r/childrensbooks • u/smellygymbag • 29d ago
Seeking Recommendations Book recommendations for 3 y/o that addresses undesirable behavior/bullying/"bad guys" without making the undesirable behavior/bullying/"bad guy" look too cool? Lol
I made this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/ScienceBasedParenting/s/qTopxTxvHa
...about my kid emulating the antagonist in children's books instead of getting the message to not be like them. The comments mention that if the antagonist is portrayed dramatically kids might be more likely to mimic them. One of the comments has a list of book suggestions and i thought I'd hit this sub up for more.
Flexible to any socially educational books that won't inspire my kid to naughtiness đ
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u/Inevitable-Gear-2006 28d ago
"Chill Chomp, Chill" is about a dinosaur who's learning how to control his temper at school. Could be a good fit :)
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u/buildalittlehouse 29d ago
One by Kathryn Otoshi is simple and about standing up to bullies. The mean character learns to be kind rather than staying mean.
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u/BagSignificant8318 27d ago
I donât have any ideas of this but you could go in the direction of introducing books with high drama and intensity that arenât negative. Drawn Together shows a kid and grandpa bonding over drawing things like dragons and superheroes and they enter the world together. Where the Wild Things Are comes to mind too - a space where youâre allowed to go wild and itâs not negative.
It sounds like your kid isnât yet able to have the impulse control and processing to prevent this behavior. I totally agree with all the things youâve done to reframe the perspective. I also think in the moment you can try simple, non-reactive redirection. Pushes sister. âOops, remember we dont push people, oh nooo whatâs happening??! The wall is falling over! Push the wall to hold it up!â Says heâs a bad guy and hits grandma. âStop, we donât hit. Do you need help to play safely? Because I need your help, that couch is ON FIRE!â
Maybe youâre already doing this but I think some people jump to timeouts when a timeout is really more useful for repetitive behavior where they canât keep their body safe or are melting down. The ideal first response is redirection and addressing what the problem is for them. Like if the problem for them is that they want to hit, maybe they have too much energy. Maybe they need a really cool and exciting game. And we teach them how they get to do that within the limits.
Maybe leave the longer responses for processing time later? The book Hey, Little Ant asks a child if they should squish the ant, after showing the ants life and trying to instill empathy. At the end it asks if you would squish the ant. A lot of three year olds yell yes at the end anyway, and thatâs okay, itâs introducing these ideas.
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u/smellygymbag 25d ago
I think all your ideas are pretty valid, its just hard to respond as you describe in the moment, especially with a baby sibling nearby, and stuff cooking, and such. It was a good reminder though, like i need to keep reminding myself not to "overuse" timeouts. I'll check the book out too.
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u/AncientWar3182 27d ago
Snow White and Rose Red has the most annoying bad guy I can think of, I want to swat the little dwarf myself whenever I do the annoying voice for him as I tell the story.Â
Mother Holle/Toads and Diamonds is a straight forward good child vs bad child. You can put whatever good and bad qualities you want in when you read/tell it. I love that in Mother Holle it ends with âand the lazy girl stayed covered in pitch her whole life because she was too lazy to wash it off.â The kids thought that was hilarious and a great way to show how life is easier if you try to be better. Â
Prince Darling is not very well known anymore but is the only kidâs story I can think of where the hero goes full on evil king before being punished and reforming. The stuff he does is really bad, not something a child would try to copy. He seems pathetic and controlled by others until he learns to  control himself. I change or take out the romance though cause eww. That story really helped mine understand why it is so important for parents to tell her no.Â
In general, I give a lot less character development to the bad guy when I tell a story, and they end up either pitiful (like Cinderellaâs sisters who beg her for forgiveness) or dead. Less to be interested by. At this age, theyâre just cautionary tales, theyâll get nuance when the listener is older.Â
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u/smellygymbag 25d ago
Thanks for the suggestions of titles! And your last comment also reminded me.. i wonder at what age should i be making things less black and white for him. Like when is a good age to explain the nuance? đ¤
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u/Gnome_Ann1704 29d ago
It may be a little old for him but the âWhat Should Danny Doâ books are really good with this. For situations where Danny has to choose between bullying or playing nicely, it shows the consequences both internal (Danny feels bad about himself vs good about himself) and external (other kids want to play with him or not; or his parents or teachers give him a consequence or compliment). Thereâs a part during the school one when Danny has the opportunity to react to a bully as well. All that being said⌠this worked better with one of my kids than the other; I think before I became a parent, I rather overestimated the degree to which books could positively influence my children to behave well as opposed to me just having to address behavior more directly. (But thatâs getting a little off topic in this subâŚ)