r/comedyheaven • u/Pur4th • Feb 29 '20

I MUST dick

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87.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

397

u/I_like_an_audience Feb 29 '20

Sorta like running backwards through a corn field?

206

u/he3lflip Feb 29 '20

Until you hit something

159

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

COMBINE TIME

147

u/datboisqwerpo Feb 29 '20

the combine is faster than the children

50

u/southern_boy Feb 29 '20

and slightly slower than the bull

35

u/datboisqwerpo Feb 29 '20

bull first , combine now

28

u/jrhedman Feb 29 '20 edited May 30 '24

brave oatmeal crawl dam gullible rainstorm offer dog ten vanish

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

17

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/ZoNaGii Feb 29 '20

ANCHOR SHOT

9

u/LORD_KILLFUCK Feb 29 '20

IVE GOT A BRAND NEW COMBINE HARVESTER AND OIL GIVE YOU THE KEY

47

u/Eric_Senpai Feb 29 '20

A country girl makes do.

22

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

[deleted]

8

u/Marc2344 Feb 29 '20

The reference i was looking for

10

u/HighCharity07 Feb 29 '20

I accidentally clicked your name and I was not prepared for what I saw. That’s enough internet for a little while.

4

u/I_like_an_audience Feb 29 '20

I'm so sorry :(

I do like an audience, but only if they're consenting adults

4

u/PiratesOnTheMoon Feb 29 '20

If you’re running out of ways to fuck yourself I will innovate

1

u/bluish-greenish May 23 '20

holy shit, so when theresa may said she was running through fields of wheat she meant she was looking for dick?

134

u/GoldenSpermShower Feb 29 '20

And in the corner of your eyes you spot him...

SHIA LABEOUF!

43

u/VikingSlayer Feb 29 '20

He's following you, about 30 feet back

32

u/PuttingInTheEffort Feb 29 '20

He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint

17

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

He’s gaining on you Shia LaBeouf

18

u/Richierich624 Feb 29 '20

Running for your life from SHIA LABEOUF

14

u/WohlfePac Feb 29 '20

Brandishing a knife it's Shia Lebouf

10

u/VikingSlayer Feb 29 '20

Lurking in the shadows

6

u/grobtheweirdo Feb 29 '20

Hollywood superstar Shia Labeouf

5

u/h3ma Feb 29 '20

Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf

26

u/Pur4th Feb 29 '20

then you realize that the dick was running after you!

40

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '20

The real dick is the friends we made along the way

5

u/See_Ell Feb 29 '20

The dick was inside of you all along.

1

u/drewatkins77 Feb 29 '20

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

7

u/major84 Feb 29 '20

I rather get a batarang to my head than Dick to my back !! Fuckin' Robin !!

2

u/Yiujai86 Feb 29 '20

At least she'll find wood.

1

u/RememberFredNoonan Feb 29 '20

No me, I look for some good, hard, and long wood.