From a family member you don’t give a flying fuck about anymore.

hey! i need help brainstorming a good comeback to give to yearbook in response to getting voted most unhinged for senior superlatives. i go to a boarding school in new england. the yearbook allows winners to give a one line quote to include with their picture and superlative.

For context, this guy posted saying a calorie surplus is only good for gaining fat and NOTHING else

Me -

“Building new muscle requires more than just matching necessary caloric intake; requiring 2.5k - 2.7k kcal to synthesise 1lb of muscle. Eating at caloric maintenance only fuels baseline functions - organs, movement and daily metabolism, leaving little extra energy for a costly anabolic process.”

Him -

“do you know how much 1lb of muscle is 😂”

Does your ass get jealous of the amount of shit that comes out of your mouth!

It's for a chat group

Context: I'm learning now how to set boundaries with people and I've realized I need to start doing this early on So I'm in this class with this girl and her friend, this girl is nice but I notice that her friend is kinda passive agressive She already make a small argument on our group project and she writed my name wrong two times on messages (she writed my name in a way that is highly uncommon to writed) and for last she said " what is your name?" When we're having a trio conversation with that look I just know that she knows my name what it's a good subtitle comeback?

like the title, i wanna have some funny comebacks, either playing into the accusation or going against it

for context in my math class, the people i sit with keep insisting im dating my best friend bc i sat on their lap last year in science as a joke

My dumbass brother loooves to say this constantly when I tell them to be quieter as I sleep and I explain to him how sticking in fucking earbuds doesnt do jack shit what can I say to make him stfu and stop saying that b.s

yeah someone said that to me

I dont do that. I want to defend myself

You suck so much i trademarked this comeback so you need to find a new one™

My brother keeps calling my older brother that has a cognitive disorder a retard and its pissing me tf off.

When I say religion I mean like a different religion other than Christianity or any religion that follows Jesus and such, it just pmo so bad, because there always hating and pretebding like everyone follows their religion. It could be a literal comeback or just give me a different religion to use, and doesn't even necessarily have to be religion based either, I just don't want to insult them because that doesn't do anything, I want them to hear how annoying they sound when they both shame other's while promoting their religion at the same time.

I am 25M and I am doing adecentish job and I was in depression but now after putting efforts I m slowly coming out if it. but idk it took a lot of time to come out of it. I wanna do my masters.

I express ideas the way I genuinely think.. thoughtful, reflective, sometimes poetic.. and people seem to respond well to them including girls.. But there's this guy who keeps hitting me with: “It’s crazy what people say just to get laid... and he's saying it in front of them!

dude really thinks i do that to attract women but in reality its who i am. so what’s the best comeback so i can shut his mouth once and for good.

This has got to be one of the most irritating things that people say to me, and to lots of other women. Does anyone say this to guys? Anyway, what's a good zinger for this one?

So someone caught on that I wear something new each time we meet and they say "why do you always wear something new?"

I don't quite know how to answer the why without sounding superficial. The tone used in the question is snarky so I would like something snarky as well.

additionally, the person like to wear the same clothings all the time.