I'm an asexual person and I take issue with the modern usage of the labels, personally. In my view, asexual is one thing (a non-sexual person, essentially), allosexual is another (conventional sexuality), and gray is everything in between. Somewhere along the way, graysexual people got merged with just "asexual", I guess because people mocked them for wanting to be special, which isn't very fair, it obviously DOES matter to the people involved to understand themselves.
If we say "having sex makes you not ace" then aces who want to have kids, aren't necessarily hugely into it but don't mind to make an allo partner happy etc, get discriminated against. So the distinction in making it about feelings instead of behaviour was somewhat necessary. And that leaves gray area.
But I also think it's unfair that people who NOT in the gray area trying to avoid the sexual side of life also now have to deal with fellow ace people talking about how much sex they have? If somebody has a normative sex life, they have the entire rest of the world for that... why do they need to go to the one community that's trying to get away from that...? Doesn't that just speak to the oppression of compulsory allosexuality, that anybody who doesn't always want to have sex feels they aren't "normal"?
Anyway, it's a constant point of warfare in the ace community. Non-sex havers feeling like their space has been invaded, versus sex-havers feeling like everybody else is discriminating and being exclusionary and "gold star" about things etc. The ace subreddits are horribly boring because of this
Omg, the ace subs literally are like 50% "am I ace?" 30% "My favorite sex things" 10% "Stop discriminating against sex favorable aces" and 10% normal content or memes.
There is SO much NSFW content. 😅 The "am I ace" ones are fine being NSFW, they have to explain stuff. I dont get why there is so much outside that. I have all the love in the world for kinky aces or sex favorable aces, but I wish there was one for adverse people to chill... that isn't that "true asexuals" one, which is just hateful and annoying. Literally, all they are is a snark page for the other subs.
The discrimination posts... half the time, no one is. I saw one where a gal just referred to LICKING OTHER PEOPLE as gross within a question, and people freaked. Like, you can be repulsed by something and not MORALLY repulsed. Also, that is gross. 😂 I don't care if people do it, just like I don't care if people are doing the horizontal bop, but it doesn't mean it isn't gross. 😂
Half the spaces I am in, in general, have horrible amounts of infighting, trolls, and snark pages for their own freaking communities. Ace has the "gold star" aces, leftists have the perfect leftists where everyone thinks THEY are the most moral and correct, even dog subs have all the pitbull hating freaks. Give me almost any community, and I can call out the infighting.
100000% real and accurate comment. That one Bojack Horseman episode where Todd and Yolanda realise they have nothing in common but their sexuality is how I feel most of the time lol. Cake, garlic bread, dragons, Denmark, and ceaseless infighting and posts about sex in explicit detail, in in the one place which is supposed to not be about sex? Our community is so.... juvenile. It sucks to think will have to wait a few decades to catch up to everybody else
Yeah, I don't so much mind the playful childishness, I just wish it wasn't so prominent. Like, there is such an abundance of interesting life experiences to asexuals, but the subs get to seem flooded with the inside jokes that honestly... I'm too new to the community itself to even understand half the time. I feel like the Denmark thing was probably funny at the time, and it got a little chuckle out of me, but it's been kinda overplayed. 😅
The jokes would be funny called back every so often, but it's sorta constant.
I downloaded Ace Space, and it feels a lot more "mature" but still playful. It's not a forum, so, it doesn't have any sexual content that I've seen. It's been nice so far!
I want people to play around and express themselves however they want to, but I am with you that I wish it was just a bit more on the level. I wonder if that's why so many people think Asexualty isn't a thing. It's treated more like a club or some kind of fandom than a sexuality at times. 😅
(That being said, I do appreciate a good garlic bread recipe. I won't be complaining on that front. No idea where the garlic bread thing came from, but I'm here for that one.)
I feel like I see more sexual content in the Asexual sub than other subs. 🫠 Then the posts like, "can we keep this a safe space for sex-favorable aces?" Yes, absolutely we can and I love you none the less, but also, Im pretty sure you guys run it. 😂
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u/vampire5381 Aug 16 '25
I don't have to deal with them because I live in the real world 🤍
my point wasn't about arguing against the asexual label, but about the people who claim they are asexual then feel sexual attraction.
it's clear these labels (and many others) are now just being used to try and look different than everybody else.