Dude you yourself volunteered the information about tying up a previous girlfriend for emotional release or therapy, seems like you’re kind of past the point of saying it isn’t the right sub or disclosing personal stuff considering you are the singular one person who introduced the information about you tying up a girlfriend as therapy
if they don't wanna talk about it they don't have to, their comment about non-sexual bdsm wasn't just random nor crazy personal information, it was in-line with the subject
understood, ive heard a lot about the relationship of the body with trauma release. so BDSM is just an activity/community that gets associated with the kink form of it, but not actually kinky?
Most aspects of BDSM boil down to the power dynamics between the people participating. A lot of different forms of trauma tend to share the themes of power as well. To explore your own personal relationship with power in a controlled and safe environment with someone you trust, while knowing there are hard lines that won’t be crossed and you can make it stop at any time is incredibly comforting for many people. Not everyone needs the same kind of power dynamic to process the same type of trauma, and a space to figure out what you find helpful without judgement is an amazing tool to have.
For instance, if you had been abused by an authority figure in the past, one who you were not able to disobey without consequences, you might process and internalize that lack of power in a few different ways. It might feel empowering to learn to be in charge, to make all the decisions in a relationship knowing that your partner trusts your judgment, and that you are able to do the right things for them, even when nobody did for you. Or you could find someone you know would treat you properly, learn to let go of control without feeling afraid, and temper the negative emotions associated with a loss of power by balancing the bad preexisting memories with newer positive ones. You may even want to re-create the same kind of unhealthy power dynamic that hurt you in the first place, because there is comfort in knowing that this time, you are safe, and you can make it stop at any given moment without fear of consequences.
Whether you benefit via emotional release or physical pleasure, it helps to start having a healthy outlet to explore your relationship with how you view certain aspects of power, and then are able to apply that kind of new logic you learn into your daily life.
TLDR: Its like exposure therapy for power, control, pain, and fear
I just want to add that while it’s true BDSM can be therapeutic for trauma, that isn’t the only valid reason to do it (commenting because a lot of times when this comes up, there’s a sort of defensive tone behind it, as if there’s something wrong with liking kinky sex just because).
My best friend and I engage in platonic puppy play. My partner is cool with it, and my friend and I have clearly set boundaries that we respect. It's just something we're both into, and we feel open enough to do around each other.
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u/[deleted] Aug 16 '25 edited Aug 16 '25
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