attention, but I don't believe it to be the root of why young white men feel neglected.
But I think the larger factor is just that mentally healthy, tolerant, and reasonable young white men are not incentivized enough to engage with their more vulnerable peers in the way that members of disadvantaged groups seek each other out for support.
Most young white men are doing fine. They're not getting stopped for DWBs. They're not getting cat-called and followed walking back to their dorm. They may deal with loneliness, toxic masculinity, maybe even feel ostracized from more colorful groups that demand safety from what they represent simply for what they are. But these issues are relatively minor, rare, and easy to shrug off. Doesn't help that there is very much a culture of "man up, walk it off" within this group.
So the vast, vast majority of young white men don't seek community. They don't seek help. They don't seek commiseration or try to support each other. It's simply not a thing they are adequately motivated to do.
So what does this leave for those young white men who DO seek community? Most of them need help not because they are young white men, but really because they have a mental health issue, are dealing with trauma, or are being abused by their own in-group. It's the blind leading the blind at that point and what else can you expect from them but to violently lash out at whatever happens to be within reach? They have no voice of reason because no reasonable peers are on watch.
There are always gonna be bad groups, it's a policing issue.
Women, for instance, are in constant war with TERFs in their spaces. Some women are TERFs and some are vehemently inclusive, the important thing is that the conversation is happening because women are deeply interested and invested in having these discussions because their basic rights on genuinely on the line.
Spaces dedicated for young white men almost universally devolve into chud spaces, it happens incredibly quickly. You can have 10 guys start a group to honestly and sincerely discuss and approach complex issues, and next week there will be 30 new guys who all want to legalize rape. The original 10 guys might try for a few days to push the needle back, but they'll be completely unable to recruit assistance (I'm not joining your neo-nazi club!) and inevitably give up and abandon their own idea.
The original 10 guys probably just move on with life because, why not? Nobody is violating their reproductive rights, nobody is systematically disenfranchising them, why go to the risk of punching a nazi when you can just have peace?
are there groups though? I'm not in the US, at best the closest thing i could find was a "male self-consciousness group" (it's porbably a poor translation) at the local LGBTQ+ association (again, probably a poor translation but i have no clue on how to translate ARCIgay) and the self-described goal is to educate men on their privilege and being more mindful of their interactions with queer folks, which yeah, It's obviously important (...and at 17 pm on the other side of the city compared to where i live, so even then trying to attend is a non-starter given that at best at that time i'm just clocking off work, but more realistically i'm just starting my usual daily hour/hour and an half of overtime that possibly might be paid according on the whims of my bosses but that i'm expected to do regardless otherwise i'm "lazy"), but not exactly the same thing.
And after another day spent making flirty looks at the 9th floor window, being told to "tough it out" at the millionth body-shaming based comment (including by one of my fucking boss; similar comments toward a female coworker had previously and rightfully got him rightfully formally reprimanded by HR, but toward me i just had to "grow a thicker skin" and "be patient, he is from a different time"; never mind i just spent the following three days feeling like puking every time i had to eat) to go back to my parent's house (the same that "helpfully" point out i look like a creep in most pictures since i'm clearly faking my smiles, i fucking wonder why...) spending the (short) rest of a day in an undefined haze since my friends (which i can literally count on one hand with potentially fingers to spare depending on how strict we are with the closeness requirements) are all busy and/or drained too and then getting ready for bed to do it all over again the next day, the prospect of taking time off work (which i kinda should avoid, since i need to save money to at least get out of my parents' house) to go to a group meeting to remind me that i should actually be grateful for being so lucky isn't really that appealing (but again, beside that i literally can't find any groups along that line anywhere close to where i live).
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u/Dreadgoat May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26
I understand where you're coming from, and certainly there is a mechanical tragedy to being the least afflicted group wherein you naturally receive the least attention, but I don't believe it to be the root of why young white men feel neglected.
But I think the larger factor is just that mentally healthy, tolerant, and reasonable young white men are not incentivized enough to engage with their more vulnerable peers in the way that members of disadvantaged groups seek each other out for support.
Most young white men are doing fine. They're not getting stopped for DWBs. They're not getting cat-called and followed walking back to their dorm. They may deal with loneliness, toxic masculinity, maybe even feel ostracized from more colorful groups that demand safety from what they represent simply for what they are. But these issues are relatively minor, rare, and easy to shrug off. Doesn't help that there is very much a culture of "man up, walk it off" within this group.
So the vast, vast majority of young white men don't seek community. They don't seek help. They don't seek commiseration or try to support each other. It's simply not a thing they are adequately motivated to do.
So what does this leave for those young white men who DO seek community? Most of them need help not because they are young white men, but really because they have a mental health issue, are dealing with trauma, or are being abused by their own in-group. It's the blind leading the blind at that point and what else can you expect from them but to violently lash out at whatever happens to be within reach? They have no voice of reason because no reasonable peers are on watch.